Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is an entry into a contest where the author MUST use at least 20 Cartoon titles- she used more:)
Suggestions:
The only one I can suggest in in regards to one of the last lines:
As I wandered into the parking lot to claim my car I made a decision
should there be a comma after car?
What I personally liked the Most:
This was absolutely brilliant! It was entertaining from beginning to end. The use of cartoon titles did not seem forced at all! This was certainly better then mine and I am glad you did not enter the same month as me:P
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Ouija Believe It? [13+]
Written for the Dialogue Only contest.
Wow! What can I say, a creepy, sad story of a little girl who was victim to an abusive mother.
Suggestions:
I was a little confused, maybe it was shock..lol, at the brother and sister references in parts. the part where she moved into the closet....
I think I was shocked at what i read. not a bad thing, just made it hard to read.
I also think you finding the closet was shortened because of the restrictions posed in this contest, but would have liked to hear you looking for the closet. maybe adding dialoque of you frantic and searching for it.
What I personally liked the Most:
I love your mind. what an idea to do dialogue in form of a ouija conversation with a ghost! I loved the way you were able to keep in the confines of dialogue only while telling a complete story. I LOVE that the little spirit was released- great ending!!!!
Summary:
wow! I want to steal some of your ideas:P I want to try this contest, still not sure on what direction to take. I always write such depressing stuff myself that i want to steer clear of that this time. Great job you!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is a folder dedicated to the wife of the writer. She no longer walks in this world, but her spirit remains in these works left in her honor.
Suggestions:
I have none. I bookmarked this as I want to read more. this folder is personal and with that the reader is only left to leave what comforting or understand words they can muster up. I read a couple of this authors stories and am humbled by the strength of this man and his undying love.
What I personally liked the Most:
This template does not work as well for what I wish to say and convey, but it helps me gather my thoughts so I can at least make sense. I do not like the word 'like' in regards to your work. I do not like what inspired this folder. I do not like what I read, but am inspired by your strength and ability to share your grief, you memories, and your knowledge regarding this subject. I recommend anyone who has lost a wife or husband to journey through this man's port and look at what is possible once the grieving process is complete. Life goes on for the living and it can be a good one. You can keep the person who is gone alive and vibrant with words of dedication.
Summary:
Reading this, I feel I can not express fully what I felt in reading just a couple of the posts about your wife and life at this time.
BUT! Happy Anniversay and I hope you always continue to "Write on:)"
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A powerful poem about the ending (I think) of something.
Suggestions:
The words were very powerful. I am just unsure of what is being destroyed. I would like to think you left it to our (the reader's) imagination, but I could not imagine something so terrible except the end of earth. I would have liked to be sure of the meaning behind those powerful, moving words.
What I personally liked the Most:
The power in these words!!!! I loved it.
Some of my favorite lines were:
The broken bricks will
crumble
tumble
Children screaming
yelling
crying
At the ruins of our foundation
Summary: I think this was a hard hitting poem. It stuck a cord with me...making me fear...something. I only wish I knew what there was to fear. Perhaps that was your intent: make the reader fear the unknown? if so, good job! You really made me think when reading your poem. thanks for the intense read:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem about what the author fears: A love forgetting who they are.
Suggestions:
I think that the poem is a little rough in places. The flow (perhaps it is the sentence structuring) is a bit off to me. I would also go in and correct capitalization.
What I personally liked the Most:
I really think this is a good start, and with some light work, could turn out to be fantastic. You did not mention in your bio your age range. I find it helpful as a reviewer to know if I am reading something from a younger author vrs. something from someone who has a lot of life experience.
Summary: Again, if you work on this a little, I think it could be wonderful. You expressed yourself well, I just wanted a bit more.
Hello final_cut and congratulations on your recent winning entry in "Invalid Item" .
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
There were again, many favorite parts. You write so beautifully. The words make my heart ache, that is a good thing. You reach out and touch my heart and tickle my soul with your writing.
Some of my favorite lines were:
hmmm...maybe just a taste for those that read this public review
The first verse:
'Trying to forget the feel of him
Underneath my skin
The look of salvation
Smothered in sin'
Loved it and so much more!
SUGGESTIONS
Rhythm
The flow seemed a little off in spots when I read it out loud. I would never expect it to be perfect with such a long poem like this. You did a great job!
Verses
A couple of the verses seemed forced to me, like you were caught up in trying to keep the rhyme while giving up just a bit of the natural beauty. The lines were still beautiful, but I think YOu could tell better then me if you did or did not force some verse in there that could use some revising.
Overall
Like I said, you are a wonderful writer. I suggest keep on writing:)
OVERALL IMPRESSION
BRAVO AGAIN! I would suggest your writing to anyone who is looking at this right now:)
Hello final_cut and congratulations on your recent winning entry in "Invalid Item" .
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
I loved the words and the picture you painted with those words. My heart ached at the questioning of'what is love'.
Some of my Favorite lines were:
'Was it merely an evening of stardust,
Or some other wayward word that hovers out of sight
A transient faery magic disappearing all too soon
Or a mystical moment courtesy of a waning moon?'
'We are strangers once more, every ray
Of sunshine is agony, an implacable reminder of stupendous madness;'
SUGGESTIONS
Caps on every line confused me. I would suggest (I may be wrong) that each line does not need to be in caps, especially when it is a continuing thought from the last line.
Punctuation I Must say i am terrible at it myself, but I saw some things that made me pause and think "is that wrong?" I think some is. You may want to check with someone who loves and knows proper punctuation to make sure you beautiful poem is correct in that aspect.
In response to your wonderful review. You say it is the best review you have received and I say top these:)
I have a couple I think are better. I received them just recently as a matter-of-fact:P Maybe I should rate your post lower then the five stars because mine are better- there for you don't deserve the 5 stars, I do:P Here they are:
Hi there, perhaps it is such a casual writing that I feel like the persona is talking right into my heart. The whole poem is rhythmically correct and it does brings out its message to its reader straight to the point. The words and terms used in the poem is quite touching to a certain extent. The poem is well-flown in rhythm with some hidden feelings. Good try!
(at the end it has a winky face). now.,...4 star rating, not bad, but not staying with the tune of 'nice try' and 'certain extent'. I would have loved for him to told me what extent I should have went to and nice try at what? heehee.
my all time fave though is a 3.5 star (a little above average..correct?) okay, i can take being considered average with the best of them, but then why the kind words?
love it, evocative of dark dreams and sweet nightmares. I was reminded of a song about a secret lover who lived in a record player and a mad girl. I like the idea of a poem being intertwined with prose and it works so well.
It is one of the professionally sounding pieces i have read here and i particularly like the appearance of the male at the end. i don't like the way he manipulates her but that is because i don't like manipulation of females in reality by men.
now what praise! I personally do not think it is the best, but she did. one of the most professional sounding pieces, blah blah. when I asked her why the rating did not reflect the review, she told me she was saving her stars. She had just gotten back to reviewing and she wasn't sure why she gave me that many. ((((???)))) LMBO!
This is why I dislike stars a bit. everyone, of course, wants a perfect 'score,' but the reviews are what i want the most. I want to know how my piece made you feel, how well it was written, and what you think I could do to improve upon it.
I wasn't going to make this a public review, but heck, why not. And no, it is not the best review I have ever written, but I think I told you how I felt, rated it accordingly...oops..I gave you five stars when i said it was me that should get them, lol. Well, you get five stars because you made it possible to post these silly reviews publically again in case we can all learn from them and made me giggle as well.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poll that asks us if we review Moderators. I have never reviewed a poll before- I do not think so anyways?
Suggestions:
I do not know what to suggest as far as your poll goes. I wish they gave an option to write comments on the poll, adding a public view of any comments added. Like, I do review moderators, but there is an element of fear sometimes. I fear being totally honest with my feelings for hurting theirs (this is with anyone). I fear more with the moderators i 'know' and whom I respect. I am honest however.
What I personally liked the Most:
I liked this poll. I still would like to see comments. You have no power over that though;)
Summary:
I was shocked at the poll results. I almost replied that I had toast for breakfast but didn't. it was a cute reply but It would have been a lie. I havent even eaten yet today:P
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
It was a very sad to lose two very popular celebrities in one day. This author writes about the untimely deaths of Farrah and Micheal.
Suggestions:
There were some things I noticed that I thought either could be worked on or made me pause:
In talking about Farrah, the sentence that included and something about a swimsuit poster. I found this sentence might be better read if you separated the entire thing into two sentences or changed that line. It was just a tad confusing.
The entertainment world had lost an icon and there was never going to be another Farrah again. I may be wrong but should it say 'there will never be another farrah'?
okay..so after this point, I just felt your sorrow and love of Micheal and did not feel like doing 'reviewing' and choose to just read instead:P
What I personally liked the Most:
You can feel your heartbreak over this entertainer's death. he seemed to play an important role in your childhood and life... yes I believe that musicians can do that. My father cried when Elvis died even though he didnt know him, he represented something for him-to him.
Summary:
We will continue to hear more about Micheal's death and Life. I hope soon it will be focused more on what an icon he was and not so much on his death and who caused it....I am sure you are hearing it too. *shakes head*
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Congrats on the win. I stumbled upon this piece and the title intrigued me.
MY Suggestions:
have none! beautifully stated!
My fave parts!
in regards to the first verse: I am in total agreement. It is a battle for freedom. the freedom for accceptance is the hardest won. There are battles raging now in this country that boast of freedom to all. I do not feel we have won all the fights.
in regards to the third verse I am not gay but have a lot of gay friends. My children have been brought up around all types of people. My oldest attends Gay pride every year she can with her friends. They sometimes have to remind her that she is almost too over zealous for the cause and she is not even gay. She attends their meetings and support groups. I think it is her love for her friends that makes her so passionate. I know that it is also the prejudice that hurts ALL of us the most. Not only again the gay community but against anyone who is different from the 'norm'.
in regards to the forth verse I am sick of hearing people say this is a phase or sickness. that it is a sin against God. well, IMO, God does not make mistakes and I believe people are born gay. It is not a sickness, nor a choice. It is....
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I applaud you for standing up! It is hard to do. *applauds*
As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor
Review of {bitem:1528459 }
MY FAVORITE PART
I love the poem to God. We have all been there. I hope you know he/she (whatever your belief system is) is there for you.
SUGGESTIONS
This is so very personal, I do not feel I can suggest anything much. I could feel you call but it didn't render my motionless, but then again, I am saying my own prayers right now. I might be getting mine confused with yours.
Just me, but I would use some capitalization?
Keep praying! I truly believe those words we put out their in our universe are heard.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
Again, personal and heartfelt. I wish you much joy!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A short story about love and betrayal and death.
Suggestions:
I have a few:
In the first paragraph, the man had a gun. he looked into the barrel. you might want to add the gun part. It may only be me but some people may not know what a barrel is. Perhaps describe the cold feel of the metal (or whatever the gun is made of:P) in his hand....
Also taking out two bullets...you might want to expand that sentence to include him putting them in one by one. draw the reader in by making this part of the story longer and more detailed.
do not use x in place of ex.
Check caps! Some sentences are not.
The end was a little ....um...to little. it didnt explain enough. it almost seemed like he just caught his brother and his girlfriend.
What I personally liked the Most:
I like the idea of the story and think if you really get into the shooter's mind in the beginning. what did he feel? why was he feeling it? how did the gun feel in his hand?
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A short poem about insanity. "I am afraid of those Chanters!"
Suggestions:
Your image is not showing anymore. Just thought you should know.
What I personally liked the Most:
This is a short poem that says so much. It brings out something in me, a kinship? a fear? not sure, but it gave me shivers.
My favorite part is the ending. it is almost comical, but..not.
Summary:
*shivers* You are a talented artist. I am again humbled by your words and ability to convey such profound and deep to the reader. I enjoyed my short ride through your port. i think i shall return *bookmarks*
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
It is a very sad story of family and how they can sometimes let us down. I can relate! the poem is using a '8 line' prompt.
Suggestions:
I think punctuation might be off a little. I would check with someone who knows punctuation rules better then I do to check your poem out.
What I personally liked the Most:
I could feel your anticipation and then your pain. I can truly relate.
Summary: I think you did a great job staying within the confines of eight lines while telling a complete and moving story.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A magical poem about the ocean and its inhabitants:)
Suggestions:
When reading I felt the you had some errors with punctuation. I am not the best at it myself- please check with someone,who is very good at it, to read and check the story.
Some lines had some errors:
of living creatures with full of glee You can take out the 'with'
their eyebrows used to get knit I would leave out the 'get' or consider rewording the sentence.
one day a group of people,travelling great depths entered their kingdom I thought traveling might be misspelled. I looked it up and actually it can be spelled both ways. It came up as spelling error on the review form and I would consider changing the spelling to 'traveling'.
What I personally liked the Most:
Your wonderful imagination shines through in this piece. I enjoyed reading about the magical kingdom.
I loved the following lines:
'There was a kingdom under the sea,
of living creatures (with) full of glee;'
'they were queer with pixie ears,
they talk amongst themselves but no one hears;'
'the world came to know that under the sea a kingdom dwelt!'
Summary:
Again, I enjoyed the poem and Again, congrats on your Masters!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A haiku speaking using the prompt, 'summer'.
Suggestions:
The one thing I noticed was on the second line. The word 'their' confused me. To me, it means that there would be two earths. I am not sure you want to use this word? I would use 'its' which is singular.
What I personally liked the Most:
It fit the theme perfectly:)
Summary:
I enjoyed the haiku. Congrats on getting your Masters!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A long Haiku based on living high on the mountain. This is extremely well done. While one might find it easy to write on verse of a haiku (it really is not), this is 6 verses using the haiku rules.
Suggestions:
Well, being that I rated it perfect, I have no suggestions. The piece was spelled correctly and I enjoyed it.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the imagery in this poem. I could picture the place. you spoke of, in my mind.
The following were my favorite lines:
I will just say that the third, fifth and sixth verses were wonderfully written!
Summary:
I really like haiku. I really, really like when it is done so well. I loved the fact that you made it more then a couple verses. It showed real talent:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
HI! I am a fellow soon-to-be newbie in paper doll gang and came by to offer a review:)
This is poem about a girl that doesn't seem to care that your heart is breaking.
Suggestions:
There is a spelling error: brake should be break?
The poem flows but seems a little stilted. is that the word I mean to use? It just seems a little forced with the rhyming and the lines (perhaps it is the periods, make me halt in reading it smoothly.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the two line verse and how they were included. they were the same, but changed just a bit. Love it!
Summary:
I think the poem is a wonderful beginning. I would like to see the verses added to (if possible). I know it is hard to edit something you have already committed yourself to. I was asked earlier to revise a poem because of the way I started the verses with different words in two places. they were good suggestions, but I found it impossible to change the words without changing the poem and meaning. I understand if you stand by what you have written. It is good after all:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am intrigued by what this poem is really about. I think it is about illness and a hospital, perhaps a terminal illness? I am a little confused by the ending and wonder who this man is?
Suggestions:
I loved so much of this poem. There were just some areas of concern or things that made me pause. please take my opinions as just that- MY opinion.
I am not sure if punctuation is correct. I am so bad at it myself! I think some of it can either be omitted or changed.
In the fifth verse, the line: by "one by one too many" confuses me.
Again, the reference to the man in the end confuses me. Is she dreaming about him? who is he?
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this piece a lot. I loved the following lines the most:
okay..I am not going to paste them because there are too many and I want others to read the entire poem themselves, not your words through my review. I loved the first three verses so much!
Summary:
I am not entirely positive I know what inspired this piece. I imagine it to be what I stated earlier- A person who is very ill. I really thought the words chosen and the way they were expressed was wonderfully done. I thank you for sharing!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
It is a very sad, hopeless sounding haiku.
Suggestions:
I think you should correct the following:
its = it's
also check capitalization, I am not sure if all lines should start with capitalization or not to be honest. It flows well without it as it seems almost a complete sentence (of course without punctuation that you cant use in this haiku) but I was thrown off by the start with the first line not being staring off with caps.
Also noticed you bio block. I was personally was put off just a bit by the fact you mentioned who deleted your bio block. I am sure if it was a moderator, admin or friend who deleted it, but personally naming the person was not needed. I think you should redo your bio so we can know more about you:)
What I personally liked the Most:
I like dark poetry. I liked the haiku a lot. I think it speaks volumes for such few lines. I hope that you are not feeling this depressed now
Summary:
Keep working at your writing. You shows a lot of talent. Enjoy your WDC birthday as well:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem written about the sting of a love lost. The writer makes us feel the pain of having lost at love again.
Suggestions:
The first verse, mopping? I think you meant moping? slight spelling errors happen to us all (actually to me a lot:P)
the third verse is a little confusing to me as well. I understand you are using a metaphor of some type, but it sounds a little 'off to me' as a bird usually doesn't have trouble landing. Also, the way you start the verse with 'Say happier alone,' confuses me as the following words are about the bird. Now is the bird flying alone, or having a hard time landing?
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the following lines:
'Tried, embarrassed and hurt.
'nother crash landing in the dirt.'
Summary:
I feel the piece needs hurt. i understand a little of the pain you were feeling, but wanted a clearer understanding of the pain. I think you have some real talent and would love to see an edit on this.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem that shows that, as humans, we share at least one common link. Pain is experienced by all humans, regardless of class or race.
Suggestions:
I am not sure if it was intentional but the first verse uses the word 'common' a lot. I would have liked to have seen a different word used in place of that one. If it was intentional, it didn't follow that same theme of reusing a word, throughout the entire poem.
I also had a slight issue with the last line in the first verse. It was not easily flowing to me, and not as understood as i would have liked.
these are just my humble opinions, but all I have to offer.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the way you linked us all together in some way. You showed that humanity shares something in that we all have feelings of pain.
The lines I loved the most were:
'It's not our strength nor weakness.
Not our boldness nor meekness.
It's not what's achieved or attained.
Nor what is lost or gained.'
'All different people and faces.
In distant lands and places.'
Summary:
I enjoyed reading this poem. I think with a little 'touching up', it could really send a strong message.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I was checking out your port to find a piece to review and wish you a happy WDC birthday when i saw these webpages you design. I saw a bit of writing to review but this was the first time i came across something like this on WDC and was compelled to take a looksie.
Suggestions:
I do not really have any. I am totally ignorant to how to make a webpage.
What I personally liked the Most:
I looked through many of the pages and they all seem very interesting, both in subject content and the way it is designed. You have quite a talent there. The webpage drew me in and made me want to explore the pages, even though I am not wiccian. I found many of the links were also something I would want to click. All material listed on the page was well organized and easy to find or understand.
Summary:
Thanks for sharing your talent. again, this is the first time I saw webpage designs on WDC:)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.36 seconds at 11:24pm on Jun 01, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!
I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor 
