I have started to read your piece and found it riddled with errors. Okay, so now that's out of the way.
I see a lot of room for improvement and I am going to go over this with a fine tooth comb. I am going to send you an attachment with my notations on where and why things should be changed.
First most of the items needing to be changed will make it a better read instead of taking away from it as it's doing now.
I don't want to discourage your writing and I pray this does not. Any writer whether good or bad should always be encouraged to do better and learn from their mistakes.
I for one have learned a lot from the community here and even figured out a few things I simply wasn't seeing in my own writing. I hope to pass that along to others and help them become better writers.
I hope you keep up the good writing and feel free to give me a holler if you need help with anything.
I will be sending the critiqued review today or tomorrow.
I have given you a 5 because in my opinion I think it's perfect. I don't write poetry so reviewing it on a more technical aspect, I can not. However, I enjoyed reading this and could relate completely. I know the feelings you've described as I've lived them once upon a time.
I read your comments in the Review Request page and I hope you aren't trying to always change this to suit other people. Because in my findings you'll never make everyone happy. You will always find someone out there that doesn't believe it to be perfect.
If you feel it's perfect then that's all that matters.
I couldn't find anything wrong with spelling or grammar and I thought it was just perfect.
I absolutely love it. I am a huge C & W fan and think this is great. So many of those songs I relate to and this one is no different. I can relate to the words you have written and find myself happy, I am not longer living that kind of life and found a true happiness and an honest love.
I think you did a wonderful job and hope to read more of your work in the future.
This I thought to be an awesome piece. I think people forget if they have no one in the service, yet I know I won't forget those who have given so we can be free.
I thank you for such a wonderful piece and hope to read more of your work in the future.
I have found that in paragraph 1 and 5, the last line "because were free"
should be "because we're free".
This is my suggestion only and you're free to use it or not.
This is adorable! I think you did a great job on this and hope you keep writing little things for children.
I made note of some things below. I know it seems like a lot, but you do the same thing I do. Too many "that" within a story. I've made not of which ones could come out. It's up to you to use it or not.
Double spacing in between the lines, I don't like. It spaces out the paragraphs and everything seems to run together kind of like when the paragraph spacing is forgotten.
Now Jake was a very resourceful young man and he decided that he would just have to write Santa Claus a letter after they had found a new house to give Santa his new address, however, Jake didn’t know Santa’s address.
Now Jake’s Dad had never heard this little tale before but knowing that Jake’s Mom was pretty good at explaining things decided that it would all work out.
The next day Jake decided that he should ask his Mom how to find Santa’s address.
“Well I’m a little concerned that Santa Claus won’t be able to find us after we move so do you think that you could help me find his address on the internet?”
“If you think that is the way to go about it then I would be more than happy to help you, but, if you ask me I happen to know for a fact that Santa will be able to find you regardless if you send him a letter or not.”
“Well it just so happens that I had to move one year right before Christmas when I was about your age and Santa found me. You see the star on our tree has our name on it.” (line space)
“What does our Christmas star have to do with anything?”
“Mom you say that Santa can find us because of the star but that doesn’t really explain anything.” He replied matter of factly.
“Okay let me get us some more cookies and I will explain it all so that there will be no doubt in your mind that Santa will find us after we move.
Everybody has a Christmas star or a Christmas angle(angel)that they put on the top of their trees.
It is a special kind of Christmas magic that(which) is Santa’s alone.
It is because of this message that Santa is able to find our family.”
“I know honey but you will just have to trust in Santa Claus this year and I believe that you won’t be disappointed.”
“I’m glad that this little talk we had helped eases your mind now you need to go finish packing your things in the boxes because we leave next week.”
“I remember what you said and I know that it is something that has been going on in our family for a long time, but I think that I should have written Santa a letter telling him that we moved.”
“I wish you would have said something before this because I am afraid that it is too late to write him and let him know.
“I’ll try Mom. I know that Santa found you and Grandma so I will believe that he will find me too.”
In fact he could see a light coming out of his best friend Tom’s house and knew in his heart that Santa would never forget a child on this magical night.
You definately have a talent for writing love/romance poetry and I loved this one as well. You brought an image to mind of a wish I have. You did another wonderful job in making me smile and know in my heart your words are true.
I've chosen this one to be 2 of 3 of the reviews you won.
Wow! This one again was awesome. Again, I wish David were here instead just in thought. You brought to mind and heart a smile to begin my day. I love your writing and think it's truly beautiful.
I'm a sucker for love poems or romance items. Another awesome Job!
I had a hard time choosing which one to review. I absolutely love this one. I'm not great on reviewing poetry, but I let the writer know what I thought and felt.
You brought images of David (my love) to mind. You made me smile and wish he were here instead of at work. You did a wonderful job and I can't wait to read more. I thought everything flowed nicely and I didn't find any mistakes.
WOW! I have to say I found this to be very touching and well written. I couldn't find a thing wrong with it to make note of. You did a wonderful job! Although I wished Jackson had survived, I hope your well written words help someone. There is always someone there willing to be there for them in their great time of need.
Very well organized. I love the color and think you could use an image placed here in the folder. Hmmm...not sure what...but I think it would give it some color.
I see you have lots of poetry and hope to see more in the furture. Great job and I hope you keep up the great writing.
Although I don't write poetry and can't review this piece on a more technical aspect. I can tell you this was ineresting and describes how I'm sure plenty of women have felt when a man has left. This piece was short and to the point.
I thought you did a great job and I hope you keep up the great writing!
Although I don't write poetry, I can't review on the technical aspect of things, but I can tell you what I thought when reading your piece.
I found this piece cute and I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I would think about not capitalize each line as it's a continuation from the line before. Simply a suggestion from seeing other poetry, it seems to be commonly done.
This is a beautiful piece. I thought you did a great job on this and note the errors I found below. I know where you got your inspiration from and I wish it weren't so.
If you look deep within yourself, It (it) comes from your kin.
I have shown you Love (love), and for all that you can be,
I'll just remember what I gave you, and I wont (won't) be alone.
This was very touching and hearfelt. I thought this was very nice of you to write this. It shows how much you care. I thought it was fine accept for one thing which I've noted below.
For: a small brief moment. Remove the colon after "For" unless it was intentional to have it there.
Although this describes a loss I pray to never experience, I feel the "alone" you speak of. I just wish I didn't. Not due to death, but due to selfishness and jealousy of someone else, I could loose the man I love.
I couldn't find a thing wrong with this. I thought it was perfect. I can soooo relate to the feelings you described.
I thought this was well written, and a very powerful piece. It made me feel like I would be worried about you having my child, that you were kidnapping her. I pray this is not what you truly intend to do as it's not wise. If not, I'm relieved.
You did a very good job describing a beautiful setting.
The only problem I had was that the last line left me not satisfied with the ending. I don't know what it is, just that maybe it should have been something else or something more. To me it doesn't completely suit the title or the Description you have listed for it. The rest is perfectly fine for me.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful than that. This is simply my feelings on it and please don't change it or even take my comments to heart if you find that this is perfect the way it is.
I honestly found this to be a cute piece. You brought a smile to my face as I felt you were ranting when you wrote this, defending yourself. Maybe due to the final line. I don't know, but I enjoyed the piece irregardless. I thought you did a great job and hope you keep up the great writing.
Oh How true these words are! I loved every word and every second I spent reading this. I laughed and shook my head simply because this is what our society has become. It's sad when someone breaks into your house and gets hurt and you get sued. It's truly sad and ridiculous. I am one of those that figure if I get cancer from smoking, it's my own fault for lighting up. If I slip and fall, it's my fault for not being careful and watching where I was walking. Of course, I'm one of the poor and hard work is what I do.
I thank you so much for this piece. I thought it was perfect! You did a wonderful job and I apologize for my ramblings. Simply a subject that irritates me to no end because of the unfairness and unjustness of it all.
First, I would like to state "Welcome to WDC" this is a wonderful place to be. I personally love it here.
Second, I would like to comment about the comment you made about "stacking up"... Don't ever feel that you have to compete with anyone here. Unless of course it's a contest...!
Other than that! I thought this was great! Very insightful of her thoughts and feelings of being pregnant. Interesting to say the least. I honestly couldn't find anything wrong that I would make note of.
I think you did a great job and hope you keep up the great writing. Have fun and enjoy yourself at WDC and if you ever need any help give a shout, someone will be more than willing to point you in the right direction!
This I found interesting and had to stop and think about some of the things you quoted. Not because I didn't understand, but because it made me think. I thought this was great and hope you continue with it.
I did however, find a few typos here. Nothing major, just minor things. I've listed them below and my corrections are in green.
Looking at the world through our eyes is an eye opening experience, the more you look(,) the deeper you will see.
(M) mundanity is a ritual of ignoring the events that occur because of the waves we create.
(T) tonight is a blessing (...) (T) tomorrow is a hope..... (...(3 not 4))
We all have one and many times the scent isnt (isn't) to our liking...
Women, no matter how long I live (,) for the life of me, Ill (I'll) never understand them only underestimate them...
Everyday is a test- Its (It's) how we deal with these tests that either makes us a character or shows character!
Middle age is when you're surfing the cable channels (and) you find yourself watching CNN.
(B) because I can still hear you...
Now, these are simply suggestions. You don't have to take them and you can if you like. It's completely up to you. I would also recommending breaking up some of the color. I love color when I read, but there are places where you make a note or correction and the color for that section could be different. My opinion only. Again, use it if you like.
Thanks for the great read. You have a lot of good ones there. "I say what I think... And I think what I say" This one I think is my fav.
I thought you did a great job on this. I know, I enjoy thunderstorms a great deal and this put it into words. Made me think of the short thunderstorm we had last night. I found nothing to make note of in way of typos, spelling.
Again, great Job! Keep up the great writing!
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