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151
151
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Balloon1**Balloon2*Happy WDC Birthday!*Balloon3**Balloon4*


I saw this story about Christmas and since I have been seeing Christmas decor in the stores since October, thought it would be a good time to try and get into the holiday cheer.

The story is a cute tale about a family. Is this your family or is the story fictional? It seems incomplete but you warned us beforehand in the folder description. You said you had a lot of stories with no beginnings or ends. I hope you work on them, especially this one and make them more complete.

The characters were described well enough. I really liked the plot, sounded realistic which is why i asked if it was fiction or non-fiction. I think you may want to put this though a word program or just check for some small spelling errors.

If you do add to this story, I would love to read it again!


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Stop by and review a member celebrating their WDC Anniversary!

Just click the link! *Smile*
152
152
Review of Normal  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Balloon1**Balloon2*Happy WDC Birthday!*Balloon3**Balloon4*


Although the poem is a realization that you are normal, and much the same as your peers...this is a temporary situation. I think you are still young and if in school, that would account for feeling like all the others. You will grow up and develop your own habits and although you will share some of the same pains and trials as others, you experience of them will be different. You are different--unique. We all are *Smile*

That being said, the poem would read much nicer if it was not in all caps. The poem follows a rhyme scheme and it is nicely done. I hope you edit this and put it in normal font. It would be a good thing *Smile*


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153
153
Review of Mindless Troll  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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The purpose of this Review is to go over things in your poem like word usage, structure, added imagery, formatting and emotions or feelings of the piece.


I am happy that I found this piece. you are right, it seems I have missed many of your pieces. I am glad I am finding more to read from your port.

Word Usage:
You painted a clear picture of what it is like to be a puppet on a string. The words you chose were great.

Try to outsmart me
I'll knock your ass down
below ground level
you've dug your own hole.

I am not sure if you will agree but I would take out the word 'own' in the last line. It breaks the flow for me, especially when reading the following verse.


Structure:
There is a rhyme scheme and each ending word of each verse rhymes. It anchors the entire piece. The flow was good.

Imagery:
You apinted a clear and frightening picture of what being an addict is like. I can relate, I think anyone who has had an substance abuse problem could.

Emotions/Feelings:
This poem is a lie, but so is the drug that caused you to write this. The drug always wants us to believe there is no way out, that we have dug ourselves to big a hole to ever get out of it. Thankfully, many stop believing in the drug and start believing in themselves.

Overall Impression:
I liked this, Kristi. thanks for sharing!
154
154
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The purpose of this Review is to go over things in your poem like word usage, structure, added imagery, formatting and emotions or feelings of the piece.


Another colaboration between Kristi and stacylynn71.

Word Usage:
This is a poem which descfribes how today's society regards marriage in general. I think it is true...we do not value marriage as people used to in 'the olden days'. A lot of people, inclduing me (say it is not so, omni *Shock*) see it as a piece of paper, or a pact that can be broken.

Structure:
All verses have ending rhymes. (so would that rhyme scheme be AAAA, AAAA, ?)It works, whatever scheme it is. The flow is perfect.

Imagery:
Words and fists work together destroying the unity
sinking deeper into the abyss only furthers the impunity
tattered hearts seeking another God-given opportunity
to rid themselves of the impending immunity.
having had been in at least one abusive relationship, the first line, especially, spoke to me. The reference to seeking another God-given opportunity confused me a bit. I do not think God has anything to do with the ugliness here. It almost seems like you are speaking about a confessional or a cleansing of sins by God, but then the last line would have to be rearriagned. They would be gaining immunity.


Emotions/Feelings:
This is so simply stated, I know. But this poem made me sad.

Overall Impression:
Again, another great piece that surprizing comes from a unified collaboration. It seems one poet feeds off the other, creating a piece of art.
155
155
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello! Daizy May


What an adorable, catchy little poem. The flow is light and 'sing song' like as I read it out loud. The positivity of the message beams brightly through the vivid scenery of your words. I had to go back and see if there was a rhyme scheme as it was so natural, I did not notice it when reading it the first time. beautifully done. Such an awesome message as well. *Heart* I do not have any favorite parts, picking the poem apart would just do the rest an injustice. It is that ALL of the verses that work so well together in painting a picture and sharing a message...I just can't pick a word here or a line there and say 'this is my favorite'.
156
156
Review of Shotzi  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello! Kristi

My name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional editor, I am simply a reader. My intent is to share my humble opinion of your work with you. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in my review and disregard what you do not agree with.

*Note1*Overall Impression:
I know how important Shotzi was to you. This is a wonderful tribute to her as is your new group!

*Note2*Setting and Plot/Structure and Form:
This is your first try at a Diamonte;diamond-shaped poems of seven lines that are written using parts of speech.
The Diamonte is a form similar to the Cinquain.
Line 1: Noun or subject
Line 2: Two Adjectives
Line 3: Three 'ing' words
Line 4: Four words about the subject
Line 5: Three 'ing words
Line 6: Two adjectives
Line 7: Synonym for the subject

MY Diamonte looks nothing like a diamond. LOL One is close. I think I will have to use shorting 'ing' words. lol

*Thumbsup* Favorite Parts:
This is a short poem. There is no favorite part. I liked that your poem looked like a gem. The words were all descriptive and followed the form. *laughs at the frog reference* I can only imagine what the dog did with frogs. I love that you added a pic. I need a dang scanner. I have one but do not want to overload my laptop and not sure I have the CD for it....Xmas is coming!

This is something you are asking new members of your group to try and do, a challenge to write their own Diamonte about their beloved pet. If anyone loves animals and hates animal abuse and wants to join a wonderful group and cause. Here is the link to submit an application: "Invalid Item" .

*Check5*Suggestions:
None! keep up the good work!

*Note5*Parting Thoughts:
I loved this. Touched my heart *Heart*

*Exclaim* Rating:*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*
157
157
Review of Painted Pink  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hello! ~WhoMe???~

I am a reviewer for the groups below but this review is brought exclusively to you from SAOJ *Smile*

*Star*"Invalid Item"  *Star* "Invalid Item" *Star*

*Star*"The WDC Angel Army"  *Star* "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" *Star*


WoW! *Blush* This is one steamy poem. It is sensual without being smutty or 'in you face' sexual. I love the title. It describes the poem perfectly. i also think the pink ribbon was well earned. You write a free form poem, while short in words, is very full of emotion. The descriptive way you describe a moment with a lover is well read.

Painting my flesh flush I especially love this line

The entire piece was beautifully perfect in describing your feeling of pleasure.

*Exclaim* Rating: *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*
158
158
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! Aus

I am pleased to be reviewing your entry into "Not So Scary Halloween Contest -- CLOSED" . Good luck in the contest.

My name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional editor, I am simply a reader. My intent is to share my humble opinion of your work with you. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in my review and disregard what you do not agree with.

*Note1*Overall Impression:
A story about a monster and how a little boy plans on getting rid of him.

*Note2*Characters/Plot/Dialogue:
The plot was interesting. I found it entertaining and fast paced. I could almost picture the characters of Shelley and Johny even though you had not described them in appearance. The Dialogue was excellent and made it easy for me to picture the scene and the characters. You had a lot of bantering back and forth between the two children. I have a hard time with dialogue and appreciate the difficulty in making it believable and understandable. You did a great job with it.

*Note3*Punctuation, Spelling, and Grammar:
All were excellent!

*Thumbsup* Favorite Parts:
He knew he shouldn't have locked the babysitter in the basement. Very funny!

He made his way slowly, keeping low, peering around doorways before bursting into sprints until he reached the next safe hiding place. Eventually he came to the kitchen. I liked how you put such detail into something that would have been somewhat boring had you simply said 'He ran to the kitchen'.

It stood six feet tall and the black hair that covered its entire body looked as sharp as razor blades. It seemed to grin down on him, drool falling from its massive mouth, knowing it had found the meal it was searching for. Very descriptive and a little chilling! Nice!

I really liked the twist of why Shelley was able to scare the monster away and Johny never could. Very Unique.

*Check5*Suggestions:

If he could just get to the door in the kitchen, he'd have an ally. to the door 'in' the kitchen? Did you perhaps mean the door 'to' the kitchen? or perhaps the door leading into the kitchen? It just sounds like it is missing a little something there.

none looked like the monster I would consider changing 'none' to 'nothing'.

Smelly was banging on the basement door If Smelly is a nickname for the babysitter, perhaps you should add why she came into that name.

“You spat on me...what? I would consider rewriting this. I am not sure why or when he spat on her and the 'what' after the statement makes it sound like she is questioning him about why or what he spat on her.

It was her birthday! she shouldn’t even have to be here! She thought angrily. Because everything is moving fast at this point of the story and both characters are bantering back and forth, I would put 'Shelley thought angrily.'

“I THINK SHE'LL BLOODY WELL UNDERSTAND!” Melanie hissed back at him. I do not really like capitals in writing to get your point across, plus if she hissed this statement, she could not be screaming, could she?

*Note5*Parting Thoughts:
Thank you for allowing me to read your story. Understand that any suggestions made are just suggestions, if you do not agree with them, always follow your own heart.

*Exclaim* Rating: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*


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159
159
Review of Halloween Night  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
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The intent of this Royal Flush Review is to examine everything in a novel or short story. Grammar, format, plot, characters, imagery, dialogue, etc.


The Hook:

It is a spooky Halloween night. A night when anything can happen. Will it be Trick or Treat?

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:

The grammar was fine. I do wish you had wrote more to this story and used even more descriptive words.

Other Errors:

I sighed with relief as I walkd out of the bar walked

Too many weirdos on Halloween Incomplete sentence. I recommend to include a verb like 'too many weirdos out on Halloween' and if this is a 'thought', use italics.

I shook my head and glanced up as the street light above me flickered and then went out leaving me alone in the shadows.
This is a run-on sentence. Consider using some punctuation or breaking it up into more than one sentence.


Structure:

The structure of this piece seems off a little. It moves around the page. I am not sure if you used the tab button to indent or what happened, but it would be a smoother read if it was all starting from the left.

Plot:

The plot is a good one. I do wish you would have worked a little more at building and sustaining the suspense. It was a fast paced story and was very interesting, but I would have loved to have more details.

Characters:

There is you and the child. There is not much as far as defining who your are, but I do not think this was necessary in this story. I would have liked more detail about the child. She should have been the bulk of this piece. Going into her expressions and how her laugh sounded, etc. would have helped make this story even more menacing.

Dialogue:

There was no dialogue, except to yourself. It was fine. I would use italics when writing 'thoughts'.

Ending:

The ending was twisted (excuse the pun). It was macabre. *shivers. I wish you would have drawn this part out some.


Overall Impression:

I think the story has great bones. I think if you should work on it, it could be a fantastically chilling tale. If you do work on it and would like for me to read and rate it again, please feel free to mail me. I would enjoy seeing the changes you make.
Please remember I am not a professional editor. My review is to help where I can and is only my personal opinion. Please use what is helpful and disregard anything you disagree with.


This piece was reviewed on behalf of: "Invalid Item" 
160
160
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*Balloon1**Balloon2*Happy WDC Birthday!*Balloon3**Balloon4*


Hello! NickiD89

What a beautiful poem. I love noticing differences in people. I especially love learning about different cultures, and religions.

I explored foreign lands where I could be
A roaming nomad sans coiffeur or rings.
I am jealous! I want to fly away and become a nomad, living day by day in foreign lands full of mysterious wonders to be explored. Note: should coiffeur be spelled: coiffure?

I love the last lines! Came home to my country, greatest hands down,
Wholesome, chocolate-vanilla swirl town.
It is neat that America is such a melting pot of different culture and peoples. Even the smallest town is a mixture of swirling color and culture.

I enjoyed this very much! You are quite the poet, my friend *Smile*


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Stop by and review a member celebrating their WDC Anniversary!

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161
161
Review of The Wooden Sphere  
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! billwilcox

I am pleased to be reviewing your entry into "Not So Scary Halloween Contest -- CLOSED" . Good luck in the contest. Please remember not to edit your work until after the close of the contest.


My name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional editor, I am simply a reader. My intent is to share my humble opinion of your work with you. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in my review and disregard what you do not agree with.

*Note1*Overall Impression:
A story about a man's decent into madness.

*Note2*Setting and Plot:
I love the idea behind this story but I had trouble with some of the way you wrote it. Some paragraphs and sentences were beautifully written while others left me a little confused.

*Note3*Punctuation, Spelling, and Grammar:
Punctuation and spelling seemed good. Grammar was fine, except in some areas where your ideas did not come through clearly to me and I think it might have to do with the arrangement of words in some areas.

*Thumbsup* Favorite Parts:
They glistened, their bodies a milky-white color—nearly translucent. I could see their internal organs pulsing beneath their skin. Each with four arms and mandibles that thrashed feverishly—clicking—reaching for me as though in anticipation of an early lunch. I’d never seen anything like them before, but I knew instinctively that I didn’t want to be among them.
This paragraph to me was your best. It described the scene well. It actually made me kind of sick to my stomach as I pictured those creatures. You built up the terror of the scene by your use of descriptive words.

I folded my body into a tight little ball, as if I were a discovered spider, and waited for the inevitable.
Good use of simile.

*Check5*Suggestions:
There are parts of this story where I get an idea of what you mean to say, but it is not really said in a way that makes me able to latch onto the words and picture the scene or understand the complete meaning.

One example is the beginning paragraph. I am not sure how to change it, but I feel it is incomplete.

In the third paragraph, you state:I saw and felt this, and at the same time I didn’t, but the following words and paragraphs make it seem like he was totally aware and feeling the terror.

*Note5*Parting Thoughts:
I love the premise of this story. I think if you work on streamlining your thoughts and really just tweaking some of the paragraphs, this could be a wonderful, terrifying story. For this contest, I personally feel that it is a little too scary. There were no children in the story and that was one of the prompts Giselle asked for. I think this would do wonderfully in the serious horror genre. I hope you work on it a bit. Please mail me if you would like me to read and rate it again. I would love to see how it turns out. The story of a man going insane intrigued and frightened me.

*Exclaim* Rating:*Star**Star**Star**Star*


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162
162
Review of Where Evil Dwells  
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! SHERRI GIBSON

I am pleased to be reviewing your entry into "Not So Scary Halloween Contest -- CLOSED" . Good luck in the contest. Please do not edit until the contest's close.

My name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional editor, I am simply a reader. My intent is to share my humble opinion of your work with you. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in my review and disregard what you do not agree with.

*Note1*Overall Impression:
A tale that reminds me of the movie 'Hocus Pocus' but with very unique twists and turns.

*Note5*Character development and Dialogue:
The character of David, the cat, was well done. You told enough to make his back story/past clear and understood- in relationship to the story. The witches were given names and that added a special touch as many might just had left them nameless. The character of Polly was also well developed. You went on to describe how she appeared, making her seem more personal to the reader, much more so than the other children.

The dialogue was excellent.

*Note2*Setting and Plot:
As I said above, this reminds me of the movie 'Hocus pocus'. If you have not seen it, I would recommend renting it. It is a cute and just scary enough movie. I loved your story line. It was just scary enough as well. You did a good job building suspense, but not being macabre. I would have loved to see you go into a little more detail of what the witches' house looked like. It would have added to the scene. Overall, I enjoyed the story from start to finish and was pleased with the 'scare factor'. It was just scary enough to share with grade school children without over frightening them.

*Note3*Punctuation, Spelling, and Grammar:
I did not note any spelling or grammar errors. Any suggestions on punctuation would be added below in suggestions. I am not the best with punctuation and would suggest, if you disagree with my observations, checking with another who is excellent with this sort of thing or going with your best judgment.

*Thumbsup* Favorite Parts:
One by one, they entered the dwelling, and I knew they would not come out. I really like this line. It builds feeling of suspense and ominous dread.

Within a matter of moments, loud claps of thunder were heard and heavy rains began to fall. This always happened before the witching hour, which I noticed was only less than twenty minutes away. Again, my heart beat erratically. Very Nice!

I really enjoyed the paragraph where the witches explain why they do what they do. It was very well written, explaining a lot.

I liked the ending. I think it goes from a frightening tale to a happy ending. I love that a cat is acting the part of the hero in the story.

*Check5*Suggestions:
Tonight would be no exception, I thought, sitting in the tree under a full moon. What the children thought was an evening of fun was one of terror, and one they would never forget. I haven't. You seem to have changed tense. Perhaps changing to: 'Tonight had been?' or changing the following line. Something about the part of the paragraph seems 'off' a little to me. I think changing some of the words around would make it read a little better.

although eight had already been used trying to save youngsters What youngsters? Do you mean the kids that ided the same night he was turned into a cat or the kids through the years he remained a cat? I would just clarify a little here.

head to look at the sky, Her deep blue eyes mesmerized me. 'Her' should not be capitalized.

Trick or Treaters look like creepy dark shadows Should there be a comma between 'creepy' and 'dark'?

*Note5*Parting Thoughts:
I think you did a good job at telling a complete story in short story form. I stayed interested from beginning to end.

*Exclaim* Rating:*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*


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163
163
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello! Revelry new writings soon

My name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional editor, I am simply a reader. My intent is to share my humble opinion of your work with you. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in my review and disregard what you do not agree with.

*Note1*Overall Impression:
A very frightening story about a nightmare this author had. The story starts as a fast and furious ride of terror and sustains the emotion throughout.

*Note2*Setting and Plot:
The setting is, as the author says, 'Hell'. The plot is something made from nightmares, quite literally. As a fictional piece of writing, it still keeps the reader riveted as the author goes into descriptive detail of where he/she is, what she sees and who she meets.

*Note5*Characters/Dialogue: The characters are the reader, an odd, creepy, little boy and the author's twin brother. Oh! Satan is there as well! The author tells just enough to creep this reader out. The dialogue between characters is well done. There is not a lot of it, but enough to make the story seem quite 'real'.

*Note3*Punctuation, Spelling, and Grammar:
As I walked up the old wooden stairs I knew I was in hell, I wasn't sure how I knew I just did.
Suggest either putting a comma after 'knew' or you could put a period after hell.

"I'm in hell. God help me I'm in hell. I'm dead, I died and I went to hell."
I would use an exclamation point instead of a period, as it is evident you were excited and scared. There are some other incidents of the same thing; where I think you could use that exclamation mark to show your extreme emotions.

Comma placements or lack of: I think if you go through this piece again, you will find there are some places where extra punctuation could be used.

Side note: I am not the best at punctuation myself. You may want someone who is great at this kind of thing to give you a read and help you 'fix' this into perfection.

*Thumbsup* Favorite Parts:
The ending is absolutely my favorite part! That chilled me to the bone. I enjoyed the appearance of the little boy and think you did a good job at describing his eerie appearance into the story. I also like part of the story where he tells you how you can escape from the terror you are trapped in.

*Check5*Suggestions:
See above comments on punctuation.

*Note5*Parting Thoughts:
I am sure you woke up sweating and frightened after having this nightmare. Thank you for sharing this terrifying story with us. I think I will sleep with the lights on tonight! *Idea*

*Exclaim* Rating: *Star**Star**Star**Star*
164
164
Review of Almost 40  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

Hi Kristi !

I had to check when this was written and was surprised at how recently it was created.

I wonder why you feel this way, still. I do not think you are a Meth addict or without a soul. I am not sure you truly believe that either. I would hope not.

The poem was not your best, but was good. You followed a rhyme scheme and the verses were well laid out. Rhythm was good.
I think the reason behind this not being one of your bestis that you really did not believe in the words you were writing. Oh, you may at the time--in your head, but your heart knew it was a lie.

You are almost 40 and are a recovering addict. You show you have a soul by the kind of person you are; beautiful and caring, sensitive and giving. You are starting over again and it may be hard. You are a new person with new goals and aspirations. You have new friends, a new life. You are making your way. This poem, to me, is a lie. It is the old you. I think, I might be wrong, that you were trying to write about the time you were addicted to Meth and trying to feel the same pain you did and write the same way (to convey a message?). I think you can't because you are not the person you painted in your poem...not anymore.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I am a member of The Angel Army
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I am also a member of A.C.E.
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A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
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I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
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165
165
Review of Muse  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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HiMara ♣ McBain


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Star* Overall Impression:

A Christmas story *Wink* Okay, a Christmas story with a startling twist.

*Star*Positive points:

Plot: I am hoping this is a small part of a larger body of work. I was tempted to follow your words because of the beautiful way you write. You have skill in explaining things in an easily understood, yet complex,and descriptive way. The plot was good! Made me yearn for more. I do not think this is the end of Patrick Cote, although I believe it might be the end of Jessica. Is it? LOL! You so left me hanging!

Character development: Again, just enough to make the story interesting, but leaving me wanting to know about this man, Patrick.

The descriptive scenery of the bookstore was nicely done. It reminded me of a quaint little bookstore I used to visit in California. I miss those kind of Ma and Pop book stores.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation were well done.

*Star*Suggestions

part annoyance part amusement.
I am not sure, but doesn't there need to be a comma placed here?

Not really a suggestion, just a note. I had to look up the word glut. I assumed correctly in its meaning, but had to be sure.

This is definitely a suggestion. When you do add to this story, please mail me. My suggestion is to keep adding to this story. Is this your Nano novel? I hope so!

Rating: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Have a wonderful day!
Just call me Omni


I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
166
166
Review of Harm None  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Heart* Hi KimChi !

Hello, my name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest. *Heart*

Firstly, let me compliment your port. I love how you put it together. BTW, Gordon Ramsey is An idol of mine..lol. *giggles* He is hot!

It is hard to really judge a song by just the lyrics only. I wish I knew the tune that went along with the words. I am sure it is beautiful.

I love how you are teaching your child your 'religious' beliefs while she is still young by simple means that she can understand and relate to.

I think this is a great message not matter what 'religion' one is affiliated with or what their beliefs are...unless the like to harm others, lol.

Harm none (harm none)
Harm none (harm none)
Though we're unique, we are the same--we are all one.
And so we try to be kind to everyone...
and we will honor every life when we harm none.
the same refrain of 'harm none' is prevalent in this song, but I think it is the entire point of the song. The repetitiveness of this phrase works well. It cements the lesson you want her to learn.

We are connected by a strand, on a web with every man-
respecting others means that I'm respecting me.
This is just magically beautiful. I agree with this statement with all my heart.

Again, I wish I could hear the tune. I am sure your daughter enjoys this lullaby or song. I do not believe in organized religion myself )OMGosh, going to stick it out there and lol..here comes the gasps and shock of others I am sure.) I believe in everything-- something that many would not understand. It does include bit and pieces of every organized religion but I do not believe I will ever know entirely the wonder that is God or Goddess--my creature and master of all elements and beings. I simply call him/her foo-lala. I believe in Jesus as much as I believe in Ghandi or Budda. I think each religion holds a clue and actually are worshiping the same element that the other group is, some without wanting to admit it or knowing it. Just my lil rant, I guess *Wink* I embrace what feels true to me. This song rang true to me. I believe what you 'sang'. Thank you for sharing.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!*Heart*

Just call me Omni

167
167
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

Hi Happy May 2024! ! My name is omniblueeyes and I am pleased to have the honor of reading some of your work.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

A very cute children's story about a friendship between two bugs.


*Note3* Creativity/Impact:

I think this was a very cute story. It was easy to follow and I could see this being published for beginner readers. Most of the words were simple enough that a second or third grader would recognize them or they could sound them out.

The topic is one that is about friendship and helpfulness. I think they are wonderful topics for a child. The character's are cute too. If you had a good illustrator, this definitely could be edited just a wee bit in some places and published. I am thinking just streamline it a bit, maybe simplify the language a little more.

*Note4* Suggestions:

You do not identify that Dolly is a dragonfly (but in the title). That should probably be the first thing you do in the story is describe Dolly by appearance and also say what kind of bug she is.

*Note5* Summary:

I love the little learning facts you stick in this story, like what dragonflies and ladybugs eat. The moral of this story could also be 'the most unlikely friends' or something... being friends with people or others that are different from ourselves. These two are very different from each other, but formed a great friendship despite their differences *Smile*

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!



I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*

A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
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I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
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168
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Heart* Hi Shannon ! This review is brought to you from "Showering Acts of Joy Group" 

Hello, my name is omniblueeyes *Smile*I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing.


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

A cute poem about if a child were to become invisible. This was a lot of fun!

*Note3* Suggestions:

The only line I think might be changed to stay in rhyme would be the very last. Perhaps: 'if I you could not see' or something like? I think this is publishable. I could see it in highlights, well they are two simple, perhaps their publication for grade schoolers--I forget the name.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

The rhyme was prefect and not forced. The rhythm was catchy in a good way--kind of sing song like.

OH! Some of the pranks this child would pull are outrageous, lol. I shudder to think what my own children would do if they were given the magic to not been seen.

I would hide your keys from you
And then short-sheet your bed.
Put peanut butter in your shoe
Pandemonium widespread.
I really love this verse. I love them all, but this is my favorite by far*Smile*

*Note5* Summary: I hope you submit this for publication. At any rate, I enjoyed the read.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

*Heart*Just call me Omni

I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
169
169
Review of SIR TOM THUMBE  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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HiJoy


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Star* Overall Impression:

A very cool twist of the fairy tale of Tom Thumb. It is told from the doctor's (the doctor who 'created' and delivered Tom) point of view. It has quite the surprise ending. It was very shocking how poor Tom came to his demise. Poor thing. I think Joy has a twisted sense of humor *Wink*

*Star*Positive points:

The characters were well developed. They all had nicknames. I liked the informal tone of the story, it was refreshing and sounded much like a fairy tale you would read in Grimms (those are also twisted fairy tales *Pthb*).

*Star*Suggestions

I was really too busy reading and enjoying this tale to notice many errors. The one thing that stood out was the following:
You wrote:Nobody has heard from him ever since. just my humble opion, but i do not think you need the word 'ever' in that sentence.

Rating: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Have a wonderful day!
Just call me Omni


I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
170
170
Review of Autumn  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Balloon1**Balloon2*Happy WDC Birthday!*Balloon3**Balloon4*


This is a very beautiful poem that speaks the truth but uses some wonderful simile. (or is it metaphor?) I promise people, I WILL take a class at New Horizons when they reopen*Wink*

Autumn,
mother of winter, sister of summer
very nice!

I think you may want to read this over and check punctuation. I think it needs a little work.

Nice poem! I enjoyed reading it. thanks for sharing!


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Reviewers welcome

Stop by and review a member celebrating their WDC Anniversary!

Just click the link! *Smile*
171
171
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi! Harry I am happy to be reviewing one of your pieces today!
Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.


*Note2* Overall Impression:

A set of poems about the mockingbird.

*Note3* Creativity/Impact:

I like how you paired two similar poems together in one post. It read much like a short story.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I especially loved the second poem. It was almost a spiritual experience.

The scientist in me says
he sings to proclaim this territory his,
he sings to attract a mate.
Ahh, but the poet in me says
the mockingbird accepts as his solemn duty
to fill the dead of night –
I like to believe that the mockingbird does just what you said. He sings for us. He sings to let us know there will always be light and song at the end..or should I say the beginning of the new day?

*Note4* Suggestions:

I am not how to fix this or if it even needs fixed. I just had to read differently than I usually do with poetry. You have no natural pause at the end of your sentences where I would normally pause. I then realized you used punctuation so it read well the second time. So, I guess I would suggest that 'I' slow down and pay attention?

In the second poem, there were parts that seemed not to flow as easily with or without punctuation. The words were beautiful, but in one part (in the middle) when Man is most susceptible to
depression and despair –
with song to speak to Man’s soul,
I think it would be good to remind us that it is the bird's song Just my opinion.

*Note5* Summary:

I am glad i had the pleasure of reading these two pieces of art.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!



I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
172
172
Review of Pathetic  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Heart* Hi Kristi !

Hello, my name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest. *Heart*

A short and not so sweet poem about parents who do not practice what they preach. I can see this on a poster in many different places.

You should add a image for this.

There is a rhyme scheme and it is done well. The spelling and punctuation is good...good.

I just don't have much to say as this was a very short poem, direct and to the point. Well done.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!*Heart*

Just call me Omni

I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
173
173
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Heart* Hi Kristi !

Hello, my name is omniblueeyes *Smile* I am pleased to have the honor of reading a piece of your writing. This review is being brought to you on behalf of Helping Hearts and The Paper Doll Gang


Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest. *Heart*

This is another poem I KNOW I have read but evidently did not even comment on.

A poem from a mother to a daughter. This could be any teen. I swear! Teens are not even human during the years of 14-18! LOL

I know what this poem is about and I know you were probably not a teen. Did you mom write this or did you write it? I just wanna hug your mom. Now go hug her for me *Wink*

This is a free verse scheme so there is no rhyming scheme to address. Of course the punctuation is correct, lol. The poem is written in a way that those who know your story can tell exactly what your mom was going through and what you were doing, but I think any mother can elate to most of the words here. Thank God, Kat has not started chewing gum.....yet.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!*Heart*

Just call me Omni

I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
174
174
Review of Inside  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

Yeah! I found a poem in your addiction folder I have not read. It sounds familiar, perhaps I read and did not review it. I really need to read and review all of your poems properly. I think I went through your folder one night and read all your poems and many just left a short comment.

This is a poem about addiction to meth. It is short but says a lot. It follows a rhyming scheme and doesn't sound forced but paints a scary picture of what a meth addict actually looks like when in the midst of addiction.

On those days when you feel happy
be sure not to smile too wide.
Your addiction is more than obvious
with just one glimpse inside.
meth eats up people's teeth. I am not entirely sure why this is. Perhaps it is because when you are hyped, you do not eat or even drink much. You salivate very little. Also, as a former Cocaine addict, I would rub it on my gums. Funny, when I was an addict, I thought my skin and bones and my teeth and everything looked wonderful. Now, when I look at those pictures from that time, I am disgusted. I look like an addict (at least if you know me...it is a definite difference). Glassy eyed and way way too skinny. I look pale and all the makeup in the world and nice clothes can not cover a body being ravaged by drugs.

Thank you Kristi, for painting an accurate picture of what a junkie looks like.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I am a member of The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*


I am also a member of A.C.E.
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


A proud member of The Paper Doll Gang!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


I am a *Star*Rising Star*Star*
*Note5*"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" *Note5*


A very Special sort of Tribe!
*Note5*"Invalid Item" *Note5*


Please feel free to email me and ask how you can be part of any of these terrific groups!
175
175
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


This was written for "Invalid Item" . The prompt was to write about nature. I love the picture of the deer! I love the poem more.

This poem brings me the same peace as actually walking through the woods brings me. I wish I was surrounded by mountains or woods. We have some areas but you have to drive miles and miles to get there. I used to go to the lack and talk to God and gain my strength. I envy you. You did a great job at expressing how these walks fill you with a relaxed and enlightened spirit.
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