These are excellent articles of historical, political and social significance. They show a diversity in your interests and passion. It's nice to get to know the other sides of you. I particularly enjoyed "The Little Giant With The Pen," a feature article about Dani D'Umuk Aguila, an internationally acclaimed cartoonist; and "The Cancer Of Slavery," an analysis of history, which explores your theory that the Philippines might have become a slave nation had Lapu-Lapu not defeated Magellan during the Battle of Mactan. (A tad scholarly for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.)
I wish you'd post more of your published articles for our reading pleasure.
I just want to take this opportunity to let you angels know, as well as WDC in general, how much I've enjoyed being a member of the WDC Angel Army. It's the best thing I've ever done since I joined WDC. You have been very supportive and helpful in various ways and I cannot thank you enough. You have a lot of published authors who are more than willing to render assistance to newbies like me. I feel that with your support and confidence in my novel, the dream of getting published might not remain a fantasy after all. Anything is possible now.
Again, thank you.
Forever grateful: Orient Pearl
Proud Member of THE WDC ANGEL ARMY
P.S.: I was just wondering if you can list the members in alpha order.
Feedback for "Angelica" (Chapter Three)--an autobiographical novel by Rocky Mountain Kid <<Reviewed for the Hangout Cafe Review Forum of the WDC ANGEL ARMY>>
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Hi Rocky Mountain Kid.
My general comment
Hey, girl . . . this is the last chapter in your portfolio. I'm going to miss reading your novel. Please don't make us wait too long. I know you must have a lot of homework being in high school, and all. But don't break too long from writing. You have to keep the momentum going. You have a nice thing going here, and we're rooting for you. Imagine if you get published this early in your life. Imagine the pride we'd all feel here in WDC, especially in the Angel Army.
The Plot
Again, the plot continues to develop and intrigue. We learn that your dad is finally exercising strict parental discipline on you guys by making you do household work that you don't like to do (and who does?). Right on, dad!
I think that the srain of not hearing from Angelica for weeks now is finally taking its toll on the family. Tempers are flaring, and now you cry in bed and can't sleep because your dad got angry at you and Jackson and scolded you (for the first time?) But you realize that you cry because you're missing Angelica; wondering why she's not calling to let you know where she is and when she's coming back.
Characterization
Angelica's character continues to develop even more. And your dad's character is started to develop sympathetically also. I see him now as a parent with a backbone; not afraid to discipline his kids finally. We also see the caring and warmth between him and you and Jackson. It's a very nice and poignant episode amidst all the tension. Very well done.
Technicalities
I want to reiterate that you are an unbelievable writer for a 16-year old. I hope you realize that. I found no mistakes.
Suggestions
Some of the paragraphs are too long. Maybe you should shorten them.
My favorite part
The part when you can't sleep and you get up and start pounding away on your PC to write this third chapter. That's how most of us adult writers handle sleepless nights. Our computers have become our best friends and confidants. You're on the right track.
My least favorite part
None.
Final comment
Write on Rocky Mountain Kid!
See you on Chapter Four soon . . . I hope. Are you writing it now?
My general comment
I hear your young voice, I feel your emotions, and I visualize the things you describe in all its simplicity. I hope you realize how good a writer you are. If you continue to write like this, you will definitely go very far in the publishing world. And that makes me feel envious, my dear.
The Plot
The plot begins to develop. You provide a quick glimpse into your family life: the divorce of your parents and the joint custody of you and your brother, yet your dad pays your mom child support. It's also interesting how unlike your mom, your dad never asked you to do any housework. It sounds to me that your dad has spoiled you around the house, or he wants to be the favored parent.
Characterization
Angelica's character is developing very nicely before my eyes. A woman who seems to be well off to shop at Neiman Marcus, yet she doesn't hesitate to be domestic and does it very well. Good for her to stop cleaning your rooms, little ones. You should be doing that yourself. Your description of her is well done. She's a vision of loveliness. Money, brains and beauty. I hate her. Just joking.
Technicalities
I want to reiterate that you are an unbelievable writer for a 16-year old. I hope you realize that. I found no mistakes.
Suggestions
Just keep doing what you do.
My favorite part And that's the way it's always been. No definite schedule when she's going to be here. Sometimes, she'd be gone for a month, sometimes a lot longer. And always, I could not wait for her to come back.
My least favorite part
None.
Final comment
Write on Rocky Mountain Kid!
See you on Chapter Two
Subject: "Angelica" (Introduction)--a novel by Rocky Mountain Kid
(Reviewed for the Hangout Cafe Review Forum of the WDC Angel Army)
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Hi Rocky Mountain Kid.
My general comment
It is my utmost pleasure to read and review this Introduction to your novel, "Angelica." At your very young age of 16, you are an inspiration to all. I can see your future in the publishing world a very bright one.
The Plot
When many girls your age would be so jealous of the "new woman" in their father's life, you, on the other hand, are writing a favorable novel about your Dad's girlfriend. You paint a lovely and enviable picture of Angelica, and I look forward to reading more about her.
Characterization
This is just the introduction to your novel, but I'm already feeling good about your characters. Your main character: Angelica is quite the interesting persona with a hint of mystery into her. I can't wait to see how you develop her into a multi-dimensional character. Your Dad is a sympathetic character already. I am rooting for him.
Technicalities
You are an unbelievable writer for a 16-year old. Angelica taught you well. I didn't find any error in your language, spelling, syntax, punctuations, etc.
Suggestions
I can't think of any right now.
My favorite part
" Dad's life changed a lot since she met Angelica. He's still unemployed, but a lot happier than before. An angel has been sent from heaven to save him, and I hope she stays.
This is a review of your poem, "A Thousnd Mirrors"
I tend to shy away from reviewing poetry because often times I fail to comprehend the meaning and message that the poet tries to convey. Funny thing is, the last four items I reviewed in WDC have all been poems. And they've all been wonderful, including this one.
I love narrative poems; those that tell a story, and those that I don't have to read more than once to understand. Your poem satisfies all of these for this poetry-analytically-challenged mind of mine.
This is a terrific poem about the plastic world obsessed with artificial beauty; a society that cannot see through the exterior reflected in the mirror.
Great job. I look forward to reading more from your port.
First off, I bet you're celebrating the Indianapolis Colts' Super Bowl win yesterday. I had some friends over for a SB party; three of whom were former Hoosiers. Of course, while five of us were rooting for the Bears, these three were vociferously for the Colts. I don't have to describe how they reacted at the end of the game. Well, anyway . . congratulations on the Colts' win, and Hooray for Peyton Manning. (I like him.)
Back to your story. Reading your Prologue to Heart's Home - A Work in Progress, is like a Sunday drive with not a lot of action going on, so you just sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. This is not a criticism of your writing style; it's a compliment. This is a very well-written piece and I read it verbatim. I loved your description of sunsets, and your relationship with your Granny. (Ooops! Is this biographical?)
Your manuscript is very clean. I didn't see a single mis-spelled word, or typo, or grammatical error. Good job.
Looking forward to reading about the "tough love" in Texas.
Title: MY MOTHER, MY ANGEL
Author: Sherri Gibson
Reviewed for WDC Angels Army
Reviewed by: Writeartista
Date: 02/04/07
Hi Sherri,
General comment:
Beautiful! It made my heart swell with emotion. I felt your love for your departed mother and the sadness that still encompasses you today. My mother died last year, and her birthday is coming up the 12th of February. I miss her so much. I feel as though this birthday poem you wrote for your mom was written by me for my mom. Thanks for sharing this.
Technical comment:
Perfection personified. I wouldn't change a thing.
Write on. I look forward to reading more from your port.
It's a pleasure to read your "Favorite Things." It serves as a guide for me in deciding which sites/ports to explore for my own purposes. Given the limited time I have in surfing WDC, this will be very helpful for me.
I'm new here, but everytime I log on, I find a lot of great things about the site, the population, and the generosity of various members/groups like the WDC Angels Army. It's always hard for me to log off once I'm online, that's how addictive I find this wonderful site.
Thank you all. I look forward to giving more reviews.
This sounds fantastic. It's the kind of forum that I desperately need to increase traffic to my portfolio. I am impressed at the number of members who've signed up. I would like to be a part of this group and start participating as soon as possible.
I only have one folder in my port: a nonfiction novel entitled "My Breasts" (a working title only), which is an autobiographical chronicle of my struggles with breast cancer, family, love/romance and relationships.
My story continues to increase awareness to breast cancer. It provides an essential guide for women and men who seek knowledge and comfort in the face of complexity as they (or their loved ones) deal with the emotional impact of this life-altering or life-threatening disease.
No one is exempt from breast cancer as this disease doesn't discriminate against sex, race, color, religion, lifestyle, or family history. Therefore, I immediately illustrate the need for self-examination and the need for early detection in a user frienly manner, and not in an academic style, so it's not boring (I hope). I also describe the different types of breast cancer and treatment options, as well as the need for the decisive role women should play in choosing the preferred option for them.
Most importantly, I want to send a message that there is so much support available for women with breast cancer, and that the stigma that breast cancer is an immediate death sentence is becoming a thing of the past. Medical science has advanced considerably during the last decade that if you're diagnosed early, you have a great chance that you will live the rest of your life as though you've never had it.
Lastly, there is something here for everyone, not only for those who are interested in learning more about breast cancer. So, I invite you to visit me, hold my hand and explore life.
I don't know how to rate something like this, so I just followed suit. Right away, I found that we've got a few things in common already. I'm a published writer, but not as glorified as yours. You quoted Adrian Monk, whom I adore as "Monk," of course; you love CSI, and I'm a fanatic (as I speak, I'm patiently waiting for it to start tonight); and I've read Abraham Lincoln's biography. Did you know that William Peterson (or CSI's Grissom, starred in an early movie about the Hannibal? I can't remember the title of the movie right now, but he was much younger then, and he also did a great job in it.
Well, CSI is about to come on, therefore, till later.
To: writeartista
A review of Ch. One: "Forgive Those Who Trespassed Against Us."
By: pnalayab
I don't know how I managed to click on Ch. 3 before reading this. This chapter gives the reasons why Mary goes back to the Philippines; and such powerful motivation, indeed.
I can't wait to find out why Mary's mother suddenly changed after her trip to the Philippines when Mt. Pinatubo erupted. Why after twenty years Mary's mother decides to forgive everyone who caused her heartaches: her husband who sinned with other women, and fathering bastard children; then the forgivenes to those who had murdered her husband.
You provide the most vivid descriptions of Pinatubo's eruption and destructions to everything in its path. I am sure that you will be painting these vivid images for us to enjoy and marvel throughout your novel.
Another intriguing character surfaces toward the end of the chapter: a woman on the same flight who seems a million miles away, all snarled up in the past. Your description of her nicely shaped nose makes me think that maybe she has had a nose lift to compliment her fake strawberry blonde hair. Something about that woman and the stare she gave you that brings back a feeling of deja vu. Hmm... I wonder if she's one of your illegitimate sisters. I am definitely into this story.
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Great job.
Keep writing.
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