I honestly can't say if I like this or not. Reason being that there's not much to like. It looks like an interesting opening to an interesting story but you haven't written anything to really indicate what the story is about. I can see from your portfolio that you are new to this web site, but I can also see that you are new to writing in general. So I'm going to try to give you the best advice I can think of to help you begin to grow as a writer.
First off, I've taken a look at your other pieces, they are a lot like this, short little, experimental type pieces that you wrote just to see what it would be like. That's what I looks like to me at least. I like that, everyone has to start somewhere, and this is where you have started. So now that you are off to a good start, lets talk about where you should go. There are many goals that writers set, most of us want to get published, I know I do, some just like to write for the fun of it. What every your goal may be in order to attain it you must become a better writer, or I suppose if you are just doing it for fun then the consequence of your goal is that you will become a better writer. Since you have posted stuff on this web site, you obviously want feed back to become a better writer.
Alrighty then, lets talk about writing stories. I noticed you have put "chapter 1" at the top of this. That tells me that there will be other chapters, so I would guess you intend for this to be a book. That's a good goal, but I don't think you are ready to write a whole book. If you want to try then by all means, go for it! That's what I did, but don't get discouraged if you don't finish the whole thing, because you probably won't. I have tones of novel attempts I haven't finished, I've actually only ever finished two novels, and the first one I had help with.
I recommend writing some short stories, you could even make this into a short story. The appeal of writing short stories is you can take an idea and write the whole thing out in less than a day. It's rewarding and will help you ease into writing longer stuff. I think this really applies to you because based on what I have seen, you are not adept to writing long stories. Writing is work, you are working you're brain, just like if you go to the gym and lift weights. In the gym you are going to start with lighter equipment and gradually work your way up to heavy stuff. Same thing with writing.
Here is what I recommended doing with this story. You have an idea in your head, this girl moved to this small town where guns in school are a touchy subject, stuff happens and she witnesses something horrible, something that changes who she is. Write it out, write all the events that happen that lead to the main event and then what happens as a result of what the girl sees in the main event. You have a good beginning, it really is. This girl is use to shootings happening, but I bet she has never experienced one. So I would guess that whatever she sees, even if it's not a shooting, really gives her some perspective and by the end of this story she will truly understand why all these students in her new school are so shaken up.
Of course you might have something else in mind and that's cool too, just write it out. In fact I'll tell you what, if you do actually do it, if you write out this whole story, whatever it is about, message me, and I will read it, and gladly help you improve it. But wait there's more, if you are trying to write this, and you are stuck, or just feel over whelmed and need some advice, message me. I find it's always good to have some one to consult and pitch ideas at.
My final piece of advice is two fold. Read and review other people's work. This is not just a pitch to get you to read my stuff, I generally try not to do that as a personal rule but now that I have said it I would appreciate it if you did read my stuff. This is probably something you already know but it is important enough for reiteration. reading O.P.S (other people's stories) will help give you ideas on how to write, reviewing o.p.s will help you realize how much you have learned about writing and cement it into your brain.
For example, when I first joined this site, just a few months ago, I didn't know anything about sense words, as in the five senses. The I got a review telling my I should add some to my writing. Besides what my characters saw, what did they smell, hear? what did something feel like? etc. Well that was some great advice, but applying it was no easy task. I simply wasn't sure how to do it. So when I read o.p.s I looked to see how they had done it. At fist, since I wasn't sure how it should be done, when I came across a story that had used sensory words, I told the writer that I liked how they had done it. Writing it down in a review helped me learn, and then pretty soon I was noticing where o.p.s could use sensory words, and I was able to point it out to them. Whether or not it helped them it sure helped me. So when I wrote my story, Battle Ship Storm, (pitching again :P) I was able to add all kinds of sensory words, smells, sounds, touch, taste, not just sight.
That's whats great about this web site, I am confident that you will learn a great deal here, and I would be glad to help you out. That concludes my review/welcome to the site. Write on! Also here are some GP's to get you started.
Oh wait I should explain why I picked that rating, this is good but it does need a lot of work, you should really write more before I get into that.
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