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2,032 Public Reviews Given
2,051 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Writer_Mike ,

This review is the first of your Hazelnut Praline reviews from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium " . It is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

For your first review, I wanted to take a look at this wordsearch as I saw it on the Quills Nomination list. I was intrigued to see what you had come up with.

*Starv* I love the subject matter you chose for this puzzle. It is such an important subject that can always use a little extra awareness and support.

*Starv* You have chosen some great words to associate with breast cancer. In particular, it's good to see family and friends mentioned because they really help a person through the illness. Also, they need help to get through just as much as the person who is ill. If I were to add anything, it would probably be the word "survivor." But, you have included "strength" and "encouragement." So, that's good. The inclusion of words related to early detection and the importance of treatment are important, also. (Basically, I think you have got this wordsearch spot on).

*Starv* Here is another cool part about this wordsearch: it is fun to complete. Yes; it has a serious message at its heart. However, you have a good balance in the words you use. And, there is just the right amount to make the puzzle tricky, but not impossible. I like that.

Finally, I just wanted to say that as someone who had a breast cancer scare a few years ago, I am passionate about raising awareness about breast cancer. I had scans and a needle biopsy, and it was terrifying waiting for the results, but I got lucky. It could easily have gone the other way. My grandmother died of breast cancer when she was 56, so I really do know how lucky I was.

Anyway, I digress slightly. This is a great wordsearch. I am so glad you chose to create this for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Choconut

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Review of Starting Over  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home! ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Starting Over" , and I'd like to offer the following comments on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your final Orange Creme review.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: Oh, wow. This really made me emotional. You write beautifully about the relationship between your main character and their grandfather. Even though we know the grandfather will die from the start, the part where your main character finds him in the orchard is really moving.

Plot: This is not a "big plot story". That's not the important part of it. Rather, it is a reflection of love and loss. It is about a character on the brink of a new life following the death of their beloved grandfather. I have to say, the carpentry part of this story really spoke to me. My dad had a workshop in our garden where he made all kinds of furniture, clocks, and other things with wood. He always smelled of sawdust. The memory of that has brought a tear to my eye. It was always a hobby with him, like the grandfather in this story. He worked to put food on the table and never took that step to do what he loved for a living. Oh. Yes, this has really moved me.

What I really liked: The relationship between the character and their grandparents is so lovely. The way they looked after this little six-year-old orphan is wonderful. Also, the ending ... Fabulous! " My eyes started to mist, making the road harder to see." This sentence made my eyes mist over, too! I think the way you end this story with the character walking towards a new life where they will become the carpenter their grandfather never had the chance to become is just great. Your last sentence — "I will make him proud." — will melt even the hardest of hearts.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: Only one suggestion. " I stayed with my Dad’s parents; my beloved grandparents, while my folks took on these duties." The semicolon after parents doesn't quite fit. I would change it to a comma. Or, if you want to highlight "my beloved grandparents" I would use em dashes to surround those words.

Final thoughts: I love this story! I don't know whether you had anyone in particular in mind when you wrote this, but the characters felt very real. It's beautiful. Absolutely. Great writing.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of To Robin Williams  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home! ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is your second Orange Creme review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: As I browsed your poetry folder, the title of this one jumped out at me. As I first read through, I found it really moving. I didn't realise the world had a super moon shining the night Robin Williams died. It is very fitting, isn't it? It's like a beacon to his bright star. I love the image of us looking up to see the moon and remembering this funny, yet troubled, man.

Voice/Tone: The tone of the poem is sad but positive. Whilst you describe your sadness at how Robin Williams left the world far too soon, and the sadness that he couldn't hold on any longer, you also give hope that we will remember him with fondness and laughter. Which we do today. For me, I will always see him as Mrs. Doubtfire. I loved that film as a kid. Also, of course, I remember him as Mork. He really was a comic genius.

Mechanics: This poem is two quatrains with an AABB CCDD rhyme scheme. I love this rhyme because it gives the poem a great rhythm and pace. It reads smoothly, and because the lines are of fairly even syllabic counts, there are no bumps along the way. It makes it a pleasure to read.

My Favourite Part: I love how you link the super moon and the passing of Robin Williams. This image runs through the whole poem, and it seems so poignant. It is beautifully written. The last line really brings everything together: "We'll all be there, someday soon." This is perfect. There's no other word for it. It makes me stop and think about how short life is and how we never know what lies ahead for us. I also think your opening lines are fab. They are a great hook into the poem.

This is a wonderful poem. In so few words, you say so much about this man and the legacy he has left behind. The image of the super moon highlights how brightly Robin Williams shone when he was alive and how he continues to shine to this day. Beautiful writing. I loved it.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home!

I've just finished reading your short story, "The Not So Calm Before the Storm" , and I'd like to offer the following comments on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is the first of your Orange Creme reviews from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium " .

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: This story did not go where I thought it would. When I read your brief description, I imagined some kind of conflict between the various bird watchers. Which, I guess there is. But, that's not the heart of this story. This is really about that cat. Oh, that cat! Evil to the core. It sounds kind of psychopathic by the way it charms its owner and terrorizes its guests.

Plot: The group of birdwatchers who are being led by a rather inept guide stumble across a cabin in the woods just as they realise a nasty storm is brewing. Naturally, they let themselves in, believing it to be empty. I love how you show them not getting along with one another. I really thought there would be a fight between them, or something. But then, out of nowhere, the cat attacked Mr. Twitch (which, by the way, is the perfect name for a birdwatcher!). I wonder whether the old lady knows what her cat is like. Maybe, she is some kind of witch. Maybe, she is brewing poisonous tea for her guests. Or, maybe she is just a sweet old lady with an evil cat. This is a good plot. I like the direction you took.

What I really liked: The humour. I laughed at your descriptions of the characters. Especially Mr. Twitch. The sarcastic, snarky-ish tone of the narrator is really entertaining. I love how she doesn't like any of her tour group. She kind of resents them, so her observations are super mean. I also love the moment the cat first launches itself from the rafters: "Suddenly, we heard this screeching sound and saw a flying pile of fur lurching off a ceiling beam, landing right on Mr. Twitch’s neck, forcing his head backward and through the window." Also, the "Fedora-shaped hole" in the window is brilliant! The way the narrator laughs at him is classic. Who wouldn't have laughed at this scene?

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a couple of suggestions that I have put in this dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Suggestions: In some places, it feels like you could use a little more showing to pull the reader farther into the story. For example, here: "I noticed a lovely window facing the lake." At this point, it would be great to know in what way the window was lovely. Also, a description of the view would have really set the scene. My only other suggestion is to show dialogue between the characters. The narrator tells us what has been said a lot of the time when you could have shown the actual dialogue. It would have made the characters more real.

Final thoughts: This is a really entertaining story that I enjoyed reading. I love your sense of humour. Please take whatever you want from my suggestions and disregard the rest. They are only my opinion.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of The Smart Thing  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ♥Hooves♥ ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2020" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love this! It is so funny and an absolute delight to read. It has left me with the biggest grin on my face.

Voice/Tone: The tone is light and humorous. I love how you fit all the prompt words and phrases in. Naturally, I love the parts about the labrador the most because they remind me of my Alfie. He definitely lives in his own bubble.

Mechanics: We have five quatrains, all with an AABB, CCDD, etc. rhyme scheme. I love the rhymes. They give the poem a wonderful rhythm. The lines are even and it flows beautifully. I think my favourite rhyme is the one of "Food Restaraunt Factory" with "dead car battery." That's a really clever rhyme. I could never have thought of that. It really made me smile.

My Favourite Part: The last line is perfect! "canines and bovines would surely know better." I love how you bring bovines into this poem, along with the canines. I think the first verse is a great hook into the rest of the poem. It sets the scene of the cold, wintry day with that hazardous ice covering the streets. "Should have known the day wouldn't be nice / not unless you like slipping on ice." That's brilliant! I've known a few days like that.

I have no suggestions for you, my dear HOOves. I think this poem is pretty darn perfect as it is! I love how much it has brightened my morning, and I thank you for that. Nice work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Lost Friend  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi bas ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is also part of "I Write in 2020" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is an interesting direction for you to take with this prompt. I would never have thought of using the prompt this way, and it's good to see some originality.

Plot: There isn't much of a plot if I'm honest. It is more of a scene. That is mainly due to the word count restriction, though. There is only so much you can say in 300 words. However, it might have been nice for you to show the scene of Arun professing his love for Shruthi as it happened, rather than as Shruthi's memory of what happened. It would have been more intimate, more inclusive for the reader.

Grammar: My main suggestions for your grammar is to make sure you always surround people's names (when addressing them directly) with punctuation marks, usually commas. Also, make sure speech when contained in speech marks has a punctuation mark at the end of it. Always. Also, when it is a new sentence, capitalise the first letter of speech.

What I liked: I like the glimpse into Shruthi's feelings. She is sad because Arun was her best friend, and she feels that is now ended. I feel sad for her.

This is a nice, little scene. I would love to see more of this couple's relationship if you ever decide to expand it. It's interesting. I would also love to read Arun's point of view, and to see how he is hurt by Shruthi's refusal. Nice work.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi River ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Mr. Cantankerous Cabbage" , and I'd like to offer the following comments on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is the final Chocolate Emporium review from Megan's gift.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: Once again, your title is terrific! I was searching through your port, looking for something to jump out at me, and this one totally fit the bill! It is funny, but also I think it applies to all cabbages. Personally, I think they all have a little evil inside.

Plot: This is the story of a menacing cabbage who sits on your table giving you the evil-eye. Unsure what to do with it, what there is that might make it tasty, you have to face it for hours before you find a recipe. I love the way you describe it as being "menacing" and "cantankerous." I would say this applies to every cabbage ever grown. I can't stand the things. I believe I may have spent many-a-time glowering at the specimens my father grew in his vegetable garden. That said, the recipe you chose does sound like it might be almost edible. At least, if it wasn't cabbage, it would!

What I really liked: This is so funny: "Boiled cabbage didn't appeal to me and so the cabbage and I were feeling out of sorts with each other." I love your portrayal of the uncomfortable relationship between you and this cabbage. It's a great take on personification. The cabbage really does come across as a person. I love the human characteristics you give it. This line is wonderful: "As I settled him into the sink and turned on the water, I could have sworn he sighed contentedly." I would love to know if you felt a smug kind of satisfaction from then baking him at 400 degrees! I would have. I have to admit, those "lightly browned edges" seasoned with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper sound tasty. My favourite thing about this story is the title. It's brilliant!

Final thoughts: This is a fab, little story, and a clever, unique exercise in personification. It works so well. I did not start out today thinking I would read a story about a cantankerous cabbage. I'm glad I did, though. It has put a smile on my face, and I thank you for that.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi River ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Let Me Testify! " , and I'd like to offer the following comments on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is the first review of three that Princess Megan Rose 22 Years gifted you via my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: Oh, this is a wonderful story about the power and importance of faith and how, once you feel it inside, your life can change for the better. It's a great story, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Plot: If I'm honest, this story didn't go where I was expecting it to go. The title was what drew me to this item. I thought it would be about a girl who wanted to testify in court. Initially, I thought it would be a crime story or thriller. I wasn't sure how it would relate to a talent contest, but I was intrigued to find out. I love how, in this case, the thing to which the character wants to testify is the joy that her faith gives her. That's such a clever idea. I love how Rebekah, who usually gets overlooked, is picked because of the way she feels inside, which shines through into her performance.

What I really liked: "Joy" is the key word in this story. It is the name of the song that gives Rebekah her frst solo performance, and it is the magic that she feels when singing the song. It leaves the reader feeling the joy, also. It gives the story a certain warmth and lightness. It's a lovely read, it really is.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I just have a few comma issues ...
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Suggestions: I only have one suggestion, and it doesn't affect the story itself at all. I would add the genre of "spiritual" to the list of genres for this story. It might get even more people to read it.

Final thoughts: This is a great story about the joy of faith. It shows how, if you believe, it changes something deep within you. I like that idea. Great writing!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Shannon ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "The Death of Tucker Ray" , and I'd like to offer the following comments on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your final Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: Wow. This story is so emotional. You write beautifully about the pain this man suffers because of his abusive childhood. Seeing him stood on the Golden Gate Bridge, ready to jump and check out, is just so sad. The reader easily connects with Tucker. We want him to survive; survive and thrive.

Plot: A young man needs to lay his past to rest by burying the abused child he used to be. The question is: Does that mean he must bury the adult him at the same time? I love how he thinks if just one person asks him if he is okay, he won't do it. That resonates with me big time. It's such a realistic portrait of this man on the edge. With all my heart, I wanted someone to ask him. Then the Chinese tourist, Kuan-yin, speaks to him and touches his hand. I looked up the translation of her name, as Tucker said he would, and I see she was the Goddess of compassion, mercy, and kindness. Perfect. The final part of this story, with Tucker and Kuan-yin dropping the photo into the water is just wonderful. I was so glad for the appearance of Kuan-yin. The way she wasn't afraid to offer help, to offer an ear to listen to whatever was troubling Tucker, was a nice touch. I was so happy he didn't jump.

What I really liked: Tucker. I love the way he keeps looking at the photo of him as a child and rubbing its dog-eared corners. I can picture that. The way he feels protective toward his younger self, while at the same time wanting to bury him, is so poignant. I had a lump in my throat through most of this story. You connect with your readers so well. I also love the words Tucker speaks when he drops the photo into the water: "Rest in peace, little man." Oh! My heartstrings are tugged!

Final thoughts: This story is so emotional. I felt a little wrung out by the end. Your character of Tucker is fantastic! He will stay with me, I think, for quite some time. You have done such a great job of writing about him. The picture at the head of your story adds to the feeling that we know this damaged man who used to be the young, frightened child. Great writing, Shannon! Just ... fantastic!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Wanted  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Shannon ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Wanted" , and I'd like to offer the following comments. This review is on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"  and is your second Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: I loved the scene inside the interrogation room! Both Blackwell and Kessler are great characters. If I'm honest, I wasn't completely sure who the character was that you were introducing. I think, on reflection, it is Kessler. However, that great image of Blackwell in your opening paragraph had me thinking it was him initially. He is instantly intriguing. He's dangerous, unpredictable, psychopathic. All fab qualities!

Plot: This story went somewhere very different from what I expected. You keep your readers on the edge of their seats the whole way through. We want to know what Blackwell will do to escape, or whether he will confess, whether he will lead the police to Katie's remains. In the end, he dies. If I'm honest, I was a little disappointed with the ending. Just a little. It took me a couple of reads to understand what actually happened when Blackwell grabbed Kessler. For a moment, I thought Kessler was working with Blackwell, but that didn't make sense because of the way he reacted when Blackwell mentioned his wife and baby. But, then, you write, "Peter, feigning defeat, raised his hands in surrender." and I was confused again. It took me until Blackwell was killed to be sure that he was using Kessler's wife (and Kessler himself) as a means to escape. However, he is shot dead by another officer before he can take Kessler to his wife.

What I really liked: Despite my above comments, I love your last line: "Detective Peter Kessler dropped to his knees, buried his face in his hands, and sobbed." This is a wonderful image of the detective to leave your readers with. It shows how much he loves his wife. Also, up until the end, I loved the plot. I loved the characterisation of both men. This description of what it was like to be faced with Walker Blackwell is fantastic: "Suddenly the room seems too small, the table between you too narrow, the door too far away." That really made me smile!

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: Just one place I would add a comma: " so when I saw Katie walking home from school that day I snatched her up." - I would place a comma after day.

You had me captivated from the start with your wonderful characterisation. It is a really great story. I loved reading it!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Shannon ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is the first of a (fairly old) "Rach's Chocolate Emporium "  gift from Princess Megan Rose 22 Years.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: As I looked through your port to find items to review, this title jumped out at me before any of the others. When I read it, I was so glad I did. It is a beautiful tribute to your grandma with a poignant message about taking the time to spend connecting with your loved ones.

Voice/Tone: The voice is full of love and warmth, along with a hint of regret at not realising how important it is to take time out from your busy life more often. However, this poem mostly reflects your love. More importantly, your grandma's love for you. The image of her "knitting needles flying" is fab. I could picture it clearly. It's a really heartwarming image. It feels like every stitch of your afghan was made with love. Despite her painful arthritis, she still persevered and didn't stop until your gift was complete. That's so lovely. I never knew my grandmas, so I am always touched when I read of other people's relationships with theirs.

Mechanics: This poem is six quatrains, all with an aabb rhyme scheme. I really like the rhymes because they help to give the poem a great rhythm. I have to say, some of your rhymes are pure genius! For example, rhyming "flying" with "undying", and "distraction" with "satisfaction" are so clever. Personally, I find rhyming poetry super difficult to write, so I appreciate how much time you must have taken with this. Which fits perfectly when the message of the poem is considered.

My Favourite Part: I really like the sentiment, the love, the warmth. It's a delight to read. The verse which begins, "When was the last time I sat down with such determination?" is my favourite. As I read this, I had echoes of my mum, dad, husband in my head. How many times have I heard them say this to me? So, I really smiled when I read this. It's a great reminder to not always reach for the easiest path. Sometimes, you just have to work harder and longer to get the best reward. I also love the message that we should take the time to spend with those we love. Finally, your last line is wonderful: "Perhaps your gram will send to you a small knitted reminder."

Suggestions: Alhough the lines are of fairly even syllables — fourteen — there are a few places where the stresses are a little off. For example, "I felt ashamed--for I did not hold gram in high regard." - Now I've read it a few times, it sounds right in my head, but at first, the section I highlighted seemed as though the stresses aren't right.

I really like this poem. It is a beautiful tribute to your grandmother. Great writing!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of A sad memory  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Sumojo ,

I've just finished reading your essay, "A sad memory " , and I'd like to offer the following comments.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: My feelings kept changing toward William as I read this piece. In the beginning, I liked him. I felt sorry for the bad relationship he had with his father. I imagined a small boy cowering in the corner from this monster who used to beat him. As I continued to read, William seemed to be inept at everything he did. He kind of reminded me of Frank Spencer in the way he tried his hardest to get things right, but, ultimately, failed. If I'm honest, I found myself a little frustrated by him, and I sympathised with his long-suffering wife. However, the image of him smoking and drinking himself to death, all alone, really hit hard. I can't imagine the pain he suffered after the death of his daughter. He certainly didn't lead a charmed life.

Contents: This essay is very matter-of-fact. You take us through sweet William's whole life, and it is really interesting. I would have liked to know what happened to William's daughter. You briefly say she had an accident, but it left me intrigued as to its nature.

What I really liked: "He still had a ready smile which fleetingly disguised the deep lines of sadness and stress that life had dealt out." That is the most telling sentence of this essay. Here, we see just what life has done to William, and it is incredibly sad to read. It really tugs at the old heartstrings. I like how you show the difference in character between William and his wife. Although she is described as being "fiery, quick-witted and educated", we still feel some sympathy for her. Her husband, despite the best of his intentions, had a knack of messing up at whatever he did. I don't entirely blame his wife for going back to Australia alone. It would have annoyed me that he received plenty of advice, but never paid any heed. Despite constantly getting it wrong. Nevertheless, I can't help but like him.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote.

Grammar/Readability/Punctuation Suggestions ▼

Suggestions: There is one place that could be a little clearer. It is: "At nineteen he was so good looking that it was often said that he resembled a young Frank Sinatra." This sentence comes directly after saying William's father ruled with an iron fist. So I wasn't sure, at first, whether it was William or his father who bore the resemblance to Frank Sinatra.

Final thoughts: This is an interesting portrait of sweet William. He certainly sounds like a character. I love how you show him at different stages of his life. In the end, you create a lot of sympathy for this man who has, effectively, lost everything. It's very moving.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
for entry "Christmas Glee--Lai" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Your title is perfect. This is a joyful poem about the love and warmth of spending time with loved ones over Christmas. I love the images you create of snuggling with your partner and drinking eggnog with your friends. Those are definitely the best things about Christmas!

Voice/Tone: The tone is happy and warm, and it invites the reader inside your home for a brief moment. It really is a joy to read.

Mechanics: The first verse is perfect. The rhymes are spot-on and the rhythm smooth. However, the second verse isn't quite right. There are only eight lines instead of nine, and it brought me out of the poem a little. I wondered why you had done this. You are missing either line seven or eight. Also, the rhyme of trends with begins doesn't really work. It almost does, just not quite.

My Favourite Part: "Wish it all was free / no pay." Oh, I hear you! I also really like the image of eggnog and carols with friends. Music is such an important part of Christmas, and it should be enjoyed and shared with friends. This image makes me think of Christmas concerts when I was at school. Such happy occasions.

Suggestions: Only to look at the second verse. I'm not sure if you accidentally cut a line, or if it was intentional. But I would look at it.

I really enjoyed this poem. It brought back memories of happy Christmases gone by, and it left me with a lovely, warm feeling. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Purple Celebrates ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This is a final review from an (old) Chocolate Fudge package from my Chocolate Emporium. I apologise it has taken so long for me to complete this.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I wanted to review an erotic piece of writing by you because I know you are the queen of this genre! Personally, I would love to write this, but I find it really hard. So it is interesting to read your work. It really is a great piece of erotica. Your writing is natural and unafraid, and it reads really well.

Plot: Taylor and Lina meet in a hotel for a Halloween party of two. Lina dresses in a sexy schoolgirl outfit to tempt Taylor, and judging by his physical reaction, this works.

Characters: I love how Taylor teases Lina and brings her almost to the point of orgasm, then pulls back. He is in complete control, and it drives her wild. It's so well written. Although there isn't a big action plot, it doesn't matter because the characters are the driving force of this story. It is a study of desire and a study of control. Excellent!

Grammar: I have a few notes on this which I have put in a dropnote.
Grammatical Suggestions ▼

What I liked: The action. Once the characters begin to react to each other, the story really zips along at a fantastic pace. It is easy to get lost in the story. I love the relationship between Taylor and Lina. I love Taylor's controlling manner with Lina. It's sexy. The end also made me smile: "'Now it’s my turn.' Grabbing his arm she pulled him onto the bed and pounced." That's fab!

I really enjoyed reading this story. You make it look so effortless to write erotica. It is a skill you possess naturally, and I have to admit, I am envious of that. Great writing.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi 🌷 Carol St.Ann 🌷 ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Oh, wow. This poem is so moving. Firstly, I love the clever play on words you have in the title. It is perfect and leads us to the theme of the poem really well. As I first read through, I found myself relating to each line, and as I reached the end, I had tears in my eyes. Those two last lines of "for those who do not yet know" are so heavy with sadness. I wish every year I didn't yet know about loss and grief. I envy those who don't.

Voice/Tone: The first line reads, "There is a sombreness," and this sets the tone for the poem. I love that image of wooden soldiers marching over our lives, trampling over our feelings and relationships. That is really powerful. The way you describe the forced happiness and "pretend smiles" of those who have lost loved ones really tugs at my heart. Similarly, the "frenzied shopping" and "gluttonous feasting" which we do to try to make up for the hole inside us is really well-described. I notice the picture you have attached to this poem is of a mother and child, which makes me wonder if it is actually about losing a child. Maybe, even, a miscarriage. It could fit for losing anyone we love, I guess. I can certainly relate to it after losing my Dad when I was 31 and Mum when I was 36.

I also have to mention how clever your inclusion of the lines from "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." Again, I can relate to this because I have always (since I was a child) found the lines you include to be really sad. I don't know why, but they speak to me about loss. In this poem, you sound a little bitter that you were promised this coming together of your loved ones every year, and yet it was a lie. I kind of feel that way sometimes.

Mechanics: This is free verse, and you have used the form really well. Your use of metaphors is first class. You compare celebrations with commiserations; happiness with sorrow. This is a wonderful example of free verse.

My Favourite Part: These lines are fantastic: "and those once joyful / melodious tidings / sting and gouge." I love this juxtaposition of joy and pain. The last two lines, though. Those are the ones that really bring tears to my eyes. What I wouldn't give to not yet know!

This poem really is beautifully written. It is so emotive and, I'm sure, most people will relate to it in some way. The rhythm of the poem is smooth, making it a fluid read. Great writing, Carol!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Ahh, this is a mushy love poem. But I absolutely adore it. As I first read through, I could relate to just about everything you say in it. The first verse, in particular, made me smile.

Voice/Tone: The tone is filled with love, but it is also lighthearted and honest. I really like the idea of your feelings still remaining "young and new" because that's exactly how it is. When that disappears, you know you're in trouble. The second verse is a little more serious in tone. And the last line affirms the love you feel for your partner: "you are my true love, indeed!" That's great. I don't know about you, but I find it really difficult to write about love and happy feelings. It's much easier to write about heartache and pain. So, I really admire this poem's sentiment and, actually, your honesty in it.

Mechanics: You have followed the Lento form perfectly. The rhymes are spot-on, and you even managed to rhyme the first and third lines as well as the second and fourth. Rhyming can be tricky, so I love how easy you make it look in this poem.

Rhythm: The rhythm is great. Because of the rhymes, the poem zips along at a nice pace with no bumps along the way. It is smooth and a pleasure to read.

My Favourite Part: "We're older, grayer, and have more debt / and I still absolutely adore you." This is so true. It could have been written about my hubby and me. I really smiled when I read it. I also really like the lighthearted tone of the poem. So, although it is about your love for your partner, it isn't really all that mushy. It just sounds real, genuine. And I like that.

Great writing. A thoroughly enjoyable poem. It's so nice to get this little insight into you. Brilliant!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "December 16, 2019" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love the image this poem leaves me with. It is one of light and possibility. It feels warm and positive. I love the idea of the multiverse that holds everything and everyone ever made.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, which works well for a poem with so few syllables. One thing I did notice: it actually has twenty-five syllables. I've counted it a few times, to make sure. But, there is definitely one too many for the contest. However, it doesn't affect the poem. It works really well like this.

Rhythm: The internal rhymes you use in this poem make it read smoothly and give it a great pace. The rhymes of mind with light and coalesce with multiverse are a great way to make the poem pop off the page.

My Favourite Part: "I would burst into starlight." This image is so vivid. The use of the word burst when describing light is perfect.


This is a great, little poem. I enjoyed reading it, and it has left me feeling a little lighter. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your final Coconut Snowball review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Perfection. That is the word that springs to mind when I read this Lento. I really enjoyed writing this poetic form last week. It was a fun form, although, a little tricky. You have written a fantastic example. The first line is just perfect: "Seed the furrows of your mind." That's such a great hook.

Voice/Tone: The tone of this poem is one of a wise person dispensing advice to those who want to learn how to become a better writer and, also, to become more learned in general. I think it could relate to someone who wants to learn any subject.

Mechanics: This is a wonderful example of a Lento. You have got the syllables right, the end-of-line rhymes spot on, and rhymed the first words of each line. It's such a tricky form, but it's great to read when written well. In this poem, I love how the first verse deals with dispensing the advice. You state that the lessons are there to be learned. We just have to pay attention. In the second verse, you move on to tell us we need to put the knowledge into practice if we want to get better. I like the way you move from advice to practice. In terms of rhythm, this poem is perfect. Each line works with the others to create a smooth poem that moves at a great pace.

My Favourite Part: "Wisdom's lavish store." Oh, my goodness! I love that description. It's so true. Wisdom's store is infinite, and the only way we can improve is to take lessons from it. This line from the second verse also really speaks to me: "Fight to quench thirst for knowledge." I love this image of always learning, of always taking notice of the lessons which lie everywhere.

This is a really great poem. I love the sentiment, and the form is adhered to perfectly. It really is a pleasure to read, and it is a great example of why you are the Poetry King! Beautiful writing, Dave.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Write Stuff  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dave ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your second Coconut Snowball review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Oh, the tortured soul of a writer! I can totally relate to this poem which expresses how writing is a need, not just something we do for fun. I smiled as I first read this. You describe how we are never truly happy with the work we produce. There is always something extra we could do to improve our writing. (However, I have to say, with most of your poems, I would say they have already reached perfection.)

Voice/Tone: The voice contains some humour. Although you are describing the pain we suffer for our art, it is slightly tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure anyone on this website who reads this will understand where you are coming from.

Mechanics: This poem has three verses which, I think, are limericks. At least, their form appears to be limericks. If I'm honest, when I read them, the stresses don't feel quite right in the first two verses. At least, not for limericks. The third verse, however, does. If not limericks, these are three quintains, all with an AABBA rhyme scheme.

Rhythm: The rhythm is good, and, on the whole, it gives the poem a nice pace and flow. I'm not sure about the first verse if I'm honest. I understand why you used the word stuff so many times, but it's quite a bland word, and using it four times in four lines disrupts the flow a little. The overall flow of this verse suffers because of it. You use the word again in the next two verses, and I think you are showing your reader how you have stufff, stuff, and more stuff which needs to be written.

My Favourite Part: The last verse is fab! It made me chuckle. I love the description of trying to sate your soul. This feverish need to write, to get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or computer screen) is something people who aren't writers could never understand. But, to me, it speaks volumes. I also love your last line: "of writing stuff to extol." I will forgive you this stuff. It's too great a description to criticise.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I like the humour, and I love the sentiment. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is the first of an (old) Coconut Snowball package from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This poem is so sad. A sense of despair and abandonment runs through every line. I remember reading this poem before, and it had a photo attached to it. I can't remember exactly what the photo was, though. I think it was a ghost town, maybe? I remember that you were the only person to take the prompt in this direction, and I really liked that.

Voice/Tone: You write with such eloquence about a scene which, I think, you have witnessed first hand. The demise of small towns is something you sound angry about. The corruption by the people in charge is what you blame for this mess. I love how you describe the "The bustling crowds and neon lights" which once inhabited the streets and brought the town to life. Now, silence is the only sound. It's a sad scene, and it could easily be written about a warzone rather than a ghost town in America.

Mechanics: I have to admit I'm not sure whether this poem is a specific form, but there are four quatrains followed by a rhyming couplet at the end. All of the lines have eight syllables and the verses have an ABAB rhyme scheme. The rhythm is wonderful, partly because of the rhyme, and partly because you have all the stresses spot on. It reads so fluidly. When I read it out loud, there was one place where it didn't flow quite as well, for me, and that was: "Dire sights, despair, and putrid smells". However, this is purely a pronunciation difference. I was reading dire with two syllables as that is how I naturally say the word. But, my hubby who is American said it should be one syllable.

My Favourite Part: I love the picture that this poem creates. This description, in particular, is powerful: "as broken promise bids adieu / amid the rubble lying there." This rubble is both metaphorical and literal, I think. It makes me think of the rubble of the dreams that came crashing down. Again, both metaphorical and literal. That's clever. I also really like this line: "Oh! Where did all the people go?" The punctuation in this line is brilliant. It's a great expression of despair.

This is a wonderful poem. I wish I could remember which contest it was entered into and what the prompt was. That's not really important, though. What matters is the scene you paint with your words, and that is fabulous. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Frosty's Revenge?  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is part of our Winter Fun Raid *Snow4*

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Brilliant! This is darkly funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Poor Frosty. Scary Frosty. And, oh my gosh, that evil bunny. What revenge did he have in mind?

Plot: Frosty the Snowman is murdered by the evil magician Professor Hinkle. He is melted in a greenhouse. Which, honestly, Frosty should have known better than to enter. I love how Frosty returns the following year in ghost form and enacts his revenge on the professor. As for Hocus Pocus, the hyperactive rabbit friend of Professor Hinkle, he saw the whole murder going down, and he is thirsty for revenge. That's so funny.

Characters: I'm not sure what Hocus Pocus had to do with Professor Hinkle if I'm honest. It seems like an odd friendship. I like it, though. Maybe he's like a witch's cat: the magician's assistant. I also wondered who Karen is. She is mentioned at the beginning as being Frosty's friend but then isn't mentioned again. Is she in the Frosty song? Is that why you used that name? I'm just curious because it seems a little random.

What I liked: The dark humour. It's right up my street. I love the crazed version of the once-happy Frosty who comes to kill the man who killed him. I love this line, spoken when Professor Hinkle says to Frosty that he thought he killed him: "'Yes you did, Professor,' said Frosty. 'But you did not kill the spirit of Christmas!'” That made me chuckle.

I really enjoyed reading this story, Angus. You never disappoint, and your humour always makes me laugh. I love how you take a mild character like Frosty the Snowman and turn him into an evil fiend intent on revenge. Only you, Angus. Only you *Laugh*


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Detective ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I'm not sure what the prompt was for this poem, but I assume was to write about what scares you about the dark? I have to admit, I can relate to this poem. I have never liked the dark, and the thought of ghosts and ghouls scares me a lot.

Voice/Tone: The tone is dark and slightly sinister. I note your line (the prompt line?) which repeats is, "If I was afraid of the dark." After reading this poem, it makes me think you are a little afraid of the dark, and by saying, "If I was ..." you can pretend you aren't. Again, very relatable.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, with the refrain that I mention above. Free verse works well. I like the three-line verses. I think they make the message come across as powerful. They are punchy, and I like that. The rhythm is good. There is a nice pace.

My Favourite Part: The verse which begins, "My imagination would run wild" is my favourite. The "creeps and spooks everywhere" is a freaky thought, but it is exactly how it works when you are in the dark and you have a fear of it.

Suggestions: I'm not sure about the second verse. "Nothing would look like what it is / It would all look like what it isn’t." This isn't very descriptive. It doesn't show the reader anything in particular. Also, the first line is quite awkward in its wording. I would work on this verse if you ever want to revise this poem.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is one I can relate to a lot, and I think you have captured the fears associated with the dark brilliantly.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to a faith which appears to bring you a lot of joy and comfort. It sounds joyful, and the feeling with which I come away from this poem is one of bringing people together and sharing and helping one another. It is a very warm feeling.

Voice/Tone: Your voice is light and bright, like a beacon shining for your faith. It's a delight to read. It is also really interesting. This faith is one my husband is also interested in. He has bought some prayer books, and he was just speaking about it at the weekend. So, this poem is of extra interest to me because of that.

Mechanics: You have written three quatrains, all with an abab rhyme scheme. I really like this rhyme because it gives the poem a wonderful rhythm. It reads smoothly and has a great pace. I particularly love your rhyme of "humanity" with "unity." That works really well.

My Favourite Part: I love the overall positivity and joy this poem contains. Also, the education. I had no idea this faith has a fasting period. That is interesting. I like the way you celebrate "the love of Baha'u'allah" before the fast when you are asked to contemplate what you have and the sacrifices that have been made.

Suggestions: This is just a tiny point, and it doesn't affect the poem at all. It would be nice to know the correct pronunciation of some of the terms. For example, "Ayyam-i-Ha." Also, does the meaning of this word translate into English, or is it not translatable?

I really like this poem. It is light and joyous. A real pleasure to read.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I want to sit around your table at Thanksgiving! The scene you create makes my mouth water. The delicious goodies are bountiful and well-described. This is absolutely brilliant!

Voice/Tone: The tone is reflective and warm. I think you are looking back on Thanksgivings in the past and remembering the happy times you shared with family. You end by thanking God for his bounties, and this is a fantastic way to end a poem about Thanksgiving.

Mechanics: This is an acrostic, and I admire you so much for this. I find acrostics so hard to write. They are like my nemesis when it comes to writing poems. But, this poem of yours is a perfect example. You spell out your message with the letters as required, and you share your memories via the many foods you describe.

My Favourite Part: This line makes my mouth water that little bit more than all the others: "Potatoes peeled, halved, boiled, mashed, and buttered." I also really like your ending, where you share the truly important part of Thanksgiving: the message of thankfulness. This line is wonderful: "Individual blessings were retold and rephrased--" This is a great way of showing the coming together of family and traditions. It feels so warm and blessed.

Suggestions: Just one tiny point. "Yams , turkey" - You need to move the comma back a space.

This poem is so enjoyable to read. I love everything about it, from the delicious food you describe to the feelings of belonging and family. I also really like the way you have written an acrostic and used it to highlight your message. It all comes together perfectly. It is a really great poem!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of River and Swamp  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is really interesting. I note in your brief description you say this is how it is. As I read through, I found myself thinking, "Eww, I could never eat that." Alligator and frogs, crawfish and liver. It's so different from the fried chicken and chips I intend to eat for dinner today! But, honestly, I found this totally fascinating.

Plot: This is the story of a Thanksgiving that is a little different from most. I haven't looked at the brief, but I would guess that is the requirement for this contest. I love your descriptions of the swamp water and all the various foods and tastes. I could picture this scene from Louisiana, which is so different from any I've personally experienced. It's really well described.

Grammar: I have a few grammatical points which I will put in a dropnote.
Grammar/Punctuation/Readability ▼

What I liked: I love the variety of foods and tastes to which you introduce me. As mentioned above, the experience is totally different from anything I've ever known, so it is fab to read about this alternative Thanksgiving. I love your descriptions. I love the overall feeling you create. I feel the togetherness of this family/community. That shines through. Specifically, I love this sentence: "There was no way we could spend thirty bucks for one and still keep the lights on." What a great way of saying how little money you had.

Suggestions: The first sentence took me a few reads to understand. I'm guessing it is a southern saying, but it just sounds a little awkward, to me.

I really enjoyed reading this. You have done a great job of introducing me to a different way of life. I'm not entirely sold on eating alligator and frogs, but, hey, you never know!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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