This is a great experiment in how we tend to use to many words to say something.
Suggestions
No errors that I could see.
Overall Impressions
On the whole I liked the idea of this, I used to do it in reverse for my essays at uni! I'd start with the bones then begin to add the flesh so to speak, I still use that method in my longer stories, you can give characters more depth that way. I never thought of reversing the process! A good experiment.
I'm not sure about the 'Up' in the last line of the first verse. Poetry isn't my strong suit though, so you may wish to wait and see what others say on it.
Overall Impressions
On the whole I liked this a lot, you're right people don't view them in the same way these days, maybe because the mystery has gone. A great little piece, thanks for sharing.
I liked the alternate rhyme in this, the imagery was brilliant
Suggestions
I would perhaps go with 'in an election.' But poetry isn't my strong suit so you may want to wait until you get some more feed back.
Overall Impressions
On the whole I found this to be a good poem, I agree, sometimes it's the waking world that's the nightmare. I liked you version of utopia and your use of the language to achieve your rhymes was great, thank you for sharing this.
Keep it up!
I liked the way the first four and the last four lines matched and the imagery was good.
Suggestions
I'd suggest a full stop at the end! The line about the eye make up was a little awkward perhaps 'no one else could wear' leaving of the 'as good as you'? this is just my opinion and you may take or leave it as you choose.
Overall Impressions
On the whole I liked this tribute for your cat, they do have a way of making you feel special. I no longer have mine but I saw much of her in this poem. Though she used to hog most of the bed as well! A nice little read, thanks for sharing.
Keep it up!
I like the build up this gives to the main event, which in my humble opinion is what a prologue should be. It was very detailed about the memories and the types that there are.
Suggestions
I found the line 'remember to retain each memory' a little repetitive, perhaps 'constantly struggling to retain...' it's just a suggestion and as with all of mine feel free to ignore them!
I spotted a small typo in the third paragraph you have by where I think you mean be
Overall Impressions
On the whole I found this to be a good start of something, you give just enough information to make me want to read more, why will you be banished? why do you struggle to remember things? these are good little hooks that will have at least one reader coming back for more, a good little read, thank you for sharing it, and I look forward to more.
What I liked.
I liked the way you used the different chapters to introduce each character seperately, it gives the reader more time to get to know them, the story flowed nicely at a good pace for this genre, slow and steady.
Suggestions
Nothing on the grammer or spelling but I see it's been a while since these entries where made so I'd like to see some more! Also, whilst I did like the pace a little more on Atlantis would be nice, but that goes back to the more chapters part I suppose.
Overall Impressions
Overall this was a good read, the character's are being well established and the plot is thickening, I'd like to see more of this.
Keep it up!
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What I liked.
I liked this slice of family life. The way Suri is beginning to question the things around her. It is something that all children go through and it is well covered here.
Suggestions
I did spot a few minor typos, I think you missed out a 'catch or get' when taking about the mother and you might want to add a space between 'can at least tell'
Overall Impressions
I found this an enjoyable little read. I felt the cold wind, I like that you also included a footnote for those not familiar with the term, very thoughtfull. I see there is more to come of this and I look forward to reading it, thank you for sharing your work.
This is a great article, I always rate quite high as well, for similar reasons, that someone went to a lot of effort to share their stories with me. I write for both pleasure and therapy, I'm an insomniac with the depression that tends to go with it and find writing helps me, nothing like wiping out a few people on a page to make you feel better! more so if you picture a person annoying as you do it. I thought that was one of the main reasons for this site. If someone writes an article that makes me think or encourages others then I'll rate it high, if I don't like something I'll not rate it. I'm so glad I found this artice as I see lots about not rating things too high this is the first that says it's okay. A well written, well set out, thoughtful and encouraging article, thank you for the time you took to write it, keep it up!
(P.S I think you may have meant misunderstood when you are telling us about the therapist saying we need to see them.)
You're right I did like this! I think it is a great idea to right these things or even say them when the recipient is still around to appreciate it! I thought on my own father, all these years in England and still with a broad Scot's accent! He too is having a few health proplems, luckly nothing serious but he too is no longer the man he was, then again who is? I loved the bit about the bumps in the road being a better view point! It's so true, as is the end. A beautiful piece of work, I wish you and your family the best of wishes, thank you for sharing them with me, keep it up!
What a great idea this is, I set my bio block as soon as I registered but didn't want to go over the limit. I never thought of writing it as an article, mainly because I'm quite dull really! I love the way this is set out and may borrow some of it for the one I am now planning on doing. It was more like a chat with someone in a coffee house or pub than an article. it was that easy to read, enough information to understand you without feeling that I was invading your privacy. thank you for sharing and the inspiration, keep it up!
I'm afraid to say this brings back a few nightmarish memories! I recognized most if not all of the references I love the way you tied them all together, they didn't seem so bad that way! A great piece of nostalgia very well written, even if you did leave out the lonewolf books! keep it up!
This is brilliant, I love the alternating rhyme, (I'm sure there's a technical term but I cannot recall it.)It describes what poetry is in such a gentle way, not just the words but the emotions. I love the colour too, a great job with flow and rhythm a joy to read, keep it up!
This is good, I like the subject! It has a nice rhythm running through it and the rhymes are all spot on. I too would prefer hell, I bore easily! If I could make a few suggetions I think loose should be lose? and the 'Just ... bloody stain.' line seems a bit off, perhaps, 'it won't...'? On the whole though I did enjoy this, wonderful imagery and a nice flow for the most part, Keep it up!
(P.s, happy WDC birthday! )
I enjoyed this, I liked the way you made use of the 'S' especially in the first verse, it makes me think of the waves hitting the shoreline. I too love the ocean, perhaps moreso in the winter. I find it helps ease my mind, I think you capture that well in this. I like that you finish with the start of the new season, showing its endless quality. I wasn't sure about the snowbirds coming after the tourists though as the next line seems to be aimed at the humans not the birds, perhaps the following could work;
'snowbirds fly
and tourists...'
This is just my suggestion and I'm the first to admit I'm no poet so you may want to see what other's say first.(I could even be wrong about snowbirds being actual birds!) I did like this, it brings back fond memories of late night winter walks by the sea to help me sleep! Thanks for sharing and keep it up!
Hi, again great stuff! I liked the way you showed the drawback of youthful impatience and the skill of experience. The fight sequences were well handled and as always the story flowed.
I did find one or two things I would personaly change; but as always these are just my thoughts and I don't mind if you ignore them!
'during his length of service...' I'd have gone with 'his lengthy service'
instead of a bastard sword perhaps go with broad sword, you can still have him weild it one handed, but I think a bastard sword is one that can generally be used either single or double- handed with ease, and 'five feet's length' could read easier as five feet in length.
'But, that was...' maybe 'It was...'
You have form instead of from just before the first scene break.
Sorry if these all seems picky, it's not meant to be, I did love this and look forward to the next installment. Keep it up, Moon.
This is a well written and thought out article. I think there are some valid points in it, like the idea that a big picture is made up of little brushstrokes, so that while we may not have the power of the governments we can in a small way make a difference in our communities. It would be nice if a few more folk would follow this philosophy. I would suggest that you could break up the text a little with some line breaks but this is short enough that it doesn't detract from the message.
This is good, I like the way that you repeat the last line. It has a lot of truth in it, it reminded me of the emergency services, though these days with everyone seemingly demanding 24/7 service it could be anyone. If I had any suggestions they would be Line 15, change 'dreams' to thoughts, as dreams suggest you are areasy asleep and on the last line, I'd personally go with 'It'd be 3 a.m' that said I liked this very much, (though perhaps I should have waited 50 mins to do this at 3 a.m to get the full effect!)a good read keep it up!
this is good, a well thought out argument charmingly written! It's not much better over here. I see this is a work in progress so I hope you don't mind a few suggestions, bare in mind these are only my opinions and no offence is meant (nor will any be taken if you ignore them!) in the second line instead of 'looks like it's just...perhaps 'more like a...' and in the 16th, maybe drop the 'that are' I think the rest can carry that line. As I said these a just my suggestions and I did like the overall feel of this, the rhymes are well thought out and don't seem strained. I look forward to more from you, keep it up!
A very moving tale, I like the way it is set out with the timeline. Anyone who has had depression could identify with her, how the 'stinking thinking' process works. An excellent job with the limited space this style allows. I hope it won/wins keep it up!
An excellent poem. It reminds me of some of those i read about the first world war where death was the only victor. It shows the lies that are always told to convince young men and women to lay down their lives. I particualy like the way you compare them to the livestock. I wasn't sure if you meant lions in the 14th line? I like this, keep it up!
Good afternoon! Again great stuff, I like the way that you get the history of the Lycanthropes into this, how they don't necessarily need the moon tobe full. I also like how you give Crimson another reason to want them dead, it will help make her a more sympathitic character not just a killer, not that there's anything wrong with that in my book! I look forward to the next installment. Keep it up! Moon.
I thought this was a great argument for filling the bio block out. I did mine almost straight away and was quite surprised that a lot of people hadn't. I haven't put anything too personal in there but I thought it a brilliant way to be able to tell other's about me without having to go to a forum and do the equivalent of standing up in a strange place and giving your life history! I ike that I can let folk know I'm shy, so that if I don't get to chatty they know not to take it personaly. I too like to know a little on the author of a piece, it helps give an insight into their work, reguardless of the style they use. This is well written, informative without being patronizing and hopefully will inspire others to fill their bio blocks in, as you said it doesn't have to be too personal, an age group and country can be more than enough to understand where someone is coming from. I haven't even revealed my gender as it's not relevent whereas the rest I think is. Thank you for writing this, keep it up!(sorry I waffled on a bit)
Very good, I've toyed with trying this myself and know how hard it is! It is like a snapshot of the end of the world, I like the way that you end it, like a fairy tale of old that scares the child silly then the parent says goodnight! It was until the tales! I wish you the best of luck with this, keep it up!
I liked these. Many a true word written in jest! I couldn't pick a favourite, though as someone who gets a little (okay a lot)irritated at those females who seem to freak out at the sight of each other, I may well borrow the last one! great stuff, keep it up!
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I love the way you tied them all together, they didn't seem so bad that way! A great piece of nostalgia very well written, even if you did leave out the lonewolf books! keep it up!