Firstly, I identify wholly with this poem - I had a very emotionally abusive mother - and I am paying a high price for it now as an adult - that being said - writing is a good forum to discuss such pain - you have done this in an eloqouent and dignified way - the rhythm and flow are excellent and make it easy to follow - even as painful as the topic is - my only suggestion which would make it read much better, is that you should lower case the beginnings of the sentences that are middles of sentences - this would make the poem more fluid and easier to follow and understand.
This was an interesting poem - The rhythm and flow of the poem are not bad - and the paragraphing of the stanzas is OK. You have an interesting imagery, so that even somebody who does not know about Baywatch could understand this to a degree - My comment is that the punctuation is inconsistent - There is no beginning and end to the sentences - with a little tweaking, this could be great.
I liked this poem very much - It had great rhythm and flow - and it was easy to read - it was particularly easy to follow in that I could identify with it - we all feel that we are put down by our contemporaries in ways that we should not be - but you show how you rely on yourself - and you do this in an eloquent way. My only comment for correction is that perhaps you should lower case the lines that are middles of sentences to make them seem like they are indeed middles of sentences.
I loved this piece - I realize that you wrote this awhile back - but I first saw it now, being that I recently joined the site - it is perfectly written and fun to read - ironically -you post it as a comedic writing - but given your bio and maybe my own take on life - I take it as a more serious view on life - if we could all view life the way Nellie does, we might be better off.
This piece was great - I had the image of you talking to this old woman right in front of my face - your character development is fabulous - and obviously the message that you send through is very important and can not be stressed enough - the fact that you put it in a large print and different color only accenuates the fantastic writing that you have delivered.
I was looking through your port for something to read - and I found this - what a great poem - evidently you wrote it at the beginning of your tenure on the site - but it is great - the imagery is fantastic - the reader can actually picture the old man and feel the raw emotion that goes along with the photo - of course your poetry is excellent - and it just accenuates the whole package.
This poem was interesting - it definately had an emotional message to it - and commend you on your devotion to your husband - I think people who are insecure need constant reminders that their significant others love them - and this poem expreses that very nicely = it has nice rhythm and flow - I just think that there should be some punctuation in it.
I really liked this poem a lot - its rhythm and flow were excellent, making it easy to follow and 'imagine' = your imagery was excellent. I felt like I was the protagonist in the story - I definately identified with it - I felt like it had a great spiritual and existential tone to it.
I love this poem - the rhythm and flow are just perfect - the way that you center the poem accenuates the emotions even more. I commend you on writing a poem with such raw emotion - I think alot of people, certainly I can, identify with you - we wake up with our freedom and yet feel this fear.
I really liked this poem a lot - I could feel the raw emotion that it evoked and wanted to come and comfort the protagonist. It is well written and the imagery is great - you could really see the person crying in pain. My only comment is that the lines that are continuations of sentences should begin with a lower case letter - but that is only my personal preference.
I really liked this piece - it is an important message, and you have expressed it so eloquently. Your writing is not bad (sentence structure and paragraphing), but there are a few typographical errors, which I believe take away from the beauty of this piece.
I liked this very much - it reads well as a monologue, given the sentence structure that you have used, which might not be great for another genre of writing. The emotions you express are intense - and it is good that you have written about them. I like your imagery, it makes it easy to understand. Keep up the good work.
This is an innovative way to write a poem - and I thought it was kind of interesting - the themes that you express are profound and you did it in a very nice way - Nonetheless, I found it a bit confusing to follow - I think that maybe given the innovative way that you have written this poem, you should have split it into some paragraphs so as to see the distinctions more clearly.
This story was very interesting - and it had one of those themes that we often want to write about - a conversation with God on the edge of our mortality - I liked your descriptions and imagery as it made it easy to appreciate on some level - I just found that I could not tell if the accident was something of your imagination - which I do not think so - it is just your mixture and separation of your dream and reality is a bit vague, so it makes it hard to understand on some level. That just might be me. The other issue I had was that there were some grammatical errors. I think with a little tightening, this could be great.
This is a very inspiring poem - I give you a lot of credit for writing it - it shows a lot of emotion and strength - the subject matter is very relevant and it makes you somebody that other African American can look up to (not to mention every body else) - my only comment is that maybe you should have put it into multiple paragraphs - but that is only my personal thing.
I liked this piece a lot - it had a great deal of meat to it - raw emotion - and I could feel with you the pain that you express - I like how you ask these important questions, and imbue them with a sense of existentialism. My only comment is that I think it should have been in multiple paragraphs to make it easier to follow.
I loved this poem - the imagery was great - and yes it resonated with me incredibly - as somebody who is very interested in Middle Eastern politics, I have always wondered what makes a terrorist's mind tick (no pun intended). Your character development was great and I just had the newspaper articles staring at me in the face. My only question is why you formatted it in the way that you did - is this a special type of poetry?
The prologue seemed interesting - and it made me beg for more - I then read chapter one - and I got confused - I fathom that this was the beginning of the trip before he ended up in New York = but I was not sure. Another plot issue that I had was the final line in the prologue = I know it belongs there, but I am not sure if that its placement in the prologue is exactly where it should be. Also, there were a few grammatical errors, but they are only minor. I guess when the rest of the story comes up, it will make more sense.
I really liked this piece - the Republicans have certainly gotten us into quite a mess - and I do not quite understand why - I suppose the changing of the guard this year in the states will prove effective to changing whatever is happening in this world - you have expressed your opinons in a clear, distinct way. From a poetic stand, this is great, possessing perfect rhythm and flow.
For somebody who is not into poetry, this is a really great piece of work - certainly something I could relate to on a series of levels - people who appear to be one thing, but are really another - I like how your end shows that they really find out who they are later in their lives. The rhythm and flow of this poem are excellent - and you have paragraphed the poem perfectly for easier reading.
This was a beautifully written poem with an elegant style and dignity. I identify with it entirely as I struggle with borderline personality disorder - which is very similar to bipolar in its symptoms. Your rhtym and flow were excellent so that it was easy to follow even for somebody who does not suffer from this disorder. I commend you for writing this piece. My only suggestion, and this is only personal is that maybe you should have split this into multiple paragraphs. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I am sorry for your pain - but remember that there are plenty of people out there who are happy you are here - it appears that your grandmother is one of them. The rhythm and flow of this poem are really nice - as is your candor in the poem - my only comment is that perhaps you should have separated this poem into multiple paragraphs for easier reading. Also, there are a few typos that I think need to be corrected.
I really liked this poem a lot - I felt the emotions that you evoke - Your rhythm and flow are excellent making it easy to follow. My only comment is that maybe you should have compressed the poem into smaller paragraphs - to me, that would make it even easier to follow - but that is only a personal thing.
I loved this short story - I am Jewish - but I have been to church on Christmas and can remember that feeling that you express so eloquently in this piece. It is really well written and frankly I do identify with it as a Jew - I have this image of the synagogue on our high holidays and how everybody comes together for a very similar purpose.
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