Hi, Billi !
Overall (-/+)
Welcome to WDC ... again!
This seems like a truly wonderful story. I would love to see it continued. I think that this could turn into a wonderful story, novella, or even a novel. If you do continue it, please tell me.
I have one small thing to be picky about. I think the centering this story is confusing. You might not have done it on purpose, in the case that you copied it from Wordpad/Microsoft Word/Notepad, and then pasted it into the story box, it might have done that on it's own. Did you write {center} before starting this? If so, I suggest you take it away. But it is only a suggestion. You can do whatever you like. But if this is continued, and you write dialogue would have to be added at some point. And short dialogue lines would appear in the middle of the page, and the reader might miss it.
Well, I am sorry for rambling on, and if you don't care about the {center} thing, please ignore me. For now, please add more, and I really like what you have.
Keep on writing!
Beginning/End
Can't comment since the story has not been started. All that was written was the introduction.
Characterization
The only character that was introduced seems really interesting. I can
t comment further until this story is continued. Please add more to it. I would love to see what happens.
Plot/Finishing the plot/s
Since this is just the start of a story, one I personally would love to see continued, I cannot comment on the plot and finishing of the story.
Dialogue/Spacing
There was no dialogue, so I won't make any comments on that. As for the spacing, I think that you should double space this. Also, centering it makes it difficult to read. Here is what I mean by double-spacing.
Some call him a vampire, others, a freak, and the rest... well, they're just afraid of him. With his trenchcoat and fear-invoking ways, who could blame them?
His name was Phoenix, but no one knew that, except the teachers. But they soon learned not to call on him, because if they did, he'd train his evil eyes on them and make their blood run cold.
This is two sentences, going from one paragraph. I think that it owuld be better if done like this. (I.E. Minus the center and using a whole empty space in-between the two lines.)
Some call him a vampire, others, a freak, and the rest... well, they're just afraid of him. With his trenchcoat and fear-invoking ways, who could blame them?
His name was Phoenix, but no one knew that, except the teachers. But they soon learned not to call on him, because if they did, he'd train his evil eyes on them and make their blood run cold.
And of course, you would have the rest of the paragraph with these two sentences, but I do think that you should double space the paragraphs. And so not to confuse with my pointless rambling, only double space the paragraphs. Not each and every sentence. Someone actually did that once.
Also, if you don't want toi double space, indenting would work instead. It would help people know when new paragraphs are being started.
Here is what you would do. At the beginning of every paragraph, or in dialogue, every sentence, write this: {indent}.
Sorryf or yapping so long!
Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions
These are just my suggestions. You have every right to ignore me, or yell at me, or anything else you feel like doing.
-- I found nothing spelling/grammar wise that could be changed for the benefit of this story.
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