This was a very good attempt to put a review of a program into poetry form. I would never have tried that. You have all of the information normally found in an essay but have managed to rhyme it and make it more interesting. Nice work
I was going to suggest changing this to an essay, but when I reread it, I like the way you presented it.
A very interesting look at the elephant.
Your lines almost flow like the elephant walks, very slowly and delibrate.
I especially like the line:
"No natural predators have you but Man"
I actually gave me the chills.
Very helpful
Thank you for taking the time to explain some of these elements a little clearer.
I know as a relative "newbie" to the site, I'm still finding ways to not only navigate the site for new reads, but also to improve my own.
Thank you for the relavent information.
Such an intriguing look at cats. I liked how you reference their ancient heritage with the Pharaoh's.
"No one’s friend or foe;
Just the shape of all desires."
How absolutely true!
I only wished that you would have actually "looked" through the cat's eyes and told us what they saw. Are their dust bunnies under the bed? How's the kibble? Do they really enjoy being scratched under their chin, or are they just humoring us?
I really liked this.
So very simple, but yet saying a lot.
I also like that you didn't try to force in any rhymes here.
Some people think that rhymes are essential for good poetry, but as we can see here, they're not.
"His branches would let light through,
His bark would be warm,"
These are my favorite lines. I would want to believe that His touch would always be worm, and that He would shine light on all darkness.
I hadn't expected this piece to hit me as hard as it did. I have tears in my eyes os I type this. You have taken me to a place I've never been, horrified me; then brought me back to another that I know well, soothed me this its' reverence.
You have written a very thought provoking piece, and it is beautiful.
Keep writing, you have a gift.
Mandik
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Very nice, but I think you should recatagorize it as a sonnet. I can just picture these two little ones singing to the king, just to see the fairies. Very sweet.
Just a couple of suggestions-
They loved to cause great mischief too, and their parents great despair (remove too)
And took five deep long breaths and prepared the meet the king (to instead of the)
That they say sang wonderfully and could see the sprites today (remove say)
For nightfall has come, and that’s when they come out to play (had instead of has)
And hurried off to the Nonie Tree before they said could say goodbye (remove said)
This is hauntingly beautiful. Congradulations for winning Lexi's poerty challenge. This one was definately worth it.
You write as if you have some intimate connection here, am I correct?
This stanza gave me the chills,
"Johnny has fallen, right beside me
and his blue eyes are opened wide;
There'll be tears somewhere in Heaven,
as the blood flows out from his side."
Perfect title!
Definately is confusion here. Not sure if his heart was broken and now he's with you, but still hurting OR is his heart breaking because he's with you and wants to be elsewhere?
Sounds like you want to help, but then you decide that it's not worth it? Not sure here.
I like the flow of the poem, just not sure of the total outcome, but then again, the title does say High Quality Confusion doesn't it?
I has one suggestion though, in regards to the repetitive using of determination and hugs:
Have you ever used a "Flip Dictionary"? They are very helpful for when you get stuck on a word that you want to use, but maybe have already used. It gives you alternatives as well as means. It's sort of like a thesaurus, but different.
Thank you so much for giving me an outlet to finally let this poem out of me. Sometimes it takes just that extra push to finally put pencil to paper, or fingers to the keyboard.
Thaks for the forum and the easy contest rules. The link to the old winners was nice as well!
Thank you very much for explaining this. I kept wondering where and how I was receiving these extra points when I was checking my emails.
I love to review other's works and feel that it helps me with my own writing. Also the encouraging reviews that I have received from other members have been most helpful as well.
StoryMaster, you columns are always well thought out and very informative. I would not have even thought about asking another website if they might be interested in the site. But of course we need to remeber that people are behind these sites, so why not?
Thank you for adding the sample email, it's always easier to start with something in mind.
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