Incredible use of language- the touch of repetition and rhyme within the lines make the words sing. For the first time, I feel like I sort of understand the why of self-harm.
You started out very witty & clever, but degenerated in just plain silly. Leave out the parts about twins, art, mitts, & zits, and you'll have a delightful parady left.
I was bugged by the grammatical errors & slang (lack of apostrophes in contractions particularly), but decided by the end that it fit the tone & voice. I liked the last line best- it changed a basically selfish sentiment into true introspection.
Nice idea (I like the joining of rain with the hammock image- adds nice tension), but the image needs a lot of development. Seems a bit juvenile artistic treatment for a teen.
I started this with a chip on my shoulder, since the image of tapestry is so overused (& not a particularly relevant image in most people's experience today), but you took a trite image & refreshed it. Nice job! Nice rhyme & imagery. I know the "Man" you refer to! Thanks for surprising me!
Very interesting creation story! Your imagery is rich- I especially loved the creation/evolution of stars in this piece. Of course, I'm partial to the metaphor of The Word, being Christian. Nice job!
What a thought-provoking poem. Your storoem style is incredible- did you coin the term? At first I didn't care for the prosey style- but you've made a convert out of me!
Re content, though: I've never experienced God as Someone Who just sits back & watches as we suffer- my God jumps in & suffers right along beside me!
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