This is a great story. It feels like the opening/intro to a Fantasy epic where it starts off on in a remote location and expands into a greater epic. I think you did a beautiful job of setting up the character's background and storylines. There was some great descriptions describing the location and sunrise. The subtle details made the world being described more compelling. The politics set up in this story are really interesting with a dispute for the crown. It seems like there may be some foul play involved Xristan's (Prince Elmund's) Sister in Law vying to keep the crown for herself.
The story also ended with a good hook. It would be great to read more of this... I hope that you continue the storyline.
Great interactive. This is well developed with multiple storylines written out. I like how it is divided up using different rooms for all the character / family members. The characters are set up nicely. There are some really wild ideas in this story that are explored really well. The arcs I read in this focus on hypnosis, feminization and transformation of the lead (reader). There are over 400 chapters in this story (at the time of this review and not just choice chapters so it is moving along really nicely. I read through a few of the arcs like the opening one with the main characters mother, the arc following his sister Jane, and an arc where his teacher was dominating him. It is contributed by multiple authors and they seem to be well written out. It is coming along really nicely and is well maintained. Excellent work on it!
Cool Concept. A GTS queen seems really cool. My initial thought was that this would involve original characters but the way this interactive was divided up was that it allowed for arcs involving popular characters from Anime, Manga, Books, Cartoons and comics. There was a section for Original characters as well but it definitely allowed for this interactive to be a lot more vast. The arc available so far involving the Sakura from Card Captor Sakura was set up pretty will and thought out. It would be interesting to see where it goes.
I also really like some of the original characters described such as Sarah Cartwright, Maria Goddard and Jessica Dawes. Hopefully those storylines can be developed some more. Best of luck with your writing.
I was curious to see what an Interactive about Thomas The Tank engine would be like. I have never seen the actual Thomas series but I have watched the United States show Shining Time Station as a kid which includes segments of the Thomas the Tank Engine stories. This interactive is set up well being divided up by stories which is a nice way to allow for users to enter the stories you want. You came up with some Wild ideas for story arcs i.e. Percy and the Ninjas. For the one arc being developed "Thomas'Lame and Boring Story" you definitely have some wacky ideas in it. It looked like it was going to be a normal Thomas story but then gets more and more "off the rails" i.e mentioning Bill Gates. It was definitely a trip!
This is a creative idea for an interactive story. There is a wide range of possibilities presented. If I was a shape shifter my first thought was that probably the most fun thing to transform into was a bird because of the ability to fly but then the choices presented even better options such as mythical creatures such as dragon... it definite offer some great opportunities. This interactive is still developing and growing so the storylines haven't gotten far enough along yet to see how they play out. I recommend getting at least one good story arc developed with 4 - 5 none setup chapters to allow authors to get a feel of what you type of stories can be developed in this. Good Luck with your story.
This is a great short story. The short description was very cryptic. I wasn't sure how it would play out so it was an exciting read. I actually thought it might go south the way "Nan" described her fear of the winter but it actually turned out to be a sweet story.
You really did a great job with setting up the environment and scene making it very easy to visualize what was happening. I really got a great picture of the winter the town, Nan etc. They were very subtle touches that added life to the scene. The description of the hound, the fire, the supper Nan was eating all and winter itself all served to enhance the story. The two characters had personality and seemed lifelike. Great Writing!
This is a good poem. It has a nice rhythm to it and Rhyme scheme (ABAB) making it fun to read through. I like how your Poem comes full circle ending with the same two lines it began with. You a great job of evaluating different aspects of hope covering its mystery and unique traits such as its ability to inspire and give strength to people.
On a technical level this poem has some great personification and imagery. I particularly love the the segment in the second paragraph where hope gets compared to a glacier. Beautifully written!
This is a good poem. It seems very romantic and is appropriate to read this close to Valentine's day (at the time of my review). I think it gives a good reminder that a person close to you can inspire. It was sweet to read.
On a technical level. There are some great visual images shared. An Angel looking down from the sky paints a beautiful spiritual picture. I love the the use of the refrain "I blinked". Each stanza starting with it feels like we are browsing through a photo album getting a view of key memories in the narrators life... the wedding day, a both of a child, celebrating memories. It is beautifully written!
This is my type of interactive. I love both One Piece and Shrinking stories. One Piece has an excellent set of characters to use and this story has a lot of my favorites available as options in this story (Nami, Vivi, and Nico Robin). Hopefully we got some others like Boa, Tashigi and Hina (she has a brief cameo in one but would be her take the lead.
This story is very well developed and there are a rich set of arcs available in it so far.My favorite is the Opening with Nami. I have a crush on her so its a fun idea to be her shrunken captive. I'll be sure to continue checking out this story in the future and see how it develops further.
Cool interactive. I like the title with the triple alliteration and it is a cool premise. I love femdom scenarios and you have a nice variety of characters to choose from anime, videogames and comic books. You have some good series set up for it. As an Ino fan I'm happy to see Naruto as one of the series choices. Zelda is also a nice setup. This interactive is still in the early stages where you are just beginning to build. Hopefully you get at least one good storyline going to help set the tone for the your interactive. Good luck with your writing.
Hi Jace
I am reviewing your work as part of I Write. This contest is a new one for me. It took me a little bit of time to figure out why your piece had only one sentence in it. Visiting the contest link and reading what the prompt entailed cleared it up so it was very helpful that you included a link to the contest in your entry. Finding a good hook is actually one of most challenging aspects of writing and it can take a long time just to come up with the right line to pull in the reader.
With that goal you are attempting in mind. I think that you did a really good job with your opening hook. It gives a hint of what your story will be about and a reader would want to know more after reading it. Just from those lines provided, my initial picture is that your story will deal with rough romance. The mention of Janus suggests some type of untrustworthiness while Cupid gives evokes images of love. There's also that great line that reveals the narrator made a mistake somewhere along the way. I'm curious about your writing process whether this hook was decided when you have your story fully plotted out or if it was midway though.
You may still consider tweaking it a little bit for the contest. While it makes a reader interested in your story I don't know if it has enough draw to get them excited to read it. With so much writing out there it is hard to hold a reader's interest these days. The best hooks that I love reading have a little bit of a shock value making the reader immediately want to know what happens next. With your setup sentence "It is a story old as time" you are removing the possibility that this will be something fresh from your reader's mind. This may be a little bit of a trade off as the phrase "As old as time" has a classic feel to it but its something to considering.
Great poll! It raises awareness of WritingML and has some good options for classifying how familiar people are with it. I also really liked the links provided leading to the articles on them. It is nice where other members of WDC fall on this. I also like the line given for completing the poll.
I think my Writing ML knowledge falls somewhere in below Pure Genius range. I think it is a combination of Average and Proficient where I am able to use it well but still need to look it up from time to time. I am not at the point where I can do it with my eyes closed yet.
This is a good poem with a lot of beautiful imagery. I sort of picture the feather in the movie "Forrest Gump" when reading this. How it travels and winds up going through a lot. I love the nature images that are set up in this (the sun, leaf, creek, ice and snow). It provides a great visual picture of each of the season.
Technically your Poem is developed very nicely. It has a great rhyme scheme and rhythm to it making it very easy to read through. It also opens with some great alliteration with "feather fall". Nicely written!
You have a good opening with the first two sentences mentioning how long you have lived so far increases by the day. It is a great lead in causing readers to immediately think about their
The ideas in this essay are covered very quickly so sometimes it is a challenge to follow the train of thought. I feel that it is strongest in the middle section where you share your personal experiences and history you lived through. You have a lot of great events to share.
The ending paragraph is challenging because it needs a little bit more details to successful cover directions you feel that people need to move away from and avoid making part of our history. I recommend expanding it a lot more.
Other than that I thought the essay was very thought provoking and with great topic to discuss. Thank you for sharing your history with us.
This interactive offers some intense ways to go. Usually the Vore genre sticks to humans but this story takes it up a notch introducing the fate of getting devoured by animals into the mix. At the time of this review this story was already coming along really well with close to 200 chapters set up. It gives a wide range of vore scenarios with with a lot of great location and characters it could happen with. As a GTS fan, my favorite chapters are the human devourer ones such as the opening college arc and one with Elizabeth I really appreciate the range and depth though. I think one thing that you could do to help the story develop provide some slow builds. A lot of the chapters written are very short. The characters don't need to find themselves about to be eaten immediately. You might have them start off their days normally and go about their lives before finding themselves in the unfortunate situation. There are a lot of options for how they might get like that i.e. transformation and shrinking but it is good to expand on them. In any case kudos on a good interactive!
This Poem does a great job of making me visualize Springtime. It feels vibrant with Mother nature coming to life. There is a lot of personification and metaphors in this poem. The way things are described makes me think of light and earth as lovers as well as earth / nature as a woman coming to life in the spring.
The Poem shines best with its descriptions. They really paint some vivid pictures... "Spring's seeds scattering and the firmament's aglow stand out".
In terms of wordplay this poem has some great alliteration "beguiling beauty in the second line "Light loosens his (yearly) virgin lover" leading into the second stanza. I also love some of the word choices "Verdant, firmament and slumber really make this poem pop. Great writing.
This is a very good story. It is very sweet. Like "The Call of the Wild" written by Jack London. The perspective is written from that of a Dog. In this case the dog was abandoned.
The story is written very well as we get a great insight into what the dog is thinking. He has a simpler mindset but there are enough feelings and thoughts to personify him. It makes him relatable and readers are rooting for him to be able to find a home. As a result, the sweet ending with the dog being able to find a family becomes all the more rewarding.
There is a slight correction that I would recommend. In the second sentence:
"Wondering" should be replaced with "Wandering"
Other than that...it was a really enjoyable story to read and I liked it a lot.
Self reflection is a great way to start off the year. I like the concept of writing to yourself. It a great way to organize your thoughts and analyze yourself. The letter is written very smoothly and flows well working as a tool to identify who you are and then expanding that into what personal goals that you are hoping to accomplish. Wish you the the best of luck achieving the goals listed out.
I was in New York just outside of the city when the World Trade Center was destroyed on 9/11 back in 2001. It has hard to believe that it has been over 20 years since that time. You are right in your analysis that it is very hard to completely recover from that event. I think we have healed a lot but that loss of trust is still always there. Even going to an airport, it is apparent that the security is more extreme. We have lost a lot of freedom that we just to have in an effort to improve safety.
While a lot has changed in the last 20 years, I am not sure we can trace all the current problems that are dividing us in America today to 9/11. It has been building for a very long time even before the twin towers were destroyed. There are a lot of economic and feelings of frustration around us. We seem to have lost our kindness. I always like to be optimistic and hope that things will be better in the future but it will take some work and a huge amount of growth and cooperation from everyone.
This is a very thought provoking article and essay. Thank you for writing it.
Nice Shrinking poem! It is pretty good as the narrator's reaction is unexpected. Shrinking to 4 inches seems like it would the main cause of concern for most people However the fact that the narrator feels unnoticed at normal height adds a twist and amplifies the situation. It is a profound thought. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Wow this is definitely a wild idea. As a comic book fan with atypical tastes myself, I definite appreciate stories that push characters in unexpected directions. This interactive is still in developing stage but you have some nice setups going. The best arcs added so far are the opener with Scott and Jean. You seems to have a some contributing to it as well. Hopefully this story continues to grow.
Wow I didn't know that cats could be trained like that. These are some really good set of tips. I will have to keep them in mind. From the title of the article I thought it was going to be about teaching cats to do different types of tricks like dogs but getting them to behave is much more useful. This article is very well written and clear with its advice making it easy to understand. It should prove to be really useful for pet owners attempting to raise a feline companion.
Exciting Flash story!! You really took great advantage of the story prompt. It's a very interesting twist writing from the perspective of the baby thief. I wasn't completely sure if it was a Goblin or some other type of demon / monster. Goblins are famous for doing this (i.e. in the movie Labyrinth and more recently Dr. Who) though probably others do it as well. The fact that that the creature had wings that goblins aren't made it all the more menacing. You did some great incorporation of changeling lore and mythic elements in your story with the replacement with wood and the vulnerability the creature had to Iron.
I really like the slow build (considering it is a Flash story) where it starts normally and the third sentence shifts the tone leading more and more into the fact that were are dealing with a monster. Great work!!
The is a powerful work it captures the love and loss a person has for their pet/friend. The reader definitely feels how close the narrator is to passed away subject of the poem (Jimmy) and much he is missed
I am not sure if it a fiction or non fiction. If it is autobiographical this is a great eulogy. If it fictional, it captures the loss of a best friend / long time companion really well. Thank you to the author for writing and sharing this!
You have a very nice style of writing creating distinct and relatable characters. The situation of stage fright was depicted very well and you could visualize the main character going through it in the story. Sentences like "her knees shook and her hands started to sweat" really provide readers a great description and allow them to feel the emotions with the character. It seems to fit the Show not Tell activity that this was written for very well. You do a good job of setting up the situation with high stakes with a Disney Talent Scout present in the audience.
I also like the resolution that her friend was able help the lead to overcome her stage fright by getting Lisa to relate with the character she was playing. Alice comes across as a very good friend and it was nice seeing her help support Lisa and get through the performance. There is a little bit of a parallel between the actors in the play and the characters they are portraying as Elsa and Anna also wind up needing to support each other in the Frozen.
It is a fun way to end the experience revealing that Lisa still is shown to still be affected by anxiety giving it a slight comedic beat.
There is one line in the story that I needed to re-read to clear up in my mind what was occurring: "He startled me," Lisa whispered, helping her out. - You may just want to give a couple of extra words to clarify that she was joining the teacher in picking up the scattered items. My initial thought was that Lisa was getting help for her stage fright.
Other than that it was a very good read. Thank you for writing it.
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I love both One Piece and Shrinking stories. One Piece has an excellent set of characters to use and this story has a lot of my favorites available as options in this story (Nami, Vivi, and Nico Robin). Hopefully we got some others like Boa, Tashigi and Hina (she has a brief cameo in one but would be her take the lead.
