Congrats to the other winners as well!!!!!! I have seen all them on the public review board! LOl @ the thing. he or she is most noticable with that hand...hehee
OMGosh! so excited! I appreciate this more then you can know. I was running an auction to get a basic upgrade for a year but now I might be able to go premium!!!! *dances in chair* I now can probably do that and donate even more to great groups here at WDC! I am so glad i joined. for more then just winning this of course, but this was an awesome surprise!!!!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
While I do not agree with your argument against gay marriage (IMO an argument against love) I respect your right to voice your disapproval.
Creativity/Impact:
The impact on me was not positive. You said, rather quoted the bible. It leaves a lot of interpretation in the verses you decided to use FOR your argument. The best part in the bible, in my opinion, is the part(s) where it says do not judge, lest you be judged. No one should judge another. *shrugs* but again, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I live and let live. I live by my own set of guidelines to what is right and wrong. I expect others to do the same as long as they are not harming another.
Suggestions:
I am not sure how many gay people you have actually gotten to know on a personal level. They have the same feelings and yearnings for love as a straight person. Actually the gay couples that I know, who have chosen to 'marry' have been together longer then any of my straight friends. They are without the legal right to bury their mate because of the laws. They can not put their mate on their insurance. They long for legal marriage, not only to proclaim their love for another (much like us straight people do) but also for legal reasons.
Summary:
Again, I support your right to express your feelings, I hope you understand my need to express my own in reaction to yours. There is a reason Religion and government is (supposibly) separate. To me, denying or not affording ANYONE the same rights under the Constitution, in any circumstances, is wrong. To judge is wrong- the bible tell us so...does it not? I hope there are no hard feelings. There are none from this side of the computer.
I decided to correct my typos so if you notice two reviews of the same thing, this is why. I have so much to learn about something I have been writing for years, or thought I was writing- poetry.
I was amazed at your ability to rhyme, with seeming ease- in a pattern that I am familiar with. I tried to read it a few times out loud and was caught on the unfamiliar flow. I know now that this in intentional. I always read my won poetry in the same 'sing song' tone and it did not work with this piece. It is daunting for me when I am surrounded by people who know their stuff. I write as I feel...never minding the rules. I am trying to gather the courage to attack new forms. I think this form will be one of the last ones I try. I still am not comfortable, no matter how many times it is explained, to me this thing called 'feet' and meter.
I do, however, recognize a great poem when I read it. This was very sad to me even with knowing the man was ready to meet the reaper. I wish to never grow so old to where I welcome death as a friend.
I have so much to learn about something I have been writing for years, or thought I was writing-poetry. I was amazed at your ability to rhyme,with seeming ease- in a pattern that I am familiar with. I tried to read it a few time outloud and was caught on the unfamiliar flow. i know now that this in intentional. I always read my won poetry in the same 'sing song' tone and it did not work with this piece. It is daunting for me when i am surrounded by people who know their stuff. I write as I feel..never minding the rules. I am trying to gather the courage to attack new forms. I think this form will be one of the last ones I try. I still am familiar, no matter how many times it is explained to me[ this thing called 'feet' and meter.
I do know a great poem when i read it. this was very sad to me..I know the man is happy. I wish to never grow so old where I welcome death as a friend.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This folder is empty but I wanted to review it anyways. You stated in your bio that you are going through a change and wanted to focus on the darker side of your nature. I am hoping that you will keep some of your lighter poem as there can't be dark without the light. It would be a nice balance to have a little lighter poems and writing in my opinion.
I see you are seemingly doing a total revamp as it was hard to find any folders that contained much work. I hope they fill up fast as you rearrange them.
I hope this change you are making suits you and makes you feel more comfortable. I think I will favorite you and try and remember stopping by in the future when your folders are more complete
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
WDC is a writing forum where authors can come post their work and can expect reviews and feedback on their posted works. I joined writing.com a short while ago, but it already feels like I have been here for years and that is not a bad thing. When you joined, you are welcomed, even celebrated in your newbie status. It is one of the few forums that I have not felt like an outsider when I first joined. I have made many friends and joined many groups, all having a positive impact on my life and my writing.
] Creativity/Impact:
This site offers something for everyone. There are groups to improve your writing skills, groups to help others improve their writing skills, groups to just do 'good deeds' for another, who you may not even know. There are many different genres to read, from horror to religious. You are never bored and if you are, it is your fault. There is so much to this site. Contests and challenges abound, new authors join daily to rally support for their writing endeavors.
What I personally liked the Most:
I have already mentioned all of the things I love about the site. This is a very unique and special place. Thank you to the creators and the people who keep it running so smoothly. Thank you to the many people who strive to support their fellow authors.
Suggestions:
LOL! The only thing I have wished for since I have joined is flashing warning signs when reviewing a young author. I want to encourage our young people, whose writing skill might differ from some of our more 'seasoned' writers. I always try to check the bio if I suspect the person is a young teen. I would like my review to be especially positive for those young inspiring writers. Where are the flashing lights? lol Is there a way for us to check ages without a bio set? I would love to be able to know I am reading a 14 year old vrs a 40 year old author.
Summary:
I am blessed to have found this site! Happy 9th Birthday WDC! May you celebrate many more
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
I have erased my template as I feel this piece is something very personal and do not want to review it for spelling errors or flow but rather speak with you about what you have written about instead.
I am assuming you are a teenager. I swear, if I did not know better I would have thought my own daughter had just wrote this. It is exactly how she feels right now. She has had her own heart broken and she has asked these same questions you have asked. she has shut herself up in her room.
I have written a poem about her and posted it here. As a mother, I am concerned. I hope you know that you deserve someone who makes you feel very special not hurt. If he does not want you, then he is losing out. I know that these words do not take away the sting or the hurt of what you are experiencing right now. Young love is hard. I hope that you can look at your words in a couple of years and say 'oh my, how silly I was to love this boy and let him make me feel this way'. I am glad you wrote it down and hopefully it helped you let loose some of those tears and ugly feelings. It will get better you know, right? It will!
that is neat! I always look at the night sky. sometimes I make everyone come out with me. when at work or home, if i see a rainbow, i get all excited and make everyone walk outside. they think I am a freak:P last rainbow, I made my boss go outside and look. it was double rainbow. very large and clear. i then had to buy a cemera and take a pic of it. still not developed. i almost divorced my second husband 9before I actually did years later) because he would not come out and loook at this giant star that i watched driving home from work. it was probably a planet and was so huge. I didnt have internet then...so who knows. he would not share my joy. joy buster.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
One of our young authors writes about love and heartache.
Suggestions:
I would suggest that first you go and write out the word you. While it is common for teens to use abrievations, you should not in formal writing. It really take away from your poem. I do not want that to bring your rating down and it has.
Also make sure all you 'I''s are in caps. I am horrid at this too. The normal spell check does not always catch those. I am also horrible at forgetting to type the R in your. So I look like I am silly when I saw things like 'I liked you poem'. Try and go through this and make sure all little errors are fixed.
The poem seems a little like a suicide fantasy. I am hoping that you would never consider killing yourself to get the attention of a boy. It is normal to fantasize about what would make another love us, I just want to make sure you would never do it. I know young love is hard.
The poem could use some 'tightening up'. I think you should try and match the number of lines through all your verses. This would be the first step at making the poem a little better. It is a start.
What I personally liked the Most:
I liked that you expressed yourself. It is quite a long poem and it seems like you thought about what to write.
Also, it was an emotional piece. i could see your pain when reading your words. for you to be able to express yourself in words in a way that the reader can also feel the pain you felt when writing is a good thing
Summary:
I hope you continue to improve this piece and are not daunted by people's suggestions on here. I am sure anyone who reviews and rates your piece only wants to help you become a better writer. I know that is why I am here. I have been writing for years and years and still have so much to learn!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very chilling poem about a sleeping aide. *shudders*
Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is the rhythm seemed to go off a bit with the third verse. i think it is the long second sentence. I know all of the sentences are not the same length but I read smoothly until that one part.
What I personally liked the Most:
I have taken Ambian and it has never me this effect- to write stellar poetry:P I do understand the pill thing though. That little girl is freaky! I know she represents part of you- but *shudders* creepy! I love the way this read and the words you used. you painted a picture of a very scary night.
Summary:
I shall look through your port soon. If this is just a sample of your talent, I want to read more.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am sitting here laughing out loud, literally. I know the tune to which you rewrote the words. The author takes on "Invalid Item" and does a stellar job. Believe me this is not as easy as it sounds!
Suggestions:
None!
What I personally liked the Most:
I tried to do this contest. My husband really got into this idea of francie's and I could not get him to leave me alone about it. It is the most interest he has shown in my writing and this site since I began. I could not make it fit. Here, you do it effortlessly. It fit the tune!!! It was clever and funny!
Although I have read enough of you work to know you have some great talent, you still give me hope (with my limited ability) to try this again...sometime soon
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad poem about what I think is about an abusive marriage. The poem is written about a friend of the author.
Suggestions:
The first line is a statement spoken. I would use italics or quotation marks on this sentence. (I prefer using ilalics when it is something said from the past or it is my thoughts stated like I am thinking to myself.
You might want to go back and captitalize all your 'i's
third line: thats: should be that is or that's
in the line: who died.... I have learned here from another author that you should only use three dots if you are continuing in thought. I was told four dots signifies the end
The words need to be spell checked id, its, theyre They are two words combined and they are missing something. I think if you look or spell check you will see all the words that need revising.
I did not understand this sentence im mean i must not mean much to you {/b"} I would consider revising it a little.
What I personally liked the Most:
Even with the errors I noticed, I rated it higher then I normally would because I felt the reader's pain and confusion. I am not sure of the subject matter, but assume from what i read it is about an abusive relation ship. I liked how you revisited certain refrains through out the poem.
Summary:
Please email me if you decide to revise this. I would be happy to read it again and rate it accordingly:) Good start!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very accurate picture of someone who suffers through panic attacks. It is written as an acrostic poem. Even though it seems short in words, those words are powerful and say so much.
Suggestions:
In the sentence: Nearly overtaking, breaking, yet
You can tell by the next line that it is your heart you thought was breaking but I had to read this a couple of times for it to flow naturally for me. I think I got stuck on the word 'yet' and also you do not mention the heart until two lines down.
What I personally liked the Most:
As a sufferer of panic attacks, I can relate. I also think there is something physically wrong rather then mentally. I am so frightened that i am losing control or going crazy. Neither is true-but one can't help but wonder why they are feeling this fear. I also yearn for normalcy.
Summary:
I think you are brave for speaking out about this topic. there is so much stigma concerning mental ailments. Just because you are a sufferer of PAD does not make us crazy. It should not be something to be ashamed of, but I am often ashamed.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I do not think I have ever rated a crossword. This will be a learning experience for me:) I do not watch the show that you based the crossword on, so i could not do it. I am sure many fans of the show would get e kick of it though.
Suggestions:
Question 7: The scariest creatures in the 'verse. do you mean to have that (') there or should there be another behind the word as well?
What I personally liked the Most:
The spelling seemed spot on. I think you did a wonderful job at asking questions that any fan would be able to answer. It looks like a fun crossword. I need to find one for 'Harry Potter'
Summary:
I enjoyed looking through the questions. This was a fun review to do and something new too!!!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A contest entry using the prompt: “It was the longest night of my life." The topic the author chose is 'smoking'.
Suggestions:
I noticed a couple of spelling errors:
The bartender glared at him and waived his thumb at the door. waived should be waved
He really oughta quit oughta is misspelled. I would personally use the word 'should' in its place. This is just my opinion of course.
There are some places in your story that I would suggest you give a second look and decide if you might want to edit it a little.
A couple of examples are:
“Whaddaya mean I can‘t smoke in here?” The young man shrugged. “ Where am I supposed to smoke then?” Why is the man shrugging? He wasn't asked a question. This sentence kind of confused me with that word
“Anywhere but in here.” The bartender glared at him and waived his thumb at the door. “Take it outside.”
I would put an explanation mark after the statement if the bartender was very angry. I also do not know how you wave your thumb. I think I kind of understand what you mean but the sentence seemed a little funny to me. Again, this is just my thoughts.
There are other parts of the story that I found needing a little more work. I am sure that if you go back and read your story out loud, you might find them as well.
What I personally liked the Most:
I found the use of the prompt was correct. I found it kind of humorous as I smoke, (yes, I know- "yuck" ) and I think if I quit it would be much more painful then it was for the gentleman that quit. Lucky him! I thought you did a good job at dialogue.
Summary:
If you have time to edit this before the contest ends, I would go back and make sure it is as good as YOU want it to be.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am not sure if this is poetry or prose. You did state it is free style. I think it would fit better in the prose category as that encompasses everything almost.
Suggestions:
There is no definite rhythm to this piece. I can suggest that you might take out some unneeded words.
Example:My devastated soul aches with longing for how we once were but no longer are.
I would take out- but no longer are. That is already implied in the piece.
There are some lines, IMO, that could be revised to read a little smoother.
Anything and everything I see brings a pain to my chest. For they taunt me with remembrance of things that we once treasured.
I would suggest that you are more specific with this line. The beginning of the line states anything and everything. I would take out the 'anything and' part.
Although I like that you started and ended with the same line, I wish it was a stronger statement. I can not suggest anything here as I do not want to rewrite your poem. I do think a stronger statement would add to the prose though. I would also like to see more lines in it. really let it all out!
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate to losing a loved one. I am not sure if this person is gone from this earth or just your life. perhaps you could add where he/she has gone to. I think that with a little work, this could gather a higher rating.
Summary:
If you do revise it and would like me to read it again and rate it again accordingly, please email me. i hope you take all this as just my personal opinion. I do not wish to discourage you but encourage you to strive to tell the best story you can.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Whoot:) Thank you for fixing those spelling errors and putting it in 'poetry' free style:) It reads much better. I said I would review it again and here I am:)
Suggestions:
Again, these are just suggestions I have. you can take them or leave them and I won't be hurt I also do not want to hurt you with my critique- know I am not an expert.
ohhh, guess what. I found no errors this time! Very good job at editing. You might hear others mention flow and rhythm in their own reviews. I read it like it was half prose, half poem so the rhythm was not as important to me as the meaning of the words. I also appreciated that you corrected it and mailed me noting the corrections:) Good job!!!
What I personally liked the Most:
I said it in the prior review but will say it again. I love the imagery in this. I pictured the scene in my head as I was reading. You know I was saddened in the end I wish all our days could be as happy as the one you painted.
Summary:
Thank you for responding to my review so positively. I enjoyed reading this again. I hope to read more of your port when I get the time:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is a poem another of our young authors has written. I am amazed of how many young teens have joined this site in their quest to be heard and to improve in their writing.
Suggestions:
I am going to address this personally, rather then go through and 'correct' things here and there. If you wish for me to go back and explain something like meter and flow, spelling errors and such-let me know. (warning, I am not the best at this sort of thing, but I could help)
I have a 15 year old daughter who is suffering much like you are. I had to go to your bio and find out if you stated your age. You did. You are very close in age to my own child.
I have to say, I am so saddened by what I read and not because the boy does not like you like you like him. I am sad because you are beautiful and should know that. You deserve a boy who cares as much about you as you do him. Although I think both you and my daughter are too young to be in love..it obviously is very real to you both and I feel your pain. This boy is not a God...he is a boy! *shakes head* My daughter is beautiful, really pretty outside and beautiful inside. She has let a boy tear her down. While other boys wait in line to tell her how much they like her, she only focuses on this boy who hurts her. She does not feel beautiful and wonders why this boy does not love her. I read your words and it seems like the same thing. Please know that you are special.
I am glad you are writing down your feelings. i am glad that you joined WDC and hope you find support and friends here. I hope also that you learn more and more about writing those painful words down in a beautiful way- eventually letting them go inside but being able to look in a few years at these words and say 'whoa..I have changed'. That really is the neat part
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A preface to the book this author is going to right. You notice I said GOING, not TRYING. I believe in you! I think you can do it if you really want to write this book, then it shall be:)
Suggestions:
I only had a slight problems with the thoughts of the girl who wonders why she is the chosen one. I think those are some very complicated thoughts from someone so young. I worked as a preschool teacher and know even the deepest of our 6 year olds didn't express their thoughts so well. I would consider (just my opinion) making the character older when she starts thinking about who she is.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this! the poem in the beginning was great. It made me wonder who the heck is 'Muerte' and where did the moon go, and who is the girl who will save us all!!! I got very excited reading this.
Summary:
Believe in yourself. If you want to write a book then you can do it. From now one start saying I am writing a book, not trying. You are trying to make it a great book. I think positive thinking will aid you on your quest to produce this book:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A prose, 'something different she is trying'.
Suggestions:
First, I would like to say I found your words contained in this prose to be wonderfully used. The words used were to describe the author's questioning and show examples of what could make the world a happy place.
I found a lot of spelling errors in this. It really distracted me from fully enjoying the piece. I suggest you copy and paste this into a editing program and spell check it. The have one here on the site or you could use a program built into your computer, such as Microsoft word, to edit. I also have problems with spelling and punctuation. Your punctuation seemed fine- so you are ahead of the game there:)
I think, personally, that this would also be a better read if you broke up the paragraph into a poem-like form. Just spacing between lines could make us pause and think about what we just read rather then rushing through it. No worries if it does not rhyme, not all poetry or prose does.
What I personally liked the Most:
I really enjoyed the picture you painted with your descriptive words. It made me sad at the end to think your story might all be fantasy. I loved the lines where you used appropriate adjectives.
Summary:
I think you have some great 'bones' here with this writing. I hope you revise and correct it a little. I would be more then happy to come back to your port and read it again. I will of course rate it higher when spelling is corrected. Do not feel dismayed or over concerned with the rating. I would have actually rated it lower (my norm for excessive spelling mistakes) but your beautiful words merited (IMO) a higher rating then I would normally give.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
this author writes an earth-moving poem about depression.
Suggestions:
I do not have any suggestions but rather a comment. I do not see any satire in this. I did see powerful metaphors and a deep understanding of the topic written about.
What I personally liked the Most:
I have suffered with depression and now am watching my child's struggle with this affliction. I hope she will find a life-preserver and hold on tight. This writing moved me-to almost tears. you painted (in my view) a very accurate picture of what one experiences when profoundly depressed. I am very glad that your daughter is your 'life line'.
Summary:
I am happy to hear you finally sought help. there is such stigma on mental illness. I am glad people are bringing the topic out in the open. We can only understand it if we examine it.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
WOW!!!!!! The ink was a great idea and this is worth the 'click'! I found this one of the most beautiful poem I have read.
Suggestions:
none!
What I personally liked the Most:
What did I not like is the question and the answer would be-nothing. I absolutely loved the entire thing. I will not paste any of your words here. People will just have to read it themselves. The imagery was fantastic. I am off to find a lil ribbon to award this piece. I do not easily award things (one I can't really 'afford' to. I also do not make it a habit really). This, to me, deserves the honor of having a pretty adornment:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I do not usually rate folders, but decided to make an exception here.
Suggestions:
I have none.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the image as I think I have noticed it in some of your other writings and it seems personal to you. What I must comment about is the poem, or should I say bit of poem, you used. It draw the read in with a link-brilliant. The verse is beautiful, so beautiful that i will be clicking that link:)
Summary:
Great job at creating this folder and leading the reader to what I am assuming will be a terrific poem!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very touching poem about love.
Suggestions:
I only have one- really, it is a matter of opinion. I did not find the first line fitting with the rest of the poem. I did not understand entirely wheat you meant by sheltered words??
What I personally liked the Most:
The poem was beautifully written:)
Some of my favorite lines were:
Willful lips bleeding truth *shudders* great!
Taste the confectionary harvest I like this one a lot as well:) oh! btw...confectionary came up as a spelling error when checking my own. You might want to check if it is actually a word, misspelled, or just a mistake on the spell check.
I absolutely LOVED the last verse. The ending was perfection, IMO.
Summary:
You are one of the authors chosen for the Angel army's port raid. The task of reading more of you work will not be a task if I find more gems like this one:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author writes a poem about the effects of having her (his) heart broken.
Suggestions:
I had some trouble understanding the wording you used.
in the third and forth line you say:
a hand reaches for me as our lips touch
it grabs me when we embrace
who grabs you? who did the hand belong to? and grabs where? I am a little confused by these lines. I do not have any suggestions to offer you as to what you might try because i am not sure who the 'hand' belongs to.
In regards to the next line: I am pulled to safety not with your arms are you saying someone else pulled you away from your love?
I really think you should read you words again and look to see if you can word some of the lines differently. I do not wish to tear your entire poem to pieces. I think could revise it and make it better without me doing that. My intent is not to discourage you but encourage you to put out a fantastic piece of work. I know my own poems are not the very best they can be. I find it hard to revise something that I wrote long ago or something I wrote in a moment of passion- and sometimes I do try but usually I just leave it be. If this is the case with you, then please ignore my plea to edit. This is your work and if you feel it is complete then it is.
I would go back and at least capitalize the first line.
What I personally liked the Most:
I absolutely loved the first two lines!
Love this line: Leaving me and my thoughts naked
Summary:
I hope you do decide to work on the poem a little and if you do, I would be happy to go back and read it again.
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A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!
I wish all our days could be as happy as the one you painted.