Hi Jimminy! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - A very scary tale of how what you don't know is as dangerous as what you do know.
Structure and Organization - This short story is well laid out, with enough space between paragraphs to aid the read.
Suggestions - ..."she was brilliant and now he wondered for how long had she been a werewolf?" - This is a bit awkward, please consider revising.
Favorite Part or Line - "His wife stood before him in all her canine glory. “I’m married to a real bitch,” he muttered to himself, but knew she would hear his words."
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Constance DH! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This is a very intimate portrait of your father and his family life. You have done a great job of portraying the price that is paid for success and engagement!
Structure and Organization - There are a lot of dense paragraphs here; more spacing would ease the read. Reading dense paragraphs on a computer screen can be difficult.
Characters - Your father is very well portrayed here. You have built a 3D portrait of what makes a man and the effects of those experiences on his sphere of influence. The characterizations are probably why you won Honorable mention. Well done!
Suggestions -
"...amazing, how as far as up towards heaven the branches grow..." This is awkward, please consider revising.
"...single mindedly..." - this needs a hyphen.
Favorite Part or Line - "Is this what it is to be successful? Standing on the summit nobody else can overcome, alone, exhausted and not knowing anything but struggle? Should we be willing to sacrifice our own happiness, to live through experiences so harrowing most would fold under them in order to become heroes, role models to others? For in success we reach the summit, it is true, but the victory comes at a terrible cost. Only the strongest can survive. I throw one last glance at my father, alone at the top of his mountain, put my head down, and begin to climb towards him. I want to see how far I can go before I have to stop, before the sacrifice becomes greater than the reward. I want to see if I can surpass this great man and in turn become a hero to somebody else."
This reflection is very wise. At some point we all must ask ourselves if the sacrifices are worth the rewards.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Sssam! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - You hit the nail on the head for how a hangover feels .
Description - You have aptly described the emotions of the narrator, the scene(s) at the party and the sensations of waking up aware and sick. For such a short piece this is well done.
Suggestion - You have a typo, "larva" should probably be lava.
Favorite Part or Line - "My anguish then turned into a full inferno and with the last of my strength I stumbled to the bathroom just in time for the volcano to erupt all over the toilet."
Vivid imagery...eeeehhhhhhh.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Lil Hobbit! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This is very endearing tale about how our connections affect us more than our surroundings.
Structure and Organization - The layout was easy to read and made clear distinctions between speakers.
Characters - I love Sara Sue!
Suggestions -
"That was probably our only chance Gladys to get out of this place"
consider That was probably our only chance to get out of this place, Gladys.
“Hey you giggly child, get over her!” I think you mean here.
Favorite Part or Line -
“Well, you just get in that car of yours and drive to the Dairy Queen and get me a parfait, so’s I can eat it her in the garden.”
But again "her" should be here.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi sssam! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - I love it! I read all of the entries and I think this is the best one. I think you should win for this .
Structure and Organization - You followed the Huituian form well, and most important it was fluid.
Suggestion - The only thing I could suggest would be to change "a" before "cold wind". I think as would sound better, but this is totally a matter of personal preference. After you win you could play with it, if you want to.
Favorite Part or Line -
"But sailings joy is much too strong
The horizon is now his gaze
Who cares about the winning gong"
I love the fact that he is in it for the pleasure of the sail. It is kind of like us, in writing for the pleasure of something fulfilling...huh?
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi man-daba! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This is a touching piece about redemption.
Suggestions - This piece feels abrupt. I think you could flesh this out and it would feel more realistic.
Characters - All of the characters are tragic, but the narrator appears to have reclaimed herself, yeah!
Favorite Part - The message of this piece is my favorite. I appreciate the value that the narrator found in her beliefs, many young people could benefit from a personal set of values.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi sssam! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - At first I wasn't sure how I felt, but then your last line began reverberating in my mind. I really ENJOYED the way this engaging line sums up the poem .
Structure and Organization - I love the layout! Beginning each stanza with think caused it to have greater emotional impact.
Suggestions - Beginning most of the other lines with "of" makes it feel repetitive. I know what you were going for here, but I think it needs a little more fluidity.
Favorite Part or Line - Absolutely the last line. You captured me here, thank you .
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - It was a very intriguing and creative piece. . I really enjoy the reflection of self buried within the discovery of self. Very thought-provoking!
(I hope I interpretted this correctly ).
Structure and Organization - I looked at you structure several times trying to decipher any hidden meaning in the shape. Is there an image you are trying to convey?
Suggestions - "unuttering" this word feels awkward, even given the stream of conciousness effect that I see here.
Favorite Part or Line -
..."the mystery behind those
laughing eyes,
that innocent smile,
those welcoming gestures,
the speaking Silence."
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - This is a thoughtful comparison of internships and in-class development.
Structure and Organization - I saw in your tag line that this was a 45 minute essay, I assume that it was a time-limited assignment. If you want to further develop this piece, the organization should include some comparitive studies and/or statistics.
Suggestions - "un-related" does not need ahyphen.
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - I was very impressed. First of all it is terribly creative, secondly the imagery is well painted.
Structure and Organization - The layout seemed to serve the point of stringing 7 Ghazals together. I have no structural suggestions at all.
Suggestions - The only Ghazal which I felt needed improvement was that of jealousy. Mainly it is due to this couplet "Restless nights frozen in shallow sleep,Floating in the dreams of your idols."
Favorite Part or Line - "That oil-soaked morsel resting in your gaping maw,Is a thief, stealing away the weeks of your life.The sweetness balanced on the tip of your tongue,
an antidote for the bitterness at the back of your mind."
Well spoken!
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi Jimminy! I found this in Shadows and the title stirred my curiousity. Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - I was laughing during the entire read.
(5/5)
Rhyme and rhythm - It appears to be aabcb in the first stanza and aabcdb in the second. I am unfamiliar with all of the forms, is this a specific form? The rhythm of my read was good, but the difference between the first and second stanzas did cause a little hiccup. I won't rate this seperately, because of my unfamiliarity of forms.
Characters - I loved them! I applaud the impatience of the kings men, this added a hoot to my laughter.
(5/5)
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi! I dropped in for a review today . You reviewed me a while back and I wanted to return the favor . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - I was very moved by your willingness to look at both sides of the battle and see the humanity of your enemy. A heart-wretching piece .
{5/5}
Imagery - The imagery of "sinking ground", "slab of stone" and "in the trees and flowers that grow"; was all intense and well written.
(4.5/5)
Suggestions -
"It doesn't tell me much, but it doesn't need to.
You're in the trees and flowers that grow, spanning the years
and taking you into another form of life without death."
This stanza feels like it needs to be more specific or more emotive in order to fit in with the rest of the poem.
Favorite Part or Line -
"I didn't see you when you fell
into the sinking ground that became your grave.
I didn't hear you scream as you watched your comrades die
for something as worthless as a field of mud."
Overall rating (4.5/5)
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Hi! I dropped in for a review today . Please take my review for any value it provides you as the author, disregard everything else.
Overall Impression - My impression of this piece is that you are trying to send a message to a friend who has few places to turn. That is a very kind act and it is conveyed with that sentiment throughout your poem. (3.5/5)
Flow and fluidity- The flow might be improved if you change this line "but they don't want to make amends." Maybe reworking it around the word mend would allow a similar number of syllables to the other lines in your poem.(3/5)
Rhyme - Your rhyme scheme is fine. (3/5)
Favorite Part or Line -
"A friend to you,
I am it's true." - This demonstrates the essence of friendship you have woven into your piece . (3.5/5)
Overall rating 3 s
I review primarily as a reader, and it is as a reader that I thank you for your work . Write on!
Khalish,
Your poem popped up as a random read, so I decided to give it a read. This review is just my opinion, please take it for any value it provides you. Overall - I appreciate your expression of human depravity as scarier than overtly monsterous behavior.
Suggestions - The first stanza is awkward and could benefit from some reworking. I know it is difficult to choose words in particular formats and so I understand your limitations here.
Favorite stanza - "Though these are real monsters, Human cloak they do put on, Announcing to the wary
That they are just innocent!"
Thank you for the chance to read and review your work. Write on !
Joseph,
Thank you for this vivid emotional piece. The jealousy you convey is tangible and consuming. I enjoyed the tempo of this read. My favorite part is the first stanza . I think further tuning up of the word choices would further refine this piece, for example: in the second to last stanza you end two of the lines with you. You could drop "at you" after staring and it would still flow well. This is just one reader's opinion, take what helps and disregard the rest. Write on !
sssam,
What an interesting idea! It's a fun first challenge, isn't it? We get to peek into each other's minds .
The colors used to create the directions also provide an element of interest, and how appropriate !
Daizy,
This is hilarious . I only have editing suggestions (everything else is wonderful) -
"Red ones and blueones" - seperate blue and ones with a space.
"And maybe the will send his dog Max" - the should be he.
"firends" - Did you intend to say friends?
Write on !
Krakyderm,
It is obvious how much WDC means to you . I enjoyed reading your commentary about transforming from an uninterested student into a writer, especially considering the fact that I am a teacher. Thank you for caring so much about this community, it is people like you who make this site welcoming and inviting for writers of all ages and types.
Write, read and participate on !
Nicki,
I stumbled across your blog and found your entry about this little spec. fiction piece. I decided to give it a read . Thank you for the description of what spec. fiction is, I didn't know either. I enjoyed this story, if enjoyed is the right word . Although they had something coming I still felt for the characters - A+ to you as the author. I don't have any suggestions. Write on !
Leeboi,
I saw this static and decided to give it a read. I enjoyed your tale of the coyote and his prey, but I don't understand the last line. Is the coyote really "lost in translation?" I do not think this line matches the straight-forward hunt that occurred right before. This is just a thought from one reader, use it if it helps your process. Write on !
Hyperion,
This is a great use of the flash fiction prompt. You took three unrelated words and deftly created a sad story of an aging rocker and his isolated lifestyle. I hope you won the Daily FLash Fiction for this piece because it is well done , which given the word count limitations is tricky. Write on !
Peeps,
First before the review I have a suggestion for the title - Reflection. Take it if you feel it fits .
Now to the review:
Overall - This is very beautiful poem and your timing is perfect.
Suggestions - I think you need a period after "magnificent". Also, I would rethink "prime", simply because the change in color does not reflect health but season, so prime feels incorrect here.
This review is my opinion only, use it if it helps . Write on !
Kingdom,
This feels exceptionally personal and so I wish to offer my sympathy if this flows from a real-life loss . Overall, you have nailed the intensity and emotion felt with loss, so great job . I do have one suggestion though, the second line in the last stanza would read better if you took "internal" out. This is just my two cents, take it if it helps. Write on !
Phoenix
Kingdom,
Well sohcathoa (spelling?), this is entertaining . I took you up on your invitation and found this interesting poem in your port. It's reminiscient of Trig. class, oh the memories... The only question I have is was "hole" intentional in the first line, or did you intend to write whole? I do not have any suggestions, other than write on !
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Overall Impression - This is a good review template!
Structure and Organization - You have created sections that point out important items for the writers you are reviewing.
Suggestions - You have some writingML that is mistakenly in your heading "B)".
Favorite Part or Line - I love the line about the MnMs! Also the quote at the end is beautiful and poignant 
!
Suggestions - 
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. Although they had something coming I still felt for the characters - A+ to you as the author. I don't have any suggestions. Write on