Choconut ~ House Targaryen's (purplesunday) Reviews

Choconut ~ House Targaryen

Review Requests: OFF

2,004 Public Reviews Given

2,023 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.

I'm good at...

I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.

Favorite Genres

Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.

Least Favorite Genres

Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.

Favorite Item Types

Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.

Least Favorite Item Types

Chapters from the middle of books.

1

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#4748165

Review of HSP Gift Shop

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Purple is House Florent

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The purple! I'm always happy when there is purple around.

I am trying to review everyone taking part in "Game of Thrones"

before the conclusion of the Games next week, and that is why I am poking through your portfolio. This item stood out to me, firstly, because you have it highlighted, but also because I love a good gift shop. And this is a good gift shop! I love how you display all of the merit badges that are exclusive to your House of Sensual Prose group. These are a feast for the eyes. I also really like your images at the head of the main forum page. Once again, purple makes me happy. These pictures are both beautiful, and they tell us what your group is about.

The form you ask people to fill out to make their orders is easy to understand and clearly set out. I think it is probably easier for you to have a form, rather than let people post in a message forum. It's probably easier to keep track of your orders this way. I have read all of the packages, and there are a few packages I would like to own.

I like how accommodating this shop is. As well as packages offering reviews, cNotes, merit badges and awardicons, you say that if there is anything else we want, we can ask. I like that. You have everything covered. I did wonder whether the stories submitted for reviews have to be in the Romance / Erotica genre, or if they can be any genre. It would be nice to state that in the main page.

Suggestions: I wondered whether this shop is still open. There is nothing to say it isn't, but I'm not sure how active the House of Sensual Prose Group is at the moment. I am genuinely interested to find out, though. If you are still open, it would be good to advertise it on the newsfeed and Shameless Plug. I think a lot of people would be interested.

Parting comments: I have enjoyed this look at your shop. I will definitely call again and make a purchase when you are open.

Choconut

My House Targaryen Sig. for Game of Thrones, 2024.

2

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#4748162

Review of My Mother the Star

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Maryann - House Martell

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Oh, my word. So much! This is a beautiful story, Maryann.

The constant references to the things that were new and in existence in the Roaring 20s made me smile a lot. This is a real cultural gem. This works particularly well because the narrator is a child. Everything is exciting and important, and, in a way, naive. I love this child's voice. Which is great because her mother is a silent film star, and so doesn't have so much of a voice. But the girl is really likeable. Firstly, I smiled at the mention of how many people now had automobiles. Their car was a Ford Model T. This puts your readers in the 1920s straight away. And then, there is the Chanel perfume the girl's mother likes to wear. Perfume is a fairly new item for Chanel, and that also made me smile.

I felt as though I was in this narrator's world. When she "danced the Charleston with Charlie Chaplin" I laughed out loud. That's brilliant! I have to admit, I was a little bit envious of the girl when she said that. This sentence is my favourite of the whole story: "My mother told me that body language is the main voice of life." How true. And eloquently phrased. Wonderful!

At the heart of the story, despite the cultural Heaven you put me in, this is a warm story about a mother and daughter relationship. The girls speaks of how her life is different from that of other children, but also the same as other children. Her mother, while a silent movie star, is the same as all mothers. She loves her daughter and even goes into battle with the science teacher on her behalf. I loved that part. It showed how much she loved her. As an aside, it reminded of the song 'Harper Valley PTA,' which I'm always happy to have in my head.

Suggestions: Just a couple of minor points. "She listens to the same jazz age music on the radio that everyone else’s mother listens to." It should be "everyone else's mothers." Also, "My teacher seemed very disgusted with me ..." I would cut out very because you are either disgusted, or you're not. You don't need very.

Parting comments: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. I'm so glad I came back to your port for one last time in the Games. Beautiful story.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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#4748161

Review of Chasm

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi KingsSideCastle

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The suspense of not knowing whether Alexis would make it out of the chasm or not.

As I began to read this story, I found myself worried for Alexis. When she falls into the chasm, I could feel her fear. She thought she would die in there. I would have beed scared of that, too, but I would also have been frightened of the spiders that could climb all over me. I liked how Alexis gave up. She thought she had fractured her leg, after all. How could she possibly climb out of the hole? So she gave up. And I can understand that. However, she began to hallucinate, and from that hallucination, she found the strength (mentally and physically) to climb out.

Alexis's mother is so important in this story. She appears and sets her daughter back on the right path. She reminds Alexis of how much she has accomplished in the past, and tells her she can get out of there. She acted exactly as mothers are supposed to act. She even got tough with her daughter to push her into making the climb. I really liked that. But I did wonder whether Alexis was really hallucinating, or if these were actual spirits visiting her.

The suspense you create in this story is great. The whole way through, we wonder whether Alexis will get out. Whether she will die. You hold our suspense right until the brilliant ending, where we see her climb to safety.

Suggestions: I have a few grammatical suggestions and typos. I have put them in this dropnote, so you may read them as you wish. Or not.
Grammar Suggestions / Typos ▼

Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. It has been good to read your writing. Thanks for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#4748158

Review of GOT House Targaryen

for entry "One Day"

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi StaiNed-House Targaryen

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Your title gives nothing away, but it is a fabulous tease to draw readers in.

I am trying to review everyone who has been a part of Game of Thrones this April, and now, I find myself poking around your portfolio. I couldn't resist taking a peek at this story. I thought about writing this about one of my old dogs. Anyway, your story ... I really enjoyed reading it. Milo sounds like an adorable, little kitty. He sounds as though he rules the roost and knows he is the most important person on the planet.That made me smile because cats, in general, tend to have that attitude.

The whole story made me smile, and I actually laughed out loud at the way Milo acted as though his speaking (out loud and in human English) is perfectly normal. Maybe it is; who am I to argue? Maybe, he has been speaking all along, and this is just the first time his human's ears have tuned themselves in. I love how the narrator hopes, at the end, that her cat will continue to speak the next day. Wouldn't it be lovely if this came true. Our pets would often make much better conversationalists than certain humans!

The part about Milo being miffed at his human for taking up too much of the bed made me chuckle. Cats (and dogs, for that matter) take over, don't they. No matter how small they are, they need a minimum of 3/4 of the bed space at night. The other piece of humour that appealed to me was when the main character speaks of her cat's voice. She says she had imagined it as, "suave and a tiny Canadian twang. eh?" Firstly, the thought of her imagining her cat's voice already made me laugh. But also, the "Canadian twang, eh?" That's funny. My American hubby has told me that it is a joke that Canadians say eh after every sentence. I don't know how true that is, but your reference to it made me laugh.

Suggestions: Only one. Going back to the sentence I just mentioned. "Canadian. eh?" The full stop is incorrect. You either need a comma instead, or a capital E in to make Eh? a new sentence.

Parting comments: You have given me inspiration to write a story for this North Remembers prompt. I saw this when I was looking through the other day, and I thought of a few scenarios. I like the direction you went with it. I have enjoyed reding this story. Nice work.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4748141

Review of The Last Train Ticket

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Beholden

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The fantastic twist at the end.

I am want to review something from everyone taking part in "Game of Thrones"

this month, so here I am, reviewing you. This story held my attention from the start to finish. The intrigue over what Tanner Topolski will inherit from his Great Uncle Gregory is great. The guy clearly lived in a large mansion, so obviously had a lot of money. So, it was possible that Tanner would have a big inheritance. However, the number of other people present for the will reading suggests that maybe his share will be fairly small.

I like how Tanner sees the framed "last ticket" on the wall of an otherwise empty room. He is intrigued by the ticket, which means your readers are also interested. I wanted to know what it represented. When Tanner asked the solicitor what t was, I thought I might get an answer. But, you kept me in even more suspense because the solicitor didn't know. Subsequently, we don't find out until the end. That, in itself, is well written. But, the reveal ... oh! That is fabulous. The last ticket for Tanner is for his last journey on his way to being deceased. What I wondered was whether this meant he was dying through the whole story, and the will reading and framed last ticket were part of his journey towards death. Or, was the ticket cursed, and in owning it, he died? I think the former, but I'm not completely sure. And that is okay. I like it when stories leave us thinking about them after they finish.

Suggestions: I have a few suggestions. Firstly, " ...the crowd began to thin out as people slipped out ..." The two uses of the word out stand out a little. (Sorry, another out there.) Perhaps, you could change the second one to away, or just cut it completely. Secondly, " ...although it’s colour was a little more intense ..." There shouldn't be an apostrophe in its. Lastly, "For a long time he lay awake but eventually sleep claimed him." I would put a comma before but.

Parting comments: I enjoyed reading this story very much. I love the twist at the end, when we saw the conductor's "bony hand." That was fantastic. Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

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#4748138

Review of The Hidden Library of House Mormont

for entry "Short Story- Mormont House Announcement"

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Krista of House Mormont

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Can I say everything? Well, it is true, so I will.

I wanted to review something from everyone taking part in this month's "Game of Thrones"

, so I had a peek at your portfolio this morning, and I found this little gem. I love the title and byline. It piqued my interest. As I read, I couldn't help but imagine how incredible this would be, if it were true. I think it would raise millions at auction. It would also raise a bunch of money for the famed auction house, Mormont House. (I love that name, by the way.)

This article reads as though it really is a newspaper article. It sounds very professional, and the grammar is flawless. It is a pleasure to read. At the same time, it is incredibly entertaining. There is a subtle humour running through it, and that made me smile.

I loved this sentence: "It sheds new light on the creative genius of the world's greatest playwright, providing us with a fresh glimpse into his artistic process and his profound understanding of the human condition." Again, I have to say, can you imagine how crazy the world (and, in particular, England) would go if this were true? I do wonder whether there is anything more to learn about Shakespeare's artistic process, though. He has been studied to death, hasn't he? It is incredible how much we know about him through his work.

My favourite part of the story is here: "The manuscript was discovered tucked away within the hidden chamber of an ancient grandfather clock." That is fabulous. How much would I have loved to be the owner of that clock? Or, to be honest, any grandfather clock. They have a certain nobility, I always think. But hidden chambers are always a draw for anyone's imagination, so this really appealed to me.

Suggestions: Krista, I have nothing, I'm afraid. I think this is perfect as it is.

Parting comments: This put a huge smile on my face first thing in the morning. Just what I needed to begin the day. Thank you.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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#4747879

Review of Guidelines to Great Reviewing - The Quiz

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi The StoryMaster

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked The fact that I scored 10 out of 10!

I just spotted this quiz, and I couldn't resist having a go. After taking part in Game of Thrones for the last few weeks, and reviewing (roughly) a hundred items, I was interested to know whether or not I have learned anything. And the good thing is, I have. I scored ten out of ten. However, if I am completely honest with you, I did cheat on the first question by reading The StoryMistress

's guidelines to great reviews. I probably wouldn't have got the question about the number of key characteristics for reviews right without looking.

I love quizzes. I am always up for taking part in one, offline as well as online. So, when I was having a poke around your portfolio, I was happy to see this quiz in there. Additionally, I created a quiz for Game of Thrones, just yesterday, so I know how time-consuming they can be to create. I appreciate the time you have taken with this.

I like the mix of questions with five options for answers and true or false questions. The true or false ones were trickier, in particular the two questions that start out with, "Even if my opinion of the piece is not favourable ..." With these, I felt that I wanted to be honest, but sometimes, people don't appreciate it. But, rightly, the answer is to go with honesty.

Suggestions: My only suggestion would be to add a few more questions. Maybe, questions about different types of item reviews. Because a chapter review is different from a poetry review. But that would mean going into a lot more detail, and I know you have enough to do already. I don't know whether you have quizzes for other aspects of WDC? I must have a look. (As I said, I love quizzes.)

Parting comments: I have enjoyed this brief foray into your port this afternoon. Thank you, for all you do around this website.

Choconut

8

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#4747869

Review of Things Forgotten

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi amyjo-Keeping it real and fun!

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The possibilities laid out at the end of this story really appealed to me.

This story leaves me feeling curious about what would have happened next, after the story ends? I imagined, if it were me, I would have had some serious words with Brad after he read my letters like that. Whatever happened to boundaries? But, then, I wondered what Callie would do. Would she tell Brad where to get off and go in search of Brian? Would she try to track Brian down online or some other way? Could this be a huge romance story? That could be a new story, in itself. I love how my mind is buzzing after reading this.

When I first started to read, I kept thinking it would be really cool to find a box of old letters and notes that a loved one had kept. I love to look through things like that. The little things that make people who they are. I would have liked to know why Callie's grandma never gave her the two letters from Brian. What did she have against him? I also wondered whether Callie's mother knew about them? See? More questions!

Suggestions: Just a few typo / Grammatical Suggestions. "'A clean house makes for a welcoming house.' she would always say." It should be a comma before the end speech mark, not a period. Also, "They were my letter ..." It should be "letters." Then, "She would call a moving company to put come put the furniture and boxes into a storage unit." This is a typo. You can take out the two words as I have shown. Finally, "You know, well need to start practicing ..." I think this should be we'll.

Parting comments: I enjoyed reading this story a lot. You create great intrigue with the letters form Callie's ex boyfriend. It sparked my imagination greatly. I keep coming back to why her grandma would have withheld the letters. I guess I'll never know! Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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#4747833

Review of The Journals of Mary Brownstone

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Lady Elizabeth Mormont

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... This diary entry captured my imagination. It made me laugh, as well, and that is a great prize this morning.

From the beginning, I was intrigued by Mary Brownstone. I wanted to know her story, and I was not disappointed. Because this is a diary entry, you can let your readers know some setting and context without having to go into long explanations. I like that. Straight away, I was in the late 1960s, and I knew attitudes to women having careers were different then from today. So it made sense when Mary said the things about her husband not wanting her to work, and definitely not wanting her to be a reporter. Although that made me dislike her husband somewhat, I had to remember that times were different then.

But Mary Brownstone is one courageous woman. Her boss, the dreadful Mr. Livingston, is away for the day, so when the telephone rings, and Mary is presented with an opportunity to shine, she takes it. I love that! She is a gutsy lady. At the end, she reflected on how, if she never had another word published as long as she lived, this published story would be enough for her. That felt real.

The cows made me laugh! Cows, everywhere. They had escaped their farm and were busy eating the lawns of all the properties on Main Street, Memphis. When Mary received the call, I had no idea where you would take us. I did not guess it would be to cows. That's funny.

Suggestions: I have a couple of typo/grammar suggestions: "It was wonderful to say I was from a newspaper though; I finally feel like ..." I think it should be finally felt, past tense. The rest of the sentence is past tense. Also, " ...and submitted it to assistant editor ..." I would say to the assistant editor.

Parting comments: I'm not surprised this is a Writer's Cramp winner. It is astute, funny, and your narrator pulls the reader inside the story with her. I enjoyed this very much.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

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#4747832

Review of Grandma Hears a Joke

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Bikerider

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Your sense of humour really appeals to me. I found this work of flash fiction very funny. I love the title. It is what drew me to this item.

Immediately as we start reading, you tell us where we are by mentioning the, "wedding guest" chuckling. This is great because, with flash fiction, we have to give any information as quickly and concisely as possible (which is probably why I am terrible at writing it). So, straight away, your readers are guests at a wedding. You then give us the punchline to a joke, but you don't share the rest of the joke. I really like this. We can invent our own jokes out of this. But, the thing is, the contents of the joke are not the important parts of this story. The grandma and her reaction to it, and the ensuing farce, are what matters.

Oh, my. I laughed at this. This description of the events is great: "In a gust of breath, her denture flew from her mouth in a perfect arc--right into the punch bowl." That had me laughing out loud., I could see it happening. I could also imagine the reaction of the grandma and her husband. This whole scene is exactly the kind of thing that would happen to my Mum's family.

Grandma and Grandpa making a commotion and interrupting the wedding speeches is brilliant. I can imagine how embarrassed the closest family members would have felt. Grandpa's pink-tinted arm, once he has retrieved the dentures is funny. I wonder whether this was alcoholic punch, and whether Grandma might have been slightly tipsy after putting the dentures back in her mouth.

Suggestions: Whenever you mention Grandma or Grandpa, you don't capitalise the Gs. Because, I assume, they are the narrator's grandparents, and he doesn't say, "my grandma," just, grandma, it should capitalised for the proper noun. Also, you have a typo here: "As she fit her teeth back into place, grandpa took she took his hand ..." Firstly, took shouldn't be there. Also, I think it should be Grandma, not Grandpa.

Parting comments: I am so happy I came across this delightful flash fiction today. It has given me a much-needed laugh.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

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#4747830

Review of The WDC Angel Army

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The ethos of this wonderful group.

I couldn't really finish up my "Game of Thrones"

reviews without coming to this forum and sending you my thoughts. And, wow. There is a lot to look at. I have to confess to not knowing the Angel Wings spread quite as far as they do. So much to read and look at. I could have spent all day reading it. From your reviewing forum, to the Angels and Authors of the Month, and also the Outreach Programme. Just to mention a few of the angel activities. It's good to see your partnership with Sssssh! I'm not really here.. It would be way too much for one person to maintain on their own.

The feeling I have from looking through this group is one of community and acceptance. The way you encourage members — angels — to reach out to others through reviews and taking part in forum discussions. It spreads a lovely feeling through the community. I hope that, when Game of Thrones is over, I will be able to take part more in the Angel Army. Having been an Angel of the Month and Author of the Month previously, I know how valued it made me feel. It made me so happy to feel like people appreciated me. And I know it will feel the same to everyone to whom you bestow this honour.

As always, the images on the main page, and all of the other pages within the group, are fantastic. Your eye for design is exquisite. You make everything look really eye-catching. I also like the quotation you have used at the top of the main page: "we are all angels with only one wing, and we can flyby embracing one another." That sums up the Angel Army perfectly.

Suggestions: No. None. There is nothing I would suggest to change. It is perfect.

Parting comments: I have felt very welcome with the Angel Army this April, and I look forward to finding out even more about your group, and participating in your activities, once the Throne is claimed. What a fabulous group you have here!

Choconut

12

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#4747819

Review of Little Ships

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi JACE - House Targaryen

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Oh, my gosh. I loved everything about this story.

You write beautifully, Jace. As soon as I started to read this story, I read, "The fog of old age could not stem the memories that rose in my mind, like the tides on a beach south of Dunkirk almost seventy years ago." This is such a great use of simile to show your readers some of the narrator's experience. This initial paragraph hooked me and ensured I would not break free until the end. The matter-of-fact narration of the boy makes the horror of the situation even worse. You don't over-write it, and the result is a thoroughly immersive and emotive reading experience.

The story itself is wonderful. I wanted to know, had to know, what would happen. Obviously, the boy survived because he was remembering the events seventy years on, but I wanted to know how the English soldiers would fare. When Owen died saving Henri's life, I had a lump in my throat. But, the story itself is so interesting. From when Henri is hiding in the cupboard, to when the soldiers attacked the Germans, my heart beat a little quicker than normal. In a relatively short story, you created characters I really cared about. I love a story with great characters.

Your writing, Jace. Oh, my goodness. I don't think I've ever read your work before. You pulled me along in the world of the evacuation of Dunkirk in Word War II. Your story reminded me of the book 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks in the way you gave the feeling of danger the characters experienced. The image and feeling of dust and being unable to see where that danger hides is clever. Henri coughs because of dust when he is in the cupboard, and he says at the end, "A boat horn shattered my reverie, and the dust that hung in my mind from the rubbled buildings cleared." I love that sentence.

Suggestions: Just a couple of things. Firstly, you say the soldiers all grew up together, " ...in a small town called Lancashire." Lancashire is actually a county in England, not a town. You could use, for example, "Blackburn, Lancashire," or "Bolton, Lancashire." Moving on to the text. "Aider! S'il vous plait!" 'Aider: should be "aidez" if the boy is shouting for help. In fact, he would probably shout, "M'aidez" - "Help me." Also, you have typo here: "Apparently, they can'y commit their Armour units ..." It should be "can't."

Parting comments: This story is fantastic. I am officially a fan of your writing, and I will endeavour to read more in the future!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

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#4747817

Review of Little Ships

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi JACE - House Targaryen

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... Oh, my gosh. I loved everything about this story.

You write beautifully, Jace. As soon as I started to read this story, I read, "The fog of old age could not stem the memories that rose in my mind, like the tides on a beach south of Dunkirk almost seventy years ago." This is such a great use of simile to show your readers some of the narrator's experience. This initial paragraph hooked me and ensured I would not break free until the end. The matter-of-fact narration of the boy makes the horror of the situation even worse. You don't over-write it, and the result is a thoroughly immersive and emotive reading experience.

The story itself is wonderful. I wanted to know, had to know, what would happen. Obviously, the boy survived because he was remembering the events seventy years on, but I wanted to know how the English soldiers would fare. When Owen David Henri, and died in the process, I had a lump in my throat. But, the story itself is so interesting. From when Henri is hiding in the cupboard, to when the soldiers attacked the Germans, my heart beat a little quicker than normal. In a relatively short story, you created characters I really cared about. I love a story with great characters.

Your writing, Jace. Oh, my goodness. I don't think I've ever read your work before. You pulled me along in the world of the evacuation of Dunkirk in Word War II. Your story reminded me of the book 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks in the way you gave the feeling of danger the characters experienced. The image and feeling of dust and being unable to see where that danger hides is clever. Henri coughs because of dust when he is in the cupboard, and he says at the end, "A boat horn shattered my reverie, and the dust that hung in my mind from the rubbled buildings cleared." I love that sentence.

Suggestions: Just a couple of things. Firstly, you say the soldiers all grew up together, " ...in a small town called Lancashire." Lancashire is actually a county in England, not a town. You could use, for example, "Blackburn, Lancashire," or "Bolton, Lancashire." Moving on to the text. "Aider! S'il vous plait!" "Aider" should be "aidez" if the boy is shouting for help. In fact, he would probably shout, "M'aidez" - "Help me." Also, you have typo here: "Apparently, they can'y commit their Armour units ..." It should be "can't."

Parting comments: This story is fantastic. I am officially a fan of your writing, and I will endeavour to read more in the future!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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#4747815

Review of Writing.Com 101

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi The StoryMistress

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... If I didn't already know how many things there are to do on Writing.com, a look at this page would have told me!

Firstly, the first couple of paragraphs which introduce the rest of the page are really good. They tell your members how much the site has to offer, how many different kinds of things there are to do. These paragraphs also provide reassurance that the site isn't as daunting as we may think. And then, the Table of Contents sets out everything we need to know.

This is comprehensive and easy to understand. Everything is laid out with headings and sub-headings, all of which we can click on to gain the information provided. It couldn't be easier. I think the things I have find (and still do find) most useful are the items about creating different types of items, like crosswords and word searches. But, also information on creating items in general. This is a key component of Writing.com, so it is important to help people to use it. I like that you guide people through posting their items on this site. That is is important for newbies.

At the end, you have a 'Contact Us' section which is so refreshing because, nowadays, it is almost impossible to contact companies who provide you services. There is also a 'Help and Support' section which is equally useful.

Suggestions: I have none. I think you have everything covered here. I know there are separate guides to Writing ML, so you don't need a big write-up about that here.

Parting comments: I still refer to this page today. There are always little things I am unsure of, or don't have a clue about, and, without fail, this reference guide provides the answers. This is a vital part of Writing.com. Thank you for providing it.

Choconut

15

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#4747804

Review of Noticing Newbies

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi The StoryMistress

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... The inclusive feeling you give to the website's newer members.

This forum is a great place for newbies to introduce themselves and find out more about other newbies, and also people who have been here a little longer. I remember when I first joined, I had some lovely responses from others, and I felt instantly welcomed into the community. That is probably the difference between sticking around and moving on to somewhere else. And that is what this forum is good at.

I was just reading through some of the more recent posts, and I can see this forum is still as active as ever. I've replied to a number of posts, myself, lately, and it has been great to feel like I am making people feel welcome.

The other thing that this forum does is signpost newbies where to go. It can be overwhelming when you first sign up because there is so much to do on here, but you have a list of some the site's other activities that will get people joining in . You also have links to the main places on here where we can learn how to participate. How to create items, reply to posts, connect with others through the newsfeed. Some of it may seem obvious to younger people who are used to the internet and sites like this. But, for other (older) members who are not used to living online (like me), this help is invaluable.

Your links to reviewing groups is a really nice addition. I know when I first joined, I didn't know the first thing about how to review someone else's work. So, setting up a review template, knowing the kinds of things people wanted feedback on, was a bit daunting. So the groups you have linked will definitely help newbies who are unsure about the world of reviewing. I also like how you linked the two daily short fiction contests. These contests both helped me immensely when I was a newbie and didn't know what to write.

Suggestions: This forum is awesome as it is. I did wonder whether you have members whose 'job' it is to welcome others, to ensure every newbie gets a response. But, that said, it looks as though all post are replied to, anyway.

Parting comments: I am happy that "Game of Thrones"

encouraged me to do some red case reviews. I was surprised I hadn't already reviewed this forum. It is such a warm and welcoming place, and it is a lovely introduction to the website.

Choconut

16

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#4747614

Review of No Dialogue Contest-CLOSED

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi QPdoll

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... I am. reviewing your contest forum today as our challenge in "Game of Thrones"

is to review lost treasures. I know I'm a little biased, but I believe this is one of those treasures.

This contest always had a good number of entries, and that is because it is different to all other contests on this website. I think I'm right in saying there are no other contests that ban all forms of dialogue. Which makes this contest extra special. As I come to look at it today, I am doing so with fond memories.

The last time you ran this contest was in September last year. I love the image of the two white kitties with a birthday cake. I see that was designed by GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen who is a very talented designer. Your main forum page is clearly laid out. The instructions are stated plainly, and the prompt is shown for all to easily see. I like that you allow any genre for entries. That opens the contest up to a wide range of members. And you always had good numbers of entries, as well. I think people enjoyed the challenge of writing without dialogue. I always enjoyed reading the talented writers who entered stories.

I like that you mention the different categories each entry would be judged under. It helped me, as a judge, as well as guiding your contestants. Additionally, I like that you have included examples of stories without dialogue, to inspire and aid everyone. 700 words, by the way, is the perfect number of words. It means the writer has to write concisely, using only the most important — and right — words.

Suggestions: Only the obvious one: hold the contest again, please. But, seriously, I understand why you haven't opened it for a while. If you do, though, count me in.

Parting comments: I am glad I had the opportunity to review this contest as a lost treasure. It has certainly earned that title over time.

Choconut

17

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#4747612

Review of The Whatever Contest -- Closed for Now

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Schnujo is Late to Lannister

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... I am reviewing this as one of my lost treasures during the epic "Game of Thrones"

challenges. I had a poke around your port, and this is what I found.

I really like the name of 'Whatever Contest.' The fact that the prompts could be about anything appealed to me. It would appeal to others, as well, as is evidenced in the numbers of entries you received. I remember entering this and writing a letter with instructions for what to do should Ipass away. I gave my husband a copy (although, he refused to open it and stuffed the envelope away in his cupboard). I also gave a copy to my two best friends. Just to err on the side of caution. I remember reading the prompts for this contest, and thinking, That is something I must do. It was a great prompt to use. If not for this, I would never have even thought about writing it.

The contest itself had three prompts to choose from. I like that: a story, a poem and an essay (or, in this case, letter). That covers all bases for all members. It must have been difficult to judge such different kinds of entries. I can't remember whether you had prizes for each category?

I know how time-consuming it is to run contests and activities, so I understand why this contest has been closed since 2022. I also know that you are travelling at the moment, so have hardly any free time and your internet is sketchy. But, if you ever want to open this contest for another round, I will write an entry, for sure.

Suggestions: I know the contest is closed, so this is irrelevant at the moment. But it would be nice to have a section on your forum main page showing who the winners were of the latest round. Just something to think about.

Parting comments: I forgot to mention the graphics, but the way. The Whatever banner is fab, and I even like the Sorry Closed sign. Nice work!

Choconut

18

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#4746792

Review of My Apologies, Mr. Smith

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ... For my final review of this enjoyable raid, I have decided to review this horror story.

The first thing I want to say is "black moon desserts." What are they? They sound interesting. I really liked the humour in this story. When I read this, I chuckled: "the dance I had with some Frankenstein stepping on my toes just aggravated me enough to develop that headache." I could picture the big, cumbersome Frankenstein character dancing all over her toes. I could also imagine the desire to get away from the party. Who hasn't faked headaches or other ailments to leave somewhere early now and again? It is very relatable.

The Grim Reaper ... Ohh. He's a bad one, isn't he? When Sybil pulled in to the police station, you had you reader thinking she was safe. Mr. Smith had not been a crazy stalker, after all. He had been trying to save her. Even so, the tension you created through the whole car chase scene is fantastic. You had me on the edge of my seat. And then, you wrote, "At that point, my new hero, Mr. Smith interjected that he would be happy to drive me home." and I was screaming at Sybil to let the police drive her. But she didn't listen. She accepted the lift, went to Denny's with the Grim Reaper, and even fell asleep in his car. I wondered if he had slipped something into her drink to make her sleepy because falling asleep after almost being attacked by a stalker is not usual behaviour.

The end made me laugh. Not Sybil being crushed to death, but when she thought back on her feigned headache, and she considered the irony of the situation. I liked the unique method of murder this Grim Reaper chose. I honestly don't think I've read a story like this before. It kept me wanting to find out the conclusion. I was sure Mr. Smith would be a bad one, but I hoped I was wrong.

Suggestions: As before I will put my grammatical / Typo suggestions in a dropnote for you to view, should you so wish.
Grammar / Typo Suggestions ▼

Parting comments: I have thoroughly enjoyed my poke around your portfolio. You write with a lot of heart and humour. Your creepy stories work really well, too, and you have a bunch of fabulous activities for the community to enjoy.

Thanks, Webbie!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

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#4746789

Review of Angel-Witch Bingo!

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ...

I love the buzz around this game every year. It is something that most people on here will have heard of, and many will have participated in. It creates a sense of fun and anticipation. The list of participants is huge. (Looking at the list, I don't think I took part last year. But I'm sure I did in previous years.) I remember this being exciting.

You don't charge people to guess at the numbers each day, and that is a big bonus for the activity. The prizes of gps every day and merit badges at the end helps to make this so popular. I like the fact that you hold this once a year, during WDC's birthday week only. That, also, adds to the excitement surrounding this activity. It makes it feel extra special.

The main forum page is attractive. Your picture of the black cat, wearing a purple and black hat, catches the eye immediately. And you have all the instructions laid out clearly, in sections. This makes it easy to understand what we need to do to participate. The different colours and fonts make the page even more interesting and eye-catching.

Suggestions: One thing I would add if I were you is a link for somewhere people can post donations. As I mentioned above, you don't charge people to enter, so I wonder whether it might help your own funds to have a donations link. I have a question: Are multiple people allowed to post the same guess? As I'm writing this, I realise they probably are. Otherwise, you would have limited guess places available. But, it might be good to say that multiple people can guess the same letter and number combination, and they will both get the same prize if they win.

Parting comments: I couldn't leave your portfolio without reviewing Angel Bingo. I remember having fun with it in the past. I really hope you bring it back this year. If so, I promise to take part.

Choconut

20

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#4746780

Review of ~Her Wonderful World~

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ...

What a beautiful memory. It sounds as those you had some precious, happy times with your mother and your family. There's nothing quite like a big family gathering, particularly when you are young. My mum was one of ten children, so I have a gazillion cousins, and we have always all gathered together twice a year. I remember those times when I was younger, playing hide and seek and other games with my cousins. Sneeking away to the park. Playing darts on my aunt's dartboard. Those times are special, and this memory of yours reminded me of those times. It's funny how someone else's memory can remind you of some of your own.

The use of music through this story really appeals to me. From the title song, to Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, I love your mom's taste in music. I think music is the thing that can instantly transport me back in time quicker than anything else. I love music, and I find I have an emotional response to it a lot.

The picture of the children listening to horror story night is brilliant. You say there was "safety in numbers," and that made me laugh. Children and teenagers tend to go through a paranormal phase, don't they? Where they want to scare themselves witless, but they don't mind because they are with their friends at the time. For my friends and me, it was 'Poltergeist' and 'Nightmare On Elm Street.' We sneaked the videos into our bedrooms and watched them together. I remember being terrified a poltergeist would come and get me for months after watching that!

Suggestions: I wouldn't change a thing. This is your memory, straight from your heart, and I would never try to change that.

Parting comments: Once again, your writing has taken me on a reminiscing journey of some happy times when I was younger. Your mom sounds like a wonderful lady. She sounds as though she liked to have fun, and also to put on a great party and be a great host. I feel rather nostalgic after reading this. You have reminded me, I must give my aunt a ring today.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

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#4746575

Review of ~Memories of Momma~

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked: The hold you had over me for this whole story.

Oh, Webbie. You've done it again. You have tugged on my heartstrings, making me feel so much empathy for your character. You even had my eyes misting over at the end. You have such a warm, genuine voice, and it sucks your readers in. The memories of wheat fields and running through them, the memories of being with a magical mother; it just moves me. We never get over losing our mothers, no matter how old we are, and the way you show Amanda at the end of the story, still having the same ritual of running through the wheat fields, pretending to be a unicorn, works. It just works.

I didn't make any notes while reading this, and usually I write a bunch so I can remember bits I want to point out. But, with this story, I was captivated. I couldn't take my eyes away from the page. I love how you mention the gold corn, and at the end you write the, "sun is shining its golden flecks over the field." (That's wonderful imagery, by the way.) The way you carry the golden colour though, as though you are thinking of the golden childhood image, the halcyon days when life was carefree and safe, is part of the reason why I liked this so much.

When I first started to read, I thought this was a biographical piece. But it isn't in your life experience folder, so I don't think it is. But that is testament to your writing because it sounds completely believable. The part where Amanda is staying with her aunt when her momma passes away is really emotional. I could feel for that poor, young girl. She must have felt so lonely and frightened. When she didn't believe her aunt, and insisted on going home to see her momma, it was so, so sad. Because we knew it was true.

Suggestions: Once again, I have none. If you changed this in any way, you would potentially detract from the emotion.

Parting comments: Wow. You write straight from your heart. I love it when I read other people's words, and they speak to me. And yours do. I loved this story!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

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#4746565

Review of ~Greetings from a Gruesome Gargoyle~

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ...

I know it's not Halloween, not even October, but I was drawn to the title of this story. That "gruesome gargoyle" made me smile. As I first read this flash fiction, I found myself really liking the old gargoyle. He (or she, I'm not sure) only gets to haunt and wreak havoc in the library for the month of October, so every year he packs as much naughtiness in as possible.

I did feel for the old librarian, I must admit. She ends up fainting after the gargoyle pushes some books in front of her in the aisle. And she is so disturbed, the emergency medics have to come out to her. I love how much the gargoyle feels happy about this. This sentence fragment — the one with all the fs — is so pleasing on the tongue: "the folly of the frail, fossil’s first freefall in fifty-five fortnights." The descriptions the gargoyle gives of the old librarian falling are funny, as well. He describes her falling backwards, legs in the air with her, "unmentionables all up close and personal." That made me laugh.

The gargoyle describes this: "I wander the aisles of the dust-covered books and breathe in their essence." and I can relate to it big time. I'm sure most of the people on this website can relate to it, too. I love the smell of books, and I get how the essence of them is what keeps the gargoyle alive. So to speak. Also, the fave beans and Chianti made me chuckle.

Suggestions: I have a few grammatical suggestions. I've put them in a dropnote so you may read them as you wish. Or not.
Grammatical Suggestions ▼

Parting comments: This is a fun story, good at Halloween, or any other time of the year. Mostly, good if you want a giggle.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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#4746550

Review of Totem Wolf

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ...

This poem is lovely. I've read it five times now, trying to soak in all the words, and I'm sure I've missed things. It feels like a poem about spirituality and discovering nature and Mother Nature, and finding out that we are connected to nature in a profound way. It is also a very feminine poem. In terms of being written from a feminine perspective, and from having feminine experiences.

I think most women will understand the struggle between who we want to be, who we are, and who our family wants / needs us to be. It's not that we would ever choose to not have them, but sometimes, we lose a little of ourselves along the way. However, in your poem, you discuss a kind of spiritual awakening. Once you have that, once you connect with Mother Earth, you are able to find yourself. At least, I think that's what you are saying.

Technically, I don't think this poem is any set form, and this is absolutely right. You couldn't really write about the open-ness and freedom of spirituality in a poem where all your words and syllables were restricted. You do, however, have the odd internal rhyme, and you have used enjambment wonderfully. I love that little tool, so reading a poem that employs it as well as this one is a pleasure. I also found the poem has a great rhythm. It flows well, and your use of punctuation tells the reader how you want it to be read.

There are a couple of places I have to highlight, simply because I love them. "Hope is renewed, / in a bounty that never before existed." That wonder and awe is captured so nicely. Also, I love the imagery of the, "branches of great oaks and the sweet scent of maple after a pre-spring rain." That whole description is fantastic. Oak trees represent stability and trustworthiness, strength. And those pieces of scent you give us — of rain and maple — place us inside the poem world with you.

Suggestions: I have nothing. I would do nothing to change this.

Parting comments: This is an evocative poem. It (I think) gives a glimpse into your mindset. It's a great tale of a woman's awakening to spirituality and nature. I really enjoyed it.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

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#4746531

Review of Happy Holiday c-Notes

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

,

This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked ...

You have a wonderful collection of cNotes here. I'm not sure I've encountered your shop before, but I've added it to my favourites now. The illustrations themselves are unique. They look as though they have been drawn especially for your shop. I think my favourite cNote is the 'Happy Halloween' one. The mountain in the background, and the bat and witch on her broomstick, all make this cNote a great one to send at the end of October. Actually, I love the Halloween cat asleep on the pumpkin, too.

The Thanksgiving note, at the end, made me smile. I like how there is a wishbone in front of the turkey. I wonder if that bird knew its fate? I only discovered, when I married my American hubby, that you guys have turkey at Thanksgiving, but no so much at Christmas time. He always insists on a ham at Christmas. But, that's by the by.

The 'Boo Gram' made me laugh. I wonder if there are people who actually deliver 'Boo Grams.' There should be. Your Christmas 'Precious Moments' is a lovely picture. The young girl in her all-in-one pyjamas, leaving goodies out for Santa is so evocative of Christmases when I was a child. Memories of my parents come to mind. Happy memories. However, my favourite Christmas cNote is 'Holy Night.' There is something about the picture that catches my eye. I love the words, "A gift like no other." (I did have to make the page quite large, though, to be able to read them.)

Suggestions: Only one suggestion. While you cover most of the big holidays in this shop, I did wonder whether you could add a 4th of July cNote. That is the only place I see a (very) small gap in your selection.

Parting comments: This is a great cNote shop that, now I have it in my favourites, I will use when Halloween and Christmas come around.

Choconut

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#4746528

Review of Dog Gone Nights

Review by Choconut ~ Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here.

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This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What I liked: Every single part of this story!

I was drawn to this story by your intriguing title. Plus, any story with a dog in it, and I'm there. I think I laughed over every single line of this story. Your humour, your ability to laugh at yourself and the situation, is wonderful. Your narrative voice is warm and light. This all makes it a joy to read.

I love how you refer to this "gang dog" as being tough and "mostly mutt with attitude." That's so funny. I can picture him perfectly. You describe his bandana and the colours being those of the "Crips", and I could just about imagine him with a leather jacket, to boot. I have to say you describe this dog so well. The way he acted, and the way you reacted, is so funny. Your last line, where you say the dog and you, "had ourselves a little understanding" after you were firm with him and told him he was a bad dog. I guess he wasn't quite so tough, after all. The image of him running down the street, garbage bag hanging from his mouth, really made me laugh!

This sentence is hilarious: "The next day I resolved to make Cujo my bitch." I love that. Also, you say you lay in wait with, "a hand on the garden sprinkler system ready to give that demon a good splash up his woo-hoo." And then, you say the dog liked the cooling spray. Oh, my. So funny.

I assume this is a true story. I can imagine my old dog, Alfie, would have rummaged around in our neighbours' bins, had he been able to break free. He was a big fan of rubbish. I can also imagine he would have run away carrying a bag or two in his mouth. This is what makes the story so funny. It is something a lot of us can relate to.

Just a question. Did the dog visit other neighbours, do you know? Or did he hone in one you? Just wondering.

Suggestions: I have no suggestions, I'm afraid. I think your story is perfect as it is.

Parting comments: Oh, Webbie. I enjoyed this story so much. I can imagine your battle with this gang-dog. Both of you trying to outsmart the other. It's just so funny!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .