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347 Public Reviews Given
536 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Whew, that was a tough one to read. Please do some spell/grammar checking! Example:

"Golden embers
once radiant
with her my eyes"

Other than that, I believe this piece has great potential! I really like the idea and clever imagery so subtly added to it. I hope that you edit this, and when you do, let me know and I will gladly review it again!

Thanks for the read!

Write on!
~K.L. Carpenter

Check out my newest item,
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1371836 by Not Available.
77
77
Review of the darkness  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think that with a little work, this piece can be great! I have a few suggestions: make sure you read the piece word by word when you write it. It makes it easier to catch simple grammatical/spelling mistakes you may have made that spell check didn't catch. For example: "With the darkness come fervency." 'Come' is a word, so spell check won't ding you on it. But it should be 'comes'.

Also, check the flow of your piece. Count the syllables to make sure they are similar, and the number of lines in each stanza. It will help it to read better, so the reader won't stumble through it when they hit a change of rhythm.

I would also (unless free-verse or prose) choose a...what's the word...I think it's rhyme scheme. Like a,b,a,b or something, so the reader won't be expecting a rhyming word that will never come.

Also, try not to use the same unique word twice. For example, 'entreaties'. It is great to see someone actually using good vocabulary in their writing, but try not to use the same adjectives/verbs.

Example: In a crowd of people,
I am alone with thoughts so dark.
I hate being in the dark shadows,
Alone in the park."

Here, you see the same words multiple times, but like the word 'dark' it has two different meanings attached to them. You see what I mean? Try to be different with a wide variety of words to help portray what is happening in your piece.

You have a good sense on what good poetry is, now try to make it more vivid, and I am sure you will be a great poet! I hope this helped you in some way!

Thank you for the read!!

Write on!
~K.L. Carpenter

Check out my newest piece, "Invalid Item" 
78
78
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think this piece can be great, but with a little work. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation are key things that make a piece. Make sure all three at at they're best when writing. Also, try to not rhyme obvious words, like 'keep' and 'deep'. Try rhymezone.com if you need to, to find greater-syllable words to rhyme with. Also, try to use more imagery so the person can see what you are seeing, and almost witness the poem. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope it does!

Thank you for the read!!

Write on!
~K.L. Carpenter

Check out my newest piece, "Invalid Item" 
79
79
Review of Man above  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
I can see the potential in this piece. However, there are a few things I would like to touch up on.

Check your syllable count. Once you create an equal rhythm, it will be easier for the reader to gain value in the poem, rather than focus on stumbling over the lines. Also, try to not make your rhymes too obvious. I mean, try not to write a line, then search for a word to rhyme with that, and try to work it in somehow. You can even try rhymezone.com, which is what I use frequently.

Thank you for the read, and I hope you found this helpful!

~K.L. Carpenter
80
80
Review of Voices  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think that if you fix all the spelling errors, this will truly be a great piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, for it had such strength within. Thanks for the great piece and I will gladly re-rate it if you fix those errors.

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of Keep Holding On  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a great short story! I could vividly see the entire scene as I read...great job! This has a clear beginning, middle and end. I especially liked the end, it was short and complete and wrapped it all up. I found two things you may want to check:



In a moment, her entire world had ahattered shattered into a thousand pieces, and no one knew what she was going through-- Harry would've understood, Harry would've comforted her, but he was dead, and she had no one.

It's all disappeared, the door's closed, it's at an end- and the only thing to fight is the truth, Ginny thought, morose. morosely

If you do change the typos, let me know and I will gladly re-rate this to a 5!

Write on!
K.L.Carpenter
82
82
Review of The Looking Glass  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think this piece has potential. Possibly if it were written differently, and if it had punctuation, it would be easier to read. When written like that, the reader sees it as couplets and expects them to rhyme.

Write on!
~K.L. Carpenter
83
83
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really did like this and the imagery in it. I think you did a great job. It would sound better in my oponion if it were written different, more prose rather than statements, if you know what I mean...

Other than that, I think you did a great job in writing that, so, Write On!!!
~K.L. Carpenter
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84
Review of Ron The Wizard  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
Creative! The second line doesn't flow that well, and you say 'although he's quite cute, and smells of fresh fruit', you would normally use 'although' as if it were a bad thing. Maybe try, 'He is funny and cute' or something. Or even 'although he is clumsy, he's cute' cuz you use 'although' almost like a contradiction. Well, hope that helps!

~K.L. Carpenter
85
85
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I'm having relationship problems, so this piece really hit home for me. I think you did an amazing job with writing this, I even loved the rhyming. I could relate to everyhting you said in here, and I really wanna say that you have some talent, and that I truly loved reading this. I was able to cry-something that I have been holding in.

So great job, and please, write on!

~K.L. Carpenter
86
86
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a very interesting story. I think that if you instead of saying 'I thought' or anything, if you put the exact words the girl thinks into italics, the reader will inderstand that is her thinking to herself, and you won't have the repeat of 'I thought' or anything.

I really liked the twist in this story, and how you made it seem real. I could picture it in my head. I do however think that (just a personal opinion) that instead of having the gaurds or whatever from the mental hospital seemed weird, wth missing teeth and such, that you should maybe normalize them. Like everyone looks the same, just two random people, nothing unique, so when she describes the man, and even herself, those two characters would stand out more in the story.

But that is just a thought! I enjoyed reading this story, and I do hope you continue to write on!

~K.L. Carpenter
87
87
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it! I like the view of this piece. I could truly picture myself dancing with the others, and the feeling of it all. I think you wrote this well, and it was very beautiful. Thank you for the lovely image, and please, write on!

~K.L. Carpenter
88
88
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this contest, as I am sure you know since i enter it almost every day *Blush*, so I would not feel right if I did not try to at least give a little something back!

I hope this donation helps fund for future winners. Thank you for having a great contest, one that is fun and challenging and with interesting prompts!

~K.L. Carpenter
89
89
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This gave me the biggest chills. I can't even begin to describe how well developed this was for a short story, you obviously have some serious talent! I had all sorts of thoughts running through my head, trying to figure out what was going on. I thought they were meeting somewhere, or they had seperated, or they divorced, him having a new family, and I even thought that maybe she was the girlfriend on the side. You kept me guessing until the very last line

You are a true writer, and I hope you keep up the amazing work you do. And remember:

"A true writer has the ability to write of an emotion they never felt, an experience they never had, and describe a memory that never existed."
         ~K.L. Carpenter
90
90
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought this story was absolutely adorable! I really loved it, and I think you did a great job with the ending, I thought it would end up as her saying 'oh, okay' or something lame like that, but the comedy really added the perfect touch to this! Great job with the limited words, I think this was written very well!

Good luck (though you won't need it!)
~K.L. Carpenter
91
91
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
I see potential here. I didn't like the rhyming, only because there didn't seem to be emotion with it. Like it was a big tongue twister. Maybe if it was like "You screamed, I screamed...you beat me down, I beat myself up" ya know? I am not trying to be negative, because I do think this peice can be great, even with the repition.

I hope my suggestions help!
~K.L. Carpenter
92
92
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I REALLY loved this poem. I think you did a great job in using those roses, and I was so relieved to see that you didn't use that black rose-you are very smart. I have one suggestion, to make this flow better:

No seen sign of envy or cowardice

Maybe try: No visibly sign of envy or cowardice.

That seems to flow better than the 'seen sign'. It's almost a tongue twister!

I have no other suggestions, for you truly wrote this beautifully.

I think you honestly did a great job with this!

~K.L. Carpenter
93
93
Review of Impossible Sanity  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi! I love reading dark and depressing poetry, so this really caught my eye. I like the ending the most, how you said that you could be better, and sane, but only temporary-it was a good ending to this piece. I do have some suggestions for it to flow better, but they are only suggestions, so don't take them personally. I only included the lines where something needed to be fixed:


*Star*First Stanza

*Leaf2*Line Two: I go to bed to sleep, but it is impossible.

*Idea*: I try to sleep, but it's impossible. More reader friendly

*Bullet*The rest in this stanza is fine.


*Star*Second Stanza

*Leaf3*Line Three: The thoughts I have, with them I disagree

*Idea*: I disagree with the thoughts I have. It's easier to read this way.

*Bullet*The rest in this stanza is fine.


*Star*Third Stanza

*Leaf1*Line One: I look at my hands and see them covered in emotional blood.

*Idea*: My hands are covered in emotional blood. This is shorter, helping it to flow better.

*Leaf2*Line Two: That is blood of not just my enemies, but also my friends.

*Idea*: Blood from my worst enemies and best friends. This is shorter, and more descriptive without 'filler words'.

*Leaf3*Line Three: I cannot think straight, and my life is null.

*Idea*: I can't think straight and my mind's in disarray. Here, you elaborate a tad on not being able to think straight.

*Leaf4*Line Four: My mind is a killer, but my knife is dull.

*Idea*: My tears are sharp, yet my blade is dull. Here, instead of now saying that your mind is a killer, while you just said you couldn't think straight, you are using the 'dull blade' description more to your benefit (and it makes it seem more real when you say that your 'tears are sharp'.) But I wouldn't have this line and the line before it rhyme since none of the other lines do, and it throws the poem off.

*Leaf1*Line Six: However, when I am truthful to myself, I myself am scared

*Idea*: And when i'm alone, I beat myself up. I would do something like this, since the original says 'however' which is implying that it is something different, but you said that you were geeky, and when your truthful, you're scared, which in my opinion, goes hand in hand. I think it would be better if you elaborated a little more on the 'feeling left out in school' by saying that you aren't much better to yourself. And honestly, I was that way!


*Star*Fourth Stanza

*Leaf1*Line One: When the beast is released, I am scared.

*Idea*: When the 'inner me' breaks loose, I'm scared. Here, I suggested this because 'beast' and 'released' sound similar, and this shows more of the 'you' that you are trying to hide, and don't want to show.

*Leaf2*Line Two: Put a ';' at the end.

*Leaf3*Line Three: I’ll sneak up behind, very quietly.

*Idea*: That I will sneak up behind someone, this sounds better with line 2.

*Leaf4*Line Four: It might even be one of my friends.

*Idea*: Possibly one of my own friends... More reader friendly.

*Leaf1*Line Five: My thoughts say kill but I disagree.

*Idea*: And my thoughts will scream, "Kill!"...but I won't. The reader can easier imagine their mind screaming somthing fowl, rather than just saying it. And this way, you are completing the sentence.

Here is that stanza, with my suggestions:

When the 'inner me' breaks loose, I'm scared.
I am afraid that sometime I’ll shed real blood;
That I will sneak up behind someone,
Possibly one of my own friends,
And my thoughts will scream, "Kill!"...but I won't.
I guess sanity isn't impossible...
...for now.


Thank you for the great read. If you choose to change anything, let me know when you do and I will gladly re-review it!!

Write on!!!
~K.L. Carpenter

94
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Review of Response-sibility  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A very cute, and well written piece. I think that this was very funny, and I like the opening stanza, you did a great job explaining what you meant with 'response-sibility'. At first, just be reading the description, I wasn't sure if i'd get it, but I do! I found one error: Though itsit's his job to reck your life

Other than that, I have no other corrections! Great job writing this, and write on!!

~K.L. Carpenter
95
95
Review of There!  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was very original. I wasn't fond of the form with this one, however, but that is just one persons opinion! I think I found one mistake, and I also have one suggestion:

Bubbing,
and churning

should be bubbling

And also: "In a sense I’m Already there,"

Should that 'A' be capitalized or not? I don't think it should be, but hey, it's your piece, and you may have a certain reason as to of why it's capitalized!

Good job writing this, and write on!
~K.L. Carpenter
96
96
Review of The River  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. Are you published? You certainly need to be! This piece was so beautifully written...I am at a loss of words. Nothing was forced, it all flowed smoothly together. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece, you did such an awesome job on this! I have no suggestions at all to make this piece better, since it is perfect the way it is.

Please write on!!!
~K.L. Carpenter

(by the way, I am going to enter this into the "Invalid Item"  contest, I think this piece may win!)
97
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this piece! It was so clever and witty, and I think that we all can clearly relate to it! I hate all those fancy shmancy dinners! This was quite funny, and I loved the last line, it really added character!

Please, write on!!

~K.L. Carpenter
98
98
Review of Theme Rheme  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Quite cute! I like how you wrote it, though I normally am not very fond of styles that abstract. Great job, it was very cute, although it was a tad repetitive. Maybe add something else, so you aren't focusing only on themes and rhemes.

Other than that, great job, it was very original!

~K.L. Carpenter
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Review of Life  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading this, I think you did a great job exploiting life. Some feel the same as you!

But please...PLEASE!!! add punctuation. A person, (especially on writing.com where we all like to edit other people's work) get's caught up in all the errors they see, making it hard for them to get caught up in the moment, or drawn in to visualize what is going on.


Other than that, thank you for the great read, and write on!!
~K.L. Carpenter
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100
Review of NOTHING  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.0)
I didn't quite understand where this piece was going, nor what you were talking about. It could have been because it was too deep for me, or I didn't catch the metaphor you were meaning it to be for, but I did find one spelling error near the beginning: "Alone, we are nothing, together, we are somthing. something

Since I did not quite get understand it, if you explain it to me, I would be willing to re-rate and review it, based on my current knowledge, and how it was written based on the subject matter. I don't feel as if I get it, and i don't want to rate it low since I don't, but I feel that if you write it and feel as though it is worthy to post here, it should be ready for public review, and not be confusing for the reader. But like I said, it could be an error on my part, where I didn't catch what you were meaning. Please write back so I can review it again, I would feel it would be more fair.

Write on!

~K.L. Carpenter
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