My thoughts:
You have captured quite well the difficulty for some people to follow "simple" directions. It was easy to feel Jack's panic.
Personal notes:
Normally, I steer away from adding too much insight into the thoughts of the main character as it confuses the story. However, in this story, the view into Jack's thoughts helps to emphasize his panic.
Suggestions: I would suggest formatting this story with indents and spaces between paragraphs for easier reading. You might want to check your punctuation. It's off in some places, making the sentence confusing. Also, it isn't necessary to put a space before your punctuation. A few typos:
Jack took out the creased piece out of his crisp starched jeans and stared at it blankly, chewing on his already chapped lower lip. I think you may have forgot a word here. Also, the repetition of "out" is unnecessary and interferes with the flow of the sentence.
And the people...oh the people, putting their grimy infected hands on everything; you never knew quiet what a person could be carrying nowadays. I think you may have meant "quite" here.
So worn down that Marx could cover the broken down hells with his standard argyle socks, the kind that women with craft fetishes liked to make into sock monkeys. I think you may have meant "heels" here.
Jack glanced again at the blue ink and took a gulp of air that couldn’t quiet reach his lungs. Again, I think you may have meant "quite" here.
Overall thoughts:
This piece has a lot of potential. With a little polish, you can really make it shine. Write on!
You're off to a good start here. The subject immediately catches the reader's interest and has them reading on to learn more.
Suggestions: I think more information would urge the reader to visit the website. Are there any qualifications to be a reader reviewer? Does this position pay? Why should the reader sign up with you? What's the incentive? I would include some information about yourself in this piece. After viewing your bio, I see that you have a background in literature. By adding that fact to this piece, I think it will make your ad stronger, giving the reader a basis to look at.
This is definitely an intriguing article, easily catching the reader's attention and leaving them hungry for more. With a little polish, I think this could be a very persuasive ad. Write on!
My thoughts:
This is an interesting, philosophical piece. I like the reference to Camus. It helps back up your point here. Your words flow smoothly, obviously chosen with care. I saw no errors in spelling or grammar.
Personal notes:
I like the reference to corporate middle-management. It helps to clearly illustrate your point and offers a point of humor.
Suggestions: Your first paragraph is repetitious. Is there a way you can convey your point without repeating yourself, at least without using the same words. Some of your sentences are quite long and easily get confusing. I would suggest paring them down or breaking them into separate sentences for clarity. From your item description, I expected this to be a piece on being yourself. Instead, I found a description of a rebel. You may want to change the description to match the piece or add a line to the piece about being yourself to pull it all together.
Overall thoughts:
This piece has a lot of potential. Your words are strong, easily conveying your point. With a little polish, you can make this shine. Write on!
My thoughts:
This is fairly well-written for a rant. You make some valid points here. This flows well, broken into short paragraphs to make each point. The conversational tone to the piece draws the reader in.
Personal notes:
I like how you end with a plea. It helps tie the piece together.
Suggestions: I think the usage of curse words brings down the tone of this piece and distracts from the real meaning here. One or two would have sufficed to make your point. I believe mind numbed should have a hyphen. I would suggest formatting the first two paragraphs. Since you've formatted the rest of the piece, it seems off. In the sentence I so NO MORE GIFTS!! I'm not sure what you meant here. I believe there is a missing word. I think you've overused the exclamation point here. You want to convey your point with your words, not punctuation. Can you reword some sentences to be stronger?
Overall thoughts:
This piece has a lot of potential. It wouldn't take much work to bring this to its full strength. Write on!
My thoughts:
This poem flows smoothly. Your description is good, easily allowing the reader to picture the scene.
Personal notes:
I like the rhythm of this poem. It brings to mind the wind through the willow tree.
Suggestions: In the sixth line, I believe you need an apostrophe in lifes. You use the word "beautiful" several times in a short piece. I would suggest using a different, more descriptive word, perhaps "lovely." In the thirteenth line, I think you may have meant "place" instead of "pace." You might want to check your punctuation. It's off in a couple places, which distracts from the flow.
Overall thoughts:
You're off to a good start here. With a little work, you can bring this poem to its full strength. I look forward to reading more of your work. Write on!
You're off to a good start here. The idea of a toothbrush theft is definitely off the beaten path. The story flows well. Your description is good.
Suggestions: I would suggest formatting your paragraphs with space between and indents. It's very difficult to read on the screen. You leave the reader hanging. How did the detective solve the crime? What was the motive?
I can see the potential here. With a little work, you can bring this story to its full strength. Write on!
My thoughts:
The conversational tone draws the reader right into the story. It is well-written. There are no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation. The story flows smoothly. The characters seem very realistic, especially the narrator.
Personal notes:
I like how you inject emotions and fantasies into the story.
Suggestions: In the seventh paragraph, third sentence, you need a space between nextdoor.
Overall thoughts:
A cute story. You capture the wistfulness for that perfect man in the novel. Great work! Write on!
My thoughts:
This is an interesting view on death. The lines flow well. There are no few errors.
Personal notes:
I like how you see death as beautiful, rather than the ordinary view of death as bad.
Suggestions: Views is misspelled in your item description. You might want to check your punctuation. A couple lines are difficult to read. Beginning is misspelled in the third line. The title of the poem doesn't really match the words. You might want to consider another title.
Overall thoughts:
I can see the potential in this poem. With a little polish, you can make it shine. Write on!
My thoughts:
The poem flows smoothly. There are no errors in spelling or grammar. This is short and to the point, yet still manages to convey how you perceive yourself.
Personal notes:
I like how you compare the distorted image in the looking glass to yourself.
Suggestions: You might want to check your punctuation. You need a comma at the end of the third line. I think the words would have more impact if you replaced the semicolons with periods.
Overall thoughts:
Good work! With a few minor adjustments, you can bring this poem to it's full strength. Write on!
My thoughts:
I like the sense of hope in this piece. Even though it seems like the transgression can't be overcome, I could still feel hope shining through. You can easily feel the man's deep regret.
Personal notes:
I've been in this situation before on the woman's side. You've captured the feelings perfectly.
Suggestions: In the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, effection should be affection. You might want to check your punctuation. In a couple places you have a period where you need a comma. Also questions should end with a question mark.
Overall thoughts
Great work! It's easy to feel the emotions in this story. Write on!
My thoughts:
Great work! There are no errors in punctuation, grammar, or spelling. Your words are very descriptive, making it easy for the reader to envision the scene,
Personal notes:
I like the flowing words you've used here; it brings to mind the ebb and flow of the waves.
Suggestions:
I could find no errors or anything I think that should be changed.
Overall thoughts:
I know it couldn't have been easy to describe with the word limits that were imposed. You've done a great job. Good luck in the contest. Write on!
My thoughts:
Great work! I like the analogy of an inchworm as people. You've captured the stubborn perseverance that we all have. Your vivid imagery makes sure the reader can easily envision the scene.
Personal notes:
I like the passage you start this story out with. It helps to emphasize the impact of your message.
Suggestions: I'm not sure why you capitalized the types of fish.
Overall thoughts:
This was a very inspirational piece. I really enjoyed the message within your words. Write on!
My thoughts:
This is a very touching story. I like the message you end the story with-that people aren't always what they appear to be. There are no errors in spelling or punctuation.
Personal notes:
I get bronchitis every year so I'm well acquainted with the boredom you spoke of. You have captured the utter frustration of being cooped up in the house when there's so much that you wish to do.
Suggestions: In the first paragraph, fourth sentence, I think you may have meant"...with hours..." In the last sentence of the paragraph, you repeat yourself. I would take out one "stuck." The second sentence of the fifth paragraph is a little confusing. Perhaps you can reword it to something like The expensive medicine he prescribed was well worth the cost, and soon my bout with bronchitis was over…sadly, so was summer. In the sixth paragraph the phrase "While doing my room" is a little bland. Perhaps you could be more descriptive.
Overall thoughts:
Good work! Your emotions have clearly come through with your words. Write on!
Good story! This reminds us that we all fall to temptation every once in a while. I like your description of a lottery ticket as a siren's song. It intensifies the effect of the professor's words later in the story when he's ranting about the lotto leading people to destruction.
Suggestions: "scotch infused" should have a hyphen. The professor's rant has a very long sentence in it that's hard to follow. Perhaps you can pare it down a bit or split it into two sentences.
Good work! I like the analogy of life as a spider web. It helps accent the thought that life is fragile, but also strong. This poem flows smoothly. There are no spelling errors.
Suggestions: You may want to check your punctuation in a couple spots.
I liked this story. The anger and frustration of losing a loved one cleary comes through with your words. I like the uplifting note and sense of renewal you end the story with.
Suggestions: The top half of your story doesn't have the paragraphs formatted, which makes for difficult reading. I would format the paragraphs. Happy hour. I snicker aloud at the irony.
Maybe it's just me, but I could not picture Autumn snickering over what caused her husband's death, even if it is ironic.
This was a beautiful and sensual piece. The vivid, yet subtle imagery allows the reader to see the story. I like the way you start with the storm outside, and then switch to the memory of the storm of passion inside. It helps to build the anticipation.
Suggestions: You would not care at this very moment, if they were near and watching.
This line is a little hard to understand. I would reword it. Perhaps You would not care if, at this very moment, they were near and watching. I believe fingertips is one word. I ask you to keep your eyes on mine. Through your eyes, I will look into the windows of your heart.
You repeat eyes here, which distracts from the flow. Perhaps you can combine these two sentences into one. You need a comma in a couple places.
Good work! I liked the rhythm of this poem; it's almost like a ballad. The poem flows smoothly. There are no errors in spelling. It is easy to see the emotion that has went into the writing of this poem.
Suggestions: You have several unnecessary commas which detract from your words.
This was a nice wander down memory lane. You highlighted not only the material items of the 80s, but also the thoughts.
Suggestions: I would suggest formatting your paragraphs with indents and spacing between the paragraphs. On a computer screen, it's difficult to read when it's all together.
What a great story! You offer insight into a very caring individual, as well as show the impact that her attitude has had on you. It flows easily. I love a story with a message, and this one has a great message.
Suggestions: You have a couple misspelled words that need to be corrected. In a couple places, a comma is needed. You might want to check your WritingML in the last paragraph. You used <> instead of {}.
Keep up the great work! Thank you for sharing such an inspiring story.
Great article! I like how you offer different avenues for finding factual information. The blue color points out important ideas to remember. Using your own experiences in the article keeps it from being dry, while showing the reader exactly how to go about researching for their story. The last paragraph keeps the article on a personal note by telling a little about you.
I think you make a very compelling argument with this article. In all honesty, I happen to agree with your view. The article is well-written, including examples to back up your point of view. I could clearly feel the emotion behind your writing.
Suggestions:
"full-proof" should be fool-proof I believe.
A couple of your sentences are quite long; it makes it difficult to comprehend what you're trying to say in them.
I liked this story. You've shown how realistic fantasy can be and the frustration felt with the return to reality. I like how you leave most of the fantasy to the imagination of the reader, keeping the sensuous tone.
Suggestions: The formatting of the story is off. I found it distracting. Your punctuation and capitalization needs a little work.
Keep writing!
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I would suggest formatting this story with indents and spaces between paragraphs for easier reading.
Are there any qualifications to be a reader reviewer?