Thank you for entering in "Best of the Best" [13+]! It will end on 3/31/06. I will be announcing the winners when it ends, and inform them by personal e-mail. Thanks again, and I hope you will consider entering in my next round.
This is really cool! I love this poem. The meaning was clear and, well ... meaningful. I think that your message got across clearly. I have no suggestions or anything that could be changed. A 5.0 to this perfect poem!
Flow/Rhyme/Mood Please remember that rhyme a flow are not all that makes a good poem. These are just my thoughts on it.
The flow was great, and the rhyme was constant. The rhyme was every second and forth lines in each stanza except the first one. That was the one thing I did not fully understand. Each stanza had the two rhyming lines, but why not the first one? Not a bad thing, just something I noticed.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
--I noticed nothing grammar wise that could be changed to benefit the poem.
This is a really cool poll. I love WDC, and since you didn't have an option that said 'Only sister gets in the way', I had to pick the one I mentioned above. I absoultly love this place, and don't understand people who don't. How much time do you spend here? My sis, the one mentioned above, share time here during the and night, since our mom works during the day. Sometimes.
Anyway, great poll. I hope you get many votes!
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
--I noticed nothing grammar wise that could have been changed to benefit the poll.
Thank you for entering in "Best of the Best" [13+]! It will end on 3/17/06. I will be announcing the winners when it ends, and inform them by personal e-mail. Thanks again, and I hope you will consider entering in my next round.
This is an interesting poem. I found it a little hard to understand, and had to read it a few times. It took me a minute to realize that it is the flower's thoughts I am reading...right? That would account for the name.
I was also wondering something else, if it is in the mind of a flower, how does the flower survive? Does someone replant it? What happens? I was more than a little confused, and I think it would be wonderful if you told the reader what happened. You go straight from the flower dying when it is very much alive. Remember, these are just my opinions, and you can choose not t listen to me if you want.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood Please remember that rhyme a flow are not all that makes a good poem. These are just my thoughts on it.
The flow was a little off. Does this poem have any rhyme to it? Or is it a free-style poem? The mood is slightly emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
--I noticed nothing grammar wise that could be changed to benefit the poem.
Thank you for entering in "Best of the Best" [13+]! It will end on 3/17/06. I will be announcing the winners when it ends. Thanks again, and I hope you will consider entering in my next round.
This is another great poem, I think you have portrayed emotion in this greatly. You have a good use of grammar and punctuation, and the poem was structured nicely. Good job, and best of luck with the contest.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow is good, and the rhyme was almost constant. The mood was emotional and Inspirational
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
--I noticed nothing that could be changed to benefit the poem.
This is a really cool piece! I think, however, it would be nice if it were to be put into poetry format. This is just my opinion, and you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to. Anyway, this is really good!
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my personal suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
This is a very emotional piece. I think it is great, and that you have done it well. Good job! I think the short introduction is what made me want to open this, it seemed like something I would like to read, and I am glad I opened this.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
--I noticed no mistakes of anything that could be changed to benifit the story.
This is a very short poem. I think it could be expanded a lot, and it could use a lot of work, but you can have it however you like. This is only my opinion, but I think you should capitalize some of the words. Like the ones after the periods.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
There was no rhyme and the flow was not there, it was a little hard to read. The mood was emotional...ish.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
For the boy I,m in like with.--First off, that should be I'm, not I,m. Also, I think this should read either 'For the boy I'm in love with', or 'For the boy I like.' What you have now does not make a lot of sense.
This is a very good poem! I love it! Another one for my favorites! I love the last line, it wraps up the poem nicely. I really like the message it has in it. You have done a wonderful job, and I think this is great!
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was perfect! I loved it! The rhyme was constant, and the mood was emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
Thank you for submitting a reply in "Invalid Item" ! This is your first review of two. I will get to your other one shortly. First off. this is well written.I like the style. But it could improve. Where is the room? What is the man/woman doing there? I know, these things might not be important, but they are just the little things I would like to know. I like the way you have done it all in thoughts and colors.
Introduction
The introduction is good. It tells what the story is about in very little words. It is a little dry, but so what? Titles are just the beginning.
Beginning
I really like the beginning. it is a very descriptive sentence, and starts the story out well. I think you have done a good job.
Format/Dialogue
The format was good, and since there was no dialogue, I cannot say anything about it. You constantly double-spaced your paragraphs. It was not indented, but that is only optional.
Plot
It was a very small story, so I don't have much to say on this subject. What I would like to know is this: Where is the story taking place? I gathered a little, but it was still very unclear. I think it would be nice if you added more, but that is only my opinion, this is fine now it is if you do not want to.
Characterization
He/She was good. Do you ever tell the gender? I didn't notice it if you did...Well, I think you did a good job with the little you have. Good job!
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
not tears of hungry, just tears of staring at the sun too long. --I think this should be 'tears of hunger' not 'tears of hungry'.
I don’t like hurt.--I think this should read 'I don't like pain'. Again, this is only my opinion.
This is a pretty good poem. Although I do think that it could use a lot of work. First, you don't really have a pattern to this, you can keep it this way if you like, but this is just one of my suggestions. I think you have done a good job.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was choppy, and the rhyme was non-existant. But this might be on purpose. The mood is emotional. And I think you need some more meaningful genres. Like emotion of something.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my personal suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
why cant you see you kill me.--Can't needs an apostrophe.
ok second on here once again about a girl.Hey Im a teenager I have no life what can I say?--OK, this is your intro. I think this needs a lot of work. First, I'm needs an apostrophe. And I think 'on' needs to be 'one', and you need a period in between 'girl' and 'hey'.
This is another good one! I think that you are very gifted in poetry, all your poems are very good. This one is a very sweet poem, and I think a lot of feeling has been put into it. I do think you should use some punctuation, though. I would like to know where to pause int he read, and where to stop before going on. This is my opinion, though, and as you will read below, you have every right to ignore me.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was good, but again, you do not have mush of a rhyme. But this is free-style, I was not expecting it. The emotion is love.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my personal suggestions, and you every right to ignore me.
This is a very sad, well written poem. I think that the ending was great, though. You have done a good job with this. This must be a very hard experence to go through. I am sorry you to. I am near fourteen, and I do not know what I would do if this ever happened to me.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was perfect, and the rhyme was constant. The mood was sad and emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my personal suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
This is a very good poem! Welcome to writing.com! I hope you have a good time here. Well, I think this poem has a lot put into it, and you have painted a pretty good picture here. I really like the end, and the emotion, you have done a good job, but I still think you could improve a little. Also, in your intro, I think 'ne' at the end should be 'no'. That is what I think, if it is not, I am hopelessly confused.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was good, but the rhyme was not perfect, not that I am saying it should be. The mood is emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions Please remember, these are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
i could paint you a picture--I needs to be capitalized, this might be on purpose, but I decided to point these out anyway. I, I'd, I've, and I'm always need to be capitalized.
i suppose that's because--Same thing here. I needs to be capitalized.
i should find a new one--Again, I needs to be capitalized.
This is a pretty good poem. It is sad, yet hopeful, I guess. Anyway, welcome to Writing.com! I hope you have a wonderful time here.
Again, I like this poem, there were two problems, though.
Your introduction is rated "E", but has the word "Damn" in it. That would be "Non-E". You either need to change that, or take the word out. And in the poem body, there are a few things that would not be considered suitable for little children. You need to change it to either ASR or 13+. You can do either of these but I suggest ASR.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The rhyme on this was a little off, although this does not matter, and the flow was almost perfect. The mood was sad and emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
this poem is about children who are hurt every damn day--I suggest you capitalize the first word of this sentence.
This is a very good poem! I love it! I will surely check out your sisters poem, too. I know you will love it here. I am a little late, but welcome to Writing.com! I wish you the best of luck with your poetry, and if you ever need help, feel free to ask me anything. Also, could I have a link to your brothers ports so I could read their poetry, too?
Flow/Rhyme
This does not have much of a rhyme, but that does not matter. I think you have a wonderful poem here. The flow was good.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
This is a very sweet story! I love it! I do, however, think everything went a little fast, but that is just my unprofessional opinion. This is a very good short story. I did find a few places where you were telling rather than showing, though. I also like the idea of the presents.
Introduction
The introduction was clear and full. I think it is something that will draw the reader in. Oh, suggest you get rid of the link to the contest. Contest gone.
Beginning
The beginning was good, it drew me into the story and made me want to read further.
Plot
This was written to a prompt. I think the idea you pulled out of the prompt was sweet. Since the contest is gone, I suggest you expand this a little and do some more description and make things go a little slower. You rushed things a little.
Format/Dialogue
The format was good, constantly indented and the dialogue, what little there was, was great.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, you have every right to ignore me.
she was proud of her purchases(,) as she walked home with them(.) She carried them like they were priceless.--I do not think you need the indicated comma. My opinion. I also think there needs to be a period where indicated.
She was freezing from being outside all day, which upset her thinking of Peanut lost out there.--I think the last part of this is a little strained. I think you should rephrase.
She sat in the window watching the darkness,--How do you watch the darkness? Maybe it should look like this...She sat at the window, looking out into the darkness...
looked at her brother(,) who was smiling brightly at her.--I think there needs to be a comma where indicated.
This is a very sad poem. I think it is very good. But I think you should give it some more meaningful genres. Like 'Emotional' of 'Tragedy'. This, however, is only my opinion. I also think that a few of the last few lines are a little long. I think you should give this a better name. 'Short poem' does not work to well.
Also, my opinion. Besides that, this is a wonderful poem. Good job, keep up the good work, and welcome to Writing.com!
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was good, and the rhyme was fine. The mood was sad and emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
She(')s All alone, no one sees her cry.--Apostrophe needed where indicated.
She(')s all alone.--Apostrophe needed where indicated.
She screams, but she(')s all alone.--You need an apostrophe where indicated.
Its much too late.--It's needs an apostrophe.
IN THE INTRO: This is a poem about how i felt when my brother died.--You need to capitalize "I".
Thank you for entering "Best of the Best" [13+]! I will e-mail the winners when I am done reviewing all of the entries in the contest. I hope this does not cause you any inconvenience.
This is a very good poem. I love it. It is very meaningful and I think you have done a beautiful job.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was good, and the rhyme was almost perfect. I noticed a few places, in my not so expert opinion, that sort of messed up the rhyme. Besides that, which does not matter, this was perfect. The mood was happy and emotional.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, and you have every right to ignore me.
Thank you for entering "Best of the Best" [13+]! I will e-mail the winners when I am done reviewing all of the items entered in my contest. I hope this does not cause you any inconvenience.
This is a little confusing. I do not think I fully understand it. I, therefore, cannot give a complete review.
Flow/Rhyme/Mood
The flow was a little choppy, and the rhyme was likewise. the mood was...don't know that one yet.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are only my suggestions, you have every right to ignore me.
This is good! I think there is no reason to put yourself down. Even if this is your first try, it is really good. I can feel the emotion in this, and you described everything perfect. You did a wonderful job!
Flow/Rhyme
The flow was good, and the rhyme was good. I sometimes found it to b a little strange, the rhyme, but it does not have much to do with the poem. Good job!
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions
I found a few words that were hard to understand. I think you might think about changing these so everyone casn understand them. My opinion, and you have every right to ignore me.
This is a good poem. Besides the point that it is not in poetry form, and you have a lot of grammar stuff to fix. I strongly suggest that you make this into poetry form.
i wrote this when i was 16 and thought i was in love with everyone. This is the intro, you need to capitalize "I" all three times, and I suggest you spell out sixteen unless you do not have enough space.
Again, this is a good poem, you just need to make a lot of changes.
Flow/Rhyme
There was no rhyme, and the flow would have been better if it was in poetry form. All in all, you did not have any of either flow or rhyme.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions
i've fallen in love--I've needs to be capitalized.
before. i fell from that love and swore never to fall--I needs to be capitalized.
again. then i found someone who made me fall--Then needs to be capitalized because it is after a period.
over. again, i fell from that--Again needs to be capitalized because it is after a period. I also needs to be capitalized.
love. but this time i kept my heart--But needs to be capitalized as does I.
open. know i found a new--I needs to be capitalized.
love. one that seems for--One needs to be capitalized.
real. you are my new love, the one that's gonna--You needs to be capitalized.
{last. so now i am yours, to have and to hold. because you are my new love. /c}--I needs to be capitalized, as does because.
This is a very funny poem! I think that is what it was supposed to be. Anyway, I like it. I think yuo have done a good job with what the character is seeing, and the emotion she is feeling. You also used words that people can understand. Some people don't do that.
Flow/Rhyme
The flow was perfect. You did a wonderful job with it and I heop to see more from you in the future. Good job!
This is short, it is kinda cute, though. I think this is supposed to be short, although it could be expanded some. I think it would be nice if you mentioned the mane of the song. This, however, is only my opinion.
Plot
It does not have much of a plot, but the little it does have is good.
Characterization
Again, not many characters, you don't even get to learn the characters name, but the one is good. The thing with the fish tells a but about her, as well as the guitar.
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions These are my suggestions, you have all rights to ignore me.
In the corner of the livingroom,--Living room is two words, not one.
Sophmore year of college.--Sophmore = Sophomore.
Somedays I think I might still become--Somedays can be one or two words, I think it would be better being two, but then again, you can ignore me if you like.
be a lawyer, I stilll want to be one.--Still has one too many "l"'s.
~~Angel~~
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Overall(+/-)
--I noticed nothing grammar wise that could be changed to benefit the poem.
