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Review Requests: OFF
3,224 Public Reviews Given
3,263 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ric. Nixie here with an anniversary review for you.

HAPPY 8th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



You have a solid plot here that needs some attention. From the beginning, I had no doubt as to what Roger was up to. Or rather, working himself up to taking on a task.

I liked the dialogue shared between Roger and Peter. Peter's the kind of friend everyone needs. He's caring, but also not afraid to give Roger a push. Sometimes, that's all a person needs. A good friend.

So, the problem lies in POV shifts, verb tenses, and switching from showing to telling, all the way to authorial intrusion. For example, in the last few paragraphs, we're being told how Roger feels.

In the beginning of the conclusion, he likes how the tux looks, but then later claims
He didn’t feel like himself in that outfit.

My question is, why didn't he feel like himself? Inner dialogue could lend a hand here. There's always the old cliche, although I don't recommend using it.

I look like a penguin.

Maybe it sounds trivial, but increasing font size and paragraph spacing makes a story much easier to read. Instead of the dialogue all bunched up, spacing it out would create a more dramatic effect. Rather than the words on top of each other, a breathing space gives the reader a better chance to digest the innuendos.

Here's the deal. Anniversary reviews are celebrations. I don't like picking the stories apart. So I mentioned a few things, when this really needs an overhaul. Since it's never been edited, I'm guessing you had a story come to mind, you quickly wrote it and never looked back. I totally understand that. Sometimes a story fits the bill, and that is that. Then again, there's always something to learn. Okay, I'm done now. *Laugh*

Happy Anniversary month all month long. *Cake*

Kicking down the walls of normalcy

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review of Illegal Alien  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Genipher. Nixie here with an anniversary review for you!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Vine1* Initial reaction
White space is so appealing, I know from the first glance this would be an enjoyable read. Increased font size and spacing? *Star*

*Vine2* Overall Impression
It only took the first two lines to snag me. She/he claims tuna, the alien says Trandff Juice. *Laugh* I really enjoyed how this scene played out. The details are revealed in small bits, where one can't be sure what's coming next. Each line made me laugh even harder. Tentacles vs. fleshy appendages? That's how my arms look now.

As the humour carries on, a dark note enters. Seems this planet has handled many aliens crashing. And they have so many requirements and restrictions. I especially liked the specific details > Purple Card. And then it flips back to ridiculous by mentioning the ray gun. Honestly, my face hurts from smiling.

*Vine1* That's a wrap
Even though the story was mostly comedy and curiousity, the last few sentences were chilling. Seems as if all the unexpected bantering led to this pivotal moment. The characters aren't named, but I sure feel sorry for your protagonist.

Overall ~ Excellent and enjoying write!



image for when I feel dark

Nixie Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review of Long Shadows  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lightspeed. Nixie here, celebrating you with a review. *Smile*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title is an absolute attention grabber. I'm not sure how I feel about the brief description. Maybe it gave away too much. The message was conveyed in the beginning, rather than allowing me to make the discovery as I read.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
This was a first for me. I've never read anything without quotation marks, which set me back a bit. But as I continued reading, my brain adjusted and I was able to follow the flow. However, I tripped over the dialogue leading to the conclusion. And I'd rather not see the three exclamation points. Since this isn't a 'showing story', I understand the need. Still, three seemed excessive. I also feel the same way about (RIGHT NOW) being presented in full caps. Perhaps italics?

*Baretree3*
Zeroing in
Even though I knew what was coming, the clues were unveiled in a compelling way. The paragraph about what happened, as heard through the husband was a little confusing.

I'd like to chat a bit about the repetitive words. 'Long shadows' was used several times. Now, maybe this was intentional, but I did wonder if finding another expression would create more diversity and possibly enhance the feelings evoked.

In the paragraph beginning with "I thought for a long time" > (getting) is used twice. Some rewording is called for.

*Baretree3*
A closed book= a lasting impression
I was impressed with the last few comments, i.e. the word choices showing the mood. I've had similar telephone conversations, where even as the words are exchanged, the sense of 'the end' darkly loomed.

You closed with one of my favorite expressions. The beginning of the end. I really liked how you employed the word 'herald'. That strong word nailed down the coffin lid sealing the sadness of the relationship ending.

So, while there were times when I was confused, this was a fun story to read and ponder over. I like uniqueness. *Star*


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Overwatch Guardian



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of AWAKENING  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi Maria. Nixie here to celebrate your 15th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
The title had me wondering what exactly was awakening, and when I read the brief description, I was all in. The cover art was perfect. Nature-themed items are one of my favorites to both read and write.

Overall Impression
Excellent job engaging a sensory experience. I could easily visualize the scene in my head, and wish I were seeing it with my own eyes. I liked the first stanza, because imagining a 'granny' rocking on the porch evoked the gentleness that followed. Honestly, I felt more calm after reading this.

Of all the beautiful stanzas and carefully chosen words, 'sunflowers gaze upward' affected me the most. No idea why, but the thought of Southern Belles, as in Scarlet O'Hara types came to mind.

Question
I found the punctuation extremely confusing. It was inconsistent and jarring. To each his own, though.

I was wondering how a cottage could 'set'. > One alternate option (A cottage nestled in a pristine meadow) Just a thought.

In the end
I rated this a 4 due to the questions above.

I cannot thank you enough for using a larger font and perfect spacing. I've had to pass on many reviews, due to squinting. *Bigsmile*

I'm closing my eyes now, dreaming of the scene so delicately painted. *Tulipr* Thanks for sharing your gift.



~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review of My Brain  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Misty. Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Welcome to WdC!


*Vine1* Initial reaction
You write with such passion the words are crammed together, creating a block of text that is a challenge to read. Not to worry. There's a quick fix! Simply use a larger font, I'm suggesting {size:3.5} or larger.

Proper paragraphing is required to separate your thoughts. This reads like a stream of consciousness, and I'm betting that it is.

Please remember to use proper grammar and punctuation. *Wink*

(i) should be (I}
contractions: one example: (dont) should be (don't)

I noticed a misspell in the title. (certant) should be (certain)

*Vine2*Thoughts from the edge
Because this is a personal piece, perhaps the inclusion of (hah-hahs) (Omg) and (lols) might be overlooked. For me, it demonstrates an unprofessional approach. You have a lot to offer, so why not perfect your writings? I'm guessing you're a young writer, which would explain quite a bit.

*Vine1* Personal Connection
So many people have mental issues. Please know you are not alone in feeling this way.

*Vine1* That's a wrap
I applaud the last line you've concluded with. Keep writing and gather more feedback from other reviewers. That's one way for writers to improve their skills. *Smile*


an image that shows the inner me

Nixie Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Fantasy Writer. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
Excellent word choices to comply with the 24 syllable rule, this short piece sparked a vivid image in my mind.

Special Moments
Smart and clever use of Brobdingnagian, a word from Gulliver's Travels. "Deep Abyss" and "Marine Life" alerted me to the 'setting' as it were. I questioned the double use of the word Leviathan. Once would suffice. *Wink*

If I had to choose, I would not place Leviathan at the top, especially since it's part of the title. A small detail, perhaps, but one that gave me pause. Because there are only three stanzas, the double wording created an unwanted weight to the overall impression. As in, not to make a pun, it drowned out the simplicity.

Closing comments
I took a quick peek at your portfolio. It seems you're the master of this poetic form, which leaves me to believe you have a deep passion running within you for this type of challenge. Well done.

~Nixie

New identity for SPR

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of Damage  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. It's my pleasure to review your short story for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
I listened to the song after I read the story and heard where the inspiration came from. But I didn't need the song to 'hear' the relationship story you penned. The realistic details of the setting added to the authentic air of the meeting-up.

As the plot unfolds
I swear you wrote this as if I was watching the scene for myself, maybe perched on another barstool. Both characters were vivid in my head. Since the conversation felt cool, any thoughts of romance died in my head. There's a few things that make couples unsuitable. And having children is close to number one. That issue left no doubt in my mind. So even though it was a conflict sandwiched in between the setting and Jimmy's character, the difference in lifestyle choices spelled the inevitable doom. Truth be told, I'd have been upset if they reignited their past attraction.

Oops. Almost forgot to mention one of my favorite passages. And that was the teleporting part. Nicely done.

Thoughts to think
At times, it seemed as if the POV shifted. I'm wavering on that part. A few paragraphs felt as if they came from Jasmine's mind, or maybe the author's, not Jimmy's. And that's the only reason I docked the half star.

Last impression
I managed to stifle my 'aww' after I finished reading, but, honestly, that was my first reaction. A bitter-sweet and authentic story, expertly penned.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review of The Jester  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.

Hi Jim! HAPPY WDC 12th ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY


What an emotional journey you created. I instantly (without being aware of who the jester was) related to the character. I felt as if the jester could be anyone. Without someone to witness our lives, loneliness prevades. Most times, I feel alone. That's the price I pay because I'm lousy at choosing partners.

In the fourth stanza, the word 'aura' appeared, and it was time to adjust my viewpoint. This man was no jester. He was an extraordinary person.

The mood shifted to sadness, creating a puzzle. What was happening here? Even though the theme continued with loneliness, or uncertainty, not one stanza was repetitive.

The last few stanzas hit me like a lightning bolt. The rhymes took on a new meaning, one I never would have guessed. I haven't read any of the other poems in this folder, so my viewpoint is limited. However, I wondered if the first part was metaphoric because the setting presented didn't match up with the true setting revealed in the end.

I'll be thinking this over for the rest of the day. What a brilliant poem to ponder.



~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review of Complex Numbers  
for entry "High-cal Local" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Robert. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
When time allows, I dip into your notebook posts. You're clever, witty, and smart. Sometimes smart aleck-y. Your particular style is also evident in this entry.

Your wit had me laughing in quite a few places. Particularly, the Waffle House and Taco Hell with Desperation Alley in between. And one would have to be desperate to eat at either of those two places.

I've also witnessed closings of restaurants. Sadly, many were unique establishments offering Vegan meals. My hope is that someday Orlando will become 'classy' and 'savvy' enough to provide more progressive eateries. (Orlando is not my home town. Thank goodness.) I would prosper in NYC. And the thought of D.C. being so close to your town is eating me alive.

Bagels. It's true. There's no better bagels than the ones made in New York. The same is to be said about pizza.

BTW: Your writing is always eloquent and mistake free. Even when you're goofing around.

Sorry, couldn't resist highlighting this simile.
...restaurants, as they flicker open and closed like lighthouse shutters doing Morse Code.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of In Memoriam  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

As I read with puzzlement, the entire tribute felt distanced. When I reached the end and learned this wasn't written by you, some of the confusion cleared. The question remains. How to review this?

So I'm poking around in the dark here. Did you have a personal connection with Rev Col Bayani P Mendoza? Maybe you can include a note at the bottom informing the reader as to why the tribute was posted here.

This was a stirring and informative tribute. Overall, it's evident the man left a profound impact after death. The details included most certainly painted the definition of a hero. I wonder if all he accomplished was some sort of destiny, since his very name means 'hero'.

The formatting is excellent, although not many still use the indent for each paragraph. I suspect it's a personal choice. My only suggestion would be to use a larger font for an easier read.

Interestingly enough, I googled his name, and your article was the first that popped up in the search. Does that make you famous?

I apologize for skipping over your entry in the forum. The bitem link in the subject line confused me. My brain focused on 'join'. *Headbang*

I hope my review is enough of a tribute for this tribute. I read it first thing in the morning. What a unique way to begin my day.

~Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 



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86
86
Review of My introduction  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alex. Nixie here. I found your item among the Newbie list. Welcome!

Although a short introduction, you've given us all a chance to visit with you. WdC is famous for making people feel at home. Mostly, we're kind and considerate, always willing to help. I've made some friends here, and it's my primary reason for belonging. And, of course, I can never abandon "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

If you're interested, reviewing not only helps us improve, it can foster friendships. Reach out, maybe start a blog and post your entries on the Newsfeed. Or, post your writings there using the entry or bitem format. Ask questions. That way, readers will learn more about you. *Wink* Use the Newsfeed and various forums to connect with others. Have you visited this forum? "Noticing Newbies" ?

Check out the various groups here. Before long, you'll be feeling right at home. We love our newbies. What type of stories/poems do you like writing?

At the top of every page, you'll see "Writing.Com 101"  I like to ask questions, but 101 is the premium information center. Keep on writing!

Me with another persona. Am I a spy?

Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of It Begins  
Review by Nixie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sue. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
Oh, my goodness. I can relate to this so well. I write stories in my head all the time. Unfortunately, all I have is the beginning, no middle or conclusion. I think if I write what's churning in my mind, chances are inspiration will help me move forward. Nope.

As the poem unfolds
The theme begins to change, and the meaning phases to thoughts of fame. Absolutely adorable, (no condescension meant). The verses flowed smoothly, and the rhyming scheme was clever. I liked the words you chose, they were more than ordinary. This couldn't have been an easy feat.

Kudos for precise punctuation.

*Heart* The first stanza, last line, was my favorite. The image of thoughts caught in a web stood out and created both a mental image and a real life experience. Webs have spiders. Yikes. And I liked the progression of thoughts slipping away. This was expressed in the next stanza by employing the word 'borderline'. Nicely done.

Wrapping it up
I'm sure you know how easy it is for the spelling of your user name to be confused with another. Much appreciation for adding your name at the ending. I doubt it was meant for that purpose, but it reminded me of who is whom. Jody vs. Sue. *Laugh*

Writing poetry is not one of my strengths, but your creation showed me that thoughts can also be expressed outside of a short story and be just as effective. Thanks for the read!


~Nixie
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
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88
88
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Nixie here to celebrate with you.


HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


The hook
Hands down, the title and the brief description.

My mistake
I have a habit of reading the end of a story (or poem) before beginning the journey into someone's story world. I was prepared for something simple, I guess. Your poem took me totally by surprise. I read it five times to absorb all the meaning, and every time my heart broke.

I've never read a poem this complicated that flowed line after line. I am no poet, so if this composition follows a specific format, I apologize for not recognizing it. I liked the lack of punctuation throughout. It created continuity.

Quite a shift in POV when the man is introduced. Once the meaning sunk in,though, the intent was crystal.

Oops/suggestions
Somewhere in the lines (who's) should be (whose), but for the life of me, I can't find it again.

Personal connection
Honestly, I can't explain to anyone how much I have in common with Toni, without hurting myself (mentally) further.

Final impression
I wish I knew how much work and time you've put into composing this. It must have been a painful process, or perhaps cathartic. Despite the agony, this is a gorgeous and unique write.


Me with another persona. Am I a spy?

Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pepper Nixie here.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The hyphenated name clued me in as to the type of story I would be reading. After that, well, what encouraged me to continue was the professional appearance of the story. It was well-balanced, with a larger font.

And then I read the opening paragraph. A mystery opened in my mind that I was eager to solve. With no idea who Ni-essa was, her fear was palpable, but at this point still obscure.

Right from the beginning, the scene showed a futuristic theme, and a woman on the run. She must have been hiding selling tickets, so still, her identity wasn't verified, and her fear amplified. A total puzzle.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
Excellent foreshadowing having the students observing the silver hand of Galen. It didn't seem important at the time. I thought maybe it was enhancing the setting. Wrong.

Due to word count limitations, there was a lot of reading 'in between the lines'. Which is fine. A reader likes to their natural curiosity stroked now and again.

It took me three reads, not really understanding what had transpired in the second part of the story. It may have helped if [queen] was capitalized. (However, the bounty hunter did call her 'Your Highness'. Also, a description of where she was being held would have aided a smoother transition.

That's where I really got hung up. Maybe if the Queen and King had names.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
Puzzlement, panic, and disgust (at the end).

*Baretree3*
Bumps along the way
"Then, she was falling, helpless to break her fall."
I'd like to see a different word, rather than repeating fall. It's sort of a given. No one can really control a fall.

Whoosh
Picky, yes. But considering the excellence of your writing, that stood out as weird.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
And that's why it took me three reads to capture all the nuances. I see how the foreshadowing was so germane to the story. Otherwise, it would have been a mystery when her brother died in such an odd manner.

No wonder the queen ran. I guess that king will have to keep her around to mother the 'brood' he would create. What an awful man. Holding potential children hostage.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop. Suffice it to say, I really liked your story. Outstanding write!

The last sentence sealed the deal. *Sad*


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Overwatch Guardian



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review of More Sue  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


Hi Rich. Nixie here.

Time to celebrate your (belated) 13th WdC anniversary!


Title and brief description
I wasn't sure about the title, but I was interested to see what insight might be revealed.

Overall impression
Total confusion in the beginning. I'm guessing there are other 'Sue' stories in your portfolio. Otherwise the story begins much later. I'm sure you had a specific reason for adding all the 'Sue' info. *Wink*

The dialogue was witty and concise and a pleasure to read. Lots of white space helped as well. So many writers use a small font and skimpy spacing, I have to squint to read it.

Can there be a link to the Ref at the bottom. My field of vision is narrow.

Personal reaction
*Laugh* Oh, my. What an absolute example of how to turn things around. If a guy said that to me, I'd walk out. I think (I hope) with more women working, social norms have changed.

And I can't resist adding what happened to my daughter, years ago. Waiting at a stop light, the guy in the car next to her rolled down his window and asked "What's the fastest way to get in to your pants?"
Her response? "Drive straight for two blocks, take a left and go straight to hell."


In the end
I bet the memory of this story will run through my mind for the rest of the evening. Nicely done, despite the confusion, which I'm guessing is on my part. *Headbang*


~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review of The Angel Portal  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi rjsimonson Nixie here to celebrate your 16th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
Irresistible for both. I liked the way the title led to the curiousity shop. It was surprising, and encouraged me to read more.

Overall Impression
Fantastic write, imaginative and fanciful. One never knows might be in a shop like that. The immediate setting was clear in my mind, and I wished I were Julie.

Both sound and smell descriptions added to the ambiance. nicely done.

Personal connection
So, I've always wanted to own a serendipity shop filled with items of curiousity and a cafe in the back. Dreams die hard.

Oops
I found enough errors that took me out of your head space, which was really a shame. Since this was written in 2012, I"m guessing it's unlikely you'll return to edit the story. However, you can email me if you want specifics. *Wink*

Question? What did the golden boy have to do with the cat? Obviously they were one in the same, but was this germane to the story? If boy and cat were one entity, wouldn't the cat have the same color fur as the golden boy? Just a thought. There are more questions I'm pondering.

In the end
What a beautiful conclusion. I liked the wrap-up, but Julie knew the angel before? That didn't make much sense to me. Angels are wondrous. Why didn't Julie see how special her specific angel was? How did the curio cabinet come to be in the store.

The memories were wiped from Julie's mind, and she had no idea how she ended up in the dress shop. Very cool and fitting. Sweet message, too.

I wish I could rate this higher, but with so many mistakes...

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi FrankenDuf. Nixie here to celebrate your 6th WdC Anniversary.



Major props for writing all these contest entries. I bet the hosts were super happy. I've always wondered how to write a story like this, and now know I can't. *Laugh*

My first impression was that the main character was an animal living in a kennel for strays. (The white van gave me that impression.) Weird, I know. On the second read, I saw that made no sense. (Regina, as an animal, pressing her face against the glass didn't fit.)

Time to re-think. Just because a story is short, it doesn't necessarily mean the plot is simple.

In a few short words, you conveyed apprehension and pathos for Regina. I can see her little face peering through the glass. Way to break my heart, though. She was hoping for a forever home. What a winsome way to convey her experiences thus far. Nicely done.

My only suggestion (thinking of Quills) would be to choose a genre and categories. Even if not for a Quill candidate (I don't think we have that category) these tiny treasures feel undervalued due to their lack of identity.

Knowing how to convey feelings and characters in a few short words, complete with a setting and conflict is truly one of your talents. Thanks for the opportunity to read and learn!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ironworker. Nixie here with an anniversary review.


New Anniversary Review image.


Initial impression

Yes, yes, and okay. *Laugh* Excellent opening salvo. Identify the characters and the conflict. The aliens dubbed [The Nezuar] immediately alerted me. Ah, sci-fi.

Um, my review is forming up to be a blow by blow commentary while I read. Hope that doesn't bother you.

oops
The [D]oorbell rang.
The doorbell rang.

The third paragraph scrambled my thoughts. Judging from other parts of the story, I know you know how to improve it.

And then there's a few verb tense switches that are confusing.
Winston sits up

“As you have surmised, the Doctors question...
Since we're not using the doctor's name, Doctor's should not be capitalized. [doctor's]. Also, that whole sentence is a mouthful. I'm sure you know how to straighten that up. And, that filler word [just] has to go.

I didn't sense too much ongoing objection about the aliens moving in. After all, humans are, or already have, killed the earth. What really got my attention was The Nezuar's compassion for humans. The pain and worry from the alien was touching. The ending was dismaying, though.

I liked this description of passing time.
In a moment of silence that seemed to last an hour...

Nice write! I enjoyed this adventure.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Pepper!

HAPPY 12th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



You captured all the elements this reader likes. An interesting conflict for your main character, and strong secondary characters.
I can totally see this happening, and the dad's resentment felt fair. I think the same situation would develop even without the money aspect, but you chose an example that punctuated the reason for the split. Otherwise, readers may be asking why.

Even though I have no experience with this situation, I didn't need it to connect. It's tragic when affection or attraction comes from the want of money. Marc did his best to 'compete', but mentioning he shopped at Walmart drove home the point in only a few words. Nicely done.

Oh my goodness. Marc's 'get even' fairy tale amused me. I could see an indignant Meggie spouting her objections to the fairy tale. She did agree with the dad about the nagging part, which made me laugh. But Marc felt better, and since he's the main character, it's his place to complete the story arc.

Which reminds me, spectacular job 'showing' what your characters looked like, without listing the specific aspects, like a list.

I didn't understand why Dudley (perfect name to set the character's image) was the new step-daddy. Had there been one before him? Step-daddy makes sense to me, but not the 'new' part. More heartbreaking would have been if Meggie had called him her new daddy.

I get why you're emphasizing Marc's lack of finances, but sometimes he sounded child-like and whiny.
...big shindig, dressed up all fancy-like.

I also disagree with the portrayal of him being 'less' because of his job.

And then here's Marc internalizing his image of the bed. One of my faves.
Kind of looked like a mosquito net to Marc.

Oops.
"I’m a princess, and princesses are suppose[d] to have royal beds."

Distancing words [felt]
He felt his gut tighten, the acid turning.
Suggest, [his gut tightened, acid churning.]

Filler word. [just]
The man just didn’t play fair.
I think it's perfectly normal for a person to use this word, but in fiction...well...not so much. It doesn't add anything to the story, which means, sorry, [deletion]. *Laugh*

*Right* I've been told in some reviews when I first started here that editors don't like semicolons. Huh. Just some info to pass along.


I can see why this was an editor's pick for a Newsletter. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*



Kicking down the walls of normalcy

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi Wolfwalker
Nixie here to celebrate your 16th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
After reading the title and brief description, I was already smiling and anticipating how this scenario would play out.

Overall Impression
True, I laughed all the way through, but what really stood out was your unique word choices and sentence structures.

Being who I am, I googled the origin of the phrase. I found several metaphorical ones, but at the top of the page was what I remembered. The usage of the word began in 1900, referring to hoof in mouth, a cattle affliction. Sorry, that's me skating around the intent of this piece, throwing water on the hilarity.

Personal connection
Remember the expression 'measure twice, cut once?' I'm a talk first, think twice. Always after 'putting my foot in my mouth'.
I have a brother who would write something like this, and the story reminded me of him. Thanks for that gift.

In the end
My only reason for the 4.5 was because the font was too small, and there needed to be more white space. My eyes are burning from squinting.

Fantastic write!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Snow! Nixie here.

HAPPY 19th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Fantastic. Almost two decades of membership and you're still active. And now you present us with this odd tale. (odd in a good way.)

The dialogue carried the story along. The straight facts from the AI made me wary. Humans are so sure they can take over any planet.

The concise back story fit right in with the flow. Just enough to understand Amber, and not too much to overwhelm.

I sure hope that ship can beat it out of the gravity well supersonic fast!

Oops.
We're not like you, we need real oxygen to breath."
breathe not breath. And what made Amber unlike the others?

before [setting] down in the pilots seat.
sitting? settling?

began to devour the colonist.
colonists?

Thanks for the entertaining read. Sci-fi is my fav genre.

Kicking down the walls of normalcy

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review of The Birth Of ...  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Official "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review


A child is burdened with the responsibility of saving the earth. That sums up the plot, but the summation does not do the story justice.

I wondered how Natasha's pajamas would be of significance. What struck me the most, other than it showing her vulnerability, was how it was woven in with the orb's appearance. What a beautiful moment when it glowed her colors. An indication that yes, it was here for her. I also liked the further expression of her fragility when she realized she'd have to balance.

There was no explanation for why Natasha was the chosen one, other than her 'feeling it was right'. Had she sensed this moment all of her life?

Who was the narrator in the beginning? An omnipresent POV? The switch to Natasha flowed seamlessly, offset by the stars.

I felt no emotional response to the story, but the message was outstanding, if a bit obvious. Well, to most of humanity, I hope. With no one listening now, it seems unlikely Natasha could save the world. She would need some sort of superpowers or gift.

Since that's my only bone to pick, a 4.5 star rating feels appropriate.

Thanks for your entry!

Nixie judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review of Cecilie  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Official "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review



Hi Kåre Enga in Montana

The opening sentence made me laugh. I pictured a young, punk woman, a bit of a rebel, who delighted in the color of the sky complimenting her hair. But, oops, I was wrong. Was the narrator a beast? Descriptions that gave me that impression*Right* (dyed her hair to match pink ears-fur on her spine-but then people came...huge footprints. Am I confused?

What transpired involved some sort of being that expected people to terrify her, as this had defined her life. She reminded me of a teenager thrilled by the idea of scaring everyone.

I didn't expect to see a horse, and I'm not certain how that added to the plot. It sounded as if the horse was also going with her.

Biggest surprise of all, she belonged to the stars? I sensed nothing ethereal or otherworldly about her (other than her long lifespan.) Was she on a planet?

Great description of the setting, which could have been expanded.

I'm happy she found people to guide her home. I know that feeling of not belonging and wish someone would take me home to the stars.

What I liked best? The originality of the second footnote. Most creative.

Nixie-judge for
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review of Outcast  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Official "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review


Hi Beholden *Smile*

So, two questions. Who was the outcast? Why were they 'wrecked' on the planet? Was their ship separated from the camp and the only one that crashed short of their intended destination?

I enjoyed reading your story because of the causal way you led us in to your dream world. It was spoken as if the planet was something we all should be aware of, and that made me feel invited and and immersed in the plot to come. A fair amount of tension drove the plot forward. The characters had to make a decision. It's hard to imagine the seemingly insurmountable task, that trek up the mountain.

Your characters each had specific personalities, with each excelling in different skills.

Your sentence structures were varied. Nicely done. That's one reason this plot was easy to follow.

Now, considering your earlier explanations of the danger climbing the mountains, neither seemed to have a particularly difficult time. A breathless dialogue, or near fall would have emphasized the struggle. i.e. the whole show vs. tell suggestion. You had nearly a thousand more words to play with this conquest. Summing up the experience with these words 'have been told often enough' didn't seem right. There's simply no casual summing up the arduous challenge. After all, this is the characters' conflict that they must overcome.

Good names often draw intrigue. The odd names of the characters and the planet added a sci-fi element to the story. You chose this as your first genre. And rightly so.

It took me a few reads to 'feel' the weight of the conclusion. It was unexpected, but upon reflection, it was both humerous and smart. Someone probably would think them insane.

I liked how the personal question at the end drew me in. If I only knew the particulars mentioned in the beginning, and an expanded scene, I may have rated this a 4.5 *Bigsmile*

Thanks for your entry!

Nixie -judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review of Holograms  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Official "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Judges' Review


Hi Kotaro,

What a brave and adventurous trek into your story land. The topic is unique, and the resolution surprising. I wondered where the old man lived. For some odd reason, I was picturing a lighthouse. Weird, I know. *Right* (very cool, what happened when Gonzo stepped inside.) There was only scant evidence of a setting.


I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. The conclusion was that startling and a total turn-around from what I expected of Gonzo.

So, the old man has several copies of the document. He's waiting for the 'right' person to come along? Who would that be?

Also, how does the story relate to the image prompt? *Confused* I found no grammatical errors. Excellent! The low rating relates to the comments above.


*Right* Thanks for entering the contest!

Nixie - judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" 



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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