The rhythm flows smoothly from start to finish. The rhyme is perfect except in the 7th and 8th lines. What happened?
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
There are no spelling or grammatical errors present in this piece. Great job!
FAVORITE PART
It's amazing how quick it can turnaround,
From a golden boom to a cold meltdown.
Building your fortunes from bricks of ice,
Safe and secure in your fools paradise.
IMPROVEMENTS
The only thing I can think of to offer as a suggestion would be to have the 7th and 8th lines rhyme along with the rest of the poem.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
This poem delivers a serious and honest message of the downfalls of today's youth.
RHYTHM/RHYME
Rhyme is not a factor in this piece and the rhythm flows smoothly throughout.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
There are no spelling or grammatical errors. Great job!
WHAT I LIKED
The seriousness of the message.
FAVORITE PART
We have become immune to the blood shed of children.
Children’s gods have become idols of darkness.
Children are now seen with “bling- bling” beyond their years.
Their dangling jewels, fancy cars, I-Pods, and credit cards
IMPROVEMENTS
I have no suggestions to offer to improve on this piece.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "This Broken Heart" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
WoW! I love this brilliantly written piece! It follows the prompt of "This Broken Heart" perfectly as well as the required Acrostic form. Great job!
RHYTHM/RHYME
While rhyme is not a factor in this piece, the rhythm is great and enjoyable.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
I noticed no spelling or grammatical errors.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the sheer honesty and real life material that is present in this poem.
FAVORITE PART
Brian I knew from the beginning was a lost cause
Rude and overbearing, but such a fantastic fuck that I forgot:
Once my legs were closed we had nothing to talk about. I left him
Knees knocking, heart aflutter, for Kenneth.
IMPROVEMENTS
There is nothing that can be done to improve this remarkable piece!
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "The Tethered Heart" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
WoW! What a fabulous piece! I am awe-stricken at the added mirror form!
RHYTHM/RHYME
While rhyme is not a factor in this piece, the rhythm flows in a perfect manner to enthrall the reader.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
There were no spelling or grammatical errors present in this piece.
WHAT I LIKED
As I mentioned earlier, I particularly enjoyed the mirrored aspect of this delightfully written poem!
FAVORITE PART
How can I live with this virulent anguisH
Eating my soul? Knowing somewherE
Another holds her fills me with nauseA.
Restrained, I lie upon agony's altaR
Tethered by an unforgetting hearT.
IMPROVEMENTS
This piece holds no room for improvement! It is perfect as is!
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Hmmm... I think it could prove to be all of the above!
MY FAVORITE PART
cactus castle beside a garden gnome
SUGGESTIONS
No suggestions to offer.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I really enjoyed reading this "multiple choice" type poem. It goes to show that anything can provide inspiration and become the subject of a written masterpiece. Keep up the awesome work and thank you for sharing this comical poem with us all.
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the H.G. Wells Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
WoW! What a vivid nightmare told in so few lines! Not exactly what I was expecting from the title, though! I had to read this twice because once was just not enough. I can picture the poet in this conversation, head down, kicking at invisible rocks on the ground, wishing the subject would quickly change.
MY FAVORITE PART I just write poems
and there are no homonyms to make this just a bad dream
no synonyms that are proof of an alternate universe
i can't build stanzas fast enough to block off your past
the best I can offer is my open arms
my weak, open arms
SUGGESTIONS
I noticed how some of the "i's" are uppercase and some are lowercase. But I have a feeling this was intentional. If not, they are simple typo's in need of correcting. I would maybe consider having them all lowercase; it would add to the inferiority of the subject matter. Just a suggestion.
OVERALL IMPRESSION Although this is a sad rendition of a nostalgic moment, I enjoyed reading it very much. The emotional and physical pain is easy to feel through the perfect choice of words which are placed just right. Thank you for sharing this with us all!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Hemingway Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of
Numb (13+) For the 5/1 Writer's Cramp Contest prompt describing the scene of a car wreck. #1421161 by Adriana Noir
Oh my! What a splendid, detailed description of a horrible experience. Was this real?
MY FAVORITE PART Wanting to comfort him, I run a light hand over his cheek. He pauses and looks around, as if he felt the ghostly reassurance of comfort. I don't know if he'll hear me or not, but wanting to repay the kindness of a stranger, I offer a reassuring whisper before stepping into the light.
SUGGESTIONS I have absolutely no suggestions to offer for this well written, dramatic piece.
OVERALL IMPRESSION I was captivated by the unreal descriptive details that this writer provided in this story. At first, I thought it was from the voice of a person suffering from depression. I love the way it ends; it couldn't be any better. Bravo! Thank you so very much for sharing this with us all!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
WHOA! That must have been terrifying! I love your descriptive and airy writing style. I bet, working with middle school students, that you have a ton of stories to share. I, for one, would be fascinated for hours while reading them.
SUGGESTIONS You may think I’m joking or perhaps even over exaggerating Should or perhaps be set off with commas? And, doesn't "exaggerating" imply "over"? I would consider omitting "over".
“Come on, Ms. R ya know you ain’t got no one no smarter in yo English class then me.” Should there be a comma after Ms. R?
With this next paragraph I will try not to inflict the scarring image that lives in my mind to this day upon you, Consider rearranging this to... With this next paragraph, I will try not to inflict upon you the scarring image that lives in my mind to this day,
MY FAVORITE PART To this day I don’t know if James knows Little Jimmy escaped, and I don’t care to know.
Thank you so much for sharing this humorous story with us all. As I mentioned earlier, I would love to read more of your experiences with your middle school students and their shenanigans, both intentional and not!
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the H.G. Wells Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters ! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
WoW! I really loved this! I was captivated from start to finish. I was especially enthralled by the way it all flows. Your choice of words is striking and I could feel the raw emotion, or should I say emotions, that permeated off the screen. There is not one thing I would change about this, not even the title.
My Favorite Part and you're hanging upside down into infinity and toes grip grass the same texture as carpet thick for shagging
Thank you for such a different display of a summer daydream that most of us are accustomed to having. Life is so full of twists; this proves just that! Keep up the great work!
I absolutely love this! My favorite part: and my horny angel charged;! Next most interesting thing is the word boon - I don't guess I have ever heard it which means you have successfully introduced a new word to my somewhat extensive vocabulary.
Thank you for making me laugh and for making me more scholarly! I am on to read more of your works of art.
Once I began reading, I could not stop! This is the type of story that every type of reader can easily relate to. I love your ability to tell a picturesque story. There are, however, a few places where proper grammar and proper format should be corrected. If interested, I would help you with such (I am quite the proofreading editor), but that is completely up to you; you may like it just as it is. Overall, I am very glad that I visited your port and read this short story. My favorite character in the story is by far the dweeb father, and I cannot leave out King. My favorite part of the story was the descriptive section dealing with King's perspective on the big people! Very well done!
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
How did this item affect my emotional side? Every muscle in my body was tight while I read this. Emotionally, I found myself hoping the girl, you, was experiencing a nightmare instead of experiencing reality. But, I knew it wasn't a sleep induced nightmare. The reality of this story makes me ill, both physically and emotionally.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style is of high quality and I found it very easy to follow and pleasant to read.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Yes, this piece had my attention from start to finish.
Is this a piece that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read? Although the message contained in this piece is not a pleasant one, I would highly recommend everyone to read this and experience the world of those who have been sexually abused.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
The shock of the alarm clock or my father’s voice would rouse me to instant wakefulness, fearful of his anger. "The shock of the alarm clock..." may sound better as something like... "The shock from the ringing of the alarm..." or any variation thereof.
III. OVERALL OPINION In all honesty, I think this piece is a very good work of word art. Other than the one suggestion I listed above, I could find nothing else that needs any improvement, and I am a highly critical critic. I think your sentences are structured in a way that any type of reader can get the full impact of the message. I think maybe you are being a bit overly critical of this piece, as I believe it is near perfect! I thank you for sharing this piece of you with us all here. I know it took massive amounts of strength to not only write, but to post. Kudos to you!!!!
Awesome, fantastic job!! You can no longer view this piece as an attempt to try a new form, because you were quite successful! I commend you for, not only reaching out beyond the normal boundaries, but also for a job extremely well done. My favorite line is:
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
How did this poem affect my emotional side? This poem caused me to take a moment to reflect on what growing older means to me. I can't have children of my own, but the beauty of an innocent child's life is a miracle I would not appreciate if it weren't for the process of aging.
Was the message contained within unique and thought provoking? Or comical and entertaining? The message contained within this poem is definitely thought provoking!
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? Absolutely!
Is this a poem that I would highly recommend to my friends and family to read? Absolutely!!
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
wistfully praying that youth reappears. I would consider changing "reappears" to "reappear".
my lips softly breath, "breath" should be "breathe".
III. OVERALL OPINION
This is a fabulous written revelation that I am very glad to have discovered and read! Although it is quite short, the point is made and done so very cleverly. Thank you so much for writing such a great piece and for sharing it with us all!! Keep up the awesome work!
This is a very well written poem that opened my mind to the new perspective it entails! The raw, poetic talent you have is more than obvious and is quite pleasant to read. Thank you for enlightening me to a different way of perceiving four a.m. I couldn't agree with you more that it is the awkward time between the dominator of the "young at heart" and the responsible nature of "old age". Very beautifully presented!
I do have one tiny suggestion: Gentle guiding the next generation into their first All Nighter. Shouldn't "Gentle" be "Gently"? Other than this, there is nothing I can suggest to improve this piece.
Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to read such awesome work! Please don't ever set your pen down, as that would be a complete shame!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
What an excellent job of creating a poem that perfectly fits the given prompt of forgiveness!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes.
RHYME & RHYTHM
In this piece, rhyme is not a factor. The rhythm is "story~like" and nice.
MY FAVORITE PART
Until we are ready to forgive others and ourselves,
We will continue to live in the past and feel the regrets.
Letting go allows us to live in the present and enjoy life.
Well said!! This is so true and is what all victims of any type of abuse should focus on, although quite difficult, it is still easier than living with the pain forever.
SUGGESTIONS
Without it poison infects the wound that was made. I would consider placing a comma after "it".
PERSONAL OPINION
I absolutely love this piece! It says it all; no holds barred. The best part is the ending with the positive, must-do attitude. This is a fantastic poem filled with reality and truth. I highly recommend this write for all to read. Thank you for sharing this with us all!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi with a review for you! Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your item,
This is a very interesting prologue! I hadn't a clue until the end that Lucifer was one of the main characters, even though the title suggests it! It was quite a surprise!
STYLE
I rather enjoy the style of your writing! It is very pleasant and easy to follow along with. I don't have to stop and re-read anything which allows me to continue soaking in the written words. I particularly appreciated a word used that I have never heard and have now added to my vocabulary: mayhap! I really like that!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not notice any spelling or grammatical errors! Awesome job!
SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS
a long black trench coat and covered in vast amounts of blood. Consider removing 'and' as it is unnecessary and reads better without it.
Again, he glanced the fascinating prophecy. Should 'at' be inserted between 'glanced' and 'the'?
PERSONAL OPINION
As I stated previously, I enjoy reading your works because your style is right up my alley. I have not read too much "dark" fiction, if you will, and was expecting to read something much more gore filled. I am completely satisfied with the level of "darkness" that is contained within this piece! Thank you for sharing your great talent with us and keep up the awesome work!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
This poem is absent of any spelling and grammatical errors! Great job!!
RHYME & RHYTHM
Rhyme is not a factor in this piece, although the rhythm and perfect placement of words creates an indirect sense of rhyme.
MY FAVORITE PART
Those that aspire, lift their heads higher,
in order to be inspired by Love.
This is just absolutely musical! These words should be set to a tune and sung for the entire world!
SUGGESTIONS
I have no offerings of suggestions that could benefit the improvement of this poem. It is perfect as is!
PERSONAL OPINION
Each time that I begin to read one of your poems, I attempt to prepare my mind for an allegory experience. I do my best to clear my mind of any thoughts and become as open minded as is possible. Sometimes I am successful in reaching the meaning hidden within, but always second guess myself, as is the case with this piece. I am fairly certain that this piece belongs in my own personal, somewhat biographical collection. However, I could be wrong. Either way, this is, as are all of your poetic writings, a masterpiece!! I love reading it over and over and over just because of the inner musical connotation it creates. Very nice job!!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
I did not notice any spelling mistakes - and only a couple of grammatical errors that I have listed below under Suggestions.
RHYME & RHYTHM
Rhyme is not a factor in this piece and the rhythm is nice but I think it may be a tad better if punctuation were to be used.
MY FAVORITE PART
Thank you
For leaving me with my memories
SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS
Relieve me I would suggest changing 'Relieve' to 'Relieves'.
My room kept me from Conflict I am fairly certain that there is a definite reason for capitalizing 'Conflict', but the reason is unknown.
But I Survived The same thing as the comment above.
You are no longer here to Hurt me The same as the comments above.
PERSONAL OPINION
Overall, I think this poem has a great message to deliver. What I got from it was, Thank you for leaving. I will gladly take the memories of the pain and suffering caused by you, so long as you are gone. Thank you for sharing this part of you with me and keep up the great work!!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
The required prompt of Overcoming is depicted perfectly in this piece!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
This poem does not contain any spelling or grammatical mistakes! Bravo!!
RHYME & RHYTHM
The rhyme is very nice and the rhythm flows smoothly except for the second line in the fifth stanza, but I could not come up with a way to fix it without it losing some of its meaning.
MY FAVORITE PART
No longer ashamed of what he did,
I refuse to feel at fault.
I freely tell my story so that
Child abuse can halt.
Perfect ending!!
SUGGESTIONS
Too ashamed to tell. Consider including the word 'ever' after 'to'.
PERSONAL OPINION
I loved reading this because the ending is inspirational and straight forward! A must read for all who are concerned with the issue of child abuse! Thank you for sharing your story with us!!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
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Love
You may think I’m joking or perhaps even over exaggerating
With this next paragraph I will try not to inflict the scarring image that lives in my mind to this day upon you, 
The shock of the alarm clock or my father’s voice would rouse me to instant wakefulness, fearful of his anger.
"The shock of the alarm clock..." may sound better as something like... "The shock from the ringing of the alarm..." or any variation thereof.
