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3,253 Public Reviews Given
3,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review of Hold on Tight!  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Ice Cube. Nixie here,
dropping off a review from
A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


I'm happy my eyes skipped over the brief description. The puzzlement encouraged my mind to engage. A long time I sat here, wondering. The thought of my dad in a wheelchair came to me. It was awful. They parked everyone in a room with a tv, alarms set to screech if the person tried to stand up. To see my strong dad in such a horrible light crushed me. Not much later, he died.

Now, a positive spin to fill my mind. Of course I understand the personification, but it did my heart good to imagine wheel chairs having a personality. I hope my dad's was happy to ferry him about.

My favorite part was the one wondering if anyone one would take it for a thrill ride. And I still didn't make the connection. What a joy for it to fulfill a wish. Did it always think all kids were plastic dolls? That would make sense in light of the chair's limited perception.

Her eyes were giant, pale moons that shimmered with excitement.

I struggle with commas. A comma replaces the word 'and'. Adding and to the sentence: Her eyes were giant and pale moons that shimmered with excitement.'

My preference is without the comma, but it's a grey area. Author's discretion.

A lovely and vivid scene concluded the story with positivity. Thanks for the read. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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302
Review of Cryptic Case  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi D. Dev.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You are the last ingredient in my dessert. *Laugh* Click the image and that remark will make sense.

I'm as confused as Claire. Can you help me understand? Is this a time travel piece? I apologize for the copy/paste.*Down*

"I'm sorry. If you ever get the chance, please meet me in the same place. I'll explain then."

I think everyone is in some kind of school, where a student has been shot. Is Wheeler the one holding the gun? Are they on another planet?. Why does someone have glasses that could cut through glass?

The back and forth of (accidental) verb changes from present to past needs to be straightened out.

The reader needs more information before the story can be comprehended. According to the brief description, friends are trying to help another. I didn't capture any moment of a 'beloved' friend. Is there more to the story?

I guess the teacher (?) entered and put all the kids in separate rooms while waiting for the cops to show up. That part I understood. *Smile*

Apologies, but helping to edit your story would take too long. I feel sad for not sending props. I'm sure you have the idea in your head, it simply didn't translate to virtual paper.

We have lots of readers and reviewers here. I hope someone else can make sense of this. Please keep on writing. *Smile*

If you'd like, here's a link to click on where you can meet other new members of the community.



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Juice  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Keaton foster.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You're now an ingredient in my Spanish dessert, Tarte de Santiago. *Laugh*


What an odd title for this piece. But I wanted to know was what the author thinking when writing this. Alone? Unwanted?

Metaphoric sadness prevails. The poem is spontaneous and sometimes our best work spills from brain to fingers.

I understand the point, but how can anyone know what's inside another? No one. The viewpoint seems harsh. Yes, it may seem that mundane people are the norm.
Maybe that's true but I find it depressing. And a little insulting to be lumped in with the 'mundane normalcy'.

The poem acknowledges the possibility of not being understood, but we all feel the same. Sometimes like a waste of air.

It pleases me to think about people caring for each other. Not all of us are mundane and many can sympathize with you. Why would anyone be happy to see another crushed or shattered? Vindictive people, I suppose.

Punctuation would help the flood of words.

I'm sorry to say this, but I found the work a bit insulting and demeaning. If I didn't comprehend the full extant of your mastery of words, then maybe this piece is only for the author. Now you can say no one understands you.

A new take on the water glass cliche, still the words are compelling. That's why we write, to release words that don't always make sense, but lifts the author's spirit. Or validates the gloom. Am I making too big of a deal about this poem? Overreacting? That's the beauty of poetry. (or not?) It's open to interpretation, regardless of the author's intent.

If a see such a sad person in passing, I'll remember this poem and recognize them.

In the end, I'm wondering if my feelings are justified, or have I been too harsh? The thing is, we can't help our feelings, and they do not have to be justified. Which makes your feelings valid, as well. Not that you need my approval!

Anyhow, I can see a table in my old house that used to be sit in an alcove surrounded by windows. That was the image in my mind as I entered your weave of words.

Thanks for the read!

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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304
Review of This is the UFO.  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Nobody learns. I hope your handle isn't the truth. *Pthb*
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.


Haha is my first reaction. Subtle humour is entertaining, though I didn't plan on reading all the way through. Once I started, the hook was in me. So, humans are captives of aliens and expected to go fight...wars? Certainly dropped into unspecified locations.

The beginning, preferably the first line needs to be clear and crisp. The second statement in the second line is a run-on and super confusing. Of course the info item is for information. And what else would one do with information, other than learn? I guess they could ignore at their own peril.

Maybe the aliens consider humans stupid. I didn't get the sense (as expected) that signing up would not be mandatory. I wonder why anyone would volunteer. I get it, really. Everything is set up to make a person laugh, not scrutinize. The whole situation is bizarre. *Laugh*

How about adding some additional spacing for that large paragraph. Right now, all words are cramping the others. Maybe this is an indication that humans will be cramped when transport arrives. Hey, the reviewer can have fun, too.

Looking at the genres you chose, is educational correct? No big deal, it just caught my eye. Article and educational do not add up to humor. Unless that's your intent. You do explain it all at the end.

I've been looking for that subtle sign flashing with the auto weapons engaged. Where can I find it?

~Nixie
Spain dessert


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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305
Review of Brick Walls  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Fyn.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.


I for one am happy you wrote this. I found so many intuitive lines it's hard to pick only a few. The theme reminds me of something I heard once. 'You can't make your candle shine brighter by snuffing out someone else's.'

Of particular interest was the line about how giving a person praise or props who really doesn't deserve the attention pushes her out on an already creaky limb.

I know this isn't quite your theme, or message ...It brought to mind how one person puts another on a pedestal and sees them fall. But that's on the person who put that person up. People can't be framed in a picture as we see them.

I'm also reminded of saying 'just think. you only have to put up with that person for a little while. That person has to spend their whole life with their miserable selves. And one more. *Pthb* Girls who bloom early don't continue looking better as the years pass.

So none of my thoughts equal your elegance and anger-fueled phrases. Yes, people are that clueless. I know from looking at the genre this was a personal piece. I'm sorry someone angered you in this way. But we're writers, and we work through our stuff by crafting words. Spinning magic from nothing.

The ultimate point the last two lines created the heaviest blow of all. That person would not like people to ignore her when she crashed. And she will. But you'll still be standing. *Star*

~Nixie
spain/desert


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Expression  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Nixie here. I found your story in my draft reviews.

*Vignette2*
From the top
I was taken aback by your unique plot. What an odd society, trying to heal the earth by limiting talking. It was so ridiculous, I could only shake my head. That's not to say the writing has a problem. The story is good, at times confusing,though.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
I wasn't sure whose side to take, as both kids sounded equally disruptive. First, I had to adjust to the concept of the chip in the arm warning people they'd nearly reached their limit of talking time. What happens if someone exceeds it? Incredibility set in when the girl attacked the boy. Surely physical violence created more discord than words. And that girl was vicious.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
The unusual shift from dialogue to narration stopped the story completely. I wonder if those words could be sprinkled about, would make the transition easier? Perhaps some of those facts could be added in between the dialogue for a smoother read. The paragraph below the dialogue is an information dump.

I'm hoping more details are coming because as I reader, my mind is in a quandary. Why were two arguing in the first place? And how to words fall to the ground?

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
I liked the concept, but the execution not so much. It would be wonderful if you worked on editing this a bit and ironing out the wrinkles. Honestly, it takes a second or third pair of eyes to see what's really written. Authors have the concept in their mind, so sometimes errors pass the imaginary complete test.

Come join us here and have fun.

Damiana Matrix SPR

GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nixie here, back to reading the second chapter.

*Vignette2*
From the top
Once again, your talent shone through. How do you think of this stuff? I write similar stories, but lack the details needed for a clear read. You have no extra words, or blunders. Every word was gobbled up and retained. I'm happy you gave me the opportunity to review chapter two.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
First I was fascinated by the descriptions and comings and goings of how the gate worked. The gadgets were as unique as this story. If you ever finished writing this book, I'd be the first one to buy it.

Time jumps can be messy, and although he was angry with Chicago Control. Gabe's not a guy who gives up. He reads the map and proceeds.

Jeff Clement took me totally by surprise. I expected more trials and tribulations as Gabe conquered challenges. What a shame Jeff's not interested. Excellent advice from Control helped Gabe gain the upper hand. But Jeff was't about to back down. Gabe snapped off those instructions like he'd been doing it forever. Wait. Time's not present when jumping gates.

At this point, I feared Gabe would be compromised. I wonder if Gabe would have used the needle gun. Does that knock people out and take away any memories of Gabe's presence? I wanted Jeff to go away. The chance meeting evoked another obstacle for our traveling agent. Gabe sounded like a nice guy, and I doubt he'd use the needle gun.

*Vignette2*
Hot spots
What? Gabe has to take Jeff on as a partner? He didn't have any other choice, and the sexual urges sealed the deal.

Fracking is an awful procedure and not well-thought out at all. Where's all that water supposed to come from? Oh, are they still on earth?


*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
Another five star winner for me. Gabe is thrown off his feet with Jeff. Lucky Gabe. Are they sealed in? I'm sure there's a way to escape, but how will it play out? Seriously, try writing another chapter. *Wink*

Damiana Matrix SPR

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


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Review of The Notice  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Carly!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You're an ingredient in my dessert, Tiramisu

I remember this contest! Wow, what a crazy time, all those stories to turn over in 24 hours. Strangely, some of my best writing popped up under all that pressure. And I remember this particular prompt, but that story stalled on me.

Character names at the beginning help the reader grasp the story right away. Presenting the notice the way you chose was most effective in delivering the gravity of the tradition. In fiction, we rarely see full capitalization. I can't imagine what that demand would have looked like not in caps. Not nearly as emphatic and frightening.

We didn't learn Marlene was the mom until the flashback. Her time spent off-planet was horrendous. I wonder if that's where she met her husband, since they were together in the same mining colony. I can't imagine any scenario where love would blossom under hostile circumstances.

It's hard to imagine 2013 was so long ago. It seems all we did was turn one corner. In 2020 I don't see the point in going back to edit anything. Just take what you learned and go forward, which I'm sure that's what you did. And I bet you picked up some tricks for active writing, rather than passive verbs.

All parents want their children to have the best as possible. Marlene and her husband were dedicated to this cause. It's not always possible, depending on finances, but I was happy this couple could offer a better off-planet experience for their son.

Good write for the challenge!

~Nixie



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Gnome Sweet Gnome  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi Beck
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. You're an ingredient in my tiramisu.


*Heart*Favorite phrase: Now she reminded me more of a Stephen King character
How telling and clever!

Gnomes in the house come to life? Now that's an original direction for the prompt. This read just keeps better and better.

Ick. I can see that living room in my mind. It's so funny to hear her talking about what's happening and then all of a sudden bringing her up short. Everything she was seeing and hearing was repeated in italics. Very effective for ensuring the reader had the whole situation in their head. And it also reinforced her reaction to the disaster.

Nice touch, mentioning Sleepy. When I read he watched over the Irises I knew he would be a gentle gnome in one way or another.

A few things caught my eye for possible edits.
two weeks ago she pulled a prank I was sure was again blocking
Not sure what happened here. two instances of [was] in the same sentence.

Oh, I'm so frustrated with myself when things look out of place. How could she eat and drink if one of the gnomes had already tipped back the recliner?

A few missed spaces needed in between words or parentheses.

Must be the gnomes talked to the dog and got her to understand what bringing the slippers meant. At least that was my take-away. Then an elf comes in to put her slippers on? At this point, I think the lady of the house just gave up and went with the whole insane situation. As long as the fairies were coming in.

I rarely to back and fix small edits for older pieces. You won the ribbon, that's the main point. *Bigsmile*

Comical title by the way. Thanks for the entertaining read!

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Library  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Purple Princess
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Aw. cute story.

The title of the story didn't draw me in, but once I read the brief description, I absolutely had to read it. Back when they were young, I brought all three of my kids to the library every Saturday. They all had library cards, ten books per child. I read to them every night. The next Saturday we'd find new ones.

My parents read, I read, and the tradition still carries on through my grandchildren, who are all avid readers. We all have books that dwell in our heart. I appreciate the cleverness in the brief description. That's why I borrowed your words. But only for his review, I promise.

I wondered what book he would choose from the pile. How cool to fold the boy's favorite color into the plot. Then the color became part of the plot, and somehow made my heart squeeze a bit, thinking about Sam and his kindness toward Adam.

Bluebirds are rare and an amazing sight. But with the bird in the same sentence as 'he could get his hands on' I pictured him capturing one. Just an observation. But maybe the bluebird doesn't belong in that sentence. And can he get his hands on cars? I surmised the boys were both preteen, but maybe Sam was eighteen or older.

A few hiccups.
and he pulled it out of the pile smiling.
The book isn't smiling. A comma is needed. In the sentence before this one, the word [pulled] is also used. Words in close proximity reduces the impact. (That's what the non-fiction books on creative writing advise.)

*Heart* My favorite phrase.
a book he knew would take him to a place he'd never been before

When I'm lost inside the book, it's as if magic were taking me away. When I read for a long time in school, my friends would say 'pick your head up and breathe.' *Laugh*

With the word count at the bottom, looks like you had a limit of 300 words. And you took advantage of all those words, writing a story complete with all 'requirements'.
No conflict, though. No biggie. Congratulations on the winning the ribbon!

On point conclusion. *Checkb* The reader has an opportunity to be in on the secret.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of In the Hotel  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Dawn.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Have you seen Brooke's activity? You're part of the entree. *Laugh*

Aw. What a sweet story. And what a set-up. I doubt I'm the only reader who made the wrong assumption in the beginning. I wish the characters had names, so I could identify them in this review. The inner dialogue of the one who was nervous struck me as innocent and sweet. His reluctance, and his use of the word 'shouldn't' clued me in. Of course he was going to the hotel with his boss.

The younger one did a wonderful job of describing his boss, from the driving skills he possessed right down to where he put his tie. I smiled when the younger felt it unfair that his boss's tie should still be straight after the meeting Those little details remain in my mind and breathe reality into the plot. It can be a bit boring when the guy is drop dead gorgeous, but the way you described him, through the younger guy's eyes, wasn't ordinary or boring at all. Yes, he was most likely Adonis but it felt right. Truth be told, in the beginning I feared the boss would be some old guy with a stogie and beer belly.

Everything you wrote flowed. No bumps, rather an intriguing read.

I wondered why you left so much spacing toward the end. It gave me the impression that the story was going to switch scenes, or POV. I bet it wasn't intentional on your part. Or maybe I'm wrong. Usually, I am. *Laugh*

Thanks for the pleasure of reading your story this evening. Odd, no one has ever reviewed this.

~Nixie



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Horn  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Jacky!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Your name is familiar. I wonder if I've been in your port before? Well, I'm here now on a mission to complete an entree for a meal I'm preparing. Confused? Interested? Click the image and check out the activity.

Now we come to a bit of flash. Can you give your reader's a true brief description rather than identifying it as flash? Never mind. This was written in 2016. I'm guessing the time to change that has passed.

I think old people are wise, but others think they're senile or no longer of use to society. Just like the grandpa in this story might have been. Wrong! The mom and Kevin were kind and caring. Smart mom, that one. She gave the best advice possible to her son. And Kevin obviously loved his grandfather, wanting to hear him laugh. What a tender moment.

Dumb me. In my mind, I pictured a horn like a French horn and wondered how Kevin was carrying it around. *Headbang* I accidentally smashed mine into a wall and squished the horn part. A long time ago.

~Almost forgot to mention the cat. The description of her running was my favorite part.

Now I see a horn like one on a bike, and that's how Kevin carries it around so easily. Not one to favor fantasy, somehow this rang true. And then you still got me in the end! I won't give away the surprise. Did the part I'm leaving out resemble the cat? Did the grandfather know about the cat?

Questions, I always have questions when I find an enjoyable story. I linger a bit with the author. Thanks for the read this evening. *Smile*

~Nixie


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Review of The Memory Girl  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Ms. Meowcaron
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Wow, that title and brief description snagged my attention from the listings of new writer's right over to your story. I couldn't wait to read it.

And then, uh-oh. What happened? Is this merely an introduction to a larger work? Some sort of sci-fi mystery? Would scientists uncover how the girl's brain worked? Could her abilities be transferred to other brains? How miserable would her life be? Locked up in a scientific facility, just as she feared.

So, I made all that up because the next thing that happens is the maid coming in, telling Solie she has an interview? Was Soile dreaming or fantasizing? Was the fairy real? Or did the appointment have something to do with her being studied?

I'm left in quite a quandary, although I had fun thinking where this story might be going. I hope what you have written blossoms into a full story with plot, setting, characters, conflict, the entire package. Otherwise, I'm lost.

The story has so much potential. It wouldn't be an easy write due to the specifics of the topic. Please don't be discouraged by anyone's review, including mine. Authors have to keep on writing and writing until their dream materializes.

Here's a place where you can stop by and meet some other new members. Just click the link below.

"Noticing Newbies" 

All the best,
Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Rose  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Rosalyn

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

I read this several times, trying to discern if the story was a metaphor for a young woman afraid to venture into the world. The thorns would have been her confidence, which one can only take from themselves.

The title and brief description were clear, and this was meant to be taken literally. So a fantasy of sorts. Time to shift gears *Gears* and rearrange my thoughts.

I fell in love with both the character and the rose. The rose's vulnerability touched me, and the tender narrator treated the rose as if it were her child. So precious the moment she put the rose next to her. And how tragic when the rose took its' final and last breath.

What an imagination you have, to personify a rose. The story was tender and gentle, almost like a whisper on the wind. In fact, I think everything you wrote became clear to me, because I was using some of the words as in the story. Excellent job pulling me in to your dream while I contemplated if the story was really the story. Gosh, that sounds idiotic. *Laugh*

Yours is a story to cherish. It speaks of inevitability as everyone, especially a creature of nature dies. At least the rose didn't die alone.

So here's the final comment. Some reviewers take off a half point for no reason I can discern. I guess if a writer receives all five stars, what else would they strive for? Would five stars bring expectation that might lead to disappointment? I didn't find anything wrong with your story, so I'm giving all five stars.

The writing was clear and spaced out for an easy read. The 'dialogue' didn't ramble on. The simple exchange was just that. A lovely piece of work.

Thanks so much for the read and for being part of my entree for the activity shown above. *Laugh* Keep writing!

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi NorahMae!
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I'm cooking up a meal and you're an ingredient in my Entree. *Laugh*

Excellent idea to capture those wandering ideas. Must be the head below the feet stimulates the mind. When I meditate all sorts of stories and thoughts are revealed. But when the hour is up, everything disappears. I wish my speculations could be captured like yours.

The main theme is focus, as expressed in bold. That's an exercise in frustration. We need our strong minds to take control and shut out unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes before I meditate, I write everything in my mind on a piece of paper. Then it's out of my head.

The imagery created here is powerful. Simple things like fans, music, words turn magical when written as you have.

A few unrelated thoughts. Why don't you choose a genre other than other? *Laugh* Maybe personal, emotional, let your mind dream. You have the ability.

Members like to read authors' bios, or at least I do. Tell us a bit about yourself. It helps when people are trying to relate to your work. Some members live outside the states, probably lots of members, and their cultures differ from Americans. Yesterday, I didn't understand someone's meaning, When I asked he was kind enough to tell me it was a Hindu practice.

Keep dreaming, contemplating, writing! Oops. I forgot to mention you found the perfect title for this poem.

Okay, last thought, I promise. You may want to meet some new members here:

"Noticing Newbies" 

Nixie *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Memories  
Review by Nixie
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Aster
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above.

Huh. Your poem was one I had to read a few times over. Are the last two lines asking if we're looking at a reflection of yourself, or an out of body experience (peeping through a windowpane)

The mind is complex and we don't understand how it all works together.

Memories are not accurate. We forget and our minds fill in the blanks with bits and pieces it finds in the brain. However, what you're listing isn't specific to one single memory.

I don't think the brief description matches the content.
In the poem you're talking about sounds, smells, emotions, nothing specific that is 'an integral part of who we are today.'

At any rate, poems are subjective. Another person may glean something entirely different. I understand the main message, but not what I mention in the review.

*Down*
You should probably look at a dictionary for the meaning of these two words.

amalgamate refers to merging chemistry or structures.

Aghast is an adjective not a noun.

Some [t]o scared to recount, > [too] sacred

I wish that one typo wasn't there because that line is my favorite. *Heart*

I wanted this to be the sweetest review ever. The concept and the way you're trying to express it is precious. I was unable to overlook the errors. *Sad*

Good news: You can edit this, or learn and move on to something else. *Bigsmile*

Would you like to meet more newbies?

You can check this out!

FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Mum was Cranky  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Greg M. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
I can't move on with any commentary when one question is burning in my head. Who/what is Muppet? A dog? A cat? A gerbil? If it's an animal, I hope the paint wasn't harmful.

Characters/Setting
Great job showing Mom's anger and Billy's suspicious responses.

I wonder where this action took place? The kitchen? Was the mom cooking and the air smelled like (cookies)? Indulge the reader. Let them see,hear, and smell. Were they in the living room? (Mom stopped vacuuming.) Silence.
If my mom stopped vacuuming, I'd rather die than face her wrath. (a slight over-exaggeration)

Oops
All punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. One example, there's several more.
“Neville did it”.
*Down*
“Neville did it."

*****

Full capitalization is not used in fiction. Italics work!
JUST TELL ME WHY MUPPET IS COVERED IN WET PAINT!”.
Just tell me why Muppet is covered in wet paint.
You can 'show' the anger, as you've done before. Through description and actions.

Let me demonstrate you how accomplished you are. Here is a textbook example of your writing conveying feelings.

I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down. There were bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.

I can see Billy's guilt.

In the same sentence, consider changing the word order to avoid the passive verb [were]. Try to avoid all passive verbs.

Example: I put my hands in my pockets and kept looking down at the bits of red and blue paint on my sneakers.

Closing comments
I understand this is a humorous short story. I figured out where the plot was going and what the conclusion would be. (I don't like it when readers tell me that.)*Laugh*

I'm guessing this is a one-off since there hasn't been any editing. Perhaps it's for a contest? At any rate, my comments are not meant to discourage you. Just take what you (hopefully) understood and keep on writing!!



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Review of Premonition  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Normajean.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. I hope you don't mind being an ingredient in my appetizer recipe.

Title's okay, and brief description was enough to snag me. The cover art was the real thief of my mind and fingers. My heart belongs to children.

Since my mom always called me overly emotional and dramatic, my sympathy was for Jolene. I was angered by the way her family treated her. Perhaps she couldn't express what was wrong, but she should not have been ignored.

I get Jolene's mom's reaction. From the dialogue and mention of another doctor, I surmised that this family lives in the country. All the dropped [g's] were another indication. The reader was further clued in when the family had to go to the free clinic. I had to do that once, during a horrific time in my life. The scene you presented lined up with mine.

Outstanding portrayal of the family. I heard the song and the baby crying. A bit about what the characters looked like would have been beneficial and interesting. Also, try to work in some noises, other than crying, to fully immerse your reader in your dream world. Smells engage the senses as well.

The doctor's examination was also spot on. I would (and did) react the same way. Silent and compliant. Mine was not a miserable feeling like Jolene's, but someone should have asked the right questions. Maybe then my life would have turned out differently. No matter. I've moved on.

From this line it sounded as if Jolene has had similar complaints before.
This girl never is sick so when she says somethin' is wrong, well then we bring her here to see Doctor Ben."

I hope it's obvious how closely I connected to your story. I practically walked right into that family's house and watched them. You made that happen. *Bigsmile*

The last line could be interpreted in two differing ways. Due to my 'dramatic' personality, I believe in Jolene. *Heart* At least she finally got some much-needed attention.

~Nixie


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319
Review of Alone and Sad  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Connieann!

Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. It's been a long time since I landed in your port. Maybe you even forgot me.

I cannot lie. Sad titles or expressions of emotional pain yank me so there's no way to move on without comment. Your title and brief description caught me.

Without your (or the character's) experience, I can't completely connect with the writing. I do understand pain and loss. Have I'm moved on? Not the same as your poem extols. (which is encouraging and uplifting)

Rather, I chose a combination for my retreat, different from this beautiful spread of matching words. I retreated, dropped out from society, other than WdC and prefer being alone. Yes, sometimes I am lonely, but not as often as being alone works for me. I do have family members dear to me. They'll always be in my heart.

My absolute favorite line *Heart* was the last. Not everyone has reached that realization. As my mom paraphrased phrase, slightly different from the original part of a poem by Ella Wheeler: Laugh and world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

As a kid, the words stung and depressed me. It's such an isolation expression. An island among the joyous people.

As an adult, I now understand. We live the life we created. Our minds are strong. We only have to exercise them.

Lovely poem. Perhaps my interpretation wasn't your precise message. If that offends you, I apologize. For me, words from a writer's heart flow into mine, morphing along the way. What you wrote helped me in ways I cannot express. *Smile*


~Nixie


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320
320
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Ken.
Nixie here to drop off a review for the activity above. Random review dropped me in your port again! Just so you know, you're an ingredient in the appetizer. *Laugh*

You never fail to delight me. Especially when you make me laugh. The title and brief description are perfect. The cover art was totally misleading. If someone reads a Valentine poem, they expect to see a couple. I had to peer at that image to see what I expected wasn't there.

The term soulmate is getting old and losing its meaning. Or I'm cynical. Take your pick. *Laugh*

All the rhymes are even, and the punctuation guides the reader so the poem flows gracefully. Even if someone is doubling over with cramps while laughing. Lots of lines began with [she's] but unlike a short story, the same words in close proximity are not an issue. In fact, it enhances the reading experience, with each stanza drifting into another.

I suppose what you're proclaiming could be true, but only if a person likes a certain animal. Dogs are stinky and need too much care. Cleaning up after them in the grass is disgusting. Some may argue a litter box is worse. No way. I watch people walk around with plastic bags full of warm excrement while they look for a disposal receptacle. Disgusting. I bet you guessed, I'm a cat person.

Oh, the final lines. Haha. *Laugh*

*Right* Ken, it's your duty to keep amusing readers.

~Nix out.


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321
321
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Blue Jay! I'm reviewing your work for
"I Write in 2020" 



Ah, the fabulous 24 syllable contest, which challenges the reviewer.
I liked the title and the cover art. Nicely done!

This is simply too sad because it's so true. Going to war, especially since WW2 is noted as bravery and dedication to country.

Peace is too quiet and subtle, though it's not sneaking around. No one is listening to the soft song, and so it goes unnoticed. Adding the word [rarely] worked because there are exceptions to the rule. Good job!

The punctuation guides the reader so we appreciate the author's fine work to complete this difficult task.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of The Proposal  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Norman.
Nixie here, dropping off a review from "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 


First impression
At first glance, all I saw was perfection. Maybe the title was a little weak, but the brief description sounded so funny, I was hooked. Excellent job creating an effective hook.

Reading on
Second glance, I saw the length of the poem and puzzled over why so many stanzas were required. The idea of something unique sounded like an adventure. The presentation was aesthetically pleasing. The bold font brought bravado and confidence to the words. The font size itself pleased me. I didn't have to squint.

Diving in
Now I was ready to throw myself into the deep end. The first stanza was the set up, which trailed to the second, to the third sentence and last with an easy flow and compelling temptation to read more. The lack of punctuation also added to the pleasant rhythm.

The plot thickens
I admired the character for his strength and integrity. He wrote out the proposal long hand! I'm not sure that's possible for me, which is scary. The simple rhymes continued, leading the reader further and further to see how the scenario played out.

Then the huge mistake, and surely that meant the end of everything. My heart went out to the man. The description of what happened to the intended fiancee was easily pictured in my mind. I'll admit to laughing at her plight.

But she's a woman of fortitude and shows some pluck. I think the couple will have a wonderful and balanced marriage.

Turn me around
The twist toward the end was totally unexpected. It struck me as odd that the guy didn't bring a real ring. Maybe he was super smart and correctly worried the valuable ring might meet with disaster.

Personal connection.
When my son went down on one knee in a restaurant to propose, his intended kept saying 'what are you doing on the floor? stand up. you look ridiculous.' *Laugh*

Lasting impression
Top off the poem with (I won't mention the spoiler) and the I knew I was right. This couple belonged together for however long forever lasts.

~Nixie

Make every day simply positive!

Beautiful Woman Simply Positive Signature.


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323
323
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi, Trisho. Nixie here, bringing you a review through random review option. You have the honor of being one of the ingredients in the activity above. *Laugh*

What a powerful piece you've penned. You must have been an author before joining WdC because your work is impressive.

The title caught my eye, and most definitely, the image. In the title, you might want to de-capitalize the [To] What a funny way to express myself. It sounds like the idiotic phrase, 'time to 'deplane'. *Laugh*

Back to the emotional, difficult part that I'm avoiding.

The personal take and the gentle care of the child was touching. I almost had to stop reading this because it rings too true. And there are too many things I don't want to bring to mind again. It's frightening and, for me, it doesn't help. Okay, well, sometimes. But often after thinking about what happened to people like us the darkness rushes back in, and the battle ensues all over again. You express my feelings in this sentence.

Stop procrastinating, finish your memoir. I know that you are afraid to relive the trauma.

*Notebl* You don't need the word [that] in your sentence.

If you saw your little girl sitting in a dark corner, I saw mine pressed against the far wall of a dark cave. It takes strength and courage to confront what's happened to a person and try to rebuild the image.

Absolute excellence in writing to yourself with compassion. I've fallen out of practice, and returned to trying to guilt myself to do the right thing. Because that works so well. *RollEyes* You've reminded me of the attitude necessary to keep the doors shut. I like to think of cleaning out closets in my mind and then sweeping all the debris out. I've developed an army of coping skills.

Some of the spacing between sentences was off. Maybe you composed this using another writing platform, and in the copying process pieces fell out of place. It's not a big deal, but it's a shame not to have this work be perfect.

The word choices added impact to my impression of your work. This isn't something you dashed off without thought. (except I see no editing dates) If this came off the top of your head, you are going places with your abilities.

And that's where I'm ending this review because the ghosts are hovering. I will keep them out of my mind, and listen to your last line. "You got this." (Do you want a period after [this]?)

Parting comment. You can look here for information and perhaps make some new friends.
"Noticing Newbies" 

Leaving you in peace,
~Nixie


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324
324
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi, Kieran. Nixie here, dropping off a review for the item listed above. (You click the image and it will take you to the activity.)

From the top, I would capitalize all the first letters in the title. The brief description was cute and sounded compelling. It was clear from the beginning what would happen, but I went along for the ride.

Not to be negative, or discouraging, I won't make this review all about edits. If you read through this again, maybe even out loud, you'll see the errors with your own eyes. *Wink*

Here's one glaring example that can be easily corrected.
Scarlette but still [licked] to have fun.

**

The first sentence, your chance to grab a reader is a run-on and quite confusing. More spaces are required between the words because it's almost impossible to read. Most of the sentences are not written in proper form. I like phrases rather than full sentences sprinkled into a story, but not quite so many as I found here.

What was the vent in the middle of a wall? A heating duct? How could any person fit through that?

So, despite the struggle the plot, setting, and characters were not badly written. I've seen this scenario before, on TV. I probably would have introduced a firefighter to pull her out. *Laugh*

Excellent job for the conclusion. Scarlette had plans for that $50, but she changed her mind after the rescue. *Thumbsup*

~Nixie *Smile*


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325
325
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click the image to join us and review your own meal!


Hi Ben. I'm reviewing this on behalf of the activity above.

I hesitated to review this because it's of a specific form that is unknown to me. In fact, all forms of poetry, outside the poem and the prose, are unknown to me. If you'll forgive me for not appreciating the form, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you as to content.

First off, Well-defined and creative title draws in the reader. Even if a person doesn't understand the sonnet form, I'll bet lots of people hone in on Twitter.

Needless to say, this piece grasped me and a connection was forged. I'm not on any social media platforms, due to what I've read about others. But the emphasis I'm going for is the reminder to look beyond the hate and sheer blankness of another's mind.

Being torn apart by words cannot be rendered whole again. If we pay attention to the haste and the roar, it's inevitable the negativity will worm its way into our subconscious. And if most people are focusing on the inane and salacious, the negativity compounds as one talks to another and so on.

Ben has found a solution. It involves slowing down, which is inconceivable to many in our culture. Why fall for the quick and easy when there is knowledge and compassion that matches up with a person? Pick between the lines, rake aside the leaves, brush off the dirt. Is there a nugget there you relate to?

Thanks for the read. Written in 2014, it still rings true in 2020. That's a sad statement on our culture. We have a president who tweets? Can American society decline to an even lower level?

I'm appreciative of the positive spin on this topic. I leave here with a smile on my face. *Smile*

~Nix out.


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