Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "Tristan" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
Perfect depiction of a broken heart! Very good poem telling the exact feelings and asking the exact questions of the heart.
RHYTHM/RHYME
Both rhythm and rhyme are very good and don't seem to be forced.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
On the third line of the first stanza, "shinning" should be "shining". On the first line of the third stanza, "i" should be "I" as you have it throughout the poem. Also, on the third line of the third stanza, "dispare" should be "despair".
WHAT I LIKED
I like how you went through the motions of the day without the one you love.
FAVORITE PART
I open my window and I hear the ocean roar
and then it hits me and I fall to the floor
IMPROVEMENTS
Other than the few items I mentioned above, I can find no other suggestion for improvement.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "My Sunday Boy" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
I really like this poem. It seems like you put alot into it and thought it out very well. Only, I didn't detect a broken heart! Instead, I saw a girl that was happy and relieved. Not that I thrive on people having broken hearts; it's just the theme for this contest. But a great poem nonetheless.
RHYTHM/RHYME
The rhyming is very good and does not appear to be forced. The rhythm is good for the most part. There is one spot that didn't flow with the rest. I will mention it below under "Improvements".
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
I did not notice one error! AWESOME!!
WHAT I LIKED
I like the cocky attitude that is present in this piece! Cocky, independent and confidant! Three ingredients for success.
FAVORITE PART
You were my Sunday boy, but I was your Friday gal.
I thought you were my heaven, but you turned that to hell
IMPROVEMENTS
As I made mention above, the second line of the third stanza is a bit long. I would suggest omitting "Truth is" to make that line flow with the rest. Other than that, this poem is fine as is!
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging ""My Love"" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
This poem sounds like it is right in the middle of a heartbreak. I could actually feel the pain as I read it. Perfect material for this type of contest!
RHYTHM/RHYME
I think that the rhythm is fabulous from start to finish! The rhyming scheme was not one that I recognize, but I don't know them all. I did some research to become familiar with the scheme you used, but was unable to find anything. I would love some insight if you feel inclined to offer!
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
This poem consists of no misspelled words. BRAVO!!
WHAT I LIKED
Like I mentioned previously, I like the fact that this is not written in the past tense; it is right in the middle of the heart breaking.
FAVORITE PART
And upon my bed;
said things unheard.
IMPROVEMENTS
The first two lines of the third stanza don't seem to fit in with the rest of them. "But in all that is said, and ever will." I don't understand the meaning of these two lines. Is something missing?
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "Love's Bitter Pill" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
This is a very nice poem about a heart that has been broken. It appears to be well thought out and from the heart.
RHYTHM/RHYME
The rhythm and rhyme are very good. However, the rhyming of the first two lines of the first stanza is off just a bit. The only reason that it is noticeable is that all of the others rhyme perfectly. Nonetheless, a good job!
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
I absolutely love it when a piece is free of spelling mistakes such as this! Awesome job!
WHAT I LIKED
I like the obviousness of this piece being from the heart. The reader is able to feel the emotions in which this was written. Great job!
FAVORITE PART
And then I watched it slip away,
like darkness steals away the day.
IMPROVEMENTS
The first line of the fifth stanza sounds a bit odd with "the" not being included between "In" and "future". I would consider omitting "though" and adding "the". Besides that, there is nothing I would change about this poem.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "The Tomb" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
Until I visited your port, specifically the folder containing poems "...borne of miscarriages", I was stumped as to the message you were delivering. After visiting, the message became crystal clear, as well as the broken heart. I feel that I must add, briefly, that I detect no selfishness in this writing; only the true hopeless anticipation that you endured. I had already decided on a rating before I visited your port, at which time the rating changed. I sincerely hope that this did prove to be therapeutic for you.
RHYTHM/RHYME
Neither rhyme nor rhythm are factors in this poem.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
Not one error!! Bravo!!
WHAT I LIKED
I like the fact that this piece is based on pure reality and proves that a broken heart comes from many places besides the ending of a love relationship between a man and a woman.
FAVORITE PART
I am a tomb of flesh and blood
sealed tightly,
waiting only the tedious
passing of hours
'til death's last duties be discharged.
IMPROVEMENTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. This poem should be left just as it is.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "Springing" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
This poem is written very uniquely! Short and sad, but to the point.
RHYTHM/RHYME
Rhyme is not a factor in this poem. The rhythm, as I stated before, is quite unique. Very nice change of pace from the ordinary.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
Both the spelling and grammar aspects are error free!! Bravo!!
WHAT I LIKED
I like the fact that I can't tell if the speaker is male or female. I believe the confusion to be intentional. I read this poem, analyzing it, several times in order to determine the gender of the speaker. The reason I like this confusion is that it could go either way as well as both!
FAVORITE PART
Actually, I don't like any one part more than the other. I like the entire thing!
IMPROVEMENTS
No improvements necessary.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
The message within this poem is unique; one that is rarely written about, although it exists in many love relationships. For me, other than physical abuse, there is nothing worse than the silent treatment. Communication is vital for a relationship to work.
RHYTHM/RHYME
Your chosen style of delivering this poem was a bit difficult for me to read as far as rhythm and rhyme are concerned.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
Impeccable spelling! Proper grammar and poetic grammar are so different as far as rules are concerned. In poetry, much leeway is given to the author (poet). Therefore, your chosen grammar is fine.
WHAT I LIKED
I like the fact that this poem discusses the issue that led to a broken heart instead of just discussing the broken heart.
FAVORITE PART
i still wonder what is said
with the very silence itself
for even silence says much
beyond the spoken word
though not realized as such
IMPROVEMENTS
As I stated earlier, the style made it difficult for me to read, but I don't know how that could be changed without changing the entire poem and I do not suggest changing the entire poem. Other readers may be able to read it without any trouble.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Poem: You Are My Rock" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I like this! It is full of energy and the flow has a certain dance beat to it. It is short, sweet and to the point; no guessing involved, no hidden meanings.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
It could be intentional, but the first three lines have no punctuation whereas all of the other ones do. ?Maybe? insert a comma or two?
FAVORITE PART
My gentle Midnight Fragrance,
My Morning Cup of Tea
OVERALL OPINION
My overall opinion of your poem is a good one. This was very easy to read and the optimism you feel shines through brightly! Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story "Underestimate Me" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is very good! You make good use of a very extensive vocabulary and your spelling and grammar are perfect! The imagery created was very vivid. One spot caused me a slight bit of confusion, but that could just be the way in which I read it. When the phone rang and he didn't answer, it was unclear to me as to who was doing the thinking. At first, I thought it was the girl in bed with him. But, like I said, I could have just been reading it wrong. I think that the descriptive nature of the whole story is a bit strong, taking away from the plot.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The only suggestion I have is to maybe tame the descriptions just a bit in places. To me, the over emphasis was slightly distracting.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I really like your short story. I like the subject that you chose to write about and I particularly like your exactness. My favorite aspect of the whole piece is that I did not notice the first typo or misspelled word. Your punctuation is accurate as well as all the other major grammatical rules. I really appreciate the professionalism behind your writing!!! Thank you very much for providing us with a very well thought out story to read.
Wow! This is really, really good!!! I was just checking out some entries to see what kind of competition I was up against. This is very impressive, as well as you are! Keep up the awesome work. This is sure to be a winner!!! Always remember to NEVER let the ink in your pen run dry!!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" . I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story, "Forest Dreams" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
Wow! If I had an imagination such as yours I would be a millionaire! Your descriptions are so vivid that they come alive. For a few seconds I was sure that I heard a rustle in the bushes!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Tending to his wounds, he winced His gash hurt. Did you mean to end the sentence after 'winced'?
The second arm-- a rotting stump, with long strips of meat and red hanging and swaying. This sentence confuses me.
The slime dripped onto the and dirt. Does 'and' belong?
when he heard the sound of bushes What sound of bushes? Rustling? Rubbing against a tree? Being trampled on?
You had me worried when just you ran off like that! Did you mean 'you just'?
I won't try any more. I am not one hundred percent positive, but I think 'any more' should be 'anymore'.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I was quite impressed with your detailed descriptions that caused images to come alive in my mind. For a minute I thought I was reading a Stephen King short story! Thank you for sharing your talents with us. I will be watching to see if any additions to the story are introduced.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" . I am delighted to offer you my review of your story beginning, "my paradise" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is very nice so far. You are wanting to know if you should continue or chunk it, I say please continue! You made me journey out to a secluded area of the beach where I could almost, but not quite, smell the taste of salt in the air!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The first paragraph may be just a bit too long. Generally, but not always, the first paragraph is supposed to be short and concise - just enough information to attract the reader and make them want more. This is only a suggestion.
...only these ones were more distinct. 'these' needs to be omitted.
As more things bacame apparent... 'became'
...unfathomable distance in the sky I realized... I would insert a comma after 'sky'.
OVERALL OPINION
I am quite certain that if you kept going with this, that you would end up with an extremely good book! You should never doubt yourself and once you get started keep going until you just can't possibly go any further. Don't stop to ask yourself, or anyone else, about the current worth because it makes it that much more difficult to start back again. So, pick that pen back up, or grab your wireless keyboard, and get busy! I think you will be surprised at how well the results will be liked by you and most everybody else!! I will be sure to be watching for new additions!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your piece, "A Powerful Idea " . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
One question that I usually ask myself when reviewing is whether or not the first paragraph successfully provoked me to continue reading to the second. I would say that about half of them do and out of that half, maybe a quarter of them convince me to read further in a very professional and powerful manner. The first paragraph in this piece falls under the very professional and powerful group! Styled and worded very gracefully! Another question I tend to ask is whether or not the item still had my attention at the mid-way point. Again, a resounding yes. Your piece definitely held my attention right up to the last word.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
It’s been almost five years since I have come across that idea. And I am glad... Would this sentence sound better as, 'It's been almost five years since I came across that idea'? Also, would it be better to combine the sentence that follows to make just one?
...we don't deal with mathematics but a whole lot of ambiguities. It may sound better to include 'rather' directly after 'but'.
And this is the genesis of most of human conflict throughout ages. I think '...the genesis of most human conflict throughout the ages.' sounds a tad better. Read both aloud and see which you prefer.
Interestingly people who are most unsure... I would insert a comma after 'Interestingly'.
...that can be universally proved To me, and that doesn't etch it in stone, 'proven' fits better than 'proved'.
OVERALL OPINION
While I may not necessarily agree one hundred percent with the idea that you have proposed, I am not going to argue about it! (ha ha ha) Original, thought provoking writes such as this are absolutely my favorite. So much in fact, I could read them all day, providing I had only a couple short breaks to stretch my legs and rest my eyes. I have come across pieces that attempted to relay a certain message but, instead created more confusion for me than I had before I read it. That is not the case with this piece. This one will have me testing its theory for some time to come! I, personally, thank you for sharing this and can't wait to read more (so I hope you submit at least five new items daily! Just kidding! I will settle for three!) Keep up the awesome work and if the ink in your pen begins to run low, let me know and we will get you a newer, much bigger one!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
and the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story, "Abuse, My short story" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I believe that you have taken a very important step in the process of self-recovery by writing and sharing your feelings concerning your abusive childhood. While it is very important and therapeutic, it is also very difficult and painful. You couldn't have selected a better place or a better group of people to share with than you did. So, take advantage of what the people here have to offer and couple that with your writing skills, talents and desires to rise above the painful memories and begin living the life that you are worthy of living (and not as a recluse!)
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The second paragraph is not indented while the others are.
As a child And an adult... 'And' should be lower case.
...being to scared to speak... 'to' should be 'too'.
I know now it wasn't my falt...
I thought that I Must have done Something to
cause this to happen... Both 'Must' and 'Something' should be lower case.
...that you may think will cause... Did you mean, 'that you think may cause' or 'that you think will cause'?
OVERALL OPINION
I am very glad that you shared a piece of you with us through your writing skills. I hope as you progress further with your writings, you also progress further with your healing. I, personally, can not think of a better way to do either or both than collecting thoughts and feelings and connecting them with words to put on paper just as you have done here. I hope you continue to write, as there are plenty of people here who love to read. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have written very soon. And always remember to never let your pen run dry!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Hey, it's me once again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your article, "The Happiness Mantra" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
The morals in which you write about are very important and your messages so full of lessons. This particular piece really caused me to re-evaluate myself and the way that I perceive certain things, such as my worth. I learned from reading this article that "worth" is non-existent if comparisons are not made. Wow! What an eye-opening realization!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
He immediately called the Genie and ordered him to fulfill his wishes. The Genie warned the man... ...Finally he decided to ask for one more wish from genie. He asked the genie to make him blind You capitalized 'Genie' the first two times but didn't the third and fourth. Also, 'the' needs to be included before the third 'genie'.
Isn't it time we thanked god for whatever he has given us 'god' and 'he' should both be capitalized.
OVERALL OPINION
I absolutely loved this piece for all of the valuable, life-living lessons that it contains. Thank you for sharing with us your "more than obvious" wise perspectives on issues that surround us all. I have reminded you before to not let the ink in your pen run dry, but now I beg this of you. It would be quite a shame to never have the opportunity again to read your writings!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Hey, it's me again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your article, "The Economics of Life" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I absolutely love the book in which you have referenced! I have the hard copy as well as the e-book version! Do you know that professors now use this as the preferred text book in college economic courses? Very interesting topic you have chosen to write about with a very intelligent viewpoint! I enjoyed reading this article very much!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Steven Levitt in his book... A comma should be placed after 'Levitt'.
...defines Economics as... 'Economics' does not need to be capitalized.
...the existence of human being. 'being' should be 'beings'.
Economics is the one of the most important... There is one 'the' too many. I would remove the first instance.
Thus if we extend the logic A comma should be placed after 'Thus'.
But do these people really don't want anything? Grammatically speaking, this question should be: 'But do these people really not want anything?'.
Most of them seek the highest form of learning, The comma after 'learning' is not necessary because it is followed by 'and'.
OVERALL OPINION
As I said before, I really liked this article of yours. What I like the most is the way you have incorporated what is usually viewed as a monetary subject into more of a moralistic issue. Superb!!! Now, I am on my way to your next article! Thank you for sharing such a delightful and witty perspective! Always remember to never let the ink in your pen run dry!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Hey, it's me again! On behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your non-fiction piece, "Adam's Apple: A Moral Dilemma" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
Another very compelling issue you have raised. I appreciate your straight forwardness that is evident throughout your writings. This is an easily read and followable piece that questions an otherwise "unquestionable" belief. I would consider placing this under the 'opinion' genre instead of 'non-fiction'. Although it is non-fiction, it is more suitable to being considered as an opinion. Just a thought and a suggestion.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Is ignorance a bliss then? I would remove 'a' to make it 'Is ignorance bliss then?'.
If we believe Bible it is. 'the' should be inserted after 'believe'.
Now you may dismiss me by saying that I am not a believer of God. But then I am not an atheist either. I would remove the period after 'God' and insert a comma converting the two sentences into one. If you do this, 'But' will have to be changed to lower case.
OVERALL OPINION
Once again, I commend you on your courage to speak out about a topic that is considered taboo in most areas of the world. You raise an interesting view and ask important, valid questions. Overall, I enjoyed reading this. You have enticed me to continue reading your works through your easily read style. Remember, never let the ink in your pen run dry!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Hey, it's Kristi on behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your item "What is Real Education?" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
The point you make is a very valid one. This is a well thought out and thorough piece and is written very professionally. It is easy and enjoyable to read, which makes the message contained within even easier to focus on and grasp.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
...which I must say was very less. Did you mean to say 'little'?
...during those moments basking in my moment of glory. The occurrences of both 'moments' and 'moment' seem a bit redundant.
...in the name of educating me... I think a comma should be inserted after 'me'.
"The prevention of free enquiry is unavoidable 'inquiry'.
assume more significance that the person himself or herself Did you mean 'than'?
Would we ever let the impressionable young minds form their own independent opinion instead of compelling them to accept what we believe is the truth. This question needs a question mark instead of a period.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I think that this is a very nice editorial piece and I admire your courage to speak up and out on a topic that is important to you as well as many others. Thank you for not only allowing me to read, but also to offer you my personal thoughts and views as to your work. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to offer very soon! Never let the ink in your pen run dry!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Hello! My name is Kristi and I am happy to offer you my review of your short story "11 - 19" .
Note: Any suggestion that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph, not the first two sentences, provoked me to continue reading. The first two sentences threw me off a bit.
Was the opening scene descriptively shown to me? The opening was extremely adequate for describing the scene.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The writing style was very cleverly used and the entire short story flowed very smoothly.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? The story probably had more of my attention at the mid-way point than it did in the beginning.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Like my blessed Mother said... 'Mother' should not be capitalized since it is not being used as her name but as a noun.
I was more alive then ever before... I believe you meant 'than'.
Question: Did the main character purchase the bullet or did he/she have engineers build it? A tad confusing.
III. OVERALL OPINION My overall opinion of this short story is "WOW"! What a vivid imagination that so easily convinced me it was all real! Although I was confused by the very first two sentences and about the bullet, I was hanging on the edge of my seat thinking, "Geez, this is crazy!" But, I like crazy! If not for the confusion, this would be a perfect piece. I realize that I may not have read it from the correct perspective; that is why I read it three times! Still confused. But all in all, a very riveting piece of art you have here!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to not only read your creation, but also to express my thoughts and views. I am eager to read more that you have to offer!
Note: Any suggestion(s) that I may offer is strictly a suggestion and is yours to do with however you see fit. My method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph? The first paragraph was successful in making me want to continue reading, although I found it to be quite long. Usually, not always, the first paragraph should be short and concise.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? This piece did not seem to follow any "recognized" style. I perceived it to be what I consider "freestyle"; just writing thoughts as they present themselves. Nothing at all wrong with this; I actually enjoy an author writing from the head rather than the heart at times.
Did the item still have my full attention mid-way through? Yes, it still had my full attention mid-way through.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Brings up the question of wehter or not I believe you mean 'whether'.
Or without purpose would we waste away and just nonchalantly go about life. Is this a question or a statement? I believe you meant to use a question mark instead of a period.
If I can acheive that in my life 'achieve'
Its an idea 'It's'
III. OVERALL OPINION
I am highly impressed with the wonderings of a young woman your age! When I was nineteen I could have cared less about any purpose in life. Now, at 37, the questions you ask seem to fill my days and nights. There are answers, I think, but they will present themselves only when the time is right, and that is not for us as individuals to decide. The universe is in control of these matters. I enjoyed the visit into your world of musings; I only wish you would have had the answer!
Thank you for sharing your questions and thoughts with us. I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to offer!
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Note: Please be aware that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second.
I. ALL ABOUT ME--THE READER
Was the 1st paragraph or verse successful in making me want to continue to the 2nd paragraph or verse? The philosophical nature of the first verse provoked me to read further.
Was the writing style easy to follow and pleasant to read? The style, as is with all of your works that I have read, was very pleasant to read.
Did the poem still have my full attention mid-way through? The poem held my attention all the way up the flight of stairs and through to the end!
Did I experience any emotions as a result of this poem? I experienced quite a bit of laughter while reading this poem. Afterwards, I experienced a little apprehension about getting older. But then I just began laughing again!
Was the imagery vivid enough to spark my imagination? Imagery becomes a working factor in the fourth verse, which is good since the first three actually set the mood of the images.
II. TECHNICAL & MECHANICAL
Am I truly getting older? The rhythm is off just a beat. I think there is two too many syllables, but maybe only one.
The next thing I knew I was 40 Same as above; rhythm off by one syllable.
How my laugh has turned to cackle 'my laugh has become a cackle' sounds better to me.
III. WHAT I LIKED BEST
But worse than all these problems,
Like watching what I eat,
Is something I've just discovered,
I have my mother's feet!
IV. OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is a satire piece created through individuality and belongs to either the Realism or Naturalism literary movements, if any. Instead of using metaphoric methods of comparison, you directly told of the opposing correlations which set the tone as a light-hearted, comical piece. I can appreciate this style more than I can the style of, let's say, Shakespeare. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it ten or twelve times! When we are able to laugh at the difficult realities of life, those realities become less difficult. You did a marvelous job (and I stress the marvelous)!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express my views and most of all, thank you for sharing your personal work with us.
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Howdy! I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem "World Trade Center, Revisited" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
You know what? You make rhyming a story look as if you were created with that purpose in mind! I could not detect any struggle at all. There may be two places that seem just a bit choppy, but with the surrounding beauty, they become trivial matters that dissipate quicker than they formed. This is a true masterpiece depicting such a horrid sight for one's eyes to have to behold. Of course, my heart and prayers go out to every victim, survivor, emergency response personnel, and friends, family and loved ones of those lost that early fall day. Likewise, I feel for all of the crushed hearts belonging to the eyes that gazed upon such unfathomable destruction. I can only hope that time will heal all shattered dreams for every single person traumatized by the unnecessary acts that were bestowed upon our country, our people.
Thank you for your pure reflections delivered so nicely. Although time may heal all that was broken, the memory will never fade.
** Image ID #1391940 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391262 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1391218 Unavailable **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kristilove/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.37 seconds at 6:14am on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
HEART POETRY CONTEST~
