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3,224 Public Reviews Given
3,263 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Doggy Kisses  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nikola

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY (a little early) FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



When I think of doggie kisses, yuck comes to mind. (I'm a cat person.) But I could imagine a child's face lighting up while reading your poem. It's a heart breaker when a child is sad. They're not always easy to talk to.

I think it's great to have some sort of 'tradition' for these occasions. Kind of like a bedtime story. I would say, 'do you want me to read the Doggy Kisses poem to you?' (assuming there is a dog). I'd be prepared to buy a dog because your poem is so sweet, and if my child asked for a dog, well...I'm a sucker for kids.

Every emotion came through in your words, and the scene was easy to visualize. In my mind, the child was curled up in my lap, with the dog near by. My cat had to listen to every story read to my three children. It was a beautiful moment in my life.

The last two lines resonated with my feelings for doggy kisses. Ick, a wet face. And dogs' breath usually stinks. *Laugh*

It would be cool to see this written in a larger font. I had to squint a bit.

Also, how cool would this be if it were an illustrated poem. Kids would love it. And since the rhymes are simple and they flow, I bet it wouldn't be long before they could read it for themselves.

How about this for a closing? Since your anniversary isn't until the end of the year, I'm hoping my review might carry you all the way through.

Nice writing and a fun read.





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177
177
Review of Salvation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Snow. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Overall Impression
I'm always filled with excitement when your write is the one up for review. I've never found fault in any item, and each addition of yours to the activity brings me mixed emotions, curiosity, or enlightenment. Sometimes all three!


Thoughts
I'm fascinated by a writer's take on a prompt. I guess for this prose, I would start off with emotions evoked. Right from the first stanza, desolation wept. The mood was established as dark and broody.

As I read, thoughts tumbled around in my head. Would this piece end with disaster? But I remembered the title and found my answer. You painted a conflicting scene of desperation and hope. Clearly, the scene is one of the ocean, but I could also imagine these thoughts in a person's mind. Words that resound with that person's mood. I think we all experience moments of darkness. If we're lucky, we do see a buoy of light promising safety. Maybe I meditate too much, and that's the source of my observations. *Facepalm*

Excellent alliteration (my favorite poetic device) showed up in the last stanza, third line. That phrase flowed through my mind. In fact, the entire piece had the same effect. You created a simple (yet complex) work using the prompted form.

In closing
Two things. Thanks for the author's note. You're wise to read newsletters, and in this particular piece, you included the link to a contest. Very cool.

And lastly, I've no idea how you included all the words in your prose. The words did lend themselves to this theme, but still...well done! (as always).


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178
178
Review of A Paean to Summer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Graham Solo I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!


The story didn't exactly begin as back story, but it had the feeling of it. I'm not sure what 'casting the Truthspeaker' means. I'm guessing the sorcerer was a traveling man, and he's telling his story in a place like a tavern?

I wondered if the story could have been shortened, because the sentence beginning with 'After a year-long search' sounded much more interesting than what is written prior to this. Something to ponder.

I've never read a story like this before! The plot was rich with sounds and smells that brought the story to life. Excellent job. All writer's strive to accomplish what you have here.

Thanks again for entering the contest!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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179
179
Review of Know When to Fold  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Mastiff I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I'm not quite sure what happened here. The amount of going back and forth between the characters confused me. Maybe I need to learn more about how to play cards. Probably a card game such as this requires the amount of characters portrayed here.

Character descriptions came across loud and clear. I could see the action taking place, more of less. I like to see dialogue followed by action and then follow-up dialogue. Nicely done.

The stakes ran high and tension tightened when the computer only allowed Sean's input.

Paragraph spacing led to an ordered read, even if I experienced confusion.

I read this over several times and came to the conclusion that Sean created hell on earth.

Thanks again for entering!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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180
180
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Words Whirling 'Round . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Okay, well, I read this story a few times over the last few days and every time I end up laughing at the clever take. I certainly hope a genie doesn't ask me because I'd be clueless. And some genies count every question, even questions about what can be wished for as a wish.

My one problem was the multiple uses of punctuation, rather than showing an exuberant reaction, or exclamation. Take a peek and see how many exclamation marks you count. *Wink*

The switching of POV's was easy to follow, and I liked hearing the genie's thoughts, because who knows what genies are really thinking.

Nice twist at the conclusion, and as a woman, I had to laugh. Ha! Let the men know. Woven in, I appreciated the further explanation of how Diego forgot what actually happened and let his 'memories' fill in the blanks. That's what life is, anyhow, right? A dream.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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181
181
Review of Fame?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Spring in my Sox I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Once the story began, it drew my interest. Remember to start at the beginning. Rather than write paragraphs about what happened in the past, it's possible to condense this to one paragraph and then launch into the story.

You can begin in the middle.
A car smashed into Cecilia's...you can choose a car that represents who she is. A Nova vs. his flashy display of a car.

Watch out for passive verbs and telling, rather than showing. Using dialogue helps a story move along.

Here's a tidbit that can help when you edit this. *Wink*
His attention was getting a little creepy.

Remember, less is more. And fiction is immediate.
Consider:
His attention creeped her out.

There were particularly sheep-like clouds floating across the sky at a pretty quick rate.
Consider:
Sheep-like clouds floated across the sky.

*Checkg* This is a fantastic line because the reader can relate to the smells, and 'see' the damage to the car.

The air smelled of spilled oil and antifreeze.

A condensed story would be more engaging. I related to Cecilia, and had the same feelings. I wonder why Sebastian was fixated on her?

A bit of polishing would help the story shine. *Smile*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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182
182
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Sumojo . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

The read was mostly predictable, with Harry's effort to own a dog thwarted time and again, for one reason or another.

Do you mind if I point out one thing that applies to the story? There's way too much telling going on here. Ask yourself what is important to the story> fir example, the paragraph about Fiona. Eliminating some words, a pared down sentence would read like this.
Harry married Fiona, the love of his life.

Some dialogue would work here. Harry can directly ask Fiona about the dog, rather than the reader being told what happened.

Watch out for passive verbs. Avoid distancing words like (decided).
Use action, not punctuation to show a character's reaction.

I admired Harry for finding a dog from the pound, rather than looking for a new pup. Ah, but the drawbacks. One never knows what the dog will be like. I can attest to that.

Gosh, poor Harry. Now what's he going to do with the dog?

The rating reflects the comments above. *Wink*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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183
183
Review of Winner  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

I enjoyed reading this story. It's well-written, comical, and easy to relate to.

So...about the phone call. I read your bio and learned you're from the UK, which answered one of my questions. I've never heard the term 'engaged' used for a busy number. In America, we listen to a computerized voice and wait for 'our turn'. The music is awful, but why was classical music inappropriate for this occasion?

Sheree's personality came across loud and clear. I'll admit to falling in love with actors. (I think that's the point). No men like those in films exist in real life. Good job demonstrating Sheree's size.

I never expected what happened when she arrived at the restaurant, waiting for Fernando. As I read, I thought, of course that's what would happen.

Rather than using the same 'woman in pants' repetition, I wished there had been more description. I'm guessing she's the assistant. That's the only drawback, as reflected in the rating.

Excellent twist, if ironic, at the conclusion.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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184
184
Review of Madam President  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 

I have a lot of respect for this story. The first American woman POTUS. Dreams are made of this.

Overall, the story was well-written and followed a believable plot. The characters descriptions where short enough not to be boring, and just enough to create a visual.

Because of TV, I carried on with the image of the room and the car.

I appreciate the effort of the first woman president to find a non-conflicting solution to multiple problems. But she sounded incredibly naive, or unprepared.

The last part of the story was not believable. Too much, too overwhelming. Honestly, if Russia launched nukes against America, a president would return the favor. No time for discussions or lengthy solutions. And I googled for hours to see if SAMS could take out a nuclear bomb. Some SAMS have nuclear warheads, so the world would be dead when those two collided.

Thanks for entering the contest. The author has a pleasant writing style that helped make this a good read.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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185
185
Review of With My Own Money  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . I am here with an *Official "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review.* Thanks for entering the contest!

Your title drew my eye. It created an aura of mystique.

What a wonderful and educational story. The plot and characters engaged me as I read. As always, I enjoy reading your stories for the cultural education and the plot itself.

I did wonder why Vishnu's family received the extra special treatment. Gosh, the servants slept on the stairs.

Excellent build-up to the candy-buying scene. It was obvious Vishnu was making some kind of mistake buying the expensive chocolate. And then I was curious about why that candy was so disliked.

What a turn-around for the conclusion. A wonderful lesson is learned and I admired Vishnu's mom for her insight so the story ended on a happy note. She said exactly the right words.

Well done, and congratulations on the second place win!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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186
186
Review of Cooking Dinner  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.
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Cute story and funny. Expectations from mother to daughter. What if the daughter wanted to be a rocket scientist? Obviously, the mom's assumption rankled her daughter. Adding in the word old-fashioned straightened out any doubt as to why a mom would make such a demand. And it started early in life, as I interpreted it.

Anyone who chooses cleaning the bathroom over learning to cook, really, seriously hates cooking. The stark contrast screamed the message.

I laughed reading this:
You’re welcome Nancy!

Do husbands still expect their wives to cook? What if they both work? What was the wife's name?

Excellent dollop of drama was added in by the ridiculous notion that the wife could replicate a restaurant meal. I would have started with burgers or hot dogs. It's those little details you added they keep the story going.

I've tried several reads, but I can't find a way for the [and] to make sense in this sentence. Hence, the docked 1/2 star.

... and I finally knew the answer.

Excellent and to the point conclusion. All aspects present for FLASH. Nicely done.



It was
My Pleasure tks.
to review your story.

~Nixie

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187
187
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there. I'm participating in this celebratory event. Anyone is welcome to review.

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Hmm. What happened here? Words in sentences are missing. There's no spacing between sentences. If you so desire, email me and I'll point out the various problems.

Other than technical issues, this would be a great story for children. It loses impact without illustration, but visualizing it made me laugh. It's a total mystery as to why all this happened to Hannah. I was hoping for a twist, or some explanation.

I've had random kids point me out and tell their moms, 'she's a nice lady.'How that kid knew, or why he chose me, remains a mystery. So that could apply here, other than the fact that incident after incident occurs.

Descriptions were vivid with strong (mostly) strong verbs. The rescue of the cat really had me laughing. I clearly saw Hannah wiping away leaves (plural) (not leafs).

I wish this story could have a higher rating, but there's simply too many basic errors to overlook. Since you wrote this some time ago, maybe you'd prefer to forge ahead and make sure this doesn't happen again. If there's a reason for the errors that I didn't know about, I apologize.

Best of luck
~Nixie

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188
188
Review of Wiccan Ch. 8  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Piratess. I'm playing.

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The problem with using random is that a reviewer can land anywhere in a person's portfolio. It's clearly stated at the top that this is chapter 8. I read it, and didn't pause to think how confused I would be by not beginning at the beginning.

And confused I was. I got all the characters' names mixed up, because Aisling's friends' names could have been used for a girl or a boy. (Of course by the end, I know who the guy was. *Pthb*

So, what can I offer after squinting to read this chapter? Firstly, I suggest a larger font for easier reading. (I use 3.5)

The beginning of anything works best if it starts with something being interrupted, rather than a person waking up late. Unless, that's tantamount to the plot. And that could very well be true.

Remember to show a person's feelings by identifying body language (clenched fists, confused expressions, picking at a napkin, biting fingers, you get the idea.) adding feeling in a sentence tag isn't the best option. It's a direct no-no.

The reader needs to be completely immersed in your dream world. Try to avoid adverbs, as they indicate a weak verb.

Here's one problem sentence.
Glancing at Bailey, Aisling realized that something was incredibly wrong.

What was Bailey's expression? (Eyes round? lips in a firm line, a furrowed brow? teeth clenched...) to name a few. Also the word (realize) pops up often, and it's a distancing word.

Fiction is immediate. In many places, dialogue would help get a writer out of this puzzle. For instance
Realizing that she must have slept through school, Aisling told the person knocking to come in.

Consider dialogue.

"Oh no. I overslept and missed school." or if you want to use internal dialogue
Oh no, I overslept and missed school.

This one definitely needs to be fixed or avoided in the future.
he whispered worriedly,
I'm not even sure what that means.

Some adverbs I noticed.
[really] didn't bother.

[presumably] Taylor had told...
"Taylor, you told Bailey."

Last example, so I don't overwhelm you.
The familiar tingling sensation [immediately] followed, along with a surge of electricity that flowed straight into his body.

You can skip that first part, and go right to
...a surge of electricity flowed into his body.

As you progress with the chapters, remember less is more. Be succinct. Use action, not passive verbs. Avoid filler words.

I'm not tattering your chapter to shreds. Rather, I wanted you to recognize pitfalls to avoid in the future. You have an interesting chapter here, that asks many questions of the reader. This helps propel them forward.

You can add links to the other chapters, making it a breeze to simply click and read (for example) chapter nine. And you can include links going back to Chapter seven, and so on.
Keep on writing. Don't ever give up! Especially after reading one review. And don't be afraid to ask for help. *Smile*

~Nixie


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189
189
Review of Outside the Box  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Pretty, pretty cover art, and an enticing brief description. You're off to a great start.

I really like surprise or twisted endings. And that's what happened when I reached the end. The girl in the story sounded so innocent. You were spot on to mention her age in the beginning. *Checkg*

I meditate every day, and I'm guessing this was what happened here. Opposite of this girl, thinking outside the box has brought me inspiration and wisdom. It's joyful to look beyond what's in front of us and imagine something different.

For this girl, her parents' message (that I totally disagreed with) thinking outside the box ended up being devastating. So, again, I wonder if this is happening in her head.

A few thoughts. This sentence can by pared down.
Remember, less is more.

I used to have parents before they died in a car accident to get groceries.

Consider:
[My parents died in a car accident.]
You have a decision to make. Does the fact that they were going grocery shopping add to the story? Does it make a difference?

But when they were alive, they always told me to never leave the box, for the world is a scary place, they said.

Two thoughts. ('always' is what we call a filler word, that adds nothing to the story.) Secondly, you don't need to add 'they said' at the end of the sentence. You already told us.

The overall impression of the work fascinated me, because I admired her bravery. When leaving the box the first time, she didn't give up. She tried again, to a disastrous conclusion. At that point, it sounded as if she's no longer in her head. You may want to clear up the confusion.

The concept of the experience leading her back to the beginning is an innovative one, in this story.

I did wonder why you wrote this line by line, and not in traditional story format. Maybe you wanted each line to have more impact. Your choice.

It's a good idea to fill out your bio and portfolio tab. It helps the reviewer. I hope you continue to 'play' here and reap the benefits. We're always excited when someone joins. We like to celebrate. So, a party hat for you. *Partyhatr*

You can click the link under my sig. It's one group among many. Maybe it's not for you, but take a look at some others. Make friends. Be happy.

Take good care of yourself,
~Nixie

New identity for SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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190
190
Review of Love Me  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm participating in this activity.

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First, welcome to WdC! You've found a haven to explore your feelings and expand your skills. Mostly, for me, this happens by writing for contests, but especially through reviewing.

I have a wonderful idea for you. Why not fill out your bio, or portfolio tab? Preferably both. Because with no input from you, I'd guess, by the innocence of this poem that you're quite young.

The stanzas have a pleasing lilt to them, each with a subtly different message. The rhymes work well, and keep the flow of the poem even. And you're correct, I'd prefer no promises, only actions to demonstrate love. I wouldn't expect a smooth ride, because that's not indicative of a true relationship.

This is a sweet message, but if you're upset because I deduced you're young, then you definitely need to give us some information. *Bigsmile* There's a difference between a new member who's never written vs. a new member who is seasoned.

I'm rating this a four because of the simplicity of the rhymes, even though I liked the message. Sometimes, thoughts pour from my brain to my fingers, and that's what this poem felt like to me. My suggestion would be to continue from here, and don't worry about editing this poem. (Unless you're so inclined.)

I like to tell new members how beneficial it is to review others, and the extra support you'll receive if you join a group. I belong to the one below, as you may gather. I have reliable friends there, who bring my joy, and prop me up when I'm falling.

Best of luck in all you do. Your presence is appreciated and celebrated. *Balloonb*

Warmest regards,
~Nixie

Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann






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191
191
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Aubrey. I'm playing.

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Your work, a light and comforting poem, encourages people to live for the day. With the bright message, hearts can be uplifted. Maybe even a few smiles or sighs of relief from readers will be elicited.

I respect this beautiful piece, even knowing it's not meant for me. Fear of (what?) drives my car. It's an empty, lonely feeling that keeps me tethered, afraid of a misstep, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of being me.

If I so choose, I can see my life as an unending storm. Maybe instead of "But after the storm,..." "But after any storm" works for me. Who has only one storm in their life? It's fraught with dangers and misleading information. Dissent and disillusion. Will a rainbow shine? It's a lovely thought.

The last stanza is especially poignant. 'December snowflake' created unique imagery, easy to appreciate and marvel over. The closing line, once more (it's repeated several times) we're reminded not to be afraid. And the message is reinforced with the repeated words from the first stanza.

It's obvious this poem came from the heart. People like me prefer to be alone, and weather storms with no expectation of the outcome. Life is what it is. Am I cynical? No, I'm practical.

Hugs and pats on the back for reaching out to others with your words. Maybe a little less repetition and more unique phrasing will make the poem gleam. Your choice, of course.

Welcome to WdC, Ms. Newbie. We have lots to offer a new writer, or any writer. I hope you find your time here as happy and rewarding as mine. See? I'm not all gloom and doom. Sometimes a rainbow glows. Especially if I win a contest. *Laugh*

My advice? Review as much as possible. It's amazing how it improves one's writing skills. Join a group and find instant camaraderie.

All the best,
~Nixie


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#1300305 by Maryann






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192
192
Review of My Son  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jack. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Should we say synchronicity? Continuing to follow each other? This time, I even waited to see if someone else would post in the forum. I don't mind if you don't. *Smile*

A simple title and applicable cover art demonstrated the author's pride in his work.

I sit heartbroken after reading your poignant words. Why do they grow up so fast? For them, it takes forever. For a parent of grandparent, it happens faster than a goldfish circling its tank.

The excellent first stanza set the scene, exactly as it should. Immediately, the image came to mind and teased memories of my own experiences from my vault. Due to specific word choices, the cold felt real. Especially with the contrast of 'pale white' against 'bright red'.

As the stanzas flowed, the punctuation was consistent, guiding the reader as it set the pace. Words like 'races' and 'jumps' propel the poem into action.

It's remarkable that these simple words created such a strong reaction for me. I haven't seen snow since 2009, but the memories never fade. Mostly, I recall my own sledding experiences, the worst when someone's toboggan slammed into me, fracturing my tailbone. Ouch.

In your poem, the mood is quiet and gentle. The last line in the second stanza established (more or less, yet sufficiently) your son's age at the time of writing this. The sense of pride is heard not only in the words of the third stanza, but in an overall take-away. Merely the fact that you (the dad) are watching demonstrated your love.

My dad was stoic, but he was there for the ice-skating and skiing. His love was shown with action, since loving words just weren't spoken in that WW2 generation. At least in my family. No 'I love you' no kisses or hugs. But the love was palpable, if I could parse through all the bad stuff and suss it out.

In the last stanza, thinking about your son climbing up the hill, I remember my aching legs and huffing to catch my breath. Snow and winter. Both were magical, albeit down right freezing. In Maine, the temps went down to -20 degrees for weeks at a time. I still went to work wearing high heels, despite the frost and the snow.

Look at me, prattling on about myself. When that happens, the writer can take pride in knowing their words, or experiences, evoked emotion in the reader. Well done. *Smile*


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193
193
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Life's Journey" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Carly. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Smile*
What first caught my eye was the presentation. The middle lines are longer than the others, marking the moments of life expanding, or in your words "blossoms." The line below, using the word dimension, also enhanced the reading experience. Most likely because writing of other dimensions is a passion of mine.

*Think*
A bit of disappointment in the line "and the curtain drops". Cliches are familiar, and often serve in writing to make the write instantly relatable. A curtain dropping accomplished that. It sounded a little trite to me.

*Infinity*
Now a bit of my personal reaction. We have directly opposite concepts of life beginning and ending. Here goes. A life begins with a baby delivered from a warm, watery womb into the cold and clinical world. Hardly quiet solace. The middle, expanded lines echoed with agreement.

*Clock*
Time is a concept, and it's hard to get one's head around that fact and still demonstrate passage. Space moves, we don't. To take it one step further, the past only exists in our minds because we remember, and the future exists because we can imagine one. Now, if I ever figure out how to express that without the word time, I'll jump up and down. Nothing in this paragraph takes away the thunder of the message.

*Infinity*
In the last, time shows up again. I'm, not you, stuck with the same problem as described above. Ah, life would be much easier if I could, you know, figure it all out. I desperately hope our time is not a loop.

*Heart*
Even though memories are inaccurate, that's what people leave behind. I try to make remarkable memories. I seek out the audacious, which mostly eludes me. My legacy will probably be that 'wow, she was weird' because I never go with the flow. I fight.

*Questionb* Did you intentionally use the words 'of its own' and 'all its own' in lines 10 and 11?

*Gears*
More about mechanics. Punctuation in poems, at one time, had to be consistent. I'm happy that changed. Your punctuation was minimal. A period after the first four lines created a flowing read, as line after line followed logically. (One can witness the life of another.)

Interesting, the last two lines ended in periods. Was that intentional, to place emphasis one the conclusion? It makes more sense, to me, leaving no punctuation after the honoured, with the only the last line ending in a period. Especially since the two lines are directly related.

*Star*
The reason for the half-docked star? the rating was not a reflection of my opinion vs. yours. However, since I had such a strong reaction to the last two lines, the 1/2 star felt 'right'.

Nicely done!








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194
194
for entry "Body Like A Back Road" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

*Infinity* I've been thinking since yesterday how to review this entry. Nothing new has come to mind, but I don't want to delay the review any longer.

I like to 'know' the authors, because it helps me gain a deeper insight. The last personal information I recall about you is that you're a screenwriter. Reading your port tab answered all my questions. Except for one. Where did your burning desire for music come from?

I've read the blog challenge, so I know you satisfied the requirements. And since you made the guidelines...how could you miss something requested. *Laugh*

Music is poetry. Sometimes, when I start writing, songs come to mind, and I think, well, the lyric writers are the true poets. Some people like the music, the lyrics are what grab me. There's quite a bit to learn from them. Here's my favorite line from the song.

"I'm gonna take it slow just as fast as I can."

It gives a listener pause, as we're free to interpret as we choose. Like an oxymoron, the opposite words 'slow' and 'fast' in the same line attract me. I know there's a better way to phrase that, but it's all I have.

I've seen video clips showing Taylor Swift working out a song. She had one line of lyrics and a the beat she wanted to use. From there, she just kept going.

How your entry related to me? As gleaned from your writing, I, too, am frustrated by the repetition and singular subject matter. Yet I can't deny the irresistible tempos and the gentle ease of listening.

From the back halls in my mind, something I heard long ago sprang up. Paraphrased, since memories are unreliable, 'play a country song backwards and the guy's dog, truck, and wife will come back to him.'

The offense taken by Blake Shelton and Jason Aldean makes me think of Taylor Swift, again. For the life of me, I can't dream up the song in my mind, just the overall take on the lyrics. There will always be haters and people who judge. So, might as well do what you want. There's no escape. People are people.

I laughed at the replies from Shelton and Aldean.

A child of the '70's, I miss the intellectual lyrics of protest or social injustice. I remember high school! when we had to write an essay on the meaning of this phrase from the song Eleanor Rigby. "Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door". I don't remember figuring it out, but now I think, well, since we all have to wear masks, women no longer need to use makeup. Covid may bankrupt the companies who manufacture the products. *Laugh*

I really miss 'my' music. *sigh*

Sam Hunt? I confess to relaxing while playing and listening to the video. Repetitive, yes, but an easy listen.

Time to close this review. The entry is well-written (of course). I enjoyed my time here, both for the nostalgia on my part, and for the informational aspect of what you wrote. I bet you're as well-spoken, too. Oh, I agree with your conclusion. *Smile*

~Nixie



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195
195
for entry "~ Jesus Loves Me ~" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Ruwth. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your poem for "I Write in 2020" 

What a beautiful tribute. It's fascinating how one specific memory stays crystal in our minds. I remember my Communion, as if it happened yesterday. Not to mislead anyone, I'm no longer a practicing Catholic. But I have miraculous moments to look back on. Life really is a mystery. And maybe it should stay that way.

I don't think I've ever seen a poem written with the beginning of every line capitalized. Your choice, of course, but it sort of threw me off.

For a year or so, I taught Sunday school, and singing played a major part in keeping those darlings in line. When it was time for their snack, and I had to leave the room, I'd start a chorus of "Amen, amen, amen, say it over, amen." They all sang right along with me, and they never misbehaved.

I remember the first morning in our new church, Episcopalian, this time, when the pastor asked the congregation if anyone wanted to teach Sunday school. My hand went up without any conscious thought. Of course, since I'd been Catholic, the kids had to teach me all the songs they knew, none of which I'd heard before. So we all taught and learned together.

To sing is to create magic. Even now, I can't listen to Amazing Grace without sobbing. In my Catholic church, we sang a song with a verse "Is it I Lord?" but my dad, with his incredible baritone voice always sang "It is I Lord." Even when we told him about the wording, he kept singing as he wanted. I miss him.

So, right now, at this moment, if you're singing, then so am I. And somewhere, my dad's probably singing too.

Even though I'm not the same person as before, I thank you for the opportunity to share my memories with yours. *Heartv*

Nice write.


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#1300305 by Maryann






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196
196
Review of Penguin  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jody. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020"  And what a pleasure it was!

When I finished reading this, a chill ran up my legs. A weird place for the chills, I know. Maybe that reaction was an indication of how closely this story resonated with me.

The opening paragraph showed us a beautiful scene that led to tragedy. You did a wonderful job creating the mind-image. I don't fall off balcony, but my morning begins in solitude with coffee and lake-gazing. I connected with Ellen immediately. That means the story speaks to me.

Expertly expressed, I felt her loss deep within me. And the discovery of the blackbird drew me closer. When I'm watching the lake from my balcony, all sorts of birds fly toward me, alighting on the huge oak that shadows me from the relentless sun. But my special bird is the cardinal. The experiences are internal, and difficult to relate, but every single time I'm sinking, a cardinal shows up. The bird is like my champion. (similar to Penguin). I enjoyed a laugh imagining a bird with that creative name.

A quick oops here.
"Is it dead?” He whispered, his eyes pooling with tears.
No need to capitalize he.

Can a baby bird eat worms? Usually, the mom bird masticates the food before feeding it to her babies.

Eww, but important to the story. The reader had to know the bird pooped everywhere. I can't imagine living under those conditions. And the stink. Ick.

Still, the magic of the bird prevailed. So I will close with my most miraculous moment with a cardinal. And this is no exaggeration. One day, the bird, gosh, how do I explain this, hovered in my window for at least two minutes by flapping its wings. I swear, it looked right through the window at me. That experience heightened my connection not only to the cardinal, but to all of nature.

See all the joy you brought me with your story? It kept me captive and mesmerized. Excellent job showing Ellen's realizations and celebratory recovery. I'm wondering if the last paragraph was personal to you. It seemed an odd ending, a bit abrupt, I suppose. Still, the message rang out clear. Kudos to Ellen, the heroine of this story.

Oh, and such wonderful word choices throughout the story. Nicely written with a few bumps that didn't effect the reading experience.

The past is the present is the future

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197
197
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Embellishment " 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Carly! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020" . This will be a new experience. I don't recall ever 'meeting' you.

When I see the word embellishment, I think of my ex-husband and all his trumped-up stories. It seemed every scene he described from work was too perfect. Everyone said all the right words at the right time. One day I asked, are you embellishing this? Of course, the answer was, yes.

Today, in your words, I've seen embellishment expressed in an about turn for me. The first line soothed me, as I imagined satiny silk draped around me, and from there, traveled with you into your poet world. What a happy place. Now, if my ex wasn't a liar, I suppose these words could apply to him. I'm delightfully uplifted that he can't fit in here.

From your words, I see a loving couple (of any sort) engaged in ungainly steps of love. I want to believe in this couple who share experiences with the wink of an eye. A 'true-love- relationship where each knows the other is brightening the world.

With final words 'dimension' and pizzazz' the poem stood out among others for unique word choice.

Nice work finding a home for embellish. *Star*


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#1300305 by Maryann






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198
198
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ruwth! Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Most inspirational! A wondrous take on the prompt.

I remember STP, but only the acronym, not the meaning. I can't recall seeing the advertisement. Stop radiator leaks is what popped into my mind. (My old car had more problems than we could afford to properly fix.)

I'm moved by the way you 'remade' the acronym as a message to yourself in times of trouble. Often, we're stuck on a problem that circles endlessly in our minds. The solution or resolution is never revealed. We experience a myriad for emotions, perhaps frustration or panic, depending on the issue.

Until we choose to redirect our thoughts, nothing will change. Let the situation loose and wa-la comes the answer. Not so easily done, though. In those moments, having an escape route to another place, something easy to remember, we find our way. (Your STP).

Years ago, my psychologist envisioned a box with the initials HS written on it. When she couldn't solve a problem, she mentally placed it in her HS (Holy Spirit) box and let it go.

My mantra begins with the first two lines of the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.

"Go placidly among the noise and haste, and remember what peace my be found in silence."

It's a crazy world out there, and quieting the mind is almost miraculous. We rise above ourselves, recognizing the futility of our conscious minds finding peace.

Whether a person is or is not Christian, your poem speaks to all, which is remarkable.

(I wonder if the direct quote of the serenity prayer—one which AAA uses—should be distinguished in some way, as it's a direct quotation.)

I liked the lead-in, a specific mention of how you arrived where you did. Word clues or associations take us immediately from the moment. The upset is transferred to a place we consider safe refuge.

Thanks for reminding me of how this can be done. Your poem is a gift for all. *Heartv*




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#1300305 by Maryann






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199
199
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo. Nixie here. I have the pleasure of reviewing another entry of yours for "I Write in 2020" 

*Shock2*
Wow. Hard to believe I caught this story in the forum and was able to follow up from chapter one.

POV
Excellent set-up skipping from one POV to another. Although this technique doesn't always work, the differing POVs gave me much more insight as each character continued the story. Also, the little lines in between help.

Characters
Once again, I'm dwelling on character development. I'm wondering if Marcus has upgraded his lifestyle. Here, we learn he comes from wealth, but quickly following, Marcus says he only gets a small allowance. I guess that means he's still living the simple life. No fancy cars, homes, apartments, expensive clothes...

*Dollar*
Milly has to work and go to school, an indication her extra money is as slim as Marcus's. That's always good in a relationship. No one wants to be with their 'twin', a person who perfectly mirrors a self-image, but some essential qualities of sameness do apply. Money's a big qualifier.

Back to the beginning.
I can't decide if I agree with Milly or not. With all the tech and info available, she could easily look into his background and ensure he's telling the truth. Seems she goes on her 'gut' feelings. Even though sex has commenced, she's still leery of him. Does he sense this? IDK. After six months, I'd think she'd left this doubt aside. A relationship built on a lie or mistrust never works.

What a convincing write to show how the characters are moving forward. She's been introduced to his family—does she see his wealth, I wonder? And what does she think of that? Is she intimidated?

Escalating the plot
The sexual aspect of their relationship is outlined without being overly graphic. Although, considering the challenge, I'm thinking this will escalate to erotica. When that happens, I won't review any more. It's not 'my thing' Just saying, in case we run into each other again. *Wink* I don't want you thinking that I ghosted on you.

*Hand*
Marcus's thoughts about how he's prepared his apartment had a moment of comic relief. Clean sheets, and then the two words following. [the lot]. A good summary of what he's cleaned up without listing tedious details unnecessary to the plot.

Considerations/oops
Much improvement in this chapter. Not nearly as many tech issues. *Checkg*

I know you’ll be starving...[knew you'd be]?
to keep this sentence in the same verb tense?

Even after all this time, I can’t believe she agreed to go out with me.
This sounded a little odd, considering six months have passed. Maybe [I can't believe we're still dating.]

my family love her > loves

Peering closely
Only a few days ago, I read the chapter one. I apologize. I can't remember what Milly is studying. Maybe another clue for the reader as a reminder? And what does she look like? You referenced Marcus's appearance again in a convincing way that flowed with the story. We saw him through Milly's eyes. But other than the facts that Milly has luscious lips, slim waist, looks amazing, and has a sexy butt, that's all the reader knows. Now that I'm actually typing this, I'm wondering if that's enough.

I'd like Marcus to twirl her hair, or something, to show what color and length it is. . . um .... how tall she is? Maybe her head tucks perfectly below his chin when they hug. How do they dress? Casually? Milly seems like a proper lady, but does she wear sexy clothes? Is this even important to the plot, at this point? That's me, talking (typing out loud) *Laugh*

Milly's nickname for him is adorable, and sums up his appearance. Does Marcus have one for Milly?

Oops. Before I forget (again) let me mention how you move your characters with ease. Especially the scene with the foot massage and the continuing exploration that Milly halts.

*Clapper* That's a wrap
Both characters have similar misgivings. Marcus isn't totally confident, still in awe of Milly, demonstrating a vulnerability. Milly's playing it safe, continuing to question his background, while still moving forward. Right now, I trust Marcus, but she could be in dangerous waters. Men always show women what they want to see.

I liked the last line (Milly's reflection) in this chapter because it sums up the question lingering in my mind.

*Heart*
Love or lust?


Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your chapter. It was fun and thought provoking. I want to know more. *Smile*

~Nix


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#1300305 by Maryann






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200
200
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff. Nixie here. I'm reviewing your work for "I Write in 2020" 

Wow, that's a great title. I like the play on words.

I have to admit to total confusion. Maybe if I knew who the narrator was in the beginning, the story might have made more sense. So, this back woodsman has found paradise, and he's walking to the store for supplies? The first paragraph contains his observations? Maybe we could hear the story from him as he's approaching the store.

The story had an off-balance feeling. Blocks of text with dialogue interspersed. In the second line of dialogue, is Mike speaking to himself in the first line? It would make more sense. Also, it's a bit of a clumsy sentence, and you really don't need it. If Mike simply stares at the guy and asks who he is, wa-la! the reader can infer the meaning.

I could easily relate to Mike's message. Now, I don't live off the grid, but I am happier with fewer possessions. It took me a few years to figure that out.

After the dialogue about Bezos, the following paragraph isn't in quotations. It took me awhile to realize Mike was still talking, not narrating his life. Also, that's a big block of dialogue. I wonder if, in real life, the reporter would have interrupted him here and there? It would bring the passage to life, and the dialogue would sound normal. Of course, I don't know your reporter. Maybe he's the kind who listens forever.

So the big story was that Mike moved off the grid and lived in the woods? It was the reporter's luck to have tracked him down? It didn't seem like much of a story to me. What am I missing?

I really liked the part about Kindle. *Laugh* I must have 400 books loaded on mine. I do miss holding a book, though.

The stories I come across with mention of Covid are interesting. I wonder how this time will go down in history. Authors who write stories with a mention of Covid are smart. They'll have a reference point to look back on years later.

The final paragraph wound the story down, and let the reader, along with Mike, fall into a contemplative mood. It is good.

Thanks for the opportunity to read your work. It was my pleasure. High five for entering the contest!


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