I've heard of trouble coming in threes, but I believe this story takes the cake. I couldn't help but smile as the story flowed from one disaster to the next. I liked the twist at the end.
Suggestions: My eyes finally settling on the stunning 747.
I had trouble picturing a jet as stunning. Maybe it was just me. Grant it, I was 16, but still nervous.
I think you may have meant granted instead of grant it. {"Oh this is a real gem of a story" she was able to get out as she continued to laugh.
Take out the bracket.
Thank you for this well written and wonderfully informative collection of articles. I found this to be an excellent reference for new and long-time writers, as well as reviewers. Your examples in each article help to illustrate the lessons.
My suggestions for inclusion in your article are set vs. sat and you're vs. your.
Congratulations on your impending publication of this poem! It is beautifully written. The words were very vivid. There were few errors that I could see.
Suggestions: Some of your commas should be semicolons.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Good work! Your words flowed easily. There were no misspelled words. I like your analogy of life as wind.
Suggestions: "Whiff of wind" just doesn't seem to flow right for me. Perhaps you can find another word to use in place of "whiff." Your punctuation is a little off. In some places you've used it, but in others it's not used at all.
Great work! I've worked as floor supervisor in a long-term care facility so I understand the frustration as well as the sadness involved in working with those who are no longer theirselves. Your words have captured the frustration, not only of the caregiver, but also the patient trying to be understood.
Suggestions: While Maria's phrases are basic Spanish, not everyone will be able to understand what she's saying. Perhaps you can insert a translation into your narrator's thoughts?
I must say that I wasn't expecting the twist in the story where the reader finds out exactly who his his "friend" is. This is well-written with few errors. It flowed easily.
Suggestions: You have a few errors in punctuation. What motivated Kevin? I understand the basic reason, but why was the reaction so severe?
Good work! The personal experiences you've written about help make the piece more personal. The conversational tone to the piece points out the needed facts without making it dry. Your words are well-written and informative.
Suggestions: In the first sentence the comma should be a semicolon. The first words of your quoted questions should be capitalized. The question "Is he going on the plane with you or as cargo." should end with a question mark. In some places you've used "is" where it should be "are". Disappeared is misspelled.
You're off to a good start here. I like the way you weave Melinda's thoughts in and out of the story. The secret room was a nice surprise.
Suggestions: Some of your sentences are quite long, sometimes making it difficult to read. I would split them into smaller sentences for clarity. I feel that you should give some more description of the house. What style of house is it? Is the paint peeling? Does the porch sag? Things like that help the reader picture the scene. I think you need some more development of your characters. What makes them tick? What do they look like? In the paragraph where Melinda hears whispers, you get a little repetitive by using the dog's name several times. Perhaps you can rework the lines so you can get away from that.
Keep up the good work! I can't wait to see the rest of the story.
Beautiful work. The words flow easily. I found the poem to be an easy description of love that will stick in the mind of the reader.
Suggestions: I feel that punctuation would accentuate the words. In the first stanza, you start each line with the same two words, but in the second and third stanza you break from this. Perhaps rewording the lines would help. Beautiful is misspelled in the fifth line. The second and third stanzas start with the same word. I found it a little repetitious. Perhaps you can find a more descriptive word for love.
This is good work. You've easily conveyed the emotion and thoughts that a writer goes through.
Suggestions: Softly from my lips they fell,
In the poem you are discussing writing. The switch to talking seems out of place. But is it true? Can it be?
This line seems to distract from the flow of the piece. Perhaps you can expand this line and add a few more words to keep the rhythm.
Good work! The words flow easily. The pink color enhances the words you've written.
Suggestions:
Risk all too see the world awake Too should be to.
To feel this sand You need a comma after sand since the next line continues the sentence.
This is beautiful work. In a few short lines, you have easily managed to convey the feeling of being saved. Great work!
I have only a couple suggestions.
In the line "Wandering through the world in a daze, lost." I would reword it to read "Wandering, lost, through the world in a daze." or "Lost, wandering throught the world in a daze." In the line "Lost no more, she has become my saving grace." I would reword it to read "I am lost no more; she has become my saving grace." Just a thought.
Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing more.
I really enjoyed this poem. The uneven rhythm accentuates the piece. The reader can easily see from your words that experiences in your past have shaped who you are today.
There are no spelling or grammatical errors. The words flow easily throughout the poem.
Great work. I really enjoyed this poem. Your words clearly illustrate the important of dreams in life. You subtly remind the reader to hold onto their dreams and to not let anyone destroy them.
My only suggestion is to look at your punctuation. You have a few unneeded commas and periods which I think detract from the piece.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Good work. The outrageous statements made by Fred inject a note of humor into this piece. You can almost picture Fred by yourwords. I see him as one of those people that are desperate to talk to someone, but used to being turned away. The short, clipped lines in the piece reinforce his desperation in wanting someone, anyone, to listen.
I would suggest running this through a spell-checker to catch the few misspelled words in it. A few commas are also needed for clarity.
This was a great poem. I admire your perseverance in using the "L" words. I know it couldn't have been easy. This piece has some wonderful alliteration. I'm sure that, upon reading it aloud, the reader would find their tongue tied quite easily.
As with your other works, I've enjoyed this piece. The meter is good. Your words flow easily and seamlessly from thought to thought. I feel that the formal tone accentuates the piece.
I have only one suggestion. In the fourth stanza, you lose the rhyme a bit when you use the word result.
This was a cute piece. It brings to mind the memories of childhood, a wander down memory lane.
I only have one suggestion for you. I feel that you need more commas and less periods. While the periods help keep the cadence, I feel that they detract from the piece. Maybe it's a hold-over from a teacher that raged over sentence fragments in school.
Like other works of yours that I have read, this is wonderful. It reminds us all of the unsung heroes in our lives and encourages us to seek them out and give recognition where it's due. Thank you.
You have a couple spaces where there should not be any (picture's, coffee's, program's), but otherwise a great piece.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
This is a lovely piece. Thank you for including definition of ketuvim. I was not familiar with the word so including the definition helped me to better understand where your words were coming from.
I have only one suggestion and it's a minor one. In the line At the end, one asks and learns: neither lineage nor heritage, nor the rant of minor prophets, matters. I feel that it would flow better without the comma after prophets.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing more.
I think you're off to a good start here. Personally I think mythology is a bit difficult to write, so I commend you for undertaking the job.
While overall a fairly good piece,there are a few lines that are confusing, and detract from the clarity and flow of the piece. The reader has to reread the lines, sometimes several times, before they can understand what you are trying to say.
The larger nation and city of Donnoko was peaceful and didn’t know war but the deities’ borders were filled with battles between creatures commandable only by the deities doing their bidding.
This makes it appear that the deities are doing the work. You need to reword this sentence for clarity.
I am a traveler, a person whose feet will burn unless the move and mind will wander if the body cannot.
I'm not sure what you meant by "move" here.
They boarded the windows and doors and ducked their heads between their heads, both praying and kissing their butts good-bye.
A simple mistake when a writer's thoughts get ahead of their fingers.
Ealigh pushed the deities further and further back until they were pushed into their temples and were forced to border them up for fear of destruction of their haven.
I think you meant "board them up" here.
Keep up the good work.
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My eyes finally settling on the stunning 747.