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Review of Omen  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I have always enjoyed the tale of Merlin, and enjoy this take on it. I think you did a wonderful job in keeping my attention throughout the story. I have always thought that it takes talent to keep someones attention on a longer piece of work, and you did so well. I felt as though from the very beginning that I could picture what exactly was going on-create the looks of the characters and scenery in my mind. You must have decent imagery!

Thank you for sharing your story, and I look forward to reading more about them. :)

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of A Vampire Story  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Okay. Before you freak out due to the low rating, please read through my entire review. I will list why I gave it such a low rating. :)

*Checkg*Subject:This is one that I am interested in. I love fantasy-it's my thing. However, I hard a rather difficult time reading this story and allowing myself to sink into it. I do not mean this in any offense whatsoever! I found many similarities in this story to Harry Potter. I know, crazy, it must be due to the fact that I am a huge HP fan. But the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the two people, defeating an important evil wizard, 'Oliver Wands', similar to 'Olivander'...that kinda thing. I have written things that seem similar, and it makes me uncomfortable so I have to change it. I want people reading my work and thinking of my work, not thinking of someone else. :)

I also found this story to be rushed. It was da-duh-da-duh-da...event-event-event, with short fragmented sentences that made it read really choppy and sloppy. It did not really flow-it was like you start to think, "Oh, they are going to get married" then three sentences later the story ends, even if you felt like it just started.

I also felt like "the plan" that he came up with was...lame, to be honest. You spoke of how great and intelligent it was, and I got all excited just to find out the girl froze him and they both drank his blood. BUT...why did the main character have to sneak over and wait till the man's back was turned? His ex-wife could have frozen him anytime. Also, if they both drank the wizards blood, did they both have all of his power? The part of them suddenly hugging and kissing and being in love again did not make sense. You didn't explain that she was having some sort of regrets or something and that they got back together. The reader sees her leaving him, then somehow without explanation, they get back together. But why? I thought she didn't love him anymore. Also, it states that the main character is going to get revenge on Imogen and Bravo because of their marriage. But..he does not get revenge. He conspires with Imogen. So you may want to revise that.

Also, you saw Imogen felt Richard's presence as he walked into the room. Since Bravo's back was turned, I am assuming Imogen's was not. So instead of her "feeling his presence" wouldn't she just see him?

Another thing is that you say Richard had a difficult time convincing Imogen to "do this", regarding the plan. If she really loved him and wanted to be with him, wouldn't she want to do that to be happy with him? Or did her conscience of killing someone get to her? You'll have to explain that, and maybe add in if drinking people's blood kills them or not. Leaves questions that should be answered.

I really think this piece needs more detail and description. Describe the events-don't just say they happened. This is what will draw the reader in. I also noticed MANY grammatical/spelling errors and such. I will list your piece below with the proper corrections. I chose (since it would take far too long) to not add in other suggestions as to how to better the piece. (How to change certain lines with description) but if you request, I may be able to take the time to do so.

*Checkg*Flow: The flow was really choppy. Many short sentences and fragments.
*Idea*Tips: I think if you combined many sentences, and lengthened a few, the piece would read much smoother.

*Checkg*Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: Here is your piece with my suggested corrections for the errors I saw.

*Idea*Tips: "I am a vampire. My name is Richard. I have a beautiful and a caring wife, Imogen. I am the most powerful vampire I in the world. We have our own world; : we include vampires, wizards, witches, goblins, ogres, dragons and many other creatures you don’t know off.
The story which I am going to tell you is about my wife, a young wizard, and me. The most interesting story you would ever read or listen. This story is about love, hatred, jealousy, power, betrayal, conspiracy and lust.
I was born to a poor vampire family in Lemborstle. At the age of twenty I fell in love with Imogen. She also belonged to a poor family of vampires. I first saw her in the Saladin University for Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was in my section. and we fell in love, and then we decided to abandon further studies and got married. I started to work in Oliver Wands, a shop located in the wizards market. and It was owned by a wizard. I was always jealous of wizards; they were more powerful and rich than vampires.
Imogen and I rented a house in the outskirts of the town and lived there. Imogen was a great wife and a friend. She was loyal, trustworthy and caring. Every week we used to go in the outside world of people and used to drink fresh blood of young human beings. I used to drink blood of young girls because it gave me more power and energy. We had everything- but one thing we did not have, was money. A year passed like this. Then I started to feel that Imogen was going far from me. One day, when I came back to home after work, Imogen was not present in the house home. I quickly ran outside to find here. After searching for one hour in the forest I at last found her [This is awkward. Consider re-phrasing.]. She was leaving me. She said that she was in love with a wizard; she and did not love me anymore. She wanted to marry that wizard. I tried to convince her to come back but she wasn’t in the mood for listening. I was astonished and in a state of shock. I let her go.

After around About two weeks later, I read in the newspaper that Johnny Bravo, the great wizard, has married a vampire named Imogen. I was so depressed and hurt that I decided to take revenge from them [consider revising line]. I had to be careful because Bravo was a powerful wizard. I made a plan; I must say an intelligent one.
One night I went to the house of Johnny Bravo, . I entered the house and I saw Imogen and Bravo sitting in the living room. Bravo’s back was facing me so he could not see me entering the room, but Imogen felt my presence immediately. She was quick in reaction and she waved her wand. Bravo was then paralyzed. Then Imogen and I then hugged and kissed each other, since we were meeting after many days. She told me how hard it was for her to live with this wizard. Then we turn by turn drank all Bravo's of the blood of Bravo. This was our plan. After drinking the blood of a wizard we also became part a wizard, part vampire. Now we were vampires and wizards at the same time. Now we had power and money because we drank blood of a wizard and Imogen was the heir of all of Bravo's the belongings of Bravo. It This was my entire plan; though I had a difficult time convincing Imogen to for do this.
Now one thing was left. I had to challenge Mevsqie, the greatest wizard present in the world. After defeating him I would get all of his powers. After getting training from I trained with the legendary Bloody Chester, the former Wizard champion. Then I challenged Mevsqie. Our fight took place in front of thousands of people and at last, after many tries, I was able to defeat him. Now I was the greatest wizard of the world. Imogen and I were very happy now. I gave her everything which that I had promised to her. Now we were rich, powerful and happy. My wife had led me to achieve such tasks and do things which I could have never done alone."


...wow. That was a lot of editing. Took a long time!

*Checkg*Positives: I think this story has great potential. I really think you could go somewhere with this if you took the time to add greater detail and description to it.

*Checkg*Sidenotes: If you decide to make any revisions, feel free to email me and I will gladly re-review and re-rate it for you. :)

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter

"Do not write what you think others will want.
Write only what you would read.
For therein those words lies part of your soul-
inside the language you bleed."
-K.L. Carpenter

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





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Review of Time  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.0)
I was not too fond of this piece. Don't get me wrong, it was not horrible either, but it was really bland! The subject matter is sad, one that I can relate to since I know I was the first born and have grown up quickly, but the way you wrote it...didn't feel as though there was much emotion there. Just kinda...lines that went through someones head, ya know? Then it just suddenly dropped off and stopped. I felt like I went to flip a page mid-paragraph to find the story over.

I think you could really do good things with this piece. Develop some emotion. Tell stories of how she was young and looked up to you, funny things, sad things...show her character, what she is like, maybe how different you two are now.

Just some suggestions. :) Of course though...

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of The Storm  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was beautiful! I truly loved this piece. The imagery was amazing, and I have no doubt you will do well in the contest. :)

Good luck!
Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
5
5
Review of Loss  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow, the imagery and style of this piece was amazing! It's no wonder why it won the daily flash. I found a few errors in spelling/grammar, which I will list, but other than that, I have no other suggestions. The descriptions you used are wonderful, you did an excellent job on this piece for so few words!

Tips:

You can find no rythem (should be rhythm) , no beat, no purpose to even tap your foot.

Maybe you envy the little girl even as you cary (should be carry) her useless and impotent topsides. (here, I think a comma is a good idea after 'her', or it sounds like you are carrying the girl's useless and impotent topsides, as though topsides was a noun or an item that belonged to the girl that was useless and impotent.)

I hope this brief review helped, and congrats on the contest!
Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Much better! I really love this version, it is full of imagery and mysticism! The ending is wonderful as well, and it's nice to see a lack of redundancy-a good thing!

I found a few things you may want to change, but that's all up to you. I hope I am not barraging you!

The second stanza should have a comma at the end of "And brought me closer to you." so it flows with the following line. As should the line, "to give us just another chance for truth." so it flows with the..."and..." in the following line.

Also, "life's" should be "lives" and "seconds" should just be "second".

Other than that, I saw a GREAT improvement in this piece! I really like it now just to let you know! You did a great job in improving this, and it's great to know that I helped you out, and that you informed me when you made corrections!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good strong piece! I really enjoyed reading it. I am glad it was shorter, for I think the "i pray" would have gotten to be a little redundant, but it was not too bad in this. Feel free to add some description to it-strong adjectives, that help to color the piece a little more. I also prefer to read a piece that has punctuation at the end of the lines, so I know when the sentence stops and a new one begins. That way, I can focus on the feeling of that one line, and really capture the message, instead of going on, then stopping, and trying to re-read the line since a new idea was formed.

:)

I hope this helps! (Also, in your description of the piece, it should be "out of the blue" lol. And i don't see how upset/inspiring go together, maybe 'upset yet inspired'. ) :D

If you edit at all, let me know and I will gladly re-review and rate it for you!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
HA! I loved this piece! I laughed, it was very well done! I was expecting poetry or something, but this short dialogue story was great! I could find nothing to improve upon, other than maybe not having the word 'Divine' in there as much. I know it was used twice here: "Anger reddened the Divine face and the hands clenched. “See! That’s the whole problem with you.. ." Eyes closed with a Divine inhalation of breath."

But even if left as is, it's still a hilariously funny piece. Definitely my kind of humor!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of Blue pages  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I feel like I can hear the melody in my head! I love the chorus, it's nice since it is unique, personal and descriptive, yet anyone can attribute it to themself. You did a wonderful job on this. I found a few things you may not have been aware of while writing the piece, since they tend to easilly slip through hurried eyes. (like with mine!)

"I look in eyes of people in love
I joke around to stop the tears
I go to sleep just see your face *here, every other verse has an abcb rhyme scheme but this one. Maybe fix that?
Its like you’re living here with me"

"My heart's still yours, it beats for you" *when you have a noun that you are making, '[noun] is...', you put an apostraphe-s. So, 's. Just to let you know. :)

"It’s been seven years, each night's the same" *here as well. :)

"But now I know I must write good bye" *Here, I feel this line is a little too long to go with the rest of the verse. I was thinking maybe, "But now I must write goodbye" or "now, I must write back: Goodbye" or something. I think the second is nice since the piece speaks of having letters from a person, and now you are finally taking action and responding for the first time, and that first time is saying goodbye. I think it's a little more powerful in my opinion. However, these are merely suggestions!

I did enjoy it. I think the chorus is wonderful, and I can kinda sing it in my head. It's nice that it all seemed to flow pretty well, so the song I was singing (lol) didn't have many stumbles, just the ending part.

Great job and...

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of If one day...  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a great piece! At first, I was a little, "Oh, I dunno bout this..." with the redundancy of the 'angry' and 'crying' and such, but it ended up working for the piece, in my opinion. The only thing I noticed with this is, "If one day you find sitting alone and depressed,". I believe you left out 'me' in there.

I would love to see this piece expanded upon, but it is wonderful how it is. I have noticed many newbies (lol) tend to write stuff that...er...I will offer many suggestions for. But, I was impressed with your writing here. Great job, welcome to WDC, and...

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review of Fading...  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (2.5)
*Checkg*Subject: A good one. One that I know all too well. One of my close friends has night terrors, it's a terrible thing.

*Checkg*Flow: The flow was not bad. Some of the rhymes seemed a little forced. I will include your piece below in the Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation section with my suggestions.

*Checkg*Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: I found a few errors here. I always suggest to users to use a word program. I use Microsoft Word, and it also helps with grammatical errors that I may miss. Included below is your piece with my suggestions to help better the flow, and all included in this section. Corrections of errors will be in red. Suggestions will be in indigo, and comments in orange.:)

*Idea*Tips:

"This used to be my life.

it used to be my dream I used to only have sweet dreams. *here, I think this begins the process of transitioning from good dreams to night terrors.

But lately, though, they all it seem to be

is the reason behind my screams!

It They {description word} brings me pain *I think if you say 'constantly' or 'deliberately' here, it will add to the emotion of the piece as to how important it is.

and {description word} makes me cry *I suggest a synonym for the prior word here. I love description in pieces so they don't sound bland.

all this misery {misery what? tearing into you-eating you whole-suffocating you...add some emotion!}...

makes me want to DIE die! *you get the same point across this way, and it looks neater.

How can a once dream fade?

All the colors have turned to gray

and give me terrors in the night.

This isn't what I wanted,

Here, you leave the rhyme scheme of abcb. I am going to put in a suggestion stanza below, and also edit the lines to follow with that idea, and to keep with the rhyme scheme.

What were brightly colored dreams
have turned a shabby gray.
These terrors in the night have now,
caused my self-control to fade.

it's This is not what I love wanted ! I think you should stress the emotion here.

I'm crying out loud! *This is an unnecessary extra line that throws off the abcb rhyme. I think the piece would be better without it.

I'm crying out loud! *Here, I am going to write a better way to phrase this stanza and have it rhyme below.

I need someone's help!

can't I get back to me?

the me I wish I could be?!

I am crying desperately out loud!
Can I not get back to me?
I wish someone would help...
...and bring me back to who I used to be. I think this rhymes better since it follows the scheme, and also flows easier while still getting the point across.

*Checkg*Positives: This piece has great potential. I think many of us have been in the place where we change so much that we wish we could go back to easier times. I like how you went from good dreams to bad in this piece, then showing that you are trying to better yourself, just not sure how, and need help. :)

*Checkg*Sidenotes: I know...it's a little low of a rating, and there seem to be a LOT of corrections and suggestions here. But remember...this is your piece, and these are merely suggestions. I only review to help aid the writer in my opinion to better the piece. What may seem better to me, may seem worse to someone else. If you do make any changes, I will gladly re-review and re-rate your piece. So please shoot me an email if you do!

And remember...
Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (2.0)
I am sorry for your loss if this was written from experience. I do have quite a few suggestions for this piece, hence the lower rating. I found that the rhyme scheme went from abcb, to abcc, then no rhyme, then back to abcb then back to no rhyme again. That really threw me off, since my mind didn't know when it was supposed to rhyme. I also noticed the flow was off, since some stanzas were nice where all the lines matched up, then I would reach a bunch of short lines, or a long line then a very short one. It was really hard to get the emotion out of the piece when it was so up and down with everything.

I suggest, if you want this to be rhyming poetry, to choose a rhyme sceme. Either abcb, or abcc, or whatever suits you best. That way the reader won't stumble through when two words in a stanza rhyme when it should have been something else. You may also went to either lengthen or shorten some lines. You can see a large difference between stanza one and two. The reader expects more in the second stanza, causing them to trip and have to re-read it and put the emphasis elsewhere.

I also did find the 'sad and blue' rather forced. Like it was a generic rhyme. I would love to see more creativity, more description in this piece. Don't be afraid to dive down deep into your emotions and let them out!

I also found this stanza, the last one, a little confusing.

"At night I gather you in my arms
and hope will all my heart that we will
be together soon and that I can find peace
with you again in mine."

Okay, so I am assuming the first 'will' should be 'with'. But in the end, I don't understand what you mean by, "that I can find peace with you again in mine." In my what? This is a little confusing. If you are meaning 'arms', well you already stated you gathered him/her in your arms, so it's like repeating yourself. Maybe explain a little more here what you mean.

If you do make any changes, I will be more than happy to re-review and rate your piece! So please, let me know!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
13
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Review of 103 point 5  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Boy, do I know the feeling! My commute is made of I-5 and a highway, and I tend to get stuck behind the people that pace the car next to them, going exactly the speed limit! So irritating! The only thing I can think of with this piece is to, again, keep an eye on the syllable count, for a few lines seemed off and I stumbled. But still, it may just be me stumbling since my own shoe is untied and I am rather clumsy, while other's may glide right on through.

Funny, I enjoyed it!
Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
14
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.5)
Funny! I needed a good laugh this early morning!

The one thing I would change is the line: "The moral of this story is that sometimes the lines get blurred." and take out 'the' to shorten the syllable count a bit so it flows better with the other lines. Other than that-I saw no errors, or any other suggestions!

I must say, the way you wrote that mirror's response was quite clever! I love the way it could mean one of two things! And us women, I must admit, do tend to hear what we want. :P

Great job on this piece, it was a joy to read.

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
15
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Review of Shadow Dance  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. It's one thing to use a difficult (or rather, structured) form to write poetry, and another all together to make it flow so smoothly. For it have to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. I am quite impressed by this piece, you wrote many thought provoking lines. My favorite being, "An unending waltz of the sky and the earth"...it boggles my mind as I attempt to envision it! What a beautiful way to write it, yet leaving the piece so mysterious. It's nice that the reader can take this piece as their own-you don't say, "I was a 14 year old boy, my parents' names were..." where it is so exact that the reader can't relate. I can take this to mean my thoughts in my head if I so wished. That is what I call good writing. Er, maybe 'well writing'. :P No, I know it's good. My jokes are not, however, due to it being so early in the morn here. :)

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
16
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Review of The Perfect Love  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amazing! Loved it! The flow was smooth, no stumbling on my part! It was nice to read something that was not too long, yet not too short as well. You began the idea, elaborated on it, then closed it well, in a finalized manner. I honestly, did not see the end coming. I normally can predict such things, but your rhymes were nice since they were not expected, like you can do with many songs you hear on the radio today.

Excellent job on this piece, my friend, the ending really made it!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter

(and don't worry, just cuz I start reviewing does not mean that I expect one back in return! lol)
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Review of Melody of Madness  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful!

I noticed quickly, in the first line, "The wind bows across"...and wow. Must be some thick wind, is it more like a dense fog to be able to bow across frozen branches? Or was it more simply, a lack of an 'L'? ;P ha ha ha

Other than that, you have great talent with imagery in your pieces. I am thoroughly impressed and your writing seems like something I could possibly learn a lot from.

I noticed you have MANY ribbons and awards on your items. Don't worry, I do it too, you know, award myself ribbons so that I look more popular and talented. :P Okay, okay, I am just kidding, I don't, but I was surprised to see so many.

How does one attain so many? I mean, I have been on here for over 5 years...obviously I have a lot of work to do!

But all in all, your piece was wondrous. Great writing.

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
18
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Review of Anticipation  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was well written, the imagery was vivid! Great use of descriptions!

I found a few things that bothered my while reading it though. For example, in a few places, the syllable count is a little off, and made me stumble, having to go back, reread the line, and put stress in the appropriate place in order for it to flow well.

Also, I think you meant, "My fingers stroke the silken skin" not, 'stoke'. lol

Also, I had a little trouble with the line,
"As I undo each clasp
I yield to memories demands." I wasn't sure if you were meaning your memories demands, so the line would read, "I yield to memories demand" with no 's' or if it was, "I yield to memories, demands." As in two seperate things.

Other than that, the piece was sad but good! Congrats on the contest!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
19
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (2.5)
This piece was not bad, however I was not 100% impressed with it. I found many of the rhymes to be obvious, to where I could guess what you were going to say. There are many songs out there like this as well, where I hate it when I can predict what is going to happen next...yet, they are still famous! :)

It seems as though this piece was a thanksgiving prayer, and don't get me wrong on this, but I did not find how September 11th really related to it. It seemed a little random, out of place even. I don't mind you saying what you said about it, I hope that people remember and wish peace on the family of members lost. However, I just didn't quite see it's place in a thanksgiving prayer. Maybe it's just me. :)

Also, I had a problem near the end of the piece. It seemed as though your rhyme scheme was a,b,a,c. This continued perfectly until the end, where it switched to: (I wrote the scheme next to the line)

Still feel his love, A
Shining on all of us B
From heaven above. A
And let us not forget today C

Our loved ones far away C
For all these reasons, A
We humbly say, C
Our thanks to you, B

In 'A Thank You Prayer' A
”Thank you Lord, B
Please listen as we pray C
Guide us, protect us, D
And show us the way” C

See how the scheme got really messed up? My mind couldn't figure out then what was supposed to rhyme with what, and I think it really threw the ending of the piece off. I also noticed the repeated word, 'pray'. After re-reading the piece to choose an appropriate rating, I found it sounding rather redundant.

You made some good rhymes though, I don't want this to be a completely negative review! I like the feast set before our eyes, as well as the ending part of showing us the way. I think that last stanza is a great way to end it, and sounds like it would be a good thanksgiving prayer.

I hope my suggestions/tips have helped in some way. I don't mean to offend you, simply giving honest constructive criticism on your piece. Thank you for sharing! If you do happen to make any changes, please let me know for I will gladly re-review and rate it!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
20
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Review of Danse de Vie  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a beautiful piece! The imagery invoked such emotion, it was breathtaking! As for the piece, I have a few suggestions.

Outside beneath the starlit skies
We danced before the sparkling eyes
Danced beneath the full moon bright
Throughout the seeming endless night...

I joined her in the dance.

Here, the word 'dance' is used three times, seeming rather redundant. I suggest changing this to maybe, "We embraced before the sparkling eyes, Twirled beneath the full moon bright" or something similar.

I have no other suggestions, the piece was beautiful otherwise! I am sorry about what you had to go through, but you penned this with such emotion, no one can miss it. If you make any revisions, let me know and I will gladly re-r&r!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
21
21
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Not bad! I found no errors whatsoever, but maybe it was just the subject matter of the story that for some reason, did not keep my attention. I gave it a four for the fact that I kinda found it boring, (sorry!) but there were no errors, which was so refreshing! I bet you could write a great novel though, the pieces flowed together well. :)

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
22
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HA! You must be the winner of the Daily Flash for today! I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! I was afraid you were going to do the general, 'someone tries to bake a cook and burns it' story, and I was surprised when it came out perfect! The ending added a true and comical twist to the piece, which I found absolutely creative!

No spelling/punctuation/grammar errors either. The piece flowed smoothly from one idea to the next, and did not sound choppy in the least. It's difficult, I find, to really write a complete story and have it NOT be choppy when it's *Heart*00 words!

Loved it.

Way to go, and best of luck in the contest!

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
23
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HA!

That was hilarious! That is why I do truly love the Daily Flash. It's difficult for me to cut a short story down to *Heart*00 words after I have written it, but I, myself, do attempt to make it comedic.

Excellent write sir, I was hoping for an ending with hilarity!

Thanks and write on!
K.L. Carpenter
24
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Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was beautiful! I am sure your wife absolutely adored it!

The only suggestion I have is to link together the short sentences. It sounds rather choppy, as does the redundant 'you' and 'your'.

Other than that, it was beautiful! Loved how it began and ended.

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
25
25
Review of I, relic  
Review by K.L. Carpenter
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cute! I enjoyed this story, it made me laugh and kept interest while leading to a wonderful end. I do believe 'artefacts' is actually spelled 'artifacts' but I wasn't sure if you were spelling it so, as to add the the piece, due to the strange vocabulary within.

Cute read, quite imaginative. I would like to see this piece developed even further-though I understand that it is part of the DFF (Daily Flash). I think many people would love to read it if you continued on, looking at what we use now, and maybe add in comparisons to what they now use. I also think developing it further would help people understand more what you are talking about. For example, if this were to be published as simply a short story, I don't think many people would realize you were speaking of a bean bag in the beginning. Nor would they grasp that you were speaking of a self portrait at the end. But it being an entry in the DFF, that was clear due to description.

Guess what I am trying to say is that I would love it if you went on with this more, creating a new piece with this part within, and answering those above parts so it seems of more of a complete story. I think you have talent!

Great job, congrats, and...

Write on!
K.L. Carpenter
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