This is an interesting poem = at first it was a little confusing for me to understand - but then I realized that that was my fault = you almost humanize your nature images which is great - your imagery is wonderful = one feels that they are part of the story - and the moral of the story = which is how I interepreted it - when every window closes another one opens
What a profound story = and a theme that can be relevant to many religions = I am Jewish = and I have similar qualms that I am looking for answers. So I really appreciated your story.
My comment would be that it needs to be paragraphed and spaced better - because it all appears to be clumped up and it makes it more difficult to digest this great story.
What a beautiful poem - what excellent rhythm and flow - and of course a topic that many of us can identify with - just one comment - the its that you wanted was it's. But other than that....
An interesting poll - but I think it is hard to rate one's self - when I asked my sister to look at my work, which I think is not bad for a beginner, she said she would look at it, but not comment on it because, writing is a personal thing. - But... - I would love you to look at my port.
I really like this essay - and I commend you on studying overseas - I think it is important for us American students to be exposed to students from elsewhere in the world. Your writing is sensational, and the experience that you share sounds exciting. The fact that you added this special font only adds to the beauty of the essay.
This is a great poem - as a poem it is well written with excellent flair and rhythm - great subject - I identify with it - I have just started on this site (in February), and I have gotten mixed reviews for my stuff - I guess I wanted to go from being a newbie to being Elizabeth Barrett Browning - well I realized that that is not going to happen - I really believe that some of the lower grades were important for me, to learn what I need to do to improve my work - I do not believe that they are done out of hate, but rather out of a difference of style
This poem is not bad - I like it - the subject of the poem is something that we can all relate to - my only comment which is probably why I did not give it a perfect score is that the lining up of the words is a little off, throwing off the thoughts that you are trying to convey - if you could fix that - and adjust the spacing - I believe that this would be a perfect poem
This was a lovely poem = with excellent poetic flair and rhythm, - it was easy to follow and understand - and I could imagine both you and the person that you miss - I am sorry for your loss - this poem seems almost liturgical = like something you might say in church in memory of somebody - I do not know if that is what you had intended - but I really did like the poem
Shannon - this is extraordinary - from a poetic view it is excellent- excellent rhythm, flow and ability to follow the 'story' - from a topical view - I can not think of a more important topic to write a poem about - do you know any of these people - you refer to 'we' in one place in the poem = that is why. I live in New York, and I remember that day vividly - it was horrible -
This is a lovely poem - great rhythm and flow - and great imagery - I hate to sound stupid, but what word are you referring to - or is it a series of words, many which I can think of?
I empathize with your pain that you capture in this poem = it is something that is not unique to you - and is often very discomforting -
My comment about the poem is that there are some typos, and also there needs to be a tightening up of the stanzas so that it reads a little more fluid -
This is great that you have written this - I struggle with borderline personality disorder which is certainly not anywhere near what you deal with - but I know about the day to day struggles of pain (I get headaches and other physical pain etc.) - I have registered with the American Pain Foundation reading about the physical pain - but I learn to deal - if that is possible - the reason I brought up my own psychiatric disorder is because I believe that 'educating the uninitiated' is so imperative
You have done this in such an eloquent way - I feel for you and for your pain.
Also, just as an fyi - you are a very beautiful woman - the picture with you and your husband is wonderful
Interesting story - but, I have some comments - firstly, prologue is spelled as I have spelled it - so it sort of throws everything off when you see the title spelled wrong - also there are some more typos in the piece -
The other stylistic issue I had was that it was not paragraphed appropriately, making it difficult to follow. It was an interesting story, but somehow I was losing track of the storyline = when did the character die? Or am I must missing something.
I liked this poem very much - despite what your comments might be - it was a morbid subject - but I remember years back when we were all asked to pen our own obituary, etc. I think it is a profoundly difficult task - and yet you have done something interesting, in attempting to write about your funeral. My only comment might be in how you have spaced the lines - some of the lines end midthought, and make it somewhat confusing for the reader.
What a lovely article - and how true it is - I have gone through various stages on the continuum regarding my 'need for God' in my life - I consider myself a very spiritual person, but sometimes a very angry one -I am hoping that through my writing I can resolve some of that - I never thought of using my writing as a religious tool, so to speak, until recently. You have written something so special and very inspiring.
What a wonderful story - and I identify with you even though I am not Christian - I am Jewish, but like yourself I wrote a great deal as a child - I had millions of journals - and it is only recently that I 'threw out' alot of them, because I felt that I was a middle aged woman who was different now - but ironically, as I re-pursue my writing now, I remember that I think I have my original poetry journal somewhere stashed in the house - it would be interesting to see how that reflects how I have changed. It is interesting how you have used the New Testament in your quest - I do believe that the Bible is of great assistance for spiritual healing and for writing. You have done so much with this - and although this was written a while back - I am sure that you are still the spiritual person that you represent here. I look forward to reading more of your work.
An interesting poem - I am sorry for your pain - I like the way that you have formatted the poem - the rhythm and flow are great - I just have a few comments - firstly, I was wondering if the you that you are referring to is God, or is it another person -
Secondly, and this might just be a personal thing of mine - the use of the profanity in the poem changes the poem somehow - but on the other hand, it further shows your pain - so I guess it is an either/or situation.
I liked this poem a great deal - an interesting premise for a poem and I liked the way that you formatted it. It comes across as somehow some type of a mantra that we should all read on a daily basis in order to motivate ourselves to a better life. My only comment is that I think that there should be some punctuation intermittently in the poem to break up the sentences. Perhaps that is a personal thing of mine, but... Other than that, this poem is really good.
I like this poem very much - I think perhaps there should be some punctuation, but that is only a personal thing - I certainly identify with you as you can see from the work in my port - I think that the love that two friends have is.l. and to have a true intimate relationship you have to be best friends
This is a lovely poem - and a profound message - I am sorry about the way things turned out for you - I just have one comment - there are a few typos - but other than that I really like the poem
I love this poem - and how I identify with it so immensely as you will see by my writings (if you can check out my port) - we all want love and attention so much - if only the other person would see - it is so complicated - and we often look for other substitutes because we can not find the perfect person
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