Not a bad story. I think fantasy writers are challenged now a days after The Lord of the Ring movies to make something more cool with familiar characters such as elves and dwarfs. I happen to be a big fan of elves and have been for quite some time but it would take quite a hook for me to spend my time reading about two more. Have you considered taking this entire premise and moving it to the future. Everything stays the same just instead of way back when put it in 20 or so years from now. The gay thing threw me off as is but if it were in the not to distant future it would fit perfectly. As is I think instead of the gay thing happening if the character had the ability to shape shift and it was therefore more attracted the the type of animal that it changes into would be more of a creative slant on things. Not to mention add a little humor to the love triangle situation. D being the weapon is fine but there should be something special there, like really special to make D the weapon. Something that allows D to wipe out an army of enemies which he takes for granted. Lastly there is never anything wrong with creating your own mythology. Why does it have to be elves? Make up your own bad ass species. Just a couple of options to mull over.
This was pretty good. Ordinarily writing devices animating inanimate objects or giving people qualities that aren't people are pretty cool. I felt myself distracted by how many you use though. The bit with the clouds making good on their threat and the sand man's gift..by the time it got to the man inside the television I wanted you to seriously stop doing it. I think maybe the genre has something to do with it. I read this western someone wrote and it was filled with them. Yet it accentuated the story because it was a western. In this particular story it could have been used way less and the story would have been stronger for it. Most ideas are over worked but I happen to be a fan of the paranoid schizophrenic type of thing. So to that end, well done. That being said, when the part to where Jerry started talking to his aunt and quizzed her then hung up, I was expecting the aunt to call back. That alone would have sent shivers down my spine. An opportunity lost right there I think. You could have easily made this go a different direction more into the scary aspect of either pure horror or deeper into the psychological twist department. At the end I expected Randy to be in the mental ward which would have been a tad bit more gratifying then Jerry. I love full circle types of stories but having Randy be the dreamer the entire time would have been a more gratifying curve ball. The story was good though just the same.
Pretty freak'n awesome. The whole set up. The details. I said "Huh" out loud about the part where he was there to be judged for his soul. I love stuff that is fantastical and made without hoopla but executed as ordinary and 'as a matter of factly'. I also like the whole heaven, hell, this is your judgement day type of thing. I'm not a big fan of horror yet stuff like this I really get into. Having a lot of text but keeping it in the 'what's going to happen next?' state is no easy task to carry. Especially with scenes that are set up and overworked. Being original is difficult, but if you're going to have a familiar set up, with a familiar plot make it awesome. Which you have. Maintaining this type of entertainment value that draws a reader in is no small undertaking but you seem to have down. Well done.
Don't really know quite where to begin. Excellent piece of work here. Awesome writing. I would love to see this as a computer animated film. The visuals of the tall dark stranger with the hound and the owl rolling through town.. You know some images are overworked in literature but if you do it well(and you do), then it's all the more impressive. As far as the writing goes; 'color of 4 a.m.', 'roll up their bit of side walk', 'far too intelligently for any dog', I could go on but you have a gift for painting a picture through words. This could easily go the way of a mystic story line set in the west, and that would be waaay cool. If I had to be nit picky it would be in that I thought the narrator was a girl at first. Which wouldn't be a bad switch if the rest of the story wasn't changed by it. Nice work.
Well done. I like rhyming poetry but most people are absolutely horrible at it. Even though you have a simple rhyme scheme the lines flow like a cool river stream. If you produce any new stuff with that kind of flow and some real gravitas I think that's literary genius in the making IMO. Good job.
This is fairly entertaining. I could see Pixar doing something with this. The shouts back from the crowd by the wolf and the red queen are a nice touch. Something doesn't set well with me about the whole moldy thing though. I don't know why really. Maybe it's too plausible in a fairy tale universe. And the last line as well. It makes sense in the context of the story, maybe just the way it was worded. At any rate this could easily be the opening of a feature length film in much the same way Woody addressed the Toys in their morning meetings in Toy Story. Good job.
'we try to find the meaning in the void while life is just about living'. Yup, that 'bout sums it up. The point to being alive is FEELING ALIVE. The text is fine but that one sentence, 'different routes leading to the same destination' hits the nail on the proverbial head. I really don't know if the masses agree, or even care to look at it this way. I don't even know if it would even change anything. I've moved around a lot and have passed through people's lives echoing this very point of view. A point of view that in all reality I believe is totally valid encompassing the human experience. Good job. May you always feel alive.
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