Hello! My name is Kristi and I am happy to offer you my review of your work.
Note: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph did, indeed, make me want to continue reading. It seems a bit long, though. You may want to consider the following suggestion.
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a common, recurrent, and debilitating mood disorder which causes extreme shifts in energy and mood. The word bipolar indicates the two main polar extremes which a person with the disorder experiences. This essay will discuss the underlying causes of bipolar disorder, study it’s symptoms and the different forms that it takes, look into it’s treatments and possible cures, and finally, examine it’s supposed link with artistic creativity.
Then, take the rest of the paragraph and turn it into the second one.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style was very professional and pleasant to read.
Did the essay still have my full attention mid-way through? The essay was extremely informative and had my full attention from start to finish.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
The word bipolar indicates the two main polar extremes which a person with the disorder experiences. Consider changing 'which' to 'that'.
...will speak in quick, run-on sentences. People don't speak 'in' run-on sentences. We speak 'using' run-on sentences.
...known as hypersexualtiy. hypersexuality
During these manic episodes people will... I would place a comma between 'episodes' and 'people'.
...are usually not perceptible to others, and do not impair... The comma is not necessary.
Even more alarming is the fact... An extra space between 'more' and 'alarming'.
It is very important to diagnose hypomania because as a stage of bipolar disorder... I would place a comma after 'because'.
During this time, people with bipolar will become deeply depressed... Should 'disorder' be placed after 'bipolar'?
...the most dangerous time for people who suffer from bipolar disorder, because it is the time... The comma is not necessary.
Usually speaking, people with bipolar will usually be depressed... Again, should 'disorder' be included after 'bipolar'? If so, a couple more instances occur through the rest of the essay.
Between these episodes, there tend to be periods of normal functioning. I believe 'tend' should be 'tends', but I am not absolutely sure.
...mistakenly prescribing a doseage which exceeds... 'dosage'
Thankfully these manic symptoms are usually reported... A comma should be inserted after 'Thankfully'.
All throughout history, there are examples of intensely creative... I would omit 'All'.
III. OVERALL OPINION This essay was well thought out and carefully designed, providing a vast resource of accurate information for the reader. I am very impressed with the professional quality of which this essay is composed. It may seem that many typo's or mistakes were made, but due to the length of the essay, the instances I found are minimal. I greatly benefited from reading this essay and encourage you to recognize your awesome ability in delivering important, factual information to the reading public. BRAVO to a tremendously well done job!!!!
Thank you for sharing your work with us. I am looking very forward to reading more that you have to offer!
Hey there! My name is Kristi Love and after having just read your chapter, I would like to offer you a “Rate & Review”!
DISCLAIMER: Please keep in mind that I review in the same manner I hope to be reviewed. Any suggestion I may offer is just that, a suggestion and is there for you to do with as you please.
Do any unnecessary sentences and/or paragraphs exist? There are not any unnecessary sentences or paragraphs.
Are there too many subplots? No, there are not too many subplots.
SIMPLE CORRECTIONS
...He looked at me as if he knew me and I knew him. He looked at you as if you knew him? That doesn't make sense to me. Maybe, 'He looked at me as if we knew each other.'
Like waking up from a dream I suddenly felt two people... I would place a comma between 'dream' and 'I'.
I was alive but I couldn’t move except open my eyes. I would re-word this to something like 'I was alive but the only movement I could make was opening my eyes.'.
...but soon I would bee free from it’s tightening grasp. 'bee' should be 'be'.
OVERALL OPINION You did an awesome job of describing everything you mentioned! I would have liked knowing what his crime was, but I am okay without the knowledge. You have a wonderful way with words and a vivid imagination. I am impressed!
Keep up the good work and thank you for allowing me the opportunity to review your work!
Hey Judy. This is the fourth item of yours that I am reviewing on behalf of "Invalid Item" . I have one to go before making my selection and awarding you with a special awardicon!
Disclaimer: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer as a result of this review is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? It did, but I was going to continue anyhow since I already knew what the subject was concerning.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? Yes.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Absolutely. I love your style because it has your personal voice and tone all in it!
Did the article still have my full attention mid-way through? It probably had more of my attention mid-way through than it did in the beginning.
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this article? Again, I cried like a baby.
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this article? I was relieved but only because it meant I would stop crying! I was not relieved in the sense that I was glad I had come to the end because it was not a good article.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Perceived Intent The intent is obvious. You, the author, have clearly set out to describe a more appropriate and effective way for us to deal with and accept the death of a friend or loved one. I very much appreciate the time you have taken to reach out and offer your great insight and encouragement to those of us that need it!
Hey Judy. Kristi again! As before, I am reviewing this item on behalf of "Invalid Item" who asked me to go out and find a great author, review his/her works, and present him/her with an awardicon for my favorite piece!!
Disclaimer: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer as a result of this review is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph successfully urged me to continue reading.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? I would not have objected had it been a little longer and a bit more descriptive.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Just as the other items I have read by you, the style is uniquely yours and narrated nicely!
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Oh, Heavens yes!!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this item? Oh, Heavens yes! I cried like a little baby, and a big one too!
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this ITEM? I was relieved for Ken but only after being inspired by Judy to be able to look at Ken's passing in a different light.
II. TECHNICAL
...with pupils fixed and dialated. 'dialated' should be dilated.
...the answers to those questions... I would consider changing 'those' to 'these'.
II. OVERALL
This more than touched my heart and opened my eyes. Now, I can only hope that if and when I must undergo such an ordeal, I will handle it just as you did with Ken. While reading this, I could vividly imagine Ken crossing the threshold, very contentedly! You are a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. Always be thankful for being you!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
Hello, I'm Kristi Love and I am excited to offer this review on behalf of BSFU (Bipolar Special Forces Unit) which has asked me to raid your port so that they can present you with a special awardicon for the item that I like best!
INTERPRETATION
It is obvious from the beginning that the author is speaking of her hands; what they have seen, what they have experienced, what they have performed and what they mean to the author.
EVALUATION
I really appreciated the style in which this is written. Very unique style coupled with an equally unique theme! The time line aspect is very appropriate for the message that is being relayed.
SUGGESTIONS
Only one part caused me to stumble and re-read before being able to continue... "...for nigh unto 35 years!
MY FAVORITE PART
"As a granny...these hands still love to bring smiles, but
As a granny...these hands aren't quite as strong, yet
As a granny...these hands will have to do!"
Thank you for sharing your personal work with me, with us!
Hey there! My name is Kristi Love and on behalf of the BSFU (Bipolar Special Forces Unit) I am here to review a few of your items! After I select my favorite piece, you will be honored with an awardicon from BSFU!
DISCLAIMER: Please keep in mind that I review in the same manner I hope to be reviewed. Any suggestion I may offer is just that, a suggestion and is there for you to do with as you please.
I. ALL ABOUT ME
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph definitely convinced me to continue to the second. ..."there was also a dark side to them." was the part that did it for me!
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? The opening informed me that I was about to learn of some negative aspects about the "Good Ol' Days". It may could have been a bit longer with a bit more detail, but it is fine and does the trick.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style is genuine and captured my attention from start to finish!
Did the ITEM still have my full attention mid-way through? Absolutely!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this ITEM? Absolutely. My heart broke when the house was lost.
Was I relieved when I reached the end of this ITEM? No, I would have loved to read more.
TECHNICALITIES
There may have been a couple of typos or tiny grammatical mistakes, but, in all honesty, it added to the character! Believe me, I wouldn't say this if it weren't true - I am a major stickler when it comes to these things. I wouldn't change a thing!
Hello, my name is Kristi Love and I am excited to review your writing. Please note that my reviewing process is based on honesty and any suggestion I may offer is yours to do with as you please. Also, I am performing this review as part of an assignment for a class I am taking here at WDC. The main focus is going to be on the point of view and style used.
POINT OF VIEW
The first paragraph is presented well via the author's point of view. Good selection of words to grab the attention of the reader.
STYLE
The style is easy to follow and agrees with the tone that was set in the beginning. Very good job of maintaining the same style and tone throughout the article.
SUGGESTIONS
...and drag so low in the next. (Maybe include 'you' after 'drag' and before 'so' just to keep the flow of the sentence steady.)
...and on that intriguing emotion I wish to speak. (I think the sentence sounds a bit better as '...and it is on that intriguing emotion that I wish to speak.)
Love is a risk and as it is in gamble, so it is with love. (I am not sure that I follow the point in this sentence.)
...loosing appetite and sleep. ('loosing' should be 'losing'.)
...fall out oflove. (A space is needed between 'of' and 'love'.)
...i ponder... ('i' should be capitalized.)
...have been reason he left? (The word 'the' should be inserted between 'been' and 'reason'.)
Well as they say... (A comma should be placed after 'Well'.)
Maybe Johnny left, because he had to! (The comma after 'left' is unnecessary.)
And James withdrew; as he couldn't possibly give me... (The semicolon after 'withdrew' is unnecessary.)
Maybe mark lied and cheated, because he was only human, underneath the guise of wealth and arrogance he carried around. ('mark' needs to be capitalized and the comma after 'cheated' should be removed as well as the comma after 'human'.)
...for now I know that, a break up is not totally wrong. (The comma after 'that' is not needed.)
These are the thoughts that run through my mind (A period should be placed after 'mind'.)
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The fact that this article began with a problem and ended with a solution is perfect in my opinion! Some articles just keep with the conflict involved and never do reach a resolution. I also liked the subject matter, as I can never get enough "love"!
I am impressed with your philosophical side! Don't be afraid to delve deeper into it; the things you will find will both intrigue and amaze you!
Thank you for the opportunity to read your work and for the chance to offer my suggestions and thoughts. I will be looking forward to reading more that you have in the near future!
Hello. My name is Kristi and I am offering you a review of your short story. Please be aware that any suggestion I may make is merely a suggestion and it is yours to do with as you please. I would also like to mention that I am currently taking a Basic Reviewing course here at WDC and I will use this review as one of my weekly assignments. Okay, on to the reviewing!
This weeks class lesson is involving Characters and Dialogue, so that will be the main focus in my review, but not the only area in which I will be concentrating on.
I believe that you adequately introduced the main character and did a good job of including the conflict at the same time. You easily caused me to ‘become’ the old lady and it did not take long for my own joints to begin aching!
As for the dialogue aspect, you did not feel the need to incorporate many conversations, which is perfect since this is the old lady’s reflection of her life. She is not sitting around with all of the grandchildren relaying stories of the ‘good ol’ days’, she is looking back on her life through her thoughts as she is struggling with health issues and the possibility of dying.
I was confused about whether or not she wanted to live . In the beginning of the story, it is made clear that she wanted to live: And that is a destination she wants to avoid at all costs., but in the last two sentences of the story, Not unless the good doctor had a pistol waiting for her. Now, there’s a thought. she is toying with the idea of death. Was this intentional? If, so, maybe a bit more explanation somewhere is needed to help the reader in determining that fact.
As far as technicalities, only a few small ones exist.
He wanted to continue his work at the Dairy Farm... I don’t believe that this needs to be capitalized.
... she was answered with a split lips and a bloody nose. Lips should be singular since “a” preceded it and “a” is singular.
She remembers having to where a black veil to hide her face. Where should actually be wear.
suffer through Chemo Therapy and Radiation Therapy... should be chemotherapy and radiation therapy. (I referred to several grammar rule books to make sure of this before suggesting it).
Although the subject matter is a bit of a grim one, I enjoyed your story. We all need to realize, and more than just once, that we will have to face this aspect of our lives and refusing to think about it now and then will not help us to prepare as best we can. I am concerned for the old lady and am quite curious about the final prognosis; it did not sound too positive.
Thank you for sharing this work with us and I hope that I was able to offer you some solid recommendations that you may find useful.
Hi. I am offering my review of your item as an assignment for a class I am taking here at WDC. I am allowed to choose the work that I review, and after perusing the Shameless Plug Page, I am selecting yours, as it is the only one that evoked in me any emotion at all!
The plot of this writing is a bit fuzzy at the beginning which is perfect for capturing a readers attention. I had to read further in order to determine that the "culprit" was on a mission of assistance, if you will.
I believe that the intention of the author was to create a humorous take on a subject not spoken much about. It is beyond me how the author was able to come up with such a topic; I wish that my imagination could come close in comparison.
What would I change about this particular piece? Nothing at all. What did I dislike about it? Nothing at all. What did I like best about it? The subtle rhyming that could be found throughout although it is not a poem. The rhyming added a spice and caused me to keep reading while incorporating a little jig!
I really enjoyed this and am planning on sharing it with my friends and loved ones for some time to come!
This is what true poetry is all about. I, although not a poet, know what beautiful poetry can do to a soul. I know it because of writings like this one. As I sit here, amazed, the meaning from your words replay in my mind while the vision of a tired, hopeless being walks slowly down a nighttime street; head hanging down, high heel shoes dangling from her fingers wrapped around the heel straps. I literally feel her pain and want to reach out and comfort her.
This is a remarkable piece of poetry and I thank you for sharing it with us!
What an awesome skill you have to take a tragic event and incorporate a different perspective that enables the reader to venture from a feeling of grief to a sense of hope. The ability to provoke a realization for someone is a marvelous feat in which you have mastered well.
Please add more writings like this,soon and always, as I believe them to be essential for all of mankind!
I can so relate to this! I know a lot of people and have most of them around me just about every day. But I only have two friends. Ahh, they all claim to be friends, except for my friends; they don't have to say a word; it's understood and felt. I truly do not have a clue as to why the fake people even claim to like me, for I am outspoken and don't offer a fake smile back to accentuate theirs. But, sometimes, when I take a minute to really think openly about them, I realize that without them my real friends would not be as valuable and priceless as they are.
Very nice, honest poem you have here. Thank you for sharing it with me, with us!
Wow! I sure do wish I had the talent to create such a work of art as is this. I was intrigued with the three-line stanzas and the alternating last lines of each. Also, the inclusion of the stanza type explanation at the end was very thoughtful and informative. The last stanza caught my eye, obviously, which is more than likely the aim of the author or poet. Very nice, thought provoking poem.
Other than being female, I can relate to your hardship and extend my most sincere apologies for the trials you had to endure while behind bars.
I thank you for sharing this with me, with us, and I hope that writing this poem was in some way good therapy for you.
Through almost the entire poem, I had goosebumps, which signifies to me the realness of your words. The only suggestion that I would make would be involving the last line of the last verse. The line would flow much more smoothly if one word were to be added to it. For example, ..."my dad's..." or ..."our dad's...". This is only a suggestion derived from what my 'flow rate' is.
Excellent spelling with no typo's or mistakes! I am a stickler for those two things!
Overall, a very nice piece of work. And as I stated before, thank you for sharing it.
This message can not be written about enough; the subject matter is quite considerably the most important of all subjects due to the fact that it involves the most important people of all people - our children. I could not agree more with the points that you made and appreciate the fact that you have spoken out about them.
I am sorry to hear of the scrutiny that your parenting skills were subjected to. It appears that all turned out for the best and in your favor since your children are healthy and happy.
On to the reviewing part of the review! I understand the reason for informing the reader about the questioning of your parenting skills, but I either needed more or less, I have not figured out which yet. What I mean is, I either needed to know more specifics on why or by whom your skills were being questioned or I didn't really need to know about it at all. Your article would be equally powerful with both more or less, but I felt kind of lost somewhere in the middle.
Instead of telling the reader what you don't want to do and what you are going to do, consider using your material as proof that your skills were adequate. Because, for some reason, we humans enjoy a good fight or argument so I was almost let down when you informed me that you weren't going to bore me with your defense! lol
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article and that is truly what it is all about, right? Keep up the good work, both on paper and in your family life and thank you for taking the time to share an important aspect of your life with me - with us.
I think you pose a great debatable question; one that can be, and is, answered with both words in the question. However, I am not here to agree nor disagree with the views imposed. In my opinion, as I previously stated, you have a great topic and you know exactly which direction you want to go with it. So, let loose and go with it! Put more of the feeling that I know you have into it; that's where the power of your writing lies. Force me to either feel honorable about my answer or to feel guilty; force me to feel something.
Where contractions (two words put together to form one) are concerned, the apostrophe replaces the letter that was omitted; i.e. "are not" = "aren't". Your writing would be even more powerful if the reader did not have to pause for even a second to adjust that in his/her mind.
But, all in all, a great question, and by all means, if you acquire the undeniable answer, I would love for you to share it with me!
This was pretty darned funny! Especially since my main verb was 'laugh'! This really did put a smile on my face; in fact, I am STILL smiling! It is a rare occasion when I have no constructive criticism to offer; there is usually a typo or something, but I am giving you a five for the smile that is still on my face. I think if you were to really put some time into creating another madlib, it would be at the top of the list for quite a while!
I have only begun having fun with these Madlibs just today and must say that yours, so far, is the best one I have had the opportunity to had fun with. You did well in taking the extra time to consider all possible answers and it is the first one that was specific with items such as 'past tense verb'. The other ones I have filled in left quite a bit to be desired as far as readable results. I truly appreciate the extra effort you put into this.
P.S. This is the first review of any kind in which I have given a rating of 5! Most have been 4-4.5.
Keep on giving it your all,
Kristi Love
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Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph?
Consider changing 'which' to 'that'.
Love and after having just read your chapter, I would like to offer you a “Rate & Review”!
There are not any unnecessary sentences or paragraphs.
He wanted to continue his work at the Dairy Farm... I don’t believe that this needs to be capitalized.
... she was answered with a split lips and a bloody nose. Lips should be singular since “a” preceded it and “a” is singular.
She remembers having to where a black veil to hide her face. Where should actually be wear.
suffer through Chemo Therapy and Radiation Therapy... should be chemotherapy and radiation therapy. (I referred to several grammar rule books to make sure of this before suggesting it).