Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very touching poem about love.
Suggestions:
I only have one- really, it is a matter of opinion. I did not find the first line fitting with the rest of the poem. I did not understand entirely wheat you meant by sheltered words??
What I personally liked the Most:
The poem was beautifully written:)
Some of my favorite lines were:
Willful lips bleeding truth *shudders* great!
Taste the confectionary harvest I like this one a lot as well:) oh! btw...confectionary came up as a spelling error when checking my own. You might want to check if it is actually a word, misspelled, or just a mistake on the spell check.
I absolutely LOVED the last verse. The ending was perfection, IMO.
Summary:
You are one of the authors chosen for the Angel army's port raid. The task of reading more of you work will not be a task if I find more gems like this one:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author writes a poem about the effects of having her (his) heart broken.
Suggestions:
I had some trouble understanding the wording you used.
in the third and forth line you say:
a hand reaches for me as our lips touch
it grabs me when we embrace
who grabs you? who did the hand belong to? and grabs where? I am a little confused by these lines. I do not have any suggestions to offer you as to what you might try because i am not sure who the 'hand' belongs to.
In regards to the next line: I am pulled to safety not with your arms are you saying someone else pulled you away from your love?
I really think you should read you words again and look to see if you can word some of the lines differently. I do not wish to tear your entire poem to pieces. I think could revise it and make it better without me doing that. My intent is not to discourage you but encourage you to put out a fantastic piece of work. I know my own poems are not the very best they can be. I find it hard to revise something that I wrote long ago or something I wrote in a moment of passion- and sometimes I do try but usually I just leave it be. If this is the case with you, then please ignore my plea to edit. This is your work and if you feel it is complete then it is.
I would go back and at least capitalize the first line.
What I personally liked the Most:
I absolutely loved the first two lines!
Love this line: Leaving me and my thoughts naked
Summary:
I hope you do decide to work on the poem a little and if you do, I would be happy to go back and read it again.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad story of a person with an eating disorder. I also suffered from anorexia and other eating disorders- before the doctors even knew that it was a common disorder
Suggestions:
There are a few places where there could be improvement. If you wish, you can ask help with editing. I can only offer my own (not so great) editing help. I am thinking, at this time, I will just respond 'personally' to your writing. I would rather focus on the topic and not how it was technically written.
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate, as I already stated, to your story. I made up lots of ways to deceive others. I would shuffle around my food, spit it into a napkin at the dinner table. I would feed pieces secretly to the dog. Later, i would use laxatives to purge as I could not make myself vomit. This is a sick, vicious disease. This is not something that goes away. You fear it coming back, it is already there. The fact that you know it lies sleeping helps you not allow it to rear it's ugly head again. I went from one extreme to another. I went from not eating to overeating. It was all about control. I am glad that you are okay!
Summary:
I do hope you edit this a little and perhaps even add some more of your story to the 'pages'. This is an important story to tell.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The writer tells us that this is a poem about love, not a relationship. I do, however, see that the writer seems to be speaking of two separate people.
Suggestions:
I see that you state you live in pompeii. I am not sure if this is why I do not understand some of the references and words you chose to use.
For example, you write:
You’re not mine
neither yours
you are the universe
behind your lawn
I did not understand the second line or the last. A lawn, to me, is like a backyard. I will have to check my dictionary for perhaps you are meaning something else. the second line just plain confuses me.
I do not wish to copy and paste a lot of your words here but do want to express my confusion in other areas. In the fourth verse, the reference to the brush- perhaps you meant broom? The verse would still need some slight rewording (to me) but the thought behind it all is very good.
What I personally liked the Most:
The third and fourth line in the third verse is something I felt was a strong point. It made sense to 'me'. I could see clearly about what you were saying and felt I knew what the ice represented.
Summary:
I think the poem needs some work. The ideas behind the words seems to be a strong one, filled with power. If you can find a way to edit it a bit so your emotions are better expressed i would be only too happy to come back and read it again.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A prose wondering if the love will remain.
Suggestions:
You stated this was written "off the cuff" and has no rhyme. did you intend for this to be a poem? If so, I would work on putting it in verses of some kind. I saw some errors in punctuation, but since this was JUST written and quickly, I wonder if you plan on fixing those errors in the future.
What I Iiked Most:
I like the message in this post.It was a bit sad and tugged at my heart. You, with your questions. It is a good start:)
Summary:
I hope you work on this. If you do and would like me to read and rate it again, I will:) Email me if you wish:)
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This piece of erotic treasure won 3rd place in the 'No Repeat' 100-word Contest. Makes me wonder what won first and second and where can I find them to read them as well. This is good, very good, so the other winner's must be great reads as well.
Suggestions:
I have one, the ending was so down to earth, it kind of seemed out of place with the rest of the erotic tale- then again, this is much like life and the activities described:P We must all come down from the high sometime.
What I personally liked the Most:
Whoa! This was electric. It reminds me a little of one of my own poems (Whisper) but not in poetry format. The words used (and not repeated I must add) were descriptive and vivid. It sent a tingle down my spine. What a romantic you must be:) I fear copy and pasting my favorite lines for fear that they are too much for the review board to handle. *tingles*
Summary:
This is my last review for today. I only have a ribbon to award. I am happy to have had the honor of reading your work. I am pleased you were a winning bidder of the package I offered- my first- (SherryG too has a part to fill and I am sure she will be on her way soon if not already). I will be picking the color of the ribbon since I know you are busy right now with your contest. I think i will find one to suit the winning poem:) I hope you are happy with what you received from me:) Have a great day!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A (quite funny) writing dedicated to the need to pee:P
Suggestions: In the third paragraph you said: (some words are 'substituted' to stay within public review standards)
The other is first thing in the morning when that (insert word here) your man has signifies an extreme need to relieve himself of said (insert the other word here)!
My problem with this sentence is that you say "of said ----" as if you were just talking about it. Now, I remember you talking about it, but since this is a new paragraph and you have not mentioned p---, I feel you should either mention p---- again to refresh our memory after telling us about our man's morning h----- (this is very distracting:P)or connect the paragraphs together? I think just talking out the words 'of said' would make the pint understood:)
What I personally liked the Most:
This was funny. I always thought that a man had that morning 'thing' because of a dream. That is until i did reach out to my husband and he told me what was really going on! I still find the entire thing funny and like to get grabby in the morning- I am mean chick:P I cant say as much as i would like because this is going on the public review forum. I do suggest if anyone wants a funny read- about a not so common topic- to head on over to this story. It is quite funny and yes, to me, cute:P
Summary:
The stuff you come up with to write about is fantastic. My hubby would probably enjoy reading your stuff. I think it is 'man' thing that the most seemingly mundane topics or things can become fodder for story telling..but you are good at making them readable and relatable-well..I kinda relate to this story
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1587098 by Not Available.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This is the authors tribute to a friend met here at WDC through a program called 'Secret Pal.' I have yet to find this group and if anyone has the link *hint hint* I would love to check it out. The author makes some very good points in describing friendship:)
Suggestions:
Take my hint above is the only suggestion
What I personally liked the Most:
I can relate to this. I met my husband online. I know some will find this odd. I met him on a forum and after yahooing for weeks, then endless telephone calls, we finally met and knew we were not mistaken- we were in love. The same goes with friendships. You really take the time to get to know the person online or through conversations (whether they be in mail or through a phone call.) In 3D people tend to DO things rather then just sit and get to know each other. I am sure the person this post was directed to feels the same way about you:)
Summary:
I know you are busy judging your contest, so I decided that instead of doing just your poetry, I would expand to other folders. This story was highlighted so i felt you would like it read:) I will do ten reviews and most of them are in poetry. You have much to offer a reader:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
No formal form was used in writing this poem, as far as I know. It is written in a style that seems unique and pleasing to the eye.
The author asks if there is differences between youth and the elderly.
Suggestions:
I have none for you. I do, however, suggest to myself: "check you templates!" It seems some of them are messed up and for that I am sorry if it distracts from the reviews. I have doubled checked and hopefully this one will be with out html errors.
What I Iiked Most:
I loved how you formatted this poem. It read beautifully and was attractive. No image was used and I do not think one was needed.
I love how you began and ended this poem. It drove home your point of view on the subject and made me realize how simular the 'two' are. The poem left me a little sad. I wish we appreciated our elderly more.
Summary:
This was beautiful:) Now I am not sure anymore about what I am going to award. I thought I had my choice almost cemented. LOL, that will be the hardest part of filling this package-awarding my favorite.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am pasting the form (in the authors words) as it is just so difficult: 'Form: Rondelet
This poem is a French form consisting of a single septet (seven lines) with two rhymes and one refrain written in iambic meter: AbAabbA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats. The refrain is written in tetra-syllabic (four syllables) and the other lines are twice as long--octasyllabic or tetrameter (eight syllables).'
I do not think I will be trying this form anytime soon.
The author's subject matter is 'cotton candy':) Yum!
Suggestions: I absolutely have none.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved this poem. How does one make another crave something by only a few words written? Perhaps the picture added ot the poem, but the words made me want to run out to the local fair and grab me some candy fluff:) It also brought back pleasant memories of childhood anticipation of the upcoming fairs and carnivals.
Summary:
Hmmm...I think I will have a hard time with picking my favorite poem for awardification, but this one is top runner so far:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am really being inspired by my trot through your port. I am also humbled.You take on so many different,and seeming difficult, forms of poetry with a certain ease. This poem was written in the Lanturne style. 'The Lanturne is a syllabic form of five lines with syllable counts for each line numbering 1, 2, 3, 4, 1'.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions. This poem was lovely.
What I personally liked the Most:
Even though the poem is short, it said a lot. It told about love with perfection. It described love as I see it: two as one:)
Summary:
I am so enjoying this ride. I think I might favorite you and take my cues to my future writing styles from your own. I love how WDC and the people on this site urge you on to becoming a better writer by example and contests and such.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Wow! I am very impressed and want to start challenging myself to write more complicated forms of poetry! I am inspired by your own poem. The author wrote in the Kyrielle form- 'Kyrielle is a rhyming quatrain (four stanzas), in which the last line of each stanza is repeated throughout the entire poem, and each line has 8 syllables. The rhyming pattern I selected was aabB, aabB, aabB'.
Suggestions:
The only line that I confused me a little was: A split, no two, I had to pout,
Being that a split is always just two pins, I did not get the 'no two' part. I would have used the word 'just' but of course this is just me
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved how well written this was with the difficult task of staying with the confines of the rules of the Kyrielle form.
I also loved the topic:) Bowling, such a common activity. I am always being told by my husband to write something common, everyday...
I would have never thought a 'bowling poem' could be such a fun read:)
Summary:
Thank you again. Your writing inspires me to step outside my little box and look outside for something new to try.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
An Acrostic poem written with style. I have tried this style (one of the few I have tried since joining WDC) and it is not as easy as it seems.
Suggestions:
I have none. The only thing that i did notice is that you used the word 'light' twice. Not a bad thing, but I did notice it.
What I Iiked Most:
How clever this poem was! it was so joyful and cute. It was almost singing to me as I read it. I applaud you for taking this form and making it seem very unique. The layout was great and the words you were highlighting were very visible.
Some of my favorite lines were:
Thoughts of dreams are brought to light,
Harken to their plaintive plea,
Make them, bend them, give them life.
Summary:
OOH!!! I think I will enjoy filling this package:) great job on this poem:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author wrote a love letter, of sorts, the difficult task of using one syllable words.
Suggestions:
I could only see one spelling error (I think:P I am horrid at this kind of thing) but mindsI think should be mind's.
What I personally liked the Most:
You did a great job with this. Using only one syllable and making it sound as good as it did must have been a hard task.
Summary:
Again, Happy WDC Birthday! I hope to read more of your work some day soon!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author tells us about how she beats the blues and gains some insight on her porch swing. she incites us to swing along with her:)
Suggestions:
I know the poem is about swinging on the porch swing because of the title, but maybe you could mention it in the poem itself?
I also noticed that a lot of your 'i's were not capitalized. I forget to do this too, especially in my emails and reviews. You may want to go through the poem and put caps on all words that need them.
I love the poem, but think you perhaps (if you wish) it can be tightened up a bit. Omiting certain words could make it flow even better. I think if you read it out loud, you might see what I mean.
The last sentence: can I pour you a cup of coffee, maybe even a piece of cake. it makes it seem like you will pour the cake:) Maybe you can change it to sound like you will cut them a slice of cake?
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved how a simple thing like a porch swing can offer such comfort. The time sitting alone or with another can bring such clarity and a feeling of peace. I loved the way you worded this. It seemed so beautiful simple.
Some of my favorite lines were:
Have you smiled at all this day? you start the poem with concern for another:)
this swing will lift you and carry your weight with ease to me this line holds a hidden meaning. The swing is able to not only hold our physical weight but the weight of our burdens.
Summary:
I loved the idea of this poem. I thought it was beautiful in the caring way you wrote it. It was simple, yet said a lot. I hope you work further on it.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
I have chosen to erase my template for the most part. You do not need suggestions on your writing at this time, nor do you need to know what part I liked the best. I did not like what I read. It tore at my heart.
I assume, from what you wrote, that you are seeing a counselor. What makes you think they do not care. do they really roll their eyes at your pain...anyone? If so, you need to find a better counselor and different friends.
Your kids could not live a proper life if you were to kill yourself. They would always wonder what THEY did. Trust me, I know. My father chose this route and even though I was fully grown up, I stikll struggle with his death.
I am glad you found a place to vent and I hope that is all you are doing.
Again, I am here...yes, I am just 'in your computer' but behind these typed words is a real person. I think you need a good counselor. Do not take a permenant action to what can be a temporary situation.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A sad poem about the author's feeling of wanting to die. I am hoping that the author is writing out her feelings and doesn't really want to die. If so, I hope she seeks some help with the issues she speaks about in this poem.
Suggestions:
In the first line: I think you meant 'innocence'
In the second line, I would try and reword that a little. maybe a simple fix like puting 'self-doubting' would help, but I might try to put more into how you felt. (btw, I know those feelings, so I relate and I am sorry).
After the third line you have four dots. I learned here that it should only be three unless it is the end of a poem. (i) who knew, not I:) the same thing with the second verse.
In some places of the poem you are writing in the past tense and flip back to using present tense statements. an example is: oh my word I just feel lost You are talking about the past so perhaps saying I FELT so lost. Also, put a comma after the word 'word. I, myself have problems with this thing in my own writing.
Where you talk about school. I feel you there. school doesn't help sometimes. I have encountered problems with my daughters while searching for support. I think you should try and revise the first sentence about it not being fun. That statement can stand on it's own or be left out as you go on to explain how it did not help in the following lines.
The next verse: put a comma after the word 'car'. I also had a hard time understanding much of this verse. One line that totally confused me was: my way to do and come as I needed
I really hope that the end you are not stating a fact. I hope it does not mean what I think it does. If it means what i think it does (do not want to say it here), please contact me. I think you are mistaken, people DO care. You may be clinically depressed. Your kids, of course love you.
What I personally liked the Most:
I like how you ended the verses with the same line. i would use the dots or not use the dots throughout the entire poem.
I did not like what I think the poem is about- if it is what the author is actually feeling. I find it quite heartbreaking. I like that you were able to put your feelings onto paper but do hope that the end is not talking about the end.
Summary:
Please contact me or anyone in your 3D life and talk to them about your depression if this is truely how you feel. If you are just writing and do not feel alone and suicidal, then good job at portraying someone who does.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A love poem written with a true affection. It is written about the author's wife- a dedication:)
Suggestions:
I am not sure if you are looking to improve upon this piece or just have us read it and enjoy it for what it is, a beautiful tribute to the woman you love. There is a little room to improve (IMO) but I hesitate to mention them in such a personal poem such as this unless specifically asked to do so.
What I personally liked the Most:
I love how you took the time to write about you wife. How happy she must have been to read this wonderful tribute to her! She has read it, has she not? If not, you should read it to her. That would be so romantic.
Summary:
I can tell the author loves his wife through the words he writes in tribute to her:):)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem written about....well about writing and dreaming and Lucy.
Suggestions:
I am not sure what to offer in way of suggestions. And looking at my template, I know that this format will not really work for this poem. normally you would get my suggestions: like spelling errors, comments regarding grammar or flow...ect. Then I would tell you what I like, ect. I would maybe point out some favorite lines, ect. I think I will just tell you what I feel. I feel confused, but not in a bad way. I think you are clever and are playing with words. It makes the reader pause and wonder what the heck is happening here. For example the expression Wide Asleep. We all know it is fast asleep and wide awake...you use the phrase 'wide asleep'. This in an odd way makes perfect sense to me, lol! Then you take us into what I think is your dreams. There is someone who stops you from writing due to her darkness?? I keep putting question marks after my statements because I am kind of asking for imput..yes, I know you can answer me as I type, but am curious:) The last lines are rather spooky and then Lucy is mentioned. You leave me wondering who Lucy is and where did she fall and why. I think....Good job:) I leave the poem and my review perplexed
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
Are you serious? The title simply states 'poem'. Inside there is one word.
Suggestions:
I suggest that you either appreciate the site and what it can offer you or perhaps you should look for another site. I might be wrong, maybe this is a serious attempt and if so, forgive me. There are people out there that have a limited vocabulary and if you were trying and this word is the only one you could think to write, then you got one star for the one word:) I seriously hope that you are hear to write and not bait the reviewers to read your 'work'. This is a site that many love. If you want to be part of it, write something more. Open up or are you afraid you will be judged and do not feel you can hack it? I will tell you that most people on here are very helpful and nice. Some might not be the best reviewers but all try. Now you try. write the next word:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem about a shattered heart. The author takes us from the time the heart was whole to the time it lie shattered on the ground.
Suggestions:
There are rough places in this piece, for me at least. This is not to say that you did not write something good. You did. I think some easy revisions could make it even better. you can take my suggestions or leave them. If they work for you, great:) If not, no harm.
I, personally, would take out the use of the bracketed words. It kind of stumps me in places.
You can word it to where it is stated either in italics or perhaps adding to the line.
an example I might use is:
You lines was: Sitting in my hand (It’s smiling)
I would just say:
sitting in my hand, smiling.
further down you say: Laughing as they quietly walk away.)/b} they could not be quiet if they were laughing. Could you think of another word? I think they were callous to laugh.
Also, you repeat a line kind of when you say:
I told them didn’t I?
That it wasn’t strong enough.
But, it truly was fragile, wasn’t it? (Although it was smiling)
It may just be the word- But- that needs to be taken away if you like the statement as is. The sentence, again just my humble opinion, with the repeat could be you questioning, out loud, after stating the fact the heart was not strong enough. In that case I would use italics or quotation marks on the 'I told you' part.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the story you told of this little heart. It tugged on my own. It had a definite beginning, middle, and end. It told a story of a heart breaking in a unique way I have not read before. I could feel the little heart screaming for help...
Summary:
I think you have some wonderful talent. We are ALL here to learn to be better. I hope I suggested things that helped a little.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
The author writes a beautiful Ode to our wonderous Mother earth:)
Suggestions:
I loved the poem but there were just a few things I noted when reading it. You can take my suggestions or leave them:)
In the first verse about the ground, I know what you mean by firm and soft but, I believe, these adjectives are actually almost direct opposites of each other. Perhaps there is another word would describe it better or perhaps adding what is soft and what is firm?
I would put your verses into four lines. Grouping together the two lines to the next (the ones that rhyme) would work beautiful (IMO)
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the following lines:
Her kiss is in the songbird
As he begins to sing
Her knowledge in the wind
That whispers in my ear
I also fell in love with the verse about your heart being stolen and returned:)
Summary:
I love the positive nature of this poem. I think the words describing Mother Earth ring true as well:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A story that tugs at you heart. The author tells us how she feels having lost a love in a tragic way. I am not sure if this is a piece of fiction or non-fiction. I am assuming it is a tale out of the writer's imagination. It is told in a way that makes it sound very real.
Suggestions:
There are many errors in this piece. The first thing is spelling. I would copy and paste the story in an editing program like the one offered here or microsoft word and check for grammar and spelling errors. I am terrible at spelling myself and always try and do this.
There are periods and other punctuation that needs to be addressed, but I think spelling should be done first as it is very distracting. I would love to read and rate it again when you do fix the spelling.
What I personally liked the Most:
I loved the story you told. It was heart breaking. Like I said, not sure if it is a work of fiction or a true story. If it is fiction, it is a compliment that you did it so well as to make me wonder:)
Summary:
Welcome to WDC. I am not sure if you just joined or this is just the first piece you had the courage to post. Either way, I am glad you did post:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A poem about love. The poet compares her feelings of love with flowering bloom.
Suggestions:
I noticed in the lines:
My love for you is a Lotus alight,
Sacred and exquisite in your light.
You used two very simular words at the end of the first two lines. I know there is a difference in the two words, but it would have been nice to see a different word used for one of the words chosen. If not read carefully by some, I feel they might confuse it and think it is the same word.
I did not understand the following line. Of course, it might just be me, but I don't get it?? the line is:
Good and wonderful for your boom.
Perhaps you were trying to rhyme and I know sort of what a boom is, but it seems out of place in this otherwise beautifully written poem.
What I personally liked the Most:
Loved the lines:
My love for you is an Epic of passion,
Legendary, mystic and grand narration.
I loved the form you used. It rhymed and held rhythm and had the word LOVE in bold. I think it was well thought out and nicely mastered.
I liked the way you began and ended the poem in the same fashion.
Summary:
I enjoyed this poem a lot:) thank you for creating and congrats on the win:)
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
I am assuming this is a true story and if so, I am so very sorry you had to feel pain. You seem to be one of our younger authors as most of us (old people) do not talk about our mom and dad in such a present tense. If I am wrong and you are not so young, forgive me.
Suggestions:
Although this story is well told (if you were to read it to me I would not notice anything) I am thrown by the spelling errors and a few other little mistakes. If you fix some of the mistakes, it will make a very well told story.
I suggest first taking it (copy and paste) to a editing program like the one here or perhaps one on your computer like microsoft word. Spell check it- and it also does standard grammer mistakes. it might not catch it all but that is what everyone here is for, to help us fix things that we over look so that we become great writers. I always try and do spell check before posting because not only am a 'typo queen' but I stink at spelling.
Once you are done editing the spelling, please message me and I will read it and rate it.
What I Iiked Most:
I like that you told your story. It is a good thing to get your feelings out and also good to share those feelings.
Summary:
I hope to hear from you after you do a little editing as I would love to
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.37 seconds at 8:02pm on Jun 01, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.5)
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A review due to you from your win of package #10
