Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
Oh, the message contained in this piece is truly one of overcoming! This grabbed my heart, twisted and contorted it out of shape, and then returned it to normal at the end. Awesome job!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not notice one spelling or grammatical mistake.
RHYME & RHYTHM
Rhyme is not a factor in this piece and the rhythm has a story-like flow. Very nice!
MY FAVORITE PART
She insists that we invite the homeless orphans
to visit once a week and Matron to bake the cake,
for her to serve while strapped to her chair
and blow out the candles, one by one for a cheer.
This was almost too much for me to handle!
SUGGESTIONS
I would place a question mark at the end of the first stanza.
That is why I sit and cry and wonder why i'm alive I would consider capitalizing "i'm".
PERSONAL OPINION
This is an absolutely perfect eye-opening poem that should be read by everyone! I commend you on more than just the creation of this piece; I commend you for your warm, loving soul. Great piece of art!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
This piece follows the required prompt of Manipulation nicely.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
No spelling mistakes were noticed and only one grammatical discrepancy was found, which I have listed below under Suggestions.
RHYME & RHYTHM
The rhyming of this poem is very pleasant and flows naturally with the rhythm of the piece. Great Job!!
MY FAVORITE PART
As the serpentine tongue of insanity
Probes the cavern of dreams you've designed
The tattered seams of a shattered heart
Weep openly at kindness maligned
SUGGESTIONS
You've pricked your finger on the thorns of truth
And the blood of dashed hopes came streaming I would consider changing "You've" to "You" so this line would follow suit with the tense of the next line.
PERSONAL OPINION
This poem is a very well written piece that shows the authors talent splendidly! An absolute must read for the serious poetry reader!! Thank you for sharing this with us all. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
This poem perfectly fits the required prompt of Healing. Great job!!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not observe any spelling mistakes or any grammatical errors. Awesome!
RHYME & RHYTHM
They rhyme is sublime and the rhythm is in perfect tempo!
MY FAVORITE PART
The baby boy lay alone in his bed,
Pondering if his mother was dead.
Hunger wracked his tiny frame,
Though only an infant in life's big game.
A burning rash tormented him, as well.
He lived inside an anguished hell.
This is so heart grabbing! Very powerful stanza!
SUGGESTIONS
I have not one suggestion to offer; this piece is great as is!
PERSONAL OPINION
Need I say more than I already have? This is a very powerful poem that stabs the reader right in the heart. My hat's off to you, as I assume that you are the "real mother" depicted in this poem. Thank you for writing and sharing this poem! I highly recommend this to all readers.
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem,
This poem follows the required prompt of Manipulation nicely! Great job!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I only noticed one misspelled word and that is listed below under Suggestions.
RHYME & RHYTHM
The rhyme used in this poem is great for the most part. There are a couple of spots that may need a tiny bit of attention and I have listed them under Suggestions also. The rhythm of this piece is nice and flows smoothly!
MY FAVORITE PART
I finally said "No More" to his childish
manipulation admonishments.
Out the door he quickly went,
with an address for his mail to be sent.
You go, girl!!
SUGGESTIONS
ushered me into the expanded bounderies "bounderies" should be "boundaries".
it's meaning was just one! "it's" should be "its". As a contraction, "it's" means "it is". When used to show ownership, such as manipulations meaning, it should not be used as a contraction.
The first stanza has no rhyme to it whereas all of the other stanzas do. "Its meaning different from what we now know" maybe. But I don't have a suggestion as for a rhyme with the third and fourth lines.
PERSONAL OPINION
I really like the message conveyed in this piece. Its contents are unique in that it explains how we, as humans, have manipulated the meaning of a word. You did a very good job with this poem and I encourage you to continue putting your thoughts, ideas, and feelings on paper in poetic form as well as in prose. The ability to use both styles of writing is very beneficial and they both accentuate each other beautifully! Keep up the great work!!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Manipulation" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
THEME & PROMPT
Perfect example depicting one of the many ways of manipulation! This poem follows the required prompt splendidly! I especially enjoyed the manner in which you, the poet, manipulated me, the reader, into making an assumption about who was doing the manipulating and what he was wanting!!! You trickster, you!!
FORM
The form is awesome and is not one that I have personally attempted. I am sure it is both challenging and rewarding!!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not notice any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors! Excellent job!!
RHYME & RHYTHM
Rhyme is not an issue with this piece. The rhythm flows steadily from the beginning to the end! Awesome!!
MY FAVORITE PART
"I have to have it right now. I'm so hot.
Can't you see? I'm just dying for it.
Want it so bad. I'm begging you.
You know you're the best.
I love you so so much
Double ice cream
Please Mom?
This is just too good!! I must admit that you had me going the entire time!
SUGGESTIONS
I love you so so much I would consider including a period after "much".
Please Mom? A comma should be inserted between "Please" and "Mom".
Thanks ! I would remove the space between "Thanks" and the exclamation point. Also, I would use the close quotations to end the quoted statement.
PERSONAL OPINION
This is a fabulous poem that got me all hot and needing it so bad too! I was sitting here in front of the monitor beginning to drool until, I, too had to beg for some ice cream to cool me down! Great direction that you went with this prompt!! Thank you for sharing it with us all!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "The Offender" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
THEME & PROMPT
This poem fits the required prompt of Manipulation perfectly!
FORM
The form used is pleasant and simple for the reader to enjoy!
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
I did not observe one spelling mistake nor any grammatical errors.
RHYME & RHYTHM
The rhyme scheme follows the pattern of aaaa bbbb etc... and is very well put together. The rhythm works great alongside the rhyme making this an awesome read!
MY FAVORITE PART
Taking great pleasure at their own narration
feeling themselves in complete domination
using sweet words of manipulation,
My inner strength was their miscalculation!
This was a difficult decision to make! I really like the entire poem!
SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions to offer that could help improve this masterpiece!
PERSONAL OPINION
I am very impressed, not only with your poetic writing ability, but by the fact that you have only been a member for five days and are already so involved with so many different affiliations. Seemingly, you have mastered the art of using this site in record time! I thank you very much for providing us all with a fantastic poem to add to our collection of great reading material!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
I cannot express the delight I experienced when my eyes fell on this sponsored how-to! Thank you so much for taking the time to help all of us non-webpage builders out here who have an interest to do so. I will tell ya, I have spent the last few days totally submerged in an attempt to learn HTML. But then comes CSS and XHTML and then DHTML and my goodness, I really get flustered when trying to figure out when and how to tie WritingML in with it all!
Once again, thank you for offering this insightful guide!!
This is absolutely awe-inspiring! It is so sweet, so sincere, so delicate, and it is so what I want to experience!! I truly love the style used; I am not sure if it is a recognized poetic form or if it is a freestyle form, but I really like it! I don't have the talent to freestyle like this and I admire your ability to create it so elegantly!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Saving Me" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
THEME & PROMPT
This piece follows the required prompt of Manipulation perfectly!
FORM
The form used for this poem is great. I especially like the last stanza of two lines rather than four like the rest.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
The spelling and grammar are very good throughout the poem. One suggestion I would like to make is listed below.
RHYME & RHYTHM
Both rhyme and rhythm are very nice from start to finish. Great job!
MY FAVORITE PART
While you were burning, you called out my name.
My tears weren't fast enough to douse the flame.
Helpless, I watched you and our union melt
too numb and cold, nothing was all I felt.
SUGGESTIONS
cause I won't save a life except mine. I would consider changing "cause" to " 'cause".
cause I can't change a life except mine. Again, I would change "cause" to " 'cause".
PERSONAL OPINION
I think the message is very unique and so true of many relationships. I must admit that I was confused in several places. For instance, in the first line, you state, "we were in love" but in the very next line you state, "you forced my love". Also, the third and fourth lines confuse me whereas if you became what he was looking for, why would he be slamming the door? I am probably missing something or reading it incorrectly. Although I was confused, I still think that this is a great message. I really believe that it would be great if it were to be put to music!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Behind the Mask" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
THEME & PROMPT
This piece perfectly follows the required prompt of Manipulation. Great Job!
FORM
The form is quite pleasant and enticing. Thank you for the footnote in regards to the origin of this particular form.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
Your spelling is impeccable, and I know because I had to break out the ol' dictionary to look up a few terms that you used! The grammar is perfect as well.
RHYME & RHYTHM
Both rhyme and rhythm are perfect with no obvious signs of being forced.
MY FAVORITE PART
Intimidating bluster stifles gains.
Behind the mask, manipulation reigns.
It's always someone else who is to blame
whenever dire events appear to shame.
SUGGESTIONS
I have not one suggestion to offer that could help to improve this already flawless piece!
PERSONAL OPINION
Other than having to look up several words in the dictionary, I really enjoyed reading this masterpiece. And actually, looking the words up didn't bring me any grief; I was given an opportunity to expand my vocabulary and for that, I thank you! This is a well written poem that accurately defines manipulation! Thank you for sharing it with us all at WDC. A highly recommended poem for all to read!
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, my name is Kristi and I am a guest judge for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story, "Stuck in Love City" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
A very nicely written short story that followed the contests story line perfectly. There are no spelling errors which makes this story very pleasant to read! Bravo!!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
He looked up at Mary Lou and said, I told you there was an explanation. Beginning quotation marks should be placed directly before "I".
"But what about the bank?" she said. I would consider changing "she said" to "she asked".
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I believe that you did a great job with this piece. It is a very nice read that was put together very well. Thank you for sharing this with us all at WDC!!
Thank you for entering the contest! I wish you the very best of luck!!
Kristi Love
Hey, it's Kristi on behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Klingon Nursery Rhyme #3" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
Well, what an interesting, off the beaten path type of a poem! I must say that I have not read one of its kind since I have been a member here at WDC! I suppose that it may be a good thing if I were to read numbers one and two as well.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Who had so many Grand kids Should "Grand kids" be "grandkids"? I am not quite sure.
Her ten sons were all
off to the Dominion war Maybe consider moving "off" to the line above it. It seems to be a tad easier to read that way; for me anyhow.
FAVORITE PART
There was an old lady
who lived in a toe-spiked boot.
OVERALL OPINION
As I mentioned previously, this is an interesting poem that kinda perplexes the reader in a comical manner. I do think it may be necessary for the first two poems in this "series", if you will, to be read in order to get the entire feel of the piece. Thank you for leading my normal, mundane day in a different direction!
I would like to thank you very much for entering in the contest! Once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi on behalf of the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "In my heart, they live on!" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
Judy, this is absolutely beautiful and it touched my heart so deeply! It is obvious to the reader that these words come straight from your heart. You have so delicately brought the reader into your world to experience the warm, safe feelings that your parents comforted you with. I am so pleased that you have enjoyable memories of your parents to conjure whenever you wish.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
but home, that was where I found the sun I would consider removing "that" just to cause the line to flow smoother.
FAVORITE PART
When I was young they were my life,
keeping me safe from every harm.
Teaching me how to avoid the strife
and make each day a charm.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, this is a truly sentimental poem that I enjoyed reading very much! I am positive that your parents ARE so very proud of you. I can say, the outstanding qualities that you are comprised of are a pure reflection of the love that was given to you from them. Please do attempt more poetic writings, for I think that you did a great job!!
I would like to thank you very much for entering in the contest! Once again, Good Luck!
Hey, it's Kristi and I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "The Red River" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
WoW! What an incredible, unique way of showing a suicidal scene! After reading it once, I immediately went back and read it again; the second time was much more powerful as I was able to put some of the pieces together and catch little things I had somehow passed over the first time. I guess I went into it with the Red River on my mind; a far stretch from the one written about in this piece!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
I have no suggestions nor ideas to offer for improvement in any manner. This piece is perfect as is!
OVERALL OPINION
I am thoroughly impressed by the power that is contained within this poem! I had to go back and read it a second time, but that proved to be a good thing, as I was able to grasp the real message that was being delivered. This is a superb piece that I highly recommend for all to read! Thank you for sharing this with all of us here at WDC!
Hey, my name is Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "A Miracle" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
THEME & PROMPT
This piece follows the given prompt perfectly and introduces me to Spring in a very soft and innocent manner.
FORM
I can't say that I am familiar with the form used. I am not sure if it is a particular form or if it is freestyle. Depending on the reader, this form could prove to be distracting - taking the reader away from the message that is being delivered within its words.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
I only found one small mistyped word and it is listed below under Suggestions.
MY FAVORITE PART
How content we all feel on this spring day.
The serenity drowns out all of the urban noises that surround us.
SUGGESTIONS
Along side the lilies is my favorite apple tree. I would suggest changing 'Along side' to 'Alongside'.
PERSONAL OPINION
I believe this piece correctly depicts a beautiful spring morning and covers many aspects that come alive during springtime.
Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Hey, my name is Kristi and I am judging for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your poem, "Lights Pierce My Eyes" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This appears to be a very well thought out piece with descriptive words placed strategically in order to get the comparison being made conveyed to the reader. However, the last line of the poem seemed to me to come from nowhere and I don't understand it's meaning. It may just be me reading it incorrectly, but I did try to read it several times.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
Stick like limbs, angled in pain I would consider changing 'Stick like' to 'Stick-like'.
MY FAVORITE PART
Naked and barren trying in vain. seeking out heaven,
They fail once again. Rooted in filth, stuck in the earth,
Aching to feel clouds soft kiss to signal rebirth.
I enjoyed the rhythmic beat of these three lines very much!
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I would definitely recommend this to my friends and family to read; mainly because of the truly poetic structure in which it is written! Thank you for entering the contest, and once again, Good Luck!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your story, "Our Life with Three Extra Boys!" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
As with the previous stories in this Foster Parent series (as I like to refer to them), I thoroughly enjoyed this. This one affected me differently than the two earlier ones, as this one did not make me cry like a blubbering baby! I love the author's talent of writing stories from her personal experiences; they are very easy to follow and extremely pleasant to read. I encourage future additions to this series!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
we also had a foster daughter, age 15 living with us I think that a comma needs to be included after "15".
Chad, who were were warned I believe the first "were" is supposed to be "we".
his own room, and now Gary was messing I would consider removing the comma after "room".
We couldn't help but laugh at what she had accomplished and within a moment There is nothing 'wrong' with this, but "We couldn't help but laugh" was used in a sentence that began this paragraph; seems a bit redundant.
Chad threw a huge tantrum which this night included him striking out It is either "which" or "this night" that seems to throw a kink in this sentence.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, as always, I enjoyed this write very much. I am very interested in these stories of your foster parenting experiences, mainly because of the awesome writing style and your ability to explain fully, leaving no questions in need of being asked. As I understand that these are emotionally difficult to write, I do not push for more, but fully encourage you to write them as often as you feel up to it! Thank you for providing me with reading material that is well above average!
Hey, my name is Kristi and I am a guest judge for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of your autobiographical piece, "My Name is Web~Witch..." . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is a very good autobiographical piece that tells the reader exactly how the author began writing. The points that are used are very informative and relative to the issue.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
could better be described as "chicken scrawl.". The final period should be removed.
that had to be typed before turned in for a grade. I would maybe consider adding "being" in between "before" and "turned".
My thirteen-year-old schedule left little time for extra writing. There is nothing incorrect about this sentence other than it is a bit misleading. I read it as the schedule being thirteen years old rather than a schedule of a thirteen year old.
It was ten days later, that my membership on WDC began. Also, "It was ten days later" was read by me to mean ten days after the book you began writing when you were thirteen. I would consider omitting the comma that is placed after "later".
OVERALL OPINION
I truly enjoyed reading this piece! The author's style of writing is pleasant and descriptive enough to envision one's mother sitting at the kitchen table sorting through all of her S & H Greenstamps. Although there were a couple of places that were a tad misleading because of the order of the wording, I can conclude that the author is a highly intelligent individual, as well as very confidant. Thank you for entering this write in the contest and also for sharing with all of us members at WDC. Always remember to NEVER let your pen run out of ink!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your short non-fiction story, "The Door Swings Two Ways" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I am not sure if it is the subject matter, your writing style, or a mixture of both, but I love reading your short, but detailed stories of your experiences as a foster parent. This one brought your husband into play, and, with only one mention of him, I feel more in tune with your family. I was able to vividly see you in a rocking chair with a bottle and a brown haired baby; I could vividly see the babies mother when she came to visit the following afternoon; I could vividly see her thrust the baby back into your arms just before darting out of your home. Also, I felt the tension that was in the air while the mother was there and I also felt the tension leave as she left. I honestly don't know how you were able to give yourself so completely knowing that it would only be temporary, but thank goodness for people like you.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
to drink a mere four ounches of milk. 'ounces'
She was not bonding well to the baby. I would consider changing this to: 'She was not bonding well with the baby.'
"I have some bad news for you Judy." I believe that a comma should be placed directly after 'you'.
OVERALL OPINION
My overall opinion of this story is a very good one. As I stated before, I really enjoy reading these foster parent experiences that you have to share. You are a wonderful woman as well as a wonderful, descriptive writer. I can say with total confidence that each child you had in your home was truly blessed! Thank you, again, for sharing this and I hope to be reading more like it very soon!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your story, "When Doing the Wrong Thing was Right!" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is just absolutely beautiful! What a wonderful person you are! I already knew that, this just kicked it on home! You did a fantastic job with this story. I did not find any mechanical mistakes; no spelling errors, no grammatical errors, no typo's! Just perfect
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
My only suggestion would be to tell a little bit more. How long did Lizzie stay with you? How long did you shop at K-Mart that evening? I am just dying to know more!!
OVERALL OPINION
A very delightful writing that I am very glad to have read. Like I stated earlier, I have always thought of you as a very kind and caring person; I just didn't know to what extent. It is so pleasant to read something that is error free and I thank you for taking the little bit of extra effort required to submit a piece that is perfect. But won't you please think about adding a follow up or including a bit more in this?
Hey, my name is Kristi and I am a guest judge for the "Invalid Item" I am delighted to offer you my review of "Leaving It All on the Page" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish! Good Luck!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
I first would like to thank you for entering your work in this contest! Now, I will tell you what I think of your entry. It is superb! Stupendous! It is a perfect work of art! I am not exaggerating when i tell you that I had goosebumps from the beginning to the end. You have an amazing ability to evoke the senses with your colorful, descriptive, living words. I have to admit, though, that I was wanting more. I did not want it to end when it did. I also would have enjoyed learning about your first inspiration to write.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
The only suggestion I would have would be to give the reader more. But that is because I am greedy when it comes to artistically written pieces! I did not find any spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes, nor did I find any typo's!! AWESOME JOB!
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, if you haven't already figured out, I loved this write! Thank you for sharing it with all of us here at WDC. I appreciate the opportunity to read works such as this. Please do us all a favor -- Never let the ink in your pen run dry! For that would be a definite tragedy!
Once again, thank you for entering this in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your short story, "The Required Pain and Suffering" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is a wonderfully written short story full of moments of riveting fear. It is proof that what goes around comes around. This story conveys a bittersweet message and
contains a mixed element of grief and satisfaction.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
I have only a couple of suggestions.
I watch My palm turn white as I bend my fingers back. "My" should not be capitalized.
tighter around sleeves of my sweater. Should "the" be inserted before "sleeves"?
“Come on, your the only family he has left,” "your" should be "you're"
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I think this is a great short story with a strong message. I enjoyed reading it as it held my attention throughout the entire piece. I was slightly confused when the mother asked about wrecking the car. It kinda came from nowhere with no warning that any time had passed. After reading that part a couple times and then continuing with the rest of the story, I finally figured it out. I appreciate having had the opportunity to read this and I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to offer! Thank you for sharing!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your piece, "I Wish You Were Here" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is an awesome writing that depicts a strong yearning of love. Your descriptive style is perfect; not too much, not too little. The metaphors are very good and clear and most of all, realistic. There are only a couple of suggestions I have for you.
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
I waited patiently for you thinking that someday you will also feel for me, the way I feel for you and come to my rescue. Will should be would since the sentence begins by using the past tense. Also, the comma is not necessary.
soft caress of your lips on mine, gives me goose pimples. The comma is not necessary.
I spent the day, walking with you, holding hands. Neither commas are necessary.
My shoulders refused to describe me the feeling of having made you fall asleep. I am confused by this sentence. First, I would include the word 'to' between 'describe' and 'me'. I had to read the rest of the sentence several times to understand. It is written correctly, I think, but I would suggest arranging the words differently to make it "easier" to read and understand.
I want to bring smile on your face whenever you feel sad. I would consider changing 'bring' to 'put' or 'place' and then include 'a' before 'smile'.
OVERALL OPINION
Overall, I like this piece because it is a nice change of pace; a different way of presenting the desire that we, as humans, have all experienced at least once in our lives. I like the inclusion of a dream and how you entwined that into the plot. I commend you on a job well done! I am anxious for your next submission and I thank you for this one!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1389764 by Not Available.
I am delighted to offer you my review of your memoir, "Bedpans, Bingo and Blackjack - Chapter 1" . Please note that my method of reviewing is based on honesty first and how I hope to be reviewed second. Any suggestion I offer is for you to do with as you wish!
STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART
This is a nice memoir that you have decided to share with us. Actually, it is a nice portion of a memoir, with more to come! The title is truly a winner! It is up to me to speculate, at this point, the rest of the story and the title gives me just enough to make me want more! Not to mention it is very catchy and quite comical! I noticed just a few small technicalities, that if corrected, would enable the substance of the story to stand out much more!
SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS
few months of 2008 in nursing home. I think the word "a" is missing between 'in' and 'nursing'.
Being very tired, I was quickly heading The tenses in this sentence switch back and forth making it a bit difficult to read. I would suggest: "Being very tired, I quickly headed back to the bedroom..."
Crawling over to one of the upholstered chairs in attempt to I believe "an" is missing from between 'in' and 'attempt'.
What a site ! Should 'site' be "sight"?
how much television can one watch. I think you are asking a question here so a question mark is needed.
in a bed by the door of one of floors. I am not exactly sure what you meant to say; it could be a couple of different things. Maybe: "...one of 'the' floors"?
OVERALL OPINION
I can't wait until the next chapter, or completion, is ready and submitted for me to read. I am past the bedpan and ready to play Bingo!! I enjoyed reading this portion of your memoir, although I am terribly sorry for your "crippling" accident. Maybe next time, you will make it more a point to attend that Chanukah party! Only kidding, but I can just see the Rabbi now, looking at your right leg and shaking his yamaka covered head! Thank you for sharing one of your personal experience with us. I am looking forward to reading the rest of this memoir!
Hi! My name is Kristi and I will be judging "Painted Pink" for ~A BROKEN HEART POETRY CONTEST~
THE POEM
This is a very good poem but I am not so sure it contains the right message for a broken heart poetry contest. Maybe I missed something. I couldn't find any inference of grief, or sorrow, or pain.
RHYTHM/RHYME
The rhyme is intentionally not a factor of this poem and the rhythm is very nice to follow.
SPELLING/GRAMMAR
There is not one spelling error or typo in this piece. Very good job!
WHAT I LIKED
Well, I liked the entire poem, just not for a broken heart themed contest.
FAVORITE PART
Painting my flesh flush
IMPROVEMENTS
There are no needed improvements for this piece. It is a very good poem.
Thank you for entering your poem in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck!!
Kristi Love
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