It would have looked a lot better if set against warm and glowing evening sky with nothing else in between. Never mind the unsolicited advise! - Kuchanna
Simple in conception but quite appealing. Full of tender feelings. Has captured the mood of the protoganists' position with sympathy and care. The images drawn for portarying them are beautiful. If the movement of the poem from yesterday to today and then to tomarrow were to be smoother it could have made greater impact. brevity and economy of words also would have made it sound much better. All the same, very satisfying to me, personally. Keep writing and posting. Best wishes,
-Kuchanna
A few punctuation marks at the right places would have earned a higher rating. Sorry for sounding old fashioned. Clarity is always welcome. That doesn't take away anything from the noble sentiment so lovingly and beautifully put by the young pen. You have a keen eye and a warm heart. Keep seeying, hearing, smelling, feeling and writing as you go along. All the best.
Silently falls the snow unlike its noisy cousin the rain. It is truly a magical swell. Well, it is a 'warm' tear of joy indeed!
Lovely poem. Enjoyed reading it.
Very honest and insightful, I expected a more nuanced conclusion, though. Began well but petered off somewhat towards the end. Was that reference to a film star really needed. Aren't you something more than that made-up public icon? I am sure you are, and you know it!
Fabulous work Dormael! I loved it. Fantastic imagination. Nicely told. Keeping the suspense in tact till the end made it a very curious tale. The twist at end was delectable. Keep it up!
Sorry Sherry, I stick to my earlier view. This one is wordy too. But it has a certain childlike innocence that appeals to the reader at the first glance.
Truely, love is that grace that overflows from even the biggest cup. I liked the images of rain drops and the eagle in flight. You have the poetic muse. Only, you need to perhaps stay with it longer.
Three vignyettes of the same life; life of a woman of substance. Beauty, brains and bonds define her. Each has a tasty twist towards the end that makes you cry, cheer or admire. skillfully crafted. Full marks!
Interesting new form! First four lines are enticing. The way it begins hooks you but sadly, along the way it loses steam. May be going back to root of the concept again will work. Needs a good try.
I got curious about the three, only three, unrated items of your port and went through. I liked all of them though I have only rated them. Lucid lines. Poignant feelings but simple words. They can sound simplistic too if verse is not weaved more deftly.
Fluent, racy and funny without being self conscious. Very vivid for an anecdote. Incidentally, did you notice the change in the value system since then? What a 'celebrity' or 'a society girl' wouldn't have done today to contrive such a thing for her admirers( that includes the media!)?
Full of faith and hope. Very positive in outlook. Lucid style. But, but... length is an issue. It's Wordy. I would liked it better if it were written more crisply.
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