Hi LK. Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Welcome to WdC! I see you've jumped right into the water, not unlike your penguin. A difference here, though. You'll receive a warm reception , regardless of your appearance.
From the beginning
My main point here is type out the old adage. "More is less." That means practicing word economy and making every word count. In a world where reviewers have thousands of items to choose from, you want your best to shine through.
A closer look
Don't get me wrong. This is a cute story and it made me smile. Here's a few hints to help get your writing in high gear. The first line of a story should grab a reader's attention. Introducing the character and conflict will do that. So rather than all the explanation in the beginning, why not start where the story starts? You'd have to add Antartica > you need to correct the spelling > Antarctica needs to be included to establish your setting. So, your story really begins with the third sentence.
Hmm.
I'm not a fan of onomatopoeia, and the persistent use of it distracted me. Remember, more is less.
waddle-waddle TRIP{/i}, waddle-waddle-CRASH,and of course...waddle-waddle KLIUNK!
Can you show this to your readers?
Examples
Another example: Also, close out this with quotation marks. I make that mistake frequently, especially if I'm rearranging dialogue for effect.
HAR! HAR! HAR This sticks out in your story, drawing too much attention.
Oops
Rather than use {bold} and {/bold} you mistakenly typed {b}TRIP and closed with italics. {/i} Not a huge deal, except the rest of your story was italicized. It's an easy fix.
Formatting
Excellent job formatting, good spacing and plenty of white space. Rather than a block of text, you've made this an easy read. (other than mistyping that led to italics.) Readers are more likely to take an interest in formatting like this.
In closing
The end fell flat. Remember to avoid (ly) words, especially in dialogue.
Penolope's comment could be consolidated to > "You beast, Penrod. You're the reason Percy left." Maybe she can smack him with a flipper to show anger. Just an off-the-cuff suggestion.
Penrod's answer seemed off. It would make more sense if he used a fitting adjective. You've already used several to show awkwardness for a description, so you'd have to work on that. Neither does it make sense to me that Penrod would speak with an exclamation point, followed by a shrug. You really don't even need that last sentence.
Seriously, I talk too much.
Okay, I can tell you put your heart and soul into this story. I sensed the loneliness and isolation of Percy. What a shame Penelope wasn't able to help him. He sure did get bullied, which also happens to humans. You effectively made me angry over his treatment.
You need a little practice and some editing. A second pair of eyes helps. You'd never believe the mistakes I've made in my years here.
Reading and reviewing
I learned a lot by reading and reviewing. In fact, some of my best writing pours from me after reviewing. I connect with the author or the character, and find myself telling my own story. I suggest everyone read and review. It's one of the most important aspects of WdC.
So, maybe it sounds like I'm being hard on you, but really I'm encouraging you to do your best. Do not ever stop writing. We only get better.
I hope you continue to enjoy your writing endeavors here. We have lots of resources to assist, and I'd say the majority members are always willing to help.
At last, the real end
Good grief! Last words and I'll leave you alone. I only type reviews of this length when the story interests me. I probably overwhelmed you. Sorry about that.
Keep on writing. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you.
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