UMM, lol. What would you have done if I would have rated this a 5 star? I have seen this 'bad poetry' contest mentioned. I just don't get it. Obviously, I am clueless because i felt this poem was deserving of much more. I saw some hidden meaning and twists and thought it was cute...
Wow! This is an excellent poem about depression. It does not state this is what it is about in your title description, but I recognize the symptoms. If it is not about depression, then you have achieved the ability (rare one) to create a poem that can hold many meanings for different people.
The rhyme scheme was apparent and not forced. The flow and rhythm was spot on. Spelling grammar were fine. the words are the most striking feature.
Visit not this cell of torture;
Come not bearing gifts.
Look here not to spread sunshine;
Nor spirits here to lift. I can relate. There are times I am just in so deep, nothing and bring me back. I eventually come out of my cell and join the living and laughing, but strangely that cells offers a comfort of its own.
For such a young author, your thoughts run deep. This poem is filled with some excellent questions concerning why we go to war. The flow was a bit off but you stay consistant with the rhyme scheme.
Everyone wants peace and harmony,
Yet it's hard to obtain.
Humans' difference of opinions
Makes it almost impossible to gain. is this not the sad fact?
Hopefully, we will come to find a better way of finding peace than fighting. It doesn't make much sense.
You state above the story is unfinished so it really makes it hard to rate this. I can tell you what i think of the story thus far however.
This sounds like it could turn out to be an excellent story with work. I hope you develop the characters of Jenny and Jamie and also makes this into a magical tale. I am not sure what magic the tree house holds, but i am hoping it holds some magic for the two. I loved the description of the tree.
I would go over this also and check grammar. I know you are not finished and would love to read it when you are done. Please email me and I would love to come back and read some more about the tree house and the strange forest (you have not mentioned, really, wy the forst is strange.
I absolutely loved this poem about why we should all smile. The only part that I stuck on is the break of the flow with this line: As lemonade does on a hot day or the beauty of autumn's leaves. it is much longer than the rest of the lines and breaks the flow apart. I would consider revising or adding a new line. i realize this would make one stanza longer than the others, but it may be better than having the flow interrupted so much. It really almost hurt the poem.
The puncuation is also a little off. I would end each verse with a period or take out punctuation completely. We are drawn to stop naturally at the end of each line.
Did you know it brightens the face?
Drawing them near God's infinite grace.
For a smile comes from a joyful heart,
Loved expressed is just the start, beautiful!
I see a rhyme scheme and it seems to follow throughout. I just think the message was beautiful and thoughtful and brought a smile to this face... see-->
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A very cute poll. I did not know this until recently, but you can expand a poll. i think this is a n excellent question and would have loved to see why others picked the answer they did.
I Picked the dreaded lima bean as I figured I would be left uneaten. lol
I would love to see this expanded to include a comment box that everyone can see. If you change it, please mail me...I would love to revisit this poll! Very unique!
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Welcome back to WDC! I am assuming that your lack of 'work' is due to your just getting back into the swing of things. This folder intrigued me and I was disappointed to find it empty. You description of what it would contain, if it was not empty, would have been something I would have loved to read. Same goes for other folders. I hope you work to fill these soon. If you do, please feel free to mail me as I would enjoy reading from this folder especially.
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Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes! by Brooklyn
Happy WDC Birthday!
umm....LMBO!!!!!!
This is the funniest poem I have read in a while. I do not know what it is about farts that make us all giggle or act shocked. I know that just reading this, I was taken back at the reference to a natural bodily function. You gave new meaning to the word fart; a good meaning where farts are almost revered. LOLOLOL
The poem did not flow as nicely as it could have, but the story told made up for that. I enjoyed this and got quite a laugh this morning and for that, I thank you!
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
This is your last review due to you. I hope you thank Hannah. I will thank her for sending me to such a talented poet. It was a pleasure reading some of your pieces.
For a first try at a different form, you did beautifully. I do wish you would have posted the style in your post. It always helps me to see if the author followed the 'rules as well as gives me knowledge about the form used. i love to try new forms.
I am unsure what the rhyme scheme or syllabic count was, if there was any for this poem. I do recognize a beautiful poem. This poem speaks to me about hope, even if you are feeling depression. It is a wonderful, uplifting poem!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very sad poem. I have not read the prequel to this but this speaks volumes.
Positive points:
You express your pain and confusion well. It is heartbreaking to read your words. You words make me feel for you. I have also felt what you have written in regards to my own depression and anxiety.
Suggestions
I think that you should not automatically capitalize each sentence as some are continuation of the previos. Because you ahve used punctuation, this is not seeming to be correct.
Another entry written for a contest that no longer exists. Why not open it yourself? I would love to try and write a 100 word story without repeating one word.
Vivid imagry was used in describing the attributes of a tribal woman. She does indeed sound beautiful. This piece really makes one look at the indigenous people differently.
I appreciated being able to read this. I loved picturing the scene in my head.
This was written for the 100 word, no repeat contest that is no longer going on.
This was an amazing story, especially considering the constraints of the rules. You speak of the black widow in such 'knowing' terms, lol. I love the ending. It is indeed what they are named for...those acts of feeding on their lover.
I wish someone would reopen the 100 word, no repeat contest. I have not tried it. perhaps i shall just challenge myself. I imagine it would be hard to create a story with a beginning, middle and end without repeating a single word.
What a cute idea for a group. I love the images used. The group will surely be providing smiles all around WDC.
Is this groups active right now? I noticed on your handle that you recently came back to WDC. I would love to be part of this. it sounds like such a positive thing!
You have some centering problems at the top of this. You may want to see why it is not all centered or if you just indented or pushed the tab button. It looks a little out of place.
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There is a great moral to you short story about two different kinds of people. the characters in this story both pick a flower. the flowers are equal in beauty but one man must find out WHY the flower is beautiful and in the process of trying to discover the why's, the flower loses its beauty, at least to him. The second man just accepts that something is beautiful and appreciates it without questioning why it is what it is.
i would have liked to see the second man's story expanded just a bit.
The message was clear though when reading the story and I appreciated what you were saying.
Spelling and grammar, punctuation and such were great.
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Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
After reading your blog and your love of art, I just had to stop by your cnote images and see what you have created. i noted that you have a cnote shop created by another and am hoping that I am reviewing your own work.
I like the animal theme...really not just animals bit mythical animals such as unicorns.
The art work is very pretty. Did you paint any of these? One looks like a definite pastel or watercolor (not arcylic?) painting.
I know you are an artist. Is there any way to scan your work onto the computer and share with us all? I am not sure if you are a graphic artist or a painter. I am assuming the latter.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very descriptive poem describing this authors description of a 'story'.
Positive points:
I had to refer to this page: http://knowgramming.com/metaphors/metaphor_and_sim... I am still not sure of the slight differences between metaphor and simile. I believe what you used here was a good use simile to describe a story.
I loved the way you used color to describe the different emotions an author can feel while writing a story. I think the words flowed in this free verse. I enjoyed it very much! It was a beautiful way to describe writing...
you turned red
dripping with the blood and pain
of my heart you so mercilessly
tore open This described perfectly how I feel when writing some of my painful stories or poetry!
Suggestions
The poem seemed a little unfinished to me. I wonder if adding another verse anchoring the entire piece would make it feel solidly complete.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
I am visiting your port and offering this humble review because you signed my guest book and hopefully filled your end of the deal and reviewed the person who signed below you
Hi Sarah!
I am glad you are back on WDC! I came looking for something to review and came upon this contest. I have the perfect cliche piece but the contest ended this round *cries*.
I love the idea of this contest, very imaginative. I love cliches and use them frequently, at least that is what my husband tells me
I am so glad you put the definition of exactly what a cliche is for those that do not know. You even provided links to examples of cliches. The layout of the page is nicely done! The rules are easily understood.
The prizes you offer to winners are very nice and an incentive for people to enter. Do you have this listed on the contest page when you open it? If not, you should. i miss tons of contests because they are not listed there. that is where I look when looking for..well contests
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
LOL, I read this and want to talk to you about it personally. I am not sure that everyone who reads the review will understand what I am talking about or whatever, but...
We have talked about your feelings for Stew and at last convo, you said that you were not sure if...well if this poem would be suitable in describing how you feel about him. It makes me wonder, now that I have read this poem, if you do not have a wall up. I would love to get into your head and do a little jig on your brain...just kidding. I would love to find out why when you have this man who treats you so wonderfully, is clean, and fun, you do not tell him those words that you say easily to much lesser men. We should talk....You do not have to love him, but I think I recognize something in you that is familiar.
As far as the poem goes...
It was very sensual, sexy without being smutty. It talked about love, the feeling of love and the actions of love.
There is a definite rhyme scheme that does not sound forced. The poem flows nicely from my tongue.
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
An acrostic poem, 'Tears of pain'. I love the word choices. The tsunami is a dangerous thing, eh? Seems to describe a lot about pain and emotions. Weird how I used the same word when talking about pain in my own writing.
I want to point out that the destructive waters did recede yeah! The bank is now filled with seashells and kelp. You can make yourself a shell crown and a kelp skirt and dance in the sun. You have done a fantastic job at making this poem a thing of the past!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
A very disturbing poem. Written with use of a prompt. I will not disclose prompt for fear that it is not rated for general population.
Positive points:
I read it once and noted that it was disturbing, but was not entirely sure why until I noted the prompt. After i knew the prompt, I read it again and it made perfect sense. It tore at my heart and spoke much truth to what a victim feels in this situation.
Suggestions
I would suggest you put the prompt at the beginning of the poem. Knowing the prompt made all the difference to me.
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
A poem about trying to reach the sky, but failing. I love the title. It suits the poem perfectly!
but in the process, lost her earth. I am not sure about the word 'earth'. It sounds a little awkward. I am not sure what you could replace it with, but maybe you could think of another way of expressing that she lost her ground?
she opened her wings and took a glide. I would (you don't have to) leave it at 'she opened her wings and took glide
Taking 'in' the beauty spread below, I am not sure why you have the quote around the word in
The silent predator took its aim
One shot and his job was done. You do not need to capitalize the word One in the second line. It breaks the pattern you have with the rest of the poem
I just noticed that You changed the scheme a little half way down into the poem. The two lines are not blended anymore into a sentence but are now just one sentence or one line each. It seems a little more choppy and distracted me. I am not sure about the rhyme scheme either. I know there is one, but it is hard for me to pick up on the pattern.
That being said, the poem is thoughtful. I think with a tiny bit of revising will be a beautiful masterpiece for your collection.
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Is this a poem of infidelity? It seems to be. If it is not, you have written in such a way that anyone of us could take away our own personal message from this poem.
It was a poem filled with words that made me feel a haunting pain. It cried out for the reader to look and feel what you felt.
This was a true free verse and did not follow any rhyme scheme or syllabic count. It worked. the poem flowed beautifully. I paused at all the right moments (for me anyways) naturally. The result was a poem that moved me.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
Overall Impression:
This was written for Darth's zen poetry contest. I have never seen that contest. Perhaps you could provide a link in your post so we could check it out. sounds interesting.
Positive points:
You told of very turbulent emotions and the use of similes (comparisons) was great...or is it metaphor? The way you described your pain being likened to the time when the waves crashed down on you was brilliant.
Suggestions
It was just a tad like a run on sentence. there was no definite end to any of the lines and if this was typed out in a straight line it would be a loooong sentence. With the pause at the end of lines that comes naturally with poems... I had to go back and read it again to get the full impact. Once I did go back and not pause, it was great.
Hello, my name is omniblueeyes I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.
How does one rate a blog? I know I have mine set to ratings, or did? I think a blog is a personal space where we should not be confined to the normal rules of writing. It is a journal, yes an public one, but still a place to purge. I still wish we could subscribe to others blogs. I am just going to keep saying it until one day it comes true. *closes eyes and wishes while clicking my ruby red shows...wait....lol that is not how to make it come true*
I saw that it has been a long time since you have written. I hope you had success in potty training your baby. I also read that you are feeling overwhelmed and I say "purge!"
I liked how you had images scattered in here. it made for an interesting read and the images just added to the experience... so Write on!
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