I enjoyed this piece. Especially the ending, for I found it intriguing that the little girl in this story was actually a fox! Very clever!
In the following sentence, the word mothers should have an apostrophe to show possession: mother's:
"She pawed at her mothers blankets . . . " Also, the word despritly should be spelled desperately.
I got a kick out of this story. I loved trying to envision the robots, for one thing. It was fun watching them in my mind's eye, thinking about their problem and what to do about it. For a moment in time, I actually became a robot. Well, at least like a robot in this story.
All-in-all, I found this piece highly entertaining.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Success, indeed, means different things to different folks. Monetary success is only temporary and does not always bring happiness. I have to agree with your final statement that true success is a matter of dignity, self-respect, and, I think you would agree, integrity.
My favorite line in this poem is the very second one where it's explained how Misery tries to convince Joy to feel sad. The final solution, however, that warns the reader not to fall for false hope, even if the alternative is a lonely one, comes at the very last.
This poem could be a warning to one's self. Perhaps this is what you had meant it to be.
This is a very compelling poem. The anguish rings loud and clear throughout. The feeling of desperation can be felt especially in the following lines:
. . . swallowed her own breath
She shared her sorrow with the water
This poem has a strong ending which is final and to-the-point.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I found this piece highly entertaining. I couldn't stop asking myself, though, if this is a true story. Are you the owner of the latest Starbucks in Brigham Young University? Brigham Young? Hmmm. . .
Are you from India?
Anyway, I found this fascinating mainly because it's so unique. I've never seen a topic handled this way before. Very interesting.
Keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I found this a fun poem to read. It has action and moves along nicely.
I like the repetition of the words 'run' and 'away' and the way in which the tool is used in the first two lines.
I especially enjoyed the following lines;
Dear God
I've gone blind from these creatures I've created
created from the evil I've contemplated..
How do I deal with these monstrosities I fear?
Forgive me for being so ignorant, but I'm not sure how the final two lines fit into the poem. For some reason it's not clear to me for what the writer is grateful.
All-in-all, this was a hopeful poem and a delight to read.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I chose to review this piece because I have a curiosity for the different viewpoints people bring forth regarding their beliefs and the religion they follow. This piece satisfied my curiosity and also provided some food for thought.
NOTE: Nobody is worthy of being redeemed. None of us have the ability to please God, since we are ALL sinners and ALWAYS will be sinners. This is why we need Jesus Christ as our Savior! He is THE ONLY ONE who is able to redeem us! Without him, we would all go to hell because NONE of us can ever be worthy by our own merits!
Oh, and ANYONE who accepts Jesus as their personal savior is considered a saint according to the scriptures.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I know this poem was chosen for Writing.com's Poetry Newsletter, and it has its merits. I love the opening stanza, for one thing, and the title, itself, is intriguing, but I'm afraid the rest of the poem is a bit cryptic for me. I guess I'm too simple! lol !!
Nevertheless, I'm happy for you that this poem was selected to be highlighted in the newsletter.
This is a well-written piece which conveys information I'd guess most people aren't aware of. I know I certainly wasn't. I found it well-written and interesting enough to hold my attention from beginning to end.
Just one comment. In the final line, 'a keeper' is singular, whereas, later in the sentence, when referring to this person, the plural word 'they' is used twice. SUGGESTION: yet when a keeper was hired he stayed until he retired or died. OR when keepers were hired, they stayed until they retired or died.
All-in-all, this piece made me think about a topic I wouldn't have otherwise been interested in. It sure hit home to me how dangerous a light keeper's job was.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I like this poem. I enjoyed the following line; He never talks. He just sort of bellows. It fits nicely into the poem, rhymes well with 'fellows' and precisely describes the cow's voice.
I also enjoyed the following line as well;
Maybe if he were vivid yellow, or played a cello,
However, I especially like the following line, for it made me chuckle:
Or said “Hullabaloo” instead of just "moo."
All-in-all, this poem was a delight to read and the illustration is a nice touch!
I truly enjoyed this verse, especially after reading the explanation of the ghazal poetry form. I certainly sensed the power and mystery this particular form calls for.
My favorite lines are the final two; a son's smile showing through layers of mud, and especially: an arrowhead pried loose from ancient soil, held in a bloody hand.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I have never heard of the dodoitsu poetry form! It has a very interesting name! Is the 7-7-7-5 syllable format the only rule for this form?
I like the idea that the tiger is an outlaw.
I especially like your use of alliteration; 'Colored cat' . . . of treachery.
I have only one comment. Although I like the idea of a roar being black-striped, I think it would have made a stronger ending if the final word had two syllables and if it had had a better rhyme.
All-in-all, this poem paints a clear picture of the tiger and I found it fun to read.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This poem is a study in adjectives. You have certainly used some very strong descriptions regarding what Jesus went through on the cross, as well as the cross, itself:
bludgeoned and berated
vicious, hurtful, agonizing
sheer, disheartening shambles
surreal and dreadful
These adjectives paint a powerful picture in the reader's eye.
Do you plan to use this verse in a Christmas card this year?
You draw a clear picture with your graphic imagery and descriptions. In my mind's eye I can see the tree and the tiny lights; the French doors; the glass ornaments, the presents, stockings, and radio.
You mentioned you could smell the Christmas tree in the far corner. It makes me want to take a deep breath. I can smell pine. Is that what you smelled? It would have been nice to have smelled it with you instead of being told about it.
I have only one other comment: in the synopsis, the word 'memoroes' should be replaced with 'memories'.
All-in-all, this story made a very nice trip down Memory Lane. Thank you for the invitation!
This is a soft, yet hard-hitting tale. The reader is invited to ask, with every word, is this based on a true story?
I especially enjoyed the following lines:
. . . she ignores me with her good arm
. . . she drew people closer to the Word, as they became captivated by the compassion knitted within each story.
Also, I find the ambiguity shared in the final paragraphs realistic and understandable.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I found the most compelling statement in this synopsis in the following sentence; she sets out on a journey with an unlikely traveling companion. I can't help but wonder who is this companion and why is it described as 'unlikely'?
Also, I'm left to wonder just exactly who this character, Ayala, a Falamar healer in training, is and how she survives the brutal attack mentioned in the first paragraph.
If you had set out to appeal to the interest and the imagination of your readers, you've accomplished that with this one!
Please keep writing so I, and others like yourself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Since I had enjoyed a chapter you had written from another story, I thought I'd treat myself to another. This one, like the other, is full of action, descriptions that spring easily to life, characters that are intriguing and believable, and a situation that involves struggling for life and understanding.
Both these stories include Biblical references, yet there is nothing Biblical about either of them, just a lot of imagination and creativity. You certainly have a flare for fiction!
Now I'm off to peruse the rest of your portfolio to see what else I can find.
Boy, this was really something! Your descriptions are superb. I could see and smell the rotting flesh, the baking bodies, the arms and legs spilled out across the land. I could feel the anguish and sense the violence as though I were right there in the story, witnessing it for myself.
I found the thought of gorilla steaks interesting and wondered where the people had found the animals to slaughter for their meal.
All-in-all, I found this chapter well-written and expertly told.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
You did such a marvelous job with this poem it reads as though it had written itself; easily, effortlessly, and effectively. It's so well-done, I'm disappointed it didn't receive first place in the contest.
(How did you get your handle and what does it mean?)
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This short, light poem is a delight to read. I enjoyed the descriptions; the echoing song of the washing machine, and the smoke blowing from the Zinc Smelter.
I have only one comment. In the following line, the word 'it' should read 'its': it song echoes
All-in-all, I found this a fun poem written about personal memories of one's grandmother.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 4:18pm on May 07, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "