Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A unique take on this picture prompt. You saw this tranquil image and imagined the ravages of war.
Story/Poetry Elements -
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).
You did not follow the requirements of this form. Your b lines need to rhyme throughout, and you are supposed to have the same metrical length for each of the longer lines. You range from 8-13 syllables depending on the line.
Suggestions - After judging, you may want to fix the form problems.
Favorite part or line - Your unique take on this image.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A beautiful piece about humanity's strained relationship with nature.
Story/Poetry Elements -
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).
You followed most of the requirements of this strict form, but seem to have forgotten two lines. You have thirteen, instead of fifteen lines. (Am I missing something, Ken? I actually checked this five times because I was so surprised)
Suggestions - Only including the two missing a lines.
Favorite part or line - "In darkling woods, where fairies play,I spied a path that led away"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello JACE - House Targaryen! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A beautiful piece about life's journey and the many influences that color it.
Story/Poetry Elements -
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).
You appear to have followed the rules of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - Your descriptions in this are so fluid and full of life. Absolutely beautiful .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A heart-breaking call out to someone who break your heart.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Kyrielle Sonnet
A Kyrielle Sonnet consists of 14 lines (three rhyming quatrain stanzas and a non-rhyming couplet).Just like the traditional Kyrielle poem, the Kyrielle Sonnet also has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet consists of only eight syllables. French poetry forms have a tendency to link back to the beginning of the poem, so common practice is to use the first and last line of the first quatrain as the ending couplet. This would also re-enforce the refrain within the poem. Therefore, a good rhyming scheme for a Kyrielle Sonnet would be:
AabB, ccbB, ddbB, AB -or- AbaB, cbcB, dbdB, AB.
You mostly followed the requirements, but one of your lines has nine syllables. "At Reilly's sharing coffee for two"
Suggestions - After judging you may want to play with that line.
Favorite part or line - The vivid imagery you crafted. The booth, the waitress, even the food; were all pulled together in a skillful way to paint a sad portrait of a broken heart.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello JACE - House Targaryen! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A romantic look at a mature couple settling into their familiar booth. The imagery you created will be familiar to anyone who has been married for a while.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Kyrielle Sonnet
A Kyrielle Sonnet consists of 14 lines (three rhyming quatrain stanzas and a non-rhyming couplet).Just like the traditional Kyrielle poem, the Kyrielle Sonnet also has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet consists of only eight syllables. French poetry forms have a tendency to link back to the beginning of the poem, so common practice is to use the first and last line of the first quatrain as the ending couplet. This would also re-enforce the refrain within the poem. Therefore, a good rhyming scheme for a Kyrielle Sonnet would be:
AabB, ccbB, ddbB, AB -or- AbaB, cbcB, dbdB, AB.
You appear to have followed the requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions -
One line stuck out for me: "Fear not; they praise the life we've led". In all of the other lines you adeptly straddled the fact that they were in a restaurant, but that the pictures could still indirectly reflect on their lives together, but this one makes the images directly about their lives.
Favorite part or line - The sense of spending the evening with you and your spouse. You infused this with a great deal of intimacy.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - An emotional journey into your memories over a cup of hot coffee. You adeptly brought in a great deal of emotion and wrapped it warmly in this beautiful form.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Kyrielle Sonnet
A Kyrielle Sonnet consists of 14 lines (three rhyming quatrain stanzas and a non-rhyming couplet).Just like the traditional Kyrielle poem, the Kyrielle Sonnet also has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet consists of only eight syllables. French poetry forms have a tendency to link back to the beginning of the poem, so common practice is to use the first and last line of the first quatrain as the ending couplet. This would also re-enforce the refrain within the poem. Therefore, a good rhyming scheme for a Kyrielle Sonnet would be:
AabB, ccbB, ddbB, AB -or- AbaB, cbcB, dbdB, AB.
You appear to have followed the requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - The sense that as a reader I get to observe a specific moment in time with your "character". There's a personal connection here, perhaps from your own life .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A sad look at how someone who is going through rough times feels, but then a surprise ending.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five,
seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
You appear to have followed the form requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - While I appreciate the twist at the end, it feels thrown in. It might be the effect of this short form, but it makes this awkward.
Favorite part or line - The emotion you managed to convey. This is very timely.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello lucky! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - I love that you took the perspective of the broken piggy bank .
Story/Poetry Elements -
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five,
seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
You appear to have followed the requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - Your final line has both enwreathed and bestrewn, which is redundant. Consider changing one of these after judging is complete.
Favorite part or line - Writing this as the shattered porcelain pig. Brilliant !
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello JACE - House Targaryen! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A timely take on a child's piggy bank. You infused some humor into this piece, which makes it all the more valuable.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five,
seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
You appear to have followed the form perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - I enjoyed the implication that a shift in attitude is the solution to our economic problems, perhaps you're right .
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello lucky! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - I can see that you put a lot of work into this, but, truthfully, you lost me. I think you are trying to express the passage of time in seasons. I think you tried so hard to make this show the complexity that we find in nature that you over-thought this and limited what you actually expressed.
Story/Poetry Elements -
The Sestina consists of six six-line (sestets) stanzas followed by a three-line envoy. Rather than use a rhyme
scheme, the six ending words of the first stanza are repeated as the ending words of the other five stanzas in a set pattern. The envoy uses two of the ending words per line, again in a set pattern.
Concluding tercet:
middle of first line ..2, end of first line ..5
middle of second line ..4, end of second line..3
middle if third line ..6, end of third line ..1
You appear to have followed the very strict requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - I would suggest that you go back and read this out loud. When you read it out loud you will see that it spends more time on dazzling vocabulary and not enough time in conveying a coherent idea.
Favorite part or line - "So fragile,powerless to forfend nature's belligerence"
Leaves really are defenseless against the ravages of nature.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello JACE - House Targaryen! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A personal interpretation of this prompt that expresses the idea that life should be an important focus of one's mind.
Story/Poetry Elements -
The Sestina consists of six six-line (sestets) stanzas followed by a three-line envoy. Rather than use a rhyme
scheme, the six ending words of the first stanza are repeated as the ending words of the other five stanzas in a set pattern. The envoy uses two of the ending words per line, again in a set pattern.
Concluding tercet:
middle of first line ..2, end of first line ..5
middle of second line ..4, end of second line..3
middle if third line ..6, end of third line ..1
You appear to have the very strict requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - "As the ad says, "Just take me away."" this line felt out of place.
Favorite part or line - "Whether in cities, or fields, or woods, use that rusty grate to fulfill your life."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A look back at very young love and how it changes as we age.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Villanelle
A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order [as the third line of each stanza] throughout the
poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).
You did not follow the rules of this form; none of your b lines rhyme.
Suggestions -
The part where they shift into their adult years and another woman intrudes into their relationship is unclear. I imagine the rules of the form limited you, but perhaps after the contest is over.
Favorite part or line - "dandeline"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello lucky! Thank you for entering the Fall Round of "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for this round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A farewell to a love.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Villanelle
A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order [as the third line of each stanza] throughout the
poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).
You appear to have followed the form requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - I think you need to go back through this and focus the emotional message you are trying to convey. The way it is, it is scattered and a bit hard to follow. I can't tell if he/she is already dead and speaking from the grave, or if he is mocking his old love.
Favorite part or line - "Adieu to you, my love divine"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello lucky! Thank you for entering this round of the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this round.Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A striking look at isolation, as seen from the perspective of one lost mitten.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Septolet
The Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines containing fourteen words with a break in between
the two parts. Both parts deal with the same thought and create a picture.
You appear to have followed the requirements of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - I took in the dire nature of being away from the source of heat, but I'm not sure I caught where you were going with the end of this.
Favorite part or line - The strength conveyed in the first half.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering this round of the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this round.Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A melancholy look at this forgotten mitten.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Septolet
The Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines containing fourteen words with a break in between
the two parts. Both parts deal with the same thought and create a picture.
You appear to have followed the form requirements perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - I really enjoyed the use of the glove as a symbolic hand reaching out from the past. It created an emotional connection to the "final parting".
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering this round of the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this round.Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A devastating look at the image. Every parents worst nightmare, and yet it provides another way of looking at this lone mitten.
Story/Poetry Elements -
Form: Septolet
The Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines containing fourteen words with a break in between
the two parts. Both parts deal with the same thought and create a picture.
You appear to have followed the rules of the prompt perfectly.
Suggestions -
Developes - should be develops
Favorite part or line - The amount of information you conveyed in fourteen words. You have set the scene and connected us to the people most affected by this incident, her parents.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello lucky! Thank you for entering this round of the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this round.Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression - A melancholy look at the winter image.
Story/Poetry Elements - The Lanturne is a five-line verse shaped like a Japanese lantern with a syllabic pattern of one,two, three, four, one.
You did not follow the requirements of the form. Only your second line follows the syllable count requirements.
Suggestions - Use fewer adjectives. You have so few words in which to convey a picture, and yet you chose to use passive language to begin and end this piece. By choosing a stronger word to end it you could have punctuated the idea of acceptance of your isolation.
Favorite part or line - "Amidst the ripples"
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello ShiShad! Thank you for entering this round of the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this round.Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest. Please do not edit your piece until all of the judging is complete.
Overall Impression -
A look ahead from this dreary winter scene.
Story/Poetry Elements -
The Lanturne is a five-line verse shaped like a Japanese lantern with a syllabic pattern of one,two, three, four, one.
You appear to have followed the rules of this form perfectly.
Suggestions -
None.
Favorite part or line -
The hopeful look from the death of winter to the rebirth born in Spring.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello JACE - House Targaryen! Thank you for entering the Talent Pond Rhythm and Rhyme Poetry Challenge. I am one of the judges for this year's round. Please accept my review as advice from a reader, take what is helpful and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression - An interesting take from the image. You took a dreary winter image and chose to focus on the dormant life within the trees. Nice !
Story/Poetry Elements -
A lanturne poem is a five-line verse shaped like a Japanese lantern with a syllabic pattern of one, two, three, four, one.
You appear to have followed the rules of this form perfectly.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - I like that half of your words are verbs, this focus on movement pairs nicely with the idea of life and growth.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Hello Destiny! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - A broken-hearted take on the picture prompt. Thank you for choosing to look below the surface of this image, and find another perspective.
Poetry Elements -
This month's form is Terza Rima. Using the picture prompt, please compose a poem that consists of 10 or 11 syllable lines arranged in three-line tercets with a rhyming scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, dd.
You appear to have followed the requirements of this form perfectly. You shifted away from a literal interpretation of the image, and instead chose to focus on someone who would be standing in the shadows of a place like this. I think your choice to focus on a broken-hearted woman who was deceived fits the tone of the black and white image.
The first two tercets are clear and the rhythm was smooth, but then it got a little confusing. I'm not clear about whether she had to be discreet because she was the other woman, or because she had narrow ways as the lover/girlfriend that lost out to the other woman.
Suggestions - After the winners have been announced, I think you should play with your words choices in the second half of this piece. I think you can clear up those sections and make what happened more obvious.
Also, consider your comma usage in the first two tercets. You have too many commas, and yet you haven't made use of full stops. If you're going to use punctuation, consider using it properly throughout.
Favorite part or line - The presence of human emotion. This kind of nostalgic look back is familiar to everyone.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - An interpretation of the shadow art created within the black and white image. Thank you for looking past the basic image.
Poetry Elements -
This month's form is Terza Rima. Using the picture prompt, please compose a poem that consists of 10 or 11 syllable lines arranged in three-line tercets with a rhyming scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, dd.
You followed the requirements perfectly. In fact, you seemed to have adhered to the more strict requirements of making each line eleven syllables (of course ).
I like the fact that by focusing on the shapes created by the shadow that you are actually focusing on the presence of sunlight. By taking this image out into the rotation of Earth and its subsequent shifting between night and day, you presented a fresh perspective. By then equating that to the shifts in our lives, you introduced humanity.
Suggestions - "It’s in the contrasts that we discover worth."
This is the only line that I have trouble with. I can see the beauty of this sudden introduction of humanities' eye, but it did something to the tone that I can't quite express.
Favorite part or line - The presence of sunlight. I love it when people take a different perspective from the image, and you have clearly done that.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi Winnie! I saw your handle, so I decided to give this piece a read .I hope you have been well Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A devastating story from your life. I'm sorry for your loss .
Structure and Organization - This is set up with a sad, but engaging, hook. Food on the table for Thanksgiving, but set up for mourners instead of jovial family members. I'm not going to review this in terms of conflict and resolution because it is a true story. I do want to say that this is well told. I hope you gained some release by writing this down .
Suggestions - The only thing I wanted to point out is that occasionally you shift back into a formal tone in your narrative.
Favorite Part or Line - The fact that this part of your family was so close. Tony will be surrounded by love as he grows up and has to deal with what happened.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Yellow Rose! This review is part of your PDG Rocking Review Package . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A tender piece that contains hints of spirituality. On first read I thought these were lovers standing on the mountain top, but when I reread it I began to see the religious meaning.
Structure and Organization - It is composed of two stanzas that are written in free verse. The syllables counts are between 5-8 syllables perline, which helps it maintain some cohesion.
Suggestions - My only suggestion is to expand this. Currently, it is so brief that it ends before I can get a complete picture.
Favorite Part or Line - "Underneath the eerie mist"
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Yellow Rose! This review is part of your PDG Rocking Review Package . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A reminder to use courage to push pass life's difficulties.
Structure and Organization - A free verse piece that make use of a visual brick wall during the final line of the last tercet.
Suggestions - You currently have a range of syllable counts between eight and eleven. It might create a more rhythmic flow if you tightened these up.
Favorite Part or Line - The visual affect of the words in the final line.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon! Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" ; please take my review for any value it provides you as an author. The winners will be announced once all judging is complete, please do not edit until we finish judging.
Overall Impression - You made me really work for this one, didn't you? When I first read it, I thought it was the first time that I didn't understand one of your poems. So, I reread it again, but this time I looked at each verb and followed the connections you were making. Viola, a light went off. You bounced back and forth between the limits of reflection and avoidance. Resting on the misconstrued image of you in the reflection, hmmm...
Poetry Elements -
Tyburn - is a six line poem consisting of 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables.
The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate
the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables.
You have pushed the rules here, but I agree with you that there's nothing that says descriptive words must be adjectives. As long as the words you choose escribe something, in this class actions. A risk, but weaving action into misunderstanding seems natural, and quite ingenious.
Suggestions - None.
Favorite part or line - "Reflections oft' eschew review."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work today. Write on!
Phoenix
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lajkd/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.41 seconds at 12:48am on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Overall Impression - A unique take on this picture prompt. You saw this tranquil image and imagined the ravages of war.
Story/Poetry Elements - 
Suggestions - After judging, you may want to fix the form problems.
Favorite part or line - Your unique take on this image.
.
.
.
Overall Impression - A devastating story from your life. I'm sorry for your loss 
.
Structure and Organization - This is set up with a sad, but engaging, hook. Food on the table for Thanksgiving, but set up for mourners instead of jovial family members. I'm not going to review this in terms of conflict and resolution because it is a true story. I do want to say that this is well told. I hope you gained some release by writing this down 
.
Suggestions - The only thing I wanted to point out is that occasionally you shift back into a formal tone in your narrative. 
Favorite Part or Line - The fact that this part of your family was so close. Tony will be surrounded by love as he grows up and has to deal with what happened. 
!