Nice chapter, I like the others very much enjoyed reading it. I really like your characters and your story line so far. I didn't find any mistakes this time, which is so great! I hope you continue to write this story and tell me, because I would really like to read more.
This is a good chapter, but I don't think it's as good as the Chapter One, but don't worry that's why you're here on writing.com to improve and enjoy
Here are some mistakes that I found:
*Sometimes you don't start sentences with capital letters.
*You have some misplaced commas.
A read through should fix these things, if not contact me and I'll help identify exactly where they are.
Hope I've helped. Write on, I love your story so far!
This is really great! I think that it is really well written and you do a really good job of explaining his pain for the girl he loved/loves.
There are no mistakes at all that I could find beside one spelling mistake, it's on the part where the dog comes out and you put 'waste' instead of 'waist' the correct spelling, when describing the dog jumping up to him. Other than that really well done, I really enjoyed reading!
Anyway...
I thought this piece was excellent and I really enjoyed reading it. I like your character Fred and how nervous he is. It's quite similar to the short story, but I think that you've improved it a lot and made it more detailed this time.
There aren't many mistakes, just some minor ones which should be solved by a read through.
Well done I really enjoyed it and would love to read more.
I really, really liked you poem. I enjoyed reading it and I think that it is beautiful. I don't usually write poetry, as I'm not that good and I'm not a huge fan of it anyway, but I really did like this. Really good job!
I enjoyed reading your chapter and thought your characters are interesting so far... I couldn't find any mistakes, apart from a few grammatical errors, so a read through should probably right these minor things. Other than that well done!
I liked your story and enjoyed reading it. It looks to be a good and very interesting story, with lots of deaths and action. I like reading stories like that though It was really well written and I couldn't find any mistakes. Well done!
I think this is a very sweet and lovely story, but I think it lacks a lot of flow. I think you rushed it a bit and I don't think it was working. I think if you edited it and made it slightly longer it would be more appealing and enjoyable for the reader. Not being harsh just simply dropping a friendly and helpful review.
This looks to be a good story so I think that you should carry it on and see where it goes. I like your character and the way he was so nervous about it, I think people will be able to relate to him well. There aren't many mistakes except a missing question mark and a misspelled word. A read through should right these little things.
Very good story so far, I love the Chapter and enjoyed reading about the characters Rae and Leo. I
think you made it sound very interesting and you wrote it quite well. There are a few mistakes like
spelling mistakes and also a few others I found, so I think you should proof read it to perfection
because then I think it'd be worth a 5! Really well done.
I enjoyed reading this piece. It covers a lot of feelings that people in that condition may have and it was deep in that way. It's really well written and I couldn't find any mistakes so, well done!
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