My thoughts:
I like the words to this song and they way the beat starts. I can see where these lyrics would work well with several different types of music. It would work well with a slower tempo or a more driving beat. The flow is fairly smooth.
Personal notes:
I'm curious if you had a type of music in mind when you sat down to write these lyrics.
Suggestions: This starts out with a good rhythm, but seems to lose the beat about halfway through. In the first two stanzas the beat is even 5-5-5-6. However, the following stanzas appear to be off tempo. The third stanza is 5-7-6-6 and the last is 7-9-6-8. This throws off the rhythm. Perhaps you can rework the lines to have a more consistent beat. With lyrics, it's important to note which parts are the verses and which are the chorus or refrain. With these lyrics, it's a bit unclear. You may want to consider that. As far as songs go, this is a little short. Could you perhaps expand on the ideas you've started with here?
Overall thoughts:
I think you're off to a good start here. With a little work, this could be an awesome song. Write on!
For a first attempt, I think you've done a fine job. Your words flow smoothly, easily keeping the rhythm. The overall tone is sad. You've captured the loss of love and also the slight regret at not taking the chance to see what might have been. I'd like to hear this to music; I'm sure it would be quite beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. Write on!
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My thoughts:
A timely essay in light of the destruction brought by the hurricanes this year. The flow is fairly smooth. You make some valid points here. I noticed no errors in grammar.
Suggestions: I would format this with indents and spacing between paragraphs for easier reading. The way this started out, it seemed like you were saying that the people should have done more to help themselves. Then, you turned the essay around and blamed media and the government for the chaos. It's a little confusing. Other-your words in green; suggestions in blue When this massive hurricane hit it became immensely apparent that poverty was one of s the central causes of much of the turmoil, public reactions and the lack of response. I think you need a comma after hit. Also you have an unneeded 's' in this sentence. Our government has trained these poor people, to turn to them for help. I think the comma is unneeded here. Strong young men who should have been taking charge and organizing work groups for answers, were instead looting, raping, and causing substantial turmoil. I think the comma after answers in unneeded. Five days passed before the National Guard arrived with transportation to evacuate the stranded, and it took thirteen days before Congressed passed a tax relief bill for the victims. I think this would have more impact as two separate sentences. Also, I think you meant Congress.
Overall thoughts:
This is a good essay with the potential to become a very strong, impactful statement. Write on!
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My thoughts:
This is a little humorous, but with a sad undertone. People deal with grief differently, so it was interesting to see this take on it. The flow was fairly smooth. You developed the character well. I got a good sense of his personality and emotions from your words. I noticed no errors in spelling or grammar.
Suggestions: I would bump up the rating on this because of the language. For more information, see "Content Rating System (CRS)" . I think a little more detail would help. What do the characters look like? What do the scenes look like? You may want to check your dialogue. In a couple spots, you need a space. I'm not sure about the caps towards the end of the story. You already say that he's screaming so the caps distract from the impact of the words.
Overall thoughts:
A different story from what I normally read, but definitely interesting. Thank you for sharing. Write on!
My thoughts:
An interesting and humorous view of the educational babies in childcare classes. I like how you've given the baby a voice, allowing him to say all the things I'm sure the babies would say if they were only given a chance. The outrage and humiliation felt by the baby comes through clearly.
Personal notes:
Having carried one of those dolls while in my high school parenting and child development class, I've yet to see how they actually teach anything about childcare.
Suggestions: You may want to add a little more punctuation. A couple sentences read awkward because of the lack of commas. You have a couple misspelled words. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, I believe it should be "worst" instead of "worse".
Overall thoughts:
Thank you for the humorous, yet enlightening view. Write on!
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My thoughts:
I like the words and the message here. Your description of the scene brings it to life for the reader. I noticed no errors in grammar or spelling.
Suggestions: The variation in stanza length distracts from the flow a little. I would either make all stanzas with the same amount of lines or alternate between 5 and 4 lines. Generally with poetry, each word must be strong and count. I noticed a little repetition in this poem which distracted from the impact of the words.
Overall thoughts:
A "beautiful" poem. Thank you for sharing. Write on!
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My thoughts:
Although short, this packs a lot of suspense in it. You keep the reader wondering what's going to happen. The flow is smooth. I noticed no errors in grammar or spelling.
Personal notes:
Normally a vague ending like you have here would irritate me, but in this case it works well.
Suggestions: You may want to check your punctuation. A few places need commas for clarity.
I can’t take back what I have done and a part of me is sorry, but I know deep in my heart that I couldn’t have stopped myself, I was never strong enough. This sentence is a bit long. I would break it into two for clarity. Why didn’t I just say no. I think this needs a question mark since it's asking a question.
Overall thoughts:
A fast-moving suspenseful story. Write on!
Well said. Writing.com offers so many ways to earn needed GPs. It just takes a little work on the member's part to earn them. I like how you've given the various ways to earn GPs so members that aren't aware can make use of them. I noticed no errors in this well-written piece. Thank you for bringing this issue to the attention of members. Write on!
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My thoughts:
It's clear to see the emotions brought on by your experience in this poem. I like the vivid language you've used, especially the phrase "a field of emerald grass." It brings the scene to life. I noticed no errors in grammar and spelling.
Suggestions: You have some words capitalized and I'm not sure why. The punctuation seems off to me. I would use semicolons instead of dashes. The dashes give it a jerky rhythm. The flow seems uneven. In some poems an uneven flow accents the words, but here it draws away from the peaceful feeling brought on by your words.
Overall thoughts:
This poem has a lot of potential. It wouldn't take a lot to bring this to its full strength. Let me know if you edit and I'll be glad to return and rerate. Write on!
Thank you for sharing this informative article on comma usage. I like how you've included examples for each usage so the reader can better understand the concept. I noticed no errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation.
Would you mind if I included a link to this item in my reviews of items with comma problems? I think this article explains it more clearly than I can.
An interesting poll to get an idea of what genres others writers prefer. I'm always curious to see what other writers' interests are.
You have misspelled prefer in your question and your item description. I also felt that you could have included more genres. For example: romance is one of the most popular genres, yet it isn't on your list.
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My thoughts:
A very moving and emotional piece. I like how you use a hurricane as an analogy for your life. I noticed no errors in grammar or spelling. The flow as very smooth.
Personal notes:
After reading of your experiences, I was glad to see his piece ended on a happy note with you finding your special someone.
Suggestions: In your item description, it should be effect. You may want to check your punctuation. It's off in some places.
Overall thoughts:
I'm sure many can draw hope from your words. Thank you for sharing. Write on!
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My thoughts:
I like how you draw the reader right into the story with your opening lines. The flow is smooth. I noticed no errors in spelling or punctuation. Your description is good, easily allowing the reader to envision the scene.
Personal notes:
I like the inclusion of the internal battle that is subtly referred to.
Suggestions: In the first sentence, I think you may have meant passed instead of past. How did he end up on the water?
Overall thoughts:
A good story with the potential to be a great story. Write on!
My thoughts:
I really enjoyed reading this. You brought the turkeys to life and made them seem like people. The flow was smooth. I noticed no errors in spelling or grammar.
Personal notes:
Poor Thomas. I loved his revolutionary spirit.
Suggestions: "We, the ignorant (but generally happy) masses are being prepared for a terrible fate!" I believe you need a comma after masses.
Overall thoughts:
A well-written story with a little twist. Thanks for the enjoyable read. Write on!
My thoughts:
You have captured the siren song of the highway here. I like the personification of the road. It brings to life the idea of the road being a man's mistress. I noticed no errors in spelling.
Personal notes:
I like your word choice here.
Suggestions: You may want to check your punctuation. I noticed a couple spots that were awkward. The next to last line reads a little awkward. Perhaps "She beckons me and I'm falling" instead. Your choice of course. In the third line of the fifth stanza, it seems like it throws off the rhythm. You may want to look at it.
Overall thoughts:
A good poem with a few minor problems. Errors aside, this was a pleasure to read. Write on!
My thoughts:
This was a funny story on learning the art of the perfectly roasted marshmallow. I'm glad to hear that you finally roasted your first marshmallow. I only wish you had the chance to enjoy it. There were no errors in spelling or punctuation that I noticed.
Personal notes:
Personally, I prefer mine nearly burned. They're so gooey inside then.
Suggestions: I would suggest formatting this with space between paragraphs for easier reading. It kind of ran all together while I was reading. Then it struck her that she a large, sticky glob of burnt marshmallow on the front of her previously clean shirt, and she let out a sort of strangled shriek. I think you're missing a word after "that she" here.
Overall thoughts:
A good story with lots of humor. Thanks for the smile. Write on!
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My thoughts:
This is a humorous view into a procrastinator's life. Your description here is good, easily allowing the reader to envision the scene. I noticed no errors in spelling or grammar. I like how you've ended this.
Personal notes:
As a notorious procrastinator, I found your story a funny view into myself.
Suggestions: I felt the ellipses distracted from your words. I would consider using commas or dashes instead.
Overall thoughts:
A funny, yet warning story on the dangers of procrastination. Well done. Write on!
My thoughts:
As I'm currently doing research on character development, I found your article a welcome read. The flow is good. Your ideas are well organized. I like the inclusion of links to other helpful items as well as the prompt.
Personal notes:
I had never thought of using the zodiac for my character development. Thank you for the tip.
Suggestions: I only noticed one little thing. This should be roles. Character Rolls:
Overall thoughts:
A well-done article on character development. Thank you for the education and inspiring piece. Write on!
In your review of "Simply Expectations & Incentives" I noticed your wish to have your entire port reviewed. I thought I'd try to make your wish a reality.
My thoughts:
This is well-written. Your offer a lot of insight into a pilot's life, not only their career but also their home life. I like how you gently correct the untrue impressions some may have about pilots.
Personal notes:
I like the quote you've ended this with. It pulls the piece together quite well.
Suggestions: You have some run-on sentences which distract from the flow. You may want to consider using a semicolon or breaking the sentence into smaller ones for clarity. I believe the song name should be capitalized. In the first sentence of the third paragraph, I think it would read smoother if you add "A" at the beginning of the sentence.
Overall thoughts:
I found this an enlightening read on pilots. Thank you for sharing. Write on!
My thoughts:
This is a wonderful piece on writing. You easily relate the different periods in writing to the theme. Your words are descriptive and vivid. The flow is smooth. I noticed no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
Personal notes:
I can easily relate to your love affair with a pencil. Many of my items are first written on a notepad in pencil.
Suggestions:
None.
Overall thoughts:
This is an insightful piece into yourself. I'm sure that many writers can easily relate to your words. Well done. Write on!
My thoughts:
This is a wonderful contract with yourself. It is well-written and clearly organized. I noticed no errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation.
Personal notes:
Having once been in an unhealthy relationship, I could easily relate to the words. I wish I could have read them while I was in the relationship. I probably would have walked out the door then.
Suggestions:
None. This is a great piece.
Overall thoughts:
This contract offers insight into you, as well as easily relates to how many feel. Very well done. Write on!
I hadn't read anything of yours for a while so I thought I'd stop by your port for a visit.
My thoughts:
I see your gift for writing applies to poetry as well as erotic stories. The flow is smooth. There are no errors in grammar or spelling.
Personal notes:
I like your personification of the human spirit.
Suggestions: You might want to check your punctuation. It's off in a couple places. Your rhythm is off in a couple lines. You start the poem with a 9-10 stanza, but in a few spots, you switch to a 10-9. It's not really noticeable unless you read it aloud.
Overall thoughts:
I really liked the wording and description in this poem. Write on!
My thoughts:
What a beautiful, heart-felt letter you have written! The flow is very smooth. It's easy to feel the emotions that have went into this piece. This is deeply personal.
Personal notes:
Having lost a friend who was a mother figure to me last year, and now seeing my best friend and my mother-in-law battling cancer, I can relate to how you feel.
If you would care to take a look, my poem "Goodbye" was written for my best friend. Someone may have already suggested this, but there is a forum here on the site for those touched by cancer. "Invalid Item"
Suggestions: You have a couple misspelled words and typos. A spellcheck should catch them. In the second paragraph. the phrase "... a beautiful power of example..." seems a little off. Perhaps "a beautiful, powerful example" could be used here. In the last paragraph, the bracket after "up" is unneeded. In the last sentence, I think you may have meant "we" instead of "me."
Overall thoughts:
This is a very touching letter. Write on!
This is beautifully done. Visually, the poem appears similar to a butterfly. The words are simple and can be understood by children. I can easily see this being a nightly ritual between a mother and her child. There are no errors that I noticed. The flow was gentle and soothing. Very well done! Write on!
My thoughts:
This is a good, well-rounded poll. You cover all the angles with your options.
Personal notes:
I was saddened to see that some people had voted the way they did. Personally, I've found Writing.com a great place. (I voted accordingly) I know of no other place that has such a kind, caring, supportive community.
Suggestions:
I have none other than that you might ask voters who chose options on the lower end of the scale for comments.
Overall thoughts:
This was an interesting poll. I must admit the results surprised me. Write on!
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This starts out with a good rhythm, but seems to lose the beat about halfway through. In the first two stanzas the beat is even 5-5-5-6. However, the following stanzas appear to be off tempo. The third stanza is 5-7-6-6 and the last is 7-9-6-8. This throws off the rhythm. Perhaps you can rework the lines to have a more consistent beat.
How did he end up on the water?