*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kat2346
Review Requests: OFF
105 Public Reviews Given
272 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of IMPERFECTION  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem! Life's struggles put into perspective in short meaningful verse!

My poetry mentors have always been sticklers to point out to me when I take liberties in my rhymes. Apparently, though pleasing to the ear, 'twist and sick' or 'work and pervert' don't actually rhyme. I see nothing wrong with it in free-style, but paying attention to these details does improve the poem.

Your poem is beautiful!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
2
2
Review of The Refuge  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 *Flower6*  HAPPY BIRTHDAY WDC! *Flower6*

This story is wonderful! I actually prefer to review stories where at least there are some spelling mistakes, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with this wonderful tale.

You bring the reader into the dilemma this poor girl experiences. You have done such a good job relating her plight, no one would care what she or Ricky look like. All of the detail is important.

Great job! I hope you write more of this type of story.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
3
3
Review of The Dark Gift  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
 *Flower6*  HAPPY BIRTHDAY WDC! *Flower6*

My first impression after the first read through is that this is going to be a thriller! I don’t mean the genre – I mean you have painted a wonderfully frightening scene.

Now down to the details. I’ll deal with the first paragraph, because I’m sure this is just the “as it came to me version.” You are likely to find most of the corrections when you reread it and check the spelling.

You might consider ‘woke’ in the first line, then a comma instead of the period. The first two lines should be one.
The next three lines should be one sentence. I stumble around the room franticly feeling for a door, window or something, but there is nothing just brick walls and dirt floor; panic consumes me.
The next sentence has an extra word – all makes no sense where it is. Perhaps you started with ‘all my screams’ and changed your mind?
While there is nothing truly wrong with the next sentence, it is a little confusing on first read. A suggestion would be I fell back against the wall, sank down to my knees and sobbed. This may not be exactly the picture you are painting, but I think you can see how it is clearer. It just needs a little TLC.
The last sentence of the paragraph needs a question mark.
The only other thing I would mention is to watch your conversations. They need punctuation and separate lines.

Great start for a story!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
4
4
Review of PO'd  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:My first inclination to to pass on this one. I'm glad I didn't -- it is funny in a way that most of us can relate.

Grammar and Punctuation:Now, for the nitty-gritty stuff...
The second sentence in the first paragraph is a fragment. My humble suggestion:
Let's contemplate the simple task of pissing -- that simple mechanism of relieving one's body of liquid waste.
That was the biggest one. The only other suggestion is changing bumper to bumper to bumper-to-bumper

Overall Feelings:Very real -- and funny. Good job!
5
5
Review of My Love For You  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I had to look at this twice -- a couple of my poems are very similar!

Grammar and Punctuation:
I don't see any mistakes in grammar or punctuation. Your rhyming is very good.

I do think this poem deserves a little 'TLC' to make the timing even better. You use natural language, so I'm sure you won't find it too difficult to make it read just a bit more smoothly.
As an example of what I mean:

You're the only person on my mind when I awake;
I can't wait to hear your voice on the phone.
I didn't know my heart could suffer such ache;
these insatiable feelings I have are so unknown.

You are the one person on my mind when I wake
I can hardly wait to hear your voice on the phone.
I never knew my heart could suffer such an ache;
These insatiable feelings I had never known.

I wouldn't use 'never' in both lines -- but those are only ideas.

Overall Feelings:
Clear message conveyed -- Nice job!
6
6
Review of Dream Catcher.  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I have had to come back and re-read this several times. It is a good glimpse into how depression feels.
Grammar and Punctuation:
I don't see any mistakes here. I do have a couple of suggestions about the arrangement of your words, though. Just suggestions, remember, but I think they change the flow just a little. I think you could improve that just a bit. *Wink*

My life is in pieces. All of my dreams have been lost, unfulfilled.
My life is in pieces. All of my dreams, unfulfilled, have been lost.
I am delicately balancing on a precipice, but I know I will eventually lose my balance.
but I know eventually, I will lose my balance.

Overall Feelings:
You have clearly captured the feelings of desperation in this work.
Well done!
7
7
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I always enjoy hearing other people's dreams. This one is a thriller, and you build the excitement nicely with only ordinary materials and scenery.
Grammar and Punctuation:
Very good -- since this is a narrative, the corrections would not improve your story.
Overall Feelings:
You made me feel your fear and the ending would make anyone scream!
Great read!
8
8
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I like this very much. I guess I'm a sucker for this kind of work.
Grammar and Punctuation:
Just a few points here -- a couple a places would work better with semi colons. In the third and fourth stanzas
I passed hatred with caution;
I felt not sorrow;
and a comma is missing in the fifth after "He said,"
Overall Feelings:
Very uplifting and hopeful -- and nice positive work. Great job!
9
9
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I have to think your lovely wife a very lucky woman to have a man cherish her so.
Grammar and Punctuation:
I didn't see any grammatical and punctuation errors.
Overall Feelings:
This is beautiful -- and my favorite part is That you, whom any man would cherish, have chosen me to love
fills me with wonder and gratitude
each and every day.
Yep, Linda is a lucky lady. Nice work!
10
10
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I was a foster parent, too, and can relate to how important it was to have a good relationship with the mother. Sometimes the most important thing we can do is to understand without judgment.
Grammar and Punctuation:
I didn't find any errors here.
Overall Feelings:
I love this story! Keep up the good work.
11
11
Review of Why and How Come?  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I really like this trip back to childhood and all the queries and the fears that it involves. This poem is adorable!
Grammar and Punctuation:
I didn't notice any grammatical or punctuation errors.
Overall Feelings:
I have to agree with the note at the bottom, that version four seems to fit the style.

Nice work!
12
12
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
REVIEWING ON BEHALF OF
FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive


First impression:
I love it -- and pretty much live it! This poem gives a feeling of comfort and contentment.
Grammar and Punctuation:
The only suggestion I have would be to give it a few minutes of TLC on the syllables and rhythm. That IS only a suggestion. *Wink*
Overall Feelings:
This lovely little poem reminds of an Irish song and the feelings of "home", wherever it turns out to be. Very nice!
13
13
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANGEL ARMY

FIRST IMPRESSION:
Plenty of emotion coming through in this piece!
GRAMMAR:
use the spell checker to make a few corrections.
SUGGESTIONS:
It's always hard for me to critique a freestyle poem. I find myself looking for a rhythm, and this has great potential to be a metered poem. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with it!
FEELINGS:
The feelings evoked are powerful and cathartic.
KEEP WRITING!
Good job!


Would you like to join the Angel Army?
14
14
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PROUD MEMBER OF THE ANGEL ARMY

FIRST IMPRESSION:
This looks like a great premise to a novel!
GRAMMAR:
You have a few small errors that spell checking will easily pick up.
SUGGESTIONS:
Just that you carefully check your capitalization, and grammar.
FEELINGS:
I think with this for a start, you will have a very interesting story. Don't forget to check a few facts on the history of the times while you write, to keep it feeling real.
KEEP WRITING!



Would you like to join the Angel Army?
15
15
Review of Eaver Beaver  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

FIRST IMPRESSION:
It's warm and cute and funny.
GRAMMAR:
I did note one thing; ‘houses’ and ‘mice’; with my being not being able to produce any supportive arguments for them. I would suggest "my not being able to"
SUGGESTIONS:
the note above was the only part that bothered me.
FEELINGS:
I love the story! Great job!
KEEP WRITING!



Would you like to join the Angel Army?
16
16
Review of My Nightmare  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

FIRST IMPRESSION:
The first few sentences of this read like poetry.
GRAMMAR:
I understand that the muse often is uncaring about grammar, *Wink* but once the thoughts are written, I suggest running it through the word processor for spelling and such. One thing won't show as misspelled, but you are using shell where shall should be.
SUGGESTIONS:
Play with the form a little. I realize you just wrote it and haven't had time to make corrections. I think it would make a wonderful poem!
FEELINGS:
It makes me feel the worry and pain. Good job!
KEEP WRITING!



Would you like to join the Angel Army?
17
17
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

FIRST IMPRESSION:
How lucky you are to have a father so devoted. How difficult it must be to feel like a burden. It sounds like the best thing you can do for a father like that is to thank him, APPRECIATE his efforts, and let him see that appreciation.
GRAMMAR:
I think it you run a spell check and check the grammar in the word processor, you will improve the story a little.
SUGGESTIONS:
Maybe you could relate a little more about why you scared him so by being sick.
FEELINGS:
I think you have a good story, and with a little effort it will be a great story. Sounds like you have a 'Hero' already!
KEEP WRITING!



Would you like to join the Angel Army?
18
18
Review of Blue  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

FIRST IMPRESSION:
I like the pattern of the poem, and the images it brings.
GRAMMAR:
Caught up in one small glimmer of bue blue
SUGGESTIONS:
I think it might be even better with a little TLC. For instance, the line
Bright sapphire sparklingly feels pushed into service.
Maybe something like 'sapphires sparkle brightly'?
FEELINGS:
I like it!
KEEP WRITING!



Would you like to join the Angel Army?
19
19
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Handy Man

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
Well, this was an exciting piece of corrupting a married man.
Grammatical Observation:
With that the hears the door close -- he hears ?
Finding it hard to breath, -- breathe
Favorite Part:
I half expected the guard to wake him from a dream by turning on the light! It added a whole different feeling to have him interrupt -- certainly raised the temperature!
Suggestions:
A few places have extra spaces -- just that and a couple of words mis-spelled.
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
20
20
Review of Inspiration  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ShiShad

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
Remembering the moments and remembering the pride in them as I read your poem -- what a wonderful feeling you evoked with your words!
Grammatical Observation:
I saw no errors.
Favorite Part:
"carefully, slowly exits
his wheelchair-
casts away those obstacles"
I know the pride of watching your child accomplish these things!
Suggestions:
None!
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
21
21
Review of Forget 9/11  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Archie,

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
Well, to start with feelings, I felt you had missed the point of remembering in the first place. Those valiant citizen soldiers who banded together in face of such an enormous tragedy ARE why we remember 9/11.

On the other hand, your point of view is a guaranteed conversation starter! My thoughts are that you have the right idea, but I can't agree with dismissing the past -- since we don't want it repeated.
Grammatical Observation:
Here you are good!
Favorite Part:
I liked this!

More is accomplished by accentuating the positive than by reminding ourselves of death and destruction.
Suggestions:
I have none. I think you did a great job.
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
22
22
Review of Enlightment  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Richard

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
We all come though this life with a different point of view. This is a nice, direct path. I like it.
Grammatical Observation:
It's hard to critique freestyle. How can it be wrong?
Favorite Part:
the transformation of the snake and butterfly -- nice visual.
Suggestions: Only my opinion...
You do have a little rhyming going on. When I read 'a journey to the peak,' I would be tempted to rhyme it with unique.
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
23
23
Review of The K-Rations  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Kiya

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
You captured so many elements of the situations during that time, and I think you have done a wonderful job!
Grammatical Observation:
Hard to say -- I understand you are using the language of the times and situations, so grammar is expected to be unusual.
Favorite Part:
The scene in the hospital where the men finish the song. You nailed it -- the feeling of belonging and caring that comes over people in situations like this. Great job!
Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have -- you might already have done this -- is to somewhere explain what some of the initials stand for. A glossary of sorts.
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
24
24
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:
This is a lovely beginning! It is well told - nice detail
Grammatical Observation:
Looks good!
Favorite Part:
To her it looked like a huge puzzle made of rocks, because all the stones just seemed to fit together as if they were made that way.
Suggestions:
I suggest you give us another chapter. *Wink*
Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
25
25
Review of I HATE YOU  
Review by >>^..^&...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sheri

This is a "Invalid Item"  review.

Feelings and Thoughts:WOW -- I wouldn't want to cross pens with you! *Wink*

Grammatical Observation:Didn't notice any spelling errors.

Favorite Part:I hate the manly scent of you
that used to make me melt inside.

Suggestions:Most of the poem is eight syllable beat. I think with very little tinkering, it could all be, evening it out.

One thought -- just my opinion --
it’s you I no longer dream of.
it’s no longer you i dream of.

Well Done! *Thumbsup*


Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
31 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kat2346