You make a good point throughout this article. The examples used from your past experience are right on, clearly stated, and easily understood. The ending is brilliant.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
What a fitting title for such a cute little story! I love the ending! I can picture the character; small, cute-as-a-bug, tiny little arms, scrambling up the wall with all his might, laughing hysterically!
I could imagine graphics for this short tale; the wall, the characters, even some of the wonders that are rumoured to exist on the other side of the wall!
I just have to give this story the highest rating! What's not to love?!
This is a wonderful story and a joy to read. Your descriptions are right on!
EXAMPLES:
Daddy’s face was the color of ashes, except on his forehead, where there was a frightening purple lump!
tugging her coat on over her pajamas and pushing long blond hair into the hood before fastening it snugly.
I especially like the ending. It brought tears to my eyes!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I really enjoyed this little story! Your descriptions are a delight!
EXAMPLES:
The memories were jumbled and smashed together in odd ways
From the freight train barreling in his head, he was sure he’d gotten pretty drunk.
Also, the ending is terrific and I especially like the long, drawn-out "Ohhhh.... kay." I can actually hear it!
As for the grammatical part of this piece, in the third sentence, a comma should be inserted between the words 'around' and 'grabbed'.
All-in-all, I found this piece a lot of fun and a joy to read!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I love this rich example of the Septolet poetry form! My favorite part is the last two lines. I love the idea of 'forever' lasting but 'a few seasons'. So fitting to the subject!
Also, the photo that accompanies this poem is as attractive as the poem, itself.
I especially enjoyed the description in the following sentence:
A breeze shuffled in the doorway like a lost traveler and played with Mr. Henson’s gray hair.
I know it's not your fault, for the words you needed to include in this story were given to you, but the correct term for the 'bear' in this story is just plain and simple, "Koala" . . . no bear, I'm afraid!
At any rate, please keep writing so I, and others like yourself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This poem is skillfully written with a certain appeal about it that captures one's attention and lures the reader in with every line. I love the use of enjambment and imagery.
I especially found the following lines fun to read, for I found them clever and a bit comical:
a victim that was willing
to believe that is was passion while she was busy killing.
Clever ending, too!
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This is such a good story, and although I understand the impact the ending's supposed to have, I felt a little disappointed. I really wanted to see Stewart stand up for himself! Just this one time . . . lol !! I wonder if this has a Chapter 2?
At any rate, I found this a fun read from the very beginning, with no errors that I could see.
I especially like the way you describe Stewart and Ms Goodnight, and I also enjoyed the brief conversation between them.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
Your descriptions are full of imagery and I love the detail!
EXAMPLES:
A dusty-sweet smell mingling the dry air
The heads danced and swayed with the wind that blew through the plains.
Wheat fields and very little else every which way the eye could see
I love the use of the words 'dusty-sweet' to describe the dry air. I have experienced that scent, myself, but could never put a finger on the proper adjectives that would do the aroma justice. You really hit the nail on the head!
Also, the way you used the words 'every which way' after talking about the fields of wheat and 'and very little else', is perfect! The words almost dance and sway with the image of the wheat on a windy day. You make the experience a delight to read. I can only imagine what the real thing would be like.
I can feel your disappointment when your trips to the farm came to an end. I feel so sorry!
As for the literary part of this piece, in the second sentence of the third paragraph the word 'in' should be inserted between the words 'mingling' and 'the'.
In the final sentence, the word 'as' should be replaced with the word 'say'.
All-in-all, I found this piece a joy to read.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
This piece is well-written, but always the editor, I found a few literary errors. First of all, there needn't be a comma after the first word in the first paragraph.
Also, in the following sentence there is no need for the comma after the word 'suddenly: A whisper of an idea spoke in my ear and suddenly, I found that there was something I had to do to help those now living only in photographs and family lore.
I especially like the following line:
I don't intend to find them; I want to get to know them once they have been found.
I also like the final paragraph. It is well-written and has a professional ring to it.
This is a delightful poem with great description and an easy, happy-go-lucky flow.
You did a wonderful job with showing the reader what Great Grandma Irene Donahue was like; her personality, her obvious physical charms, and her love for life.
As for the literay part of this piece, I found the following lines awkward:
she set men on fire,
making their women pea-green.
SUGGESTION:
she set the hearts of men on fire
which made their women green
The final four lines are also awkward:
I sure wish I had known her.
Irene is young and bright
in one badly wrinkled picture.
Her eyes dance with magical Irish light.
SUGGESTION:
I sure wish that I had known her
when Irene was young and bright.
In one badly wrinkled picture
her eyes dance with a magical light.
I also found the title a bit awkward. SUGGESTION: Dancing Irish Eyes
All-in-all, I found this piece well-told and a true joy to read.
You captured the era with great skill when you wrote this piece! Your descriptions bring a strong, vivid impression to the reader's mind as she relates to the story and its characters.
I had never thought of writing a short story based upon an autobiography. Where did you ever come up with such an idea?
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I love so many of the descriptions in this piece! Especially those detailing the Strange John's appearance. EXAMPLE: . . . it was like a Brillo pad on top of his head.
I also enjoyed the following descriptions as well:
. . . rev them up loudly in unison like a harmonious Beethoven symphony.
Those words are in my memory forever as if a cattle branding iron had burned them in
. . . a very strange feeling of emptiness entered my heart like water being poured out of a cistern
As for the literary part of this piece, the following sentence is awkward: John’s character of honesty, his positive energy, his strange humor, wearing mixed colors of socks and different shoes on his feet, will long be remembered.
SUGGESTION:
John's honest character, positive energy, and strange sense of humor, including the way he would wear mismatched socks and shoes on his ungainly feet, will long be remembered.
I also found the end of the following sentence awkward:
Watching this release was the most beautiful scene of freedom rather than a life that could have potentially been lived for years in paralyzation
SUGGESTION;
in a state of paralysis.
or
in a paralytic condition.
All-in-all, I found your style of writing a delight and your work a joy to read.
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
I like the subtle way in which you were able to relate the fact that the person being written about is a family member by referring to the box containing family photos.
I especially enjoyed the following lines:
. . . the memory of events,
which built muscles on my soul.
I was pleased to find a happy ending with much hope for a brighter future.
All-in-all, I found this a delight, well-written poem.
I enjoyed this chapter; from the character to the forest, itself; the language and the descriptions.
I especially liked the following lines:
. . . damaged branches were wrenched from their moorings, to fall in a complex and clattering pattern, through the trees' living arms, to the ground below.
and
. . . there was an incessant thrumming throughout this part of the forest, born of the complicated and ongoing vibrations of living wood strummed by the violent fingers of the wind, playing its strings on that which withstood its onslaught . . .
Now that you've got me hooked, I'm anxious to read the rest of the story!
I found the rhyme scheme impeccable throughout this poem. It flows naturally and steadily from beginning to end.
Although I don't quite understand the meaning of the following lines, I especially like the imagery the description creates in my imagination:
It’s a monopoly game where most of the cards
Send fortune or shame to our fifty glass chards.
(A 'chard' is a vegetable. Perhaps you meant 'shard').
Actually, I found most of this poem cryptic, but appealing nevertheless, and all-in-all, it was a fun read!
I found this piece delightfully cryptic and extremely poetic.
I'm not sure what they mean, but I especially like the final three lines which follow the description of catching fishes with your toes:
Then every boat merely only blushes,
and does not falter,
when the tide swallows it in.
I find the thought of a boat blushing and never faltering when the tide swallows it in intriguing and so poetically put! (I also like the use of 'merely only' . . .)
Please keep writing so I, and others like myself, can continue to enjoy your work!
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