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Review of Precious Gems  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Tim,

I'm back, fulfilling my promise to reciprocate to your generous gestures toward my work..

This is a very nice poem about true friendship. You must be blessed with such friends to write such an inspirational poem about it. We discover who our true friends are when adversity strikes and they stick around and give their prayers, love and support when we need it most. I've been there, and I know. I will always be grateful to my true friends..

I have no suggestions for improvement.

Good job. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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27
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Tim,

First of all, thank you again for all the nice comments you've made about my work. As promised, here I am, reciprocating to your generous gestures.

You have such a breezy, non nonsense, unpretentious style of writing that I like.

This is an interesting article about malpractice based on your personal experience with a medical doctor who assured you that your arm was not broken, so you proceeded to lift weights again. Unfortunately, the bar and weights went flying out of you hands. I loved this description: "The accompanying crack sounded like a dried stick being broken over a raised knee." OUCH!!
You saw the same doctor again who exhibited concern about a possible malpractice lawsuit. The issue then is whether to sue or not to sue. And it's so admirable of you to NOT sue for it would have ended the career of the young doctor. I hope he's very grateful for that.

A couple of minor suggestions:

         weigh machine >>weight machine

         After all, it had been six weeks, that muscle or tendon or whatever had to be fully healed by now. >>insert 'and' after 'weeks,'

I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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28
28
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Martina,

My general comments

Thank you for informing me that you have just posted your second short story regarding your Aunt Sarah's Alzheimer's condition. I noticed that you offer 2,625 GPs for each review, but I didn't see it on the Auto-Rewards reviewing page. You might want to check with the Story Master why this is so. I am returning your auto-reward GPs, plus more.

I am so pleased to be the first to give you this R&R. I have read it twice, and I must say, I am so proud to be your mentor, although I cannot claim any microscopic part in your writing prowess. You certainly have the gift, and I hope you'll never lose the inspiration that led to the creation of this story. Your Aunt Sarah's story must be told. We cannot have enough books on Alzheimer's disease, especially from the point of view of a young person like you.

This must be very hard on you because you are chronicling the struggles of a loved one from an incurable disease. Little by little you witness the deterioration of your Aunt Sarah's mental faculties. Walking in the cold early in the morning dressed in her pajamas and house slippers to get breakfast items from the grocery store, and trying to leave without paying, must be a daily concern of yours. Finding the washer and dryer running without clothes in them, cleaning off her hairs in the bathroom sink and mirror, changes in her interests in TV shows, from intellectual programs to outrageous shows like the Jerry Springer show, are also just a few of the evolutional changes that occur in Alzheimer’s patients.

The ending is so sad. I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you to be ordered by your Aunt Sarah to start looking for your replacement as her caregiver because she couldn’t stand seeing you hurt by her fits of anger.

My technical comments

I was too immersed in the story to notice any technical mistakes, but I will read this again just for that purpose, then I will email you with the results; I doubt, however, that I will find a single mistake.

My suggestion

This will not affect my rating. Your title is excellent for this story. I think it will be even better if you would play out the “watching time goes by” factor in the beginning of the story. As it is, I really didn’t see the obvious connection until the end. So if you would start it with that angle, you’d come in full circle in the end.

My final comment

Excellent job. I look forward to reading more about your Aunt Sarah.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
Author of:
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 
"Invalid Item" 
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29
29
Review of Literary Ambrosia  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Erlyn,

My general comment(s)

First of all, I am pleased to give this review to a newbie through the Angel Army's "The Angel Outreach Program"  project.

Second, I enjoyed reading this immensely. I can't believe this was written by someone who's just starting to write; even tackling something she said she is not good at, that is, writing poetry.

Your Title: "Literary Ambrosia"  is very evocative. It drew me into your poem right away.

And your first stanza (below) makes use of the senses quite sensually. The whole poem has a hypnotic quality to it. Ironically, this is about a writer's failure (in her opinion) to feel the ambrosia of writing; thus, failing to impress an editor. I like it that she goes on and try again. The ending is superb!

I hear the clatter of rainfall,
the hypnotic lull of a tide.
I taste the salty air on the beach,
the heat from love's passionate touch.

My technical comment(s)
There are no noticeable errors in grammar or spelling.

My suggestion(s)
         I don't have any suggestion for improvement.

My final comment(s)
Excellent work. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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Review of Literary Ambrosia  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Erlyn,

My general comment(s)

First of all, I am pleased to give this review to a newbie through the Angel Army's "The Angel Outreach Program"  project.

Second, I am proud to be your mentor. Having read your first two posts, I'd say, you don't need any more mentoring, my dear. You seem to have mastered everything you need to know about WritingML, Bitem format, posting, reviewing, etc. You're such a quick learner. You've made me look good, even though I don't think I've done a whole lot for you.

Third, I enjoyed reading this immensely. I can't believe this was written by someone who's just starting to write; even tackling something she said she is not good at, that is, writing poetry.

Your Title: "Literary Ambrosia"  is very evocative. It drew me into your poem right away.

And your first stanza (below) makes use of the senses quite sensually. The whole poem has a hypnotic quality to it. Ironically, this is about a writer's failure (in her opinion) to feel the ambrosia of writing; thus, failing to impress an editor. I like it that she goes on and try again. The ending is superb!

I hear the clatter of rainfall,
the hypnotic lull of a tide.
I taste the salty air on the beach,
the heat from love's passionate touch.

My technical comment(s)
There are no noticeable errors in grammar or spelling.

My suggestion(s)
         I don't have any suggestion for improvement.

My final comment(s)
Excellent work. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Erlyn,

My general comment(s)

First of all, welcome to WDC! I am pleased to give this review to a newbie through the Angel Army's "The Angel Outreach Program"  project.

Second, good luck on your quest to add creative writing into your life, and I hope you find a job soon.

Third, I saw this poem/free verse on the Newbie Writing page, and it caught my attention right away. I enjoyed reading this. I am not a very good poetry reviewer, and I choose to read only the ones I think I would enjoy (and understand); therefore, I picked yours.

Your Title: "Sensuality of Writing"  is a perfect title for this work. It drew me into your poem right away. After reading it, yes, indeed, there's a lot of sensuality embedded in every line.


My technical comment(s)
I can't find anything to criticize, or make suggestions for improvement. It's very well written.

My final comment(s)
Great job. I hope you post more of your work soon., and I will be back to your port for an R&R.

Write on, newbie..

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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32
Review of Walker Man  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear mdroppo,

         Again, I found this poem while keyword-searching cancer-related works by WDC members. I decided to read another one of your items since I loved the first one "Cancer" .
         Thank you for sharing this very touching and moving piece about your dad. It reminds me of my mother during the last few months of her life.

My general comment(s)
         Again, WELCOME TO WDC--this wonderful community of writers.

         I am pleased to give this review to your "Walker Man" . You're off to a good start, having posted four items already since you joined on April 21, 2008.

My technical comment(s)
         As I have mentioned before, I am not a very good poetry reviewer, and I choose to give comments only to the ones I've enjoyed reading (and understood); hence, this review. I can only tell you what worked for me, and what did not.

         There are no major errors in grammar or spelling. I have just a few minor comments. It seems to me that some of the lines need punctuating for a better flow, as in the following first three lines (like you have done in the fourth line).

         I watch my Father he moves so slow
          I watch I wait and feel the time go.
         Inpatient I get and want him to hurry
          He gets frustrated, I've caused him to worry

         Therefore, the above would read like this with my suggested revision:

         (Note also that I have changed "Inpatient" to "Impatient".)

         I watch my Father, he moves so slow
          I watch, I wait, and feel the time go.
         Impatient I get, and want him to hurry
          He gets frustrated, I've caused him to worry

          In the following line, I think you meant "fast-paced" instead of "fat-faced":
         My life is so hurried and rushed and fat-paced

My favorite part(s)
         Time need not fly it can crawl it can creep
          If we enjoy every instant before our big sleep

My suggestion(s)
         I have no additional suggestion for improvement.

My final comment(s)
         Great job. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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I am a Adopt-a-newbie MENTOR by The Angel Army
*Note2*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note2*
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Review by orientpearl
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Kiya:

My general comment(s)

First of all, I am pleased to finally give this review about the Angel Army's "The Angel Outreach Program"  project. And congratulations on its overwhelming success.

Second, I have adopted a newbie:alz heimer , and I am so happy to have found this talented writer through your forum. She's such a quick study that I don't think she needs me anymore. *Cry* She has posted her first short story ("I -- Someday, She'll Forget Who I Am" ) about a loved one who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. I hope our angels' wings take them to her port to read this wonderful short story.

My technical comment(s)
         When I use my own sig "Invalid Item" , I use the project's text sig (see below). I have also added "MENTOR" after "Adopt-a-newbie". Is this acceptable? In addition, there is an extra bracket after "Army", which I remove when I use the link.

I am a Adopt-a-newbie by The Angel Army{{/i}
*Note2*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note2*


Other

         I have reviewed newbies that are not registered with this program. Are these reviews credited as far as this project is concerned?

My final comment(s)
Great job you continue to do, my Angels in the Army. More power to you all.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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34
Review of Cancer  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear mdroppo,

         I found this poem while keyword-searching cancer-related works by WDC members. Thank you for sharing this very touching and moving piece.

My general comment(s)
         First of all, WELCOME TO WDC--this wonderful community of writers.

         I am pleased to give this review to your "Cancer" . I have checked out your portfolio; you're off to a good start, having posted four items already since you joined on April 21, 2008.

Your Title: "Cancer"  says it all. Being a breast cancer survivor, it drew me into your poem right away.

My technical comment(s)
         I am not a very good poetry reviewer, and I choose to read only the ones I think I would enjoy reading (and understand); therefore, I picked yours. I can only tell you what worked for me, and what did not. In this poem, everything worked for me.

         There are no noticeable errors in grammar or spelling.

My favorite part(s)
         We may lose our lives but each battle we win.
         Empowers our comrades, our friends and our kin.

         I have won my own battle against breast cancer, and now I hope that my comrades, friends and kin are empowered by my writings on the subject.

My suggestion(s)
         I have no suggestion for improvement.

My final comment(s)
         Great job. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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I am a Adopt-a-newbie MENTOR by The Angel Army
*Note2*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note2*
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Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear Newbie Martina (aka alz heimer),

My general comment(s)

First of all, thank you again for all your reviews to my Novel chapters, as well as the perfect ratings ("MY BREASTS -- My Cure" ). I cannot emphasize enough how much I appreciate and value your comments.

Second, congratulations in creating and posting your first item in your portfolio. You have reached first base to becoming an author. And if this is a sample of your first attempt at serious writing, I'd say you're sliding fast onto second base.

Third, I love your handle: "alz heimer" -- the twenty-somethng author who writes about Alzheimer's disease. Write what you know, so they say, and you certainly adhere to that advice. As I am sorry to hear that a person very close to you suffers from this incurable brain disorder, I am glad that you chose this subject for your first story.

Your Title: "I -- Someday, She'll Forget Who I Am"  is brilliant, and very effective. Immediately, we know that the subject character is afflicted with a disease that slowly destroys her brain cells. We also get an idea from your brief description below the title that this is a story about an exceptional woman with a powerful mind who is losing her memory without telling us that she has Alzheimer's.

I really like how you start with your description of Sarah as a beautiful woman, but that what the protagonist admires most is her intellect and keen memory. In the end, all of that is lost because of Alzheimer's. Your ending paragraph is incredible, which I will not copy here. I had goose bumps and moist eyes after I finished reading it.

My technical comment(s)
There are no noticeable errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. Your formatting is very clean and easy to read. The flow is fluid; I never once had to go back to figure out anything.

My suggestion(s)
         The following comments will not affect my rating:
         (1) Give the niece (the protagonist) a name. It didn't really occur to me that she was nameless until I started writing this review. But it would be nice for your reader to get to know her by her name.
         (2) I was clamoring for more at the end. Unless you're restricted for some reason, I would suggest making this into a longer piece.

My final comment(s)
Great job. I look foward to reading more of your work soon.

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 

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Review of My Family  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear DrTaher,

What a great pleasure it was to log in to WDC today and find all your reviews to my Novel: "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" . I cannot emphasize enough how much I appreciate and value your comments -- a practicing medical physician with five published books to his credit. WOW. Your suggestions are well acknowledged, and I will definitely give them serious consideration during editing.

I include the above comment with this review so others can learn of your generosity in helping members like me improve upon their work.

I have perused your port, and I cannot wait to explore what looks like a highly impressive collection of items.

I have seen the front cover of your Parenting Book; checked out your site: http://drtaherforkids; your picture, as well as your family photos. You have a very lovely family. It is a great pleasure for me to know you, albeit only virtually.

My accountant from India, Mr. R. Devadhassen, paints a beautiful picture of India, and I hope to visit that country someday.

Looking foward to reading your fiction and nonfiction works,

Write on.

Orient Pearl (pnalayab)
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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(Thank you, writeartista, for this beautiful sig.
We can all feel the "SERENITY" once a CURE is found.)


"The Angel Army" 
"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" 
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Review by orientpearl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Review by PNALAYAB
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
and the WDC RISING STARS

Dear CursedFreedom:

I died in this room.
>>Somehow, I didn't take this literally. To me it might be a metaphor for loneliness and depression. Your username--CursedFreedom--also made me suspect that your handle is a synonym for this free verse.

So I look on, through the eye of the window,
Where it is beautiful...
So beautiful.....
>>Although I loved this ending stanza, I found it strange. It didn't seem to harmonize with the rest of the doom and gloom throughout the poem.

It's a pleasure to read your work. Please continue to delight us with your talent.

Write on.

Orient Pearl
The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
by iKïyå§ama

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Review of The Furious Ride  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing from your port for the first time as part of the "Random Thoughts and Cares" . It was a fun experience reading this piece.

Oh, what a naughty Santa, indeed. You did a great job in showing versus telling -- something many of us struggle to accomplish. ("--his beard had frozen into jagged, curled icicles.")

I don't have any suggestion to improve the story other than maybe you can make it longer and extend the entertainment.

Good job. I look forward to reading a longer piece from your port soon.

Write on.

Pearl
Author of: "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 
FORUM
Random Thoughts and Cares  (13+)

#1303972 by Lilli 🧿 ☕

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Review by orientpearl
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Beth,

First, congratulations on the marriage. May you live happily ever after. Second, I hope finding your biological father has been a great blessing for you. You stated that you are getting along; that's great. Third, I hope you achieve your 2008 goals by the beginning of 2009, and that your next "Dear Me" correspondence to yourself will be filled with "JOB WELL DONE, DEAR ME" notes.

You write extremely well. I spotted no error whatsoever. Simple and straight to the point. I didn't trip over any word or phrase at all. Great flow.

Good luck on the contest.

Write on.

Pnalayab
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Review of AN ODE TO COFFEE  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
TO: Adam P. Rothstein

Oh, yes. An ode to coffee, indeed. Well done. I enjoyed it. Though I only drink a cup a day, my morning always needs a jumpstart that only coffee can produce.

I only have one suggestion. I'd like this line better if you removed quite.

Though a terrible shame, these heroes are quite often unsung,

Thank you for this entertaining poem.

In addition, thank you for visiting my port and reviewing "Invalid Item" . I appreciate your comments.

I shall return to your port someday for more R&R.

Write on. Welcome to WDC. I noticed that you just joined.

Good luck on your novel (Birthright).

Orientpearl

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MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl

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Review by orientpearl
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
November 19, 2007

Dear Katherine,

I just discovered this great forum today, and thought I'd drop you this R&R to let you know that I want to contribute as much as I can to this worthy cause.

One might say that this is merely a "drop in a bucket," in anti-proverty global campaign, but every pebble in the sand counts. In this case, every single review, and every single GP counts to make a difference in drawing attention to the crushing poverty that kills thousands of children every day.

In some third world countries, the extremely poor may earn about one dollar a day; while some eat fried flies and cockroaches to survive. We in the U.S. are so blessed with so much food on the table that we celebrate Thanksgiving Day every year to thank God for the blessings we enjoy (no offense to the aetheists).

Thank you, Katherine, for reminding us that there are millions of starving people all over the world who need our attention.

Write on.

Orient Pearl
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review of A Tennis Match  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (4.0)
(A REVIEW FOR: "Invalid Item" 

Hi there. I just saw this on the reviewing page, and being a tennis player, it caught my interest, hence, this read.

Your poem is nice, short and sweet. Except for the rhyme, there are no technical issues as far as this non-poet is concerned. I like it.

Write on.

Pearl
"MY BREASTS -- My Cure" 
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Review by orientpearl
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FEEDBACK FOR: My Political Campaign by RufusTFirefly (A political satire)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl, author of "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" , and a proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         Hi there. I stumbled upon this piece accidentally, but maybe it was fate that brought me to it because I read it, and found it to be an enjoyable read. It is short and sweet, so my comments will be short, as well as sweet. . . and sour. (*Smile*)

The Plot
          This is a satirical/fictional story about a mayoral candidate who runs on a "clean campaign." But he must respond to his critics' character assassinations against him. The protagonist enumerates these accusations, and throws his own expostulations against his opponents.

Technical comments (My comments/suggested corrections are in red and bold. I will cite a few examples.)

          Advisor's, advisors, strategists, pollsters, spin doctors, volunteers,semicolon it takes a lot to get a campaign rolling.

         I did NOT egg my opponents opponent's house,

          But man, that was a wicked ass GWAR concert. Many of us here wouldn't know who are what GWAR is. Maybe you can briefly incorporate a three-word explanation that they're a "shock metal band."

A favorite part
         "Once, when I was 18, I did try marijuana. It was for medicinal purposes as I thought I was suffering from glaucoma. Turns out, I was just drunk."

Least favorite part
          None.

Suggestions
          Watch out for your punctuations, especially those in quotes.

Final comments
         Good job. I was entertained.

         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review of Rockabee  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
FEEDBACK FOR: "Rockabee by Timothy O’Fallon, aka Basilides (A fantasy tale about rocks and a town in Ireland)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl, author of "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" , and a proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comments
         Hello again, my friend. This is still my morning raid on your port. I’m helping myself with your Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and peach yogurt. (*Smile*) First of all, I just want to let you know that after reading this totally engrossing and enjoyable fantasy tale, I wondered where I’d been, and why did I wait this long to read it? I’ve seen it on the Auto-rewards section many times, and yet it’s just now that I decided to read it. What was I thinking?

         I just finished an R&R on your piece (Is There Scientific Proof of God?), and what a leap, from a religious quest to a fantasy story about human-wannabe rocks. This is really making my day. And what a beautiful winter day in Colorado it is. Yep, all the vibrant colors of autumn are now history, such is the shortest season in the Rocky Mountains. From 8,200 feet I look down the monochromatic splendor of winter. Such beauty. Ahh, there’s got to be a Supreme Being who created such glorious nature.

The Plot
          This is a beguiling story of geological proportion; to put it plainly, about rocks. But not just any kind of rocks; these are live, mysterious, passionate and energetic ones. These are the ones whose primary quest is to find the "supreme creator" who can transform them into humans. And the legend is that the creator exists somewhere, but to get there is to risk extreme danger, because it’s a place where angels fear to tread. One rockling by the name of Vee grows up with one wish, and would not stop till she attains that wish: to meet the Great Sculptor and turn her into a person. Many of the non-believing Rockabees warn her that it’s all but a myth; that there is no such thing as a Great Sculptor who turns stones to people. She ignores the warnings and threats, and she goes off on an expedition. In the end, Vee and the Great Sculptor finally meet.

Characterization
         Did I say "live, mysterious, passionate and energetic rocks?" Yes, indeed. You took some inanimate objects and gave life to them on paper. Vee, Gran, Flint and Sillica are all captivating characters with human-like qualities. I kept forgetting they were rocks. You created 3-dimensional rockboards, and that’s quite an achievement. Bravo.

Technical comments
          Imagery: A visual feast.described in mesmerizing detail.
          Grammar, spelling, punctuation: Perfect.
          Flow: Smooth as marble..

A favorite part
          Every sentence, every paragraph, is a favorite for me. I will choose something simple and short; hence: So the living stones moved about, they spoke to one another in gravelly voices, and they even built a little town for themselves. They named the town Crrrkgrrnchgrblgrbleknchpchhhhh. But this is hard to say, so I will call it "Rockabee".

Least favorite part
          None.

Suggestions
          None.

Final comments
         Excellent job. This is superbly presented and crafted. Bravo to you.

         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
FEEDBACK FOR: "Is There A Scientific Proof of God? by Timothy O’Fallon, aka Basilides (An article about science and supernature)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl, author of "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" , and a proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         Hello, my friend. First of all, I just want to let you know that while reading a book about St. Peter, sometime ago, I first came across the name "Basilides," a religious teacher in Egypt who apparently wrote so many books on the Gospel, and founded a Gnostic sect called the "Basilideans." And somewhere in my small library of religious books in the attic, there should exist gathering dust a story by Borges (can’t remember his first name) about the life and character of Judas Iscariot. The author referred to a Basilides’s published comment about the universe, that it was all a wicked, nefarious and utterly reckless improvisation, or something like that. I can’t really remember much of it now.
         Is there scientific proof of God’s existence? I wish I could argue that affirmatively, but I am neither a scientist, nor a theologian. To be able to argue this convincingly, for me, is to be able to debate whether the Big Bang was an explosion; whether it created space, time, energy and matter, or whether it happened in space. And I cannot.
         Anyway, Basilides; I’ve meant to tell you this in the past but always forgot. As a fan of your writings, and now, even more of a fan by virtue of this scholarly essay about the arguments on the existence of God, consider me a serious follower, or a "Basilidean." (*Smile*)

Technical comments
          I know you are a believer in God, a devoted Christian, and a very religious man, but some people might immediately misconstrue your message from your title alone, and would discourage them from reading the whole article. Perhaps, a simple revision of the title might give a better first impression of your religious beliefs (that you are not an atheist). Just a thought.

Final comments
          Personally, I do not need any scientific proof that there is God because I feel Him in my heart and in my soul. That's all I need to know and feel.
         Excellent job. This is superbly presented and crafted. Bravo to you.

         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review of Prince  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
FEEDBACK FOR: "PRINCE by L.A. Powell (A column)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl, author of "MY BREASTS -- My Cure" , and a proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         Your poesy always leaves a long lasting impression on me, whether or not I need a special cryptologist to analyze the codes and symbols within to fully understand the message. On this one, I don't know why I feel that the protagonist is somewhere dark and dank; a graveyard comes to mind. Maybe it's the Halloween that's beginning to creep up into my imagination.

Technical commentss
          No suggested corrections. It seems perfect to me. I'm still trying to figure out the title "Prince," and the references to "Empress" and the genre of "mythology."
          You got me thinking, girl, and that's always good.

Final comments
         Excellent job. I enjoyed reading this poem. I probably should read the referenced Prologue again to better understand this poem. All I know is that it gives a clue to Lisa's whereabouts, which could be some place where Benji's body is buried. At least, I think that's where she should be hiding. *Smile*

         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review by orientpearl
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FEEDBACK FOR: "This is the Best Trap, Yet! by Web~Witch...Spinning her Web! (A Halloween story)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl (pnalayab) author of MY BREASTS, I.D. #1219105.
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         This is my second time to pay your port this important visit, and I'm glad to have this opportunity again, especially in behalf of the Review for the Cure organized by the iconic simplycomplex.
         Again, I am impressed with your writing skill, which is evident even in this short piece. I look forward to reading some of your longer pieces.

The Plot
         A pixie of darkness who sold her soul to the fiery pit's gatekeeper wants to be the year's "pixie of darkness." She devices a most ingenious plan to trap her victim, and frighten him to death. It's easy because she can appear like a little girl because of her size. She finds her prospective classless victim in an x-rated attraction. She entices him to follow her to her place. Little did she know that her would-be victim is a vampire--the pixies' enemy.

Technicalities
          This piece is very clean. I did not spot more than one error. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, structure, are all right on.
         Here's the miss: "It is not difficult identifying the vampire as he is always a gentlemen," ((Change 'gentlemen' to gentleman.'))

How it affected me
         This is quite an enjoyable read, and I had fun reading it. Loved the twist at the end.

Suggestions
         I have no suggestions at this time.

My favorite part
         The creative name of “Tara-Rizer”; it sounds like "terrorizer," which I don't know if it was your intent.

My least favorite part
         None.

Final comments
         Write on. Keep writing.
         Thank you for participating in this worthy cause.

orientpearl
I write for the cure!
MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl


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Review of ~I'm Coming Home~  
Review by orientpearl
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
FEEDBACK FOR: "I'M COMING HOME by Web~Witch...Spinning her Web! (A winning entry-Weekly Flash Fiction)
REVIEWED FOR: REVIEW FOR A CURE (A fund-raising forum for Breast Cancer Awareness Month}
REVIEWED BY: orientpearl (pnalayab) author of MY BREASTS, I.D. #1219105.
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY, and the WDC RISING STARS

* * *

My general comment
         This is my first time to pay your port this important visit, and I'm glad to have this opportunity, especially in behalf of the Review for the Cure organized by the iconic simplycomplex.
         I am impressed with your writing skill, which is evident even in this very short piece. I look forward to reading some of your longer pieces.

The Plot
         A man leaves his wife because she cannot produce an offspring for him. She discovers a wrecked car in a ditch. All the occupants are dead except for a baby. She takes the child and enters the Mexico border. She tells the customs agent that "she's going home permanently."

Technicalities
          This piece is very clean. I did not spot any single error. Grammar, spelling, punctuations, structure, are all right on.

How it affected me
         This is a flash fiction, and there's only so much that you can do with it because of the length restriction. I'm seldom affected by a flash story, but I rejoiced for Miss Rivera when she found the child.

Suggestions
         I have no suggestions at this time.

My favorite part
         "The wiper blades were moving to a melodious, hypnotic beat."

My least favorite part
         None.

Final comments
         I'm just curious; is it that easy to take a baby across the Mexican border? Also, is Rivera her married name, or her maiden name?
         Congratulations for the win.
         Write on. Keep writing.

orientpearl

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Review by orientpearl
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review To: {color:blue}Stu's Head
Reviewed by: pnalayab
Date: 10-14-07
Rating: 5.0
Item title: {color:blue}WHITE CASE MEMORIAL
I.D. #: 230549

Review Follows:

Dear Student of the Word,

MY OVERALL THOUGHTS
         I am overwhelmed and deeply touched for this memorial in remembrance of those WDC members who are no longer with us but in spirit. In my attempt to finally respond to the wonderful reviews you gave my chapters to my novel ("MY BREASTS"), I chanced upon this particular message forum. I never expected this. How wonderful of you to start something like this for those who've left a legacy here. I know of some of them, and I can't believe that they've passed on.

         As you know, I'm living with breast cancer (the subject of my novel); and my initial thoughts upon seeing this forum is: "Geeze, I hope my name won't ever be included here." But life is so fragile. We never know when it's going to be our time. The next person could be the healthiest person I've ever known, then just like that, the Grim Reaper could give him a visit tomorrow.

MY FAVORITE PART:
         How you've included the bitem I.D. numbers to the departed's folders. I will definitely pay them a visit. Should I be reviewing their entries, or should I just read them for my reading pleasure?

MY FINAL COMMENT(S):
         Why are these members' accounts still active? Who's paying for their membership, if any. Does WDC need any permission to maintain the decedents' accounts? Just curious;

         Thanks for sharing this memorial to us. What a wonderful thought.

         I am saddened to learn that your mother has passed on 8 years ago from cancer. My Mom's death happened not long ago. I still feel that she's still around.

         Thank you for all the kind words and rating you gave my novel. I look forward to more R&R's with you.

Write on.

Orientpearl

MY BREASTS -- My Cure  (13+)
A portrayal of a family plagued by adversities, including my breast cancer story.
#1219105 by orientpearl

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Review by orientpearl
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review To: Carol Marsella
Reviewed by: pnalayab
Date: 09-29-07
Rating: 5.0
Item title: A MADISON COUNTY EVENT
I.D. #: 1153533

Review Follows:

Dear Carol,

PERSONAL NOTE: Covered bridges are favorite historical structures of mine, and those who know me well, like writeartista, knew that I would find this article an interesting read. Therefore, writeartista recommended to me (and others) that I read this. Note the date when I wrote this review. I forgot to send it to you, and I just found it now. Well, better late than never, as they say.

I am writing this little intro with a painting of Indiana's most famous Bridgetown covered bridge, which crosses over the mill pond created by a mill dam. I bought this painting years ago during a tour of Brown County Indiana in the fall.

It's not only the subject of the Bridges of Madison County in Iowa that writeartista thought I would find worth reading, but the friendship of two people through the end and beyond. Writeartista and I have become very good friends, not only because we share the same cultural heritage, but because of many other things that find two people connected spiritually. Here at WDC, this type of friendship seems to be happening more and more. Through my novel about my experiences with breast cancer, I have found many caring people, and some of them have become my friends--virtually, of course. But someday, I hope to meet some of them in person.

I digress. Sorry, back to your story. . .

My overall thoughts
          About the plot: This is a story about an enviable true friendship, laced with practical jokes, between two literary women. The ending presents a sad twist that is unexpected. But overall, a thoroughly enjoyable story to read, and I would recommend it to anyone, especially women.


          About the characters: The two women are three-dimensional in their presentation. No one would ever say that they’re not believable characters, not only because this is biographical, but because you, the author, has done a terrific job in making them breathe on paper.

          About the language/dialogue: Your grammar is excellent. I observed virtually no error whatsoever. Your spelling and punctuations are dead on. This is written in essay format so there’s hardly any dialogue to comment on its believability.

My favorite part: It’s hard to choose because I like the whole story. But this part made me think of myself when I’m about to indulge into a solitary read. “I turned off the phone and the computer, inserted hours of Bach into the CD player, picked up my favorite fuzzy throw, and made my way to the sanctity of my favorite chair for a reader’s version of an afternoon delight.”

My least favorite part: How sometimes your sentences tend to run on, which makes me pause and think hard. (We don’t want that, right?)

My technical suggestions or comments: About NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (sic). I had to stop and think whether names of periodicals, like National Geographic need to be all-caps, as you’ve typed here. I don’t think so, do they?


My final comment: This is a thoroughly enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing, and when you find the time, I’d appreciate a similar visit from you.

Write on.

P.S. Since I read this the first time, you've inevitably changed and added a few things, making some of my comments/suggestions moot. I like the part about visiting the covered bridges in Lancaster, PA, and thought about Connie. I'd like to go back to Brown Country, Indiana someday. It's beautiful this time of year there. I've never seen autumn as vibrant anywhere.

You've also added an appreciation note to writeartista for giving you a great review. I don't think she knows about this acknowledgment from you. I'll let her know.

Orientpearl

{bitem: 1219105}

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