Hello, Ms. Kiya or Ms. Tammy,
I am black too. And I grew up in MY homeland (Nigeria) feeling like a stranger. People do not discriminate against me, at least not the way you experience it. But I somehow perceive that 'silent something'.
You see, I grew up with a fervent desire to master the English language. When I was old enough to understand it, I found myself trapped in a web of dialectic variations. The English Language I craved as a child was the British version. I swerved towards the AmericanE mainly cos of the hip hop culture. I speak two dialects fairly fluently in a nation of over 300 dialects. So you see, I have every reason to be confused. Especially, when many of the folks around here consider it arrogance to speak with an American accent. I find it almost impossible to communicate sometimes.
Maybe, it sounds to you like I'm babbling. It's the COURAGE with which you handle the silent objections from family and friends that I admire. You seem to take it all in stride. And like Maya Angelo puts it, 'without courage, it is impossible to practise any virtue consistently'.
You write as naturally as spoken words flow through the lips of an orator. I doubt if the impact your writing has on me would have been any different if I saw you in person and you had indulged me in conversation.
I wish you a well-deserved happiness in your chosen path.
Hello, Pat,
I have never felt the 'pain' of losing a daughter to maturity. So I may not be able to relate with your passion. However, I have lost a father and a mentor, it's taught me how to 'let go', therefore I just might be in a position to share your feelings.
'Time' is the sculptor of unforgettable memories. Our experiences are molded by his legendary fingers. You could not have introduced this piece with a better word.
The inevitability of change is unmistakable and it comes with the fear of a daughter being 'trapped' in it's manipulations.
The last line proves your submission to fate, yet, remaining hopeful of the faintest sign of oldtimes.
A really nice and touching poetry.
Let your pen keep bleeding!
Poesy.
Thankyou very much for the cNote. Of course, I've been receiving wonderful showers and they've all been helpful. I'm looking forward to the time I'll qualify to give showers too.
Hello, angel of God,
The title you picked for your poem is most approriate.
An inner, personal struggle echos through these verses. 'A struggle to hold on. An effort to end a fight.' These lines are my favorite. They kind of set the pace for the following lines.
'This war is mine.' You erected an invisible boundary, declaring with a voice that is both convincing and authoritative the uniqueness of the war you are involved in. This is good poetry.
In your poetry, old fables ARE recreated. I remember watching 'The Little Mermaid' a few years back. This verse kind of re-enacts that experience.
Wonderful imagery invites the reader to share the mermaids awe at witnessing a sailor chatting his course by the twinkling stars. To feel her eternal loss as he speeds away in his ship, like the pangs of losing someone to death only to be taunted by intermittent dreams.
A short and powerful poetry that says a great deal about the talent that shaped it's verses.
Hello, Paradoxical,
Some stories/poetry were meant to live forever. Kevin found the 'river of life' and took a sip of the elixir of immortality yet it was muddy water to friends and family.
Your story illustrates a fundamental principle: You can not always make your loved ones see reason with you', 'And you shouldn't blame yourself if they don't'. There comes that point in your life when you should not allow yourself be tied down by wrong choices made by other people. I mean you got a whole life ahead of you and you don't want to spend that feeling sorry for those who couldn't see their mistake, not if you are going to live forever.
Hello, Kid Writer,
Many are hunted by the ghosts of childhood. You, it seems, have raised a kingdom of treasured memories out of a childhood crush.
This is a writing that inspires time travel. Reminds you of might-have-been friendships, of the angel eyes living next door you wanted to marry when you grow up.
'I love you' Those words usually hang in your throat as a child and marks the turn of a friendship into a relationship in the later years. A really beautiful way to end this poem. Nice work.
Hello, Jenny,
I am African. And I have watched two different movies based on the war in Rwanda. I have also heard about the hopeless war in Somalia on primetime news.
The senseless waste, the avoidable deaths... can you imagine that after the Somalian war the president who supposedly instigated that war shamelessly held on to power? He would not even answer the World Court summon to stand trial for his crimes, claiming he could not be tried while he was yet in power!
I can not tell which baffles me more, the devastations of war or man who causes those devastations. Many resolutions have been made, many conventions enacted yet, like your poem says, 'Never Again' lies behind eternity's lines.
The message in your poem rings through, a call to action, for a much needed reflection.
Your author's voice is strong and authoritative. A timely poetry that will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
The rhymes lend effect to the message and... and... and...
I've often heard my parents discuss the Nigerian civil war. The gruesome imagery those wake-the-dead-moments conjured in my immature mind lie somewhere beyond my emotional capabilities to phantom.
Never have I had the opportunity or misfortune to live in a time of war, though there was this was one occassion that political impasse threw my country on the edge of war - rioting, robbery, and all that. You could actually smell fear in the atmosphere! But fortunately, it never conceived war.
News of war is one thing that always conveyed the hordes of horror to my young heart. You Mi Lady have become a bearer of burdens creating a virtual war that will not deny the pain, the loss, the waste, the sorrow and horror, and the tortured tears for those of us who have never actually experienced it.
You have molded in me a defiance that speaks: 'I curse war!'
One thing that readers of all ages will forever adore is an author who writes from a genuine frame of reference. Especially one who breathes the details of hell through a vision of paradise.
You seem to understand the power of applying personal experience to one's craft. That unparalleled way of creating a virtual universe with a skillful combination of letters.
I admire courage, a courage that perceives that 'victory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall'.
I hope you will keep up that fiery inspiration in your author's voice 'cause somebody's definitely listening!
You constructed a provoking work of art. A genuinely literal masterpiece.
I love the way the tension builds until it reaches a climax which simultaneously consumates the end of the verse.
The tactful use of rhyme is outstanding and displays subtle expertise. The rhymes are neither overused nor vague and they are not in anyway clustered.
I do not see any complicated use of words and the message comes through boldly. You do have a way with words that cannot denied and you remained focused on the theme of your poem to the end.
Your poetry also has that personal feel which gives it credibility. Nice work!
Whoops! Almost forgot to give a review of your writing through the rush of emotions. I think. . . Think? that's a complete understatement. I believe is a more appropriate word. Yeah, I believe you have, without any exaggerations whatsoever, an absolutely fascinating story.
You succeeded in building with a set of simple yet dynamic words a super-story structure that will unquestionably withstand changing of seasons.
The fact or the truth of the fact is you write like a pro. Pardon me if you are one already but I felt I had to speak my mind.
Courage! I love that. You displayed your first attempt at writing online!
Well, your first attempt was not bad for a first attempt. It definitely is poetry. Fine poetry.
You did just O.K. If you keep up with a personal writing exercise (remember to find time to write everyday!), how do I put this. . . the skies if they became a parchment would not contain the progenies of your creative enterprise.
Like I stated previously, it's a nice first attempt. All that's needed now is. . .
'The mirror', 'the hourglass', 'the grandfather 'clock'' all of these present, each in it's own way, a vivid image of time. Your use of rhyme is commendable. A simple, yet profoundly deep poetry.
I like the way you used the mirror as a portal of time. It is, besides other things, very appropriate. Nobody has to try and convince you you aged after you looked in the mirror.
'. . . A girl standing alone, because you're not me'. Like the friend kind of walked away through time (the mirror) sealing the parting. A perfect way to end this kind of poetry.
How does a writer present a touching, graphic and perfect imagery of the waste and destruction of war without for one single moment mentioning the details of the war?
You just did!
And marvelously well too.
The most touching part of any war story is the parting moment. When the soldier has to say good bye to his wife and make 'wishful' promises they both know might never be fulfilled. You took this and crafted a classic.
Living in Nigeria, I do not think I feel the impact of the Vietnam War especially like the American and Vietnamese people do.
I have watched many movies, hollywood t.v series and documentaries based on this heartless waste of human lives yet I do not for one moment believe it compares with what the millions that lost immediate family feel.
Your story has opened my eyes to see that the Vietnamese are a 'going-on people'.
By all means go ahead with the remaining part of the story some 'tyrant' might learn that the violence of war can not destroy a grain of faith!
I totally agree with you. The greatest person you could ever be is you!
I wonder how many of us have ever tried to become 'slaves of a nobler class'. And just how many have been as fortunate as Lauren having both the courage to stage a come-back matched with equal sincerity. Great work!
Let your pen keep bleeding!
(b) My review has been submitted for consideration in (item: 451035). (/b)
How do you begin to rate your teacher. You gave helped me in a profound way I can not exactly express how in words and letters.
Guess I got to say something anyway so here goes: this piece is priceless- it affords the kind of value you give to something which to you is invaluable.
I don't know how you did it but you did it anyway.
The verse seems to explain itself. As the lines unfold,the mystery deepens then just when you think you can't take anymore. . .Wham! everything falls perfectly into place.
For a while the goal of the piece of poetry seems 'forgotten' and it almost appears like the poet is rambling.
Again, the phrases in each line could stand individualy as synonyms ofthe word 'forgotten'. You did a good job. Excellent!
Let your pen keep bleeding.
(b) My review has been submitted for consideration in (item 451035). (/b)
Perfect! I just couldn't say less. I do not for one moment believe that if YOU had written the Cinderella story that it would have been any different from what the whole world knows it to be today. You did a very good job that can not be denied. A piece of advice anyway: when you write do try not to indulge the power of your imagination so much. You make it seem like you had a one-on-one interview with the Cinderella Prince himself. Did you? Ha! ha! Of course you know I mean exactly the opposite. Keep up the good work.
(b) My review has been submitted for consideration in (item: 451035). (/b)
If going out(taking trips of any kind) is a doorway to flow for you then just go out and spend more time at such places as Microtels, Hell-otels and every similar venue! Really I couldn't help but wonder if you actually experienced the dilemma you narrated. I mean like you practically paid for this treatment! Well, for one thing, your use of imagery is perfect. You made me 'live' the experience through the metaphors like I was a 'partaker of your suffering!'
(b) my review has been submitted for consideration in (item: 451035). (/b)
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