*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/purplesunday/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: OFF
2,046 Public Reviews Given
2,065 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 15 16 ... Next
251
251
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Ahh, this is a mushy love poem. But I absolutely adore it. As I first read through, I could relate to just about everything you say in it. The first verse, in particular, made me smile.

Voice/Tone: The tone is filled with love, but it is also lighthearted and honest. I really like the idea of your feelings still remaining "young and new" because that's exactly how it is. When that disappears, you know you're in trouble. The second verse is a little more serious in tone. And the last line affirms the love you feel for your partner: "you are my true love, indeed!" That's great. I don't know about you, but I find it really difficult to write about love and happy feelings. It's much easier to write about heartache and pain. So, I really admire this poem's sentiment and, actually, your honesty in it.

Mechanics: You have followed the Lento form perfectly. The rhymes are spot-on, and you even managed to rhyme the first and third lines as well as the second and fourth. Rhyming can be tricky, so I love how easy you make it look in this poem.

Rhythm: The rhythm is great. Because of the rhymes, the poem zips along at a nice pace with no bumps along the way. It is smooth and a pleasure to read.

My Favourite Part: "We're older, grayer, and have more debt / and I still absolutely adore you." This is so true. It could have been written about my hubby and me. I really smiled when I read it. I also really like the lighthearted tone of the poem. So, although it is about your love for your partner, it isn't really all that mushy. It just sounds real, genuine. And I like that.

Great writing. A thoroughly enjoyable poem. It's so nice to get this little insight into you. Brilliant!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
252
252
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "December 16, 2019" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love the image this poem leaves me with. It is one of light and possibility. It feels warm and positive. I love the idea of the multiverse that holds everything and everyone ever made.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, which works well for a poem with so few syllables. One thing I did notice: it actually has twenty-five syllables. I've counted it a few times, to make sure. But, there is definitely one too many for the contest. However, it doesn't affect the poem. It works really well like this.

Rhythm: The internal rhymes you use in this poem make it read smoothly and give it a great pace. The rhymes of mind with light and coalesce with multiverse are a great way to make the poem pop off the page.

My Favourite Part: "I would burst into starlight." This image is so vivid. The use of the word burst when describing light is perfect.


This is a great, little poem. I enjoyed reading it, and it has left me feeling a little lighter. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.
Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
253
253
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave's gone until 5/22/2024 ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your final Coconut Snowball review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Perfection. That is the word that springs to mind when I read this Lento. I really enjoyed writing this poetic form last week. It was a fun form, although, a little tricky. You have written a fantastic example. The first line is just perfect: "Seed the furrows of your mind." That's such a great hook.

Voice/Tone: The tone of this poem is one of a wise person dispensing advice to those who want to learn how to become a better writer and, also, to become more learned in general. I think it could relate to someone who wants to learn any subject.

Mechanics: This is a wonderful example of a Lento. You have got the syllables right, the end-of-line rhymes spot on, and rhymed the first words of each line. It's such a tricky form, but it's great to read when written well. In this poem, I love how the first verse deals with dispensing the advice. You state that the lessons are there to be learned. We just have to pay attention. In the second verse, you move on to tell us we need to put the knowledge into practice if we want to get better. I like the way you move from advice to practice. In terms of rhythm, this poem is perfect. Each line works with the others to create a smooth poem that moves at a great pace.

My Favourite Part: "Wisdom's lavish store." Oh, my goodness! I love that description. It's so true. Wisdom's store is infinite, and the only way we can improve is to take lessons from it. This line from the second verse also really speaks to me: "Fight to quench thirst for knowledge." I love this image of always learning, of always taking notice of the lessons which lie everywhere.

This is a really great poem. I love the sentiment, and the form is adhered to perfectly. It really is a pleasure to read, and it is a great example of why you are the Poetry King! Beautiful writing, Dave.

Keep writing!

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
254
254
Review of Write Stuff  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dave's gone until 5/22/2024 ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your second Coconut Snowball review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Oh, the tortured soul of a writer! I can totally relate to this poem which expresses how writing is a need, not just something we do for fun. I smiled as I first read this. You describe how we are never truly happy with the work we produce. There is always something extra we could do to improve our writing. (However, I have to say, with most of your poems, I would say they have already reached perfection.)

Voice/Tone: The voice contains some humour. Although you are describing the pain we suffer for our art, it is slightly tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure anyone on this website who reads this will understand where you are coming from.

Mechanics: This poem has three verses which, I think, are limericks. At least, their form appears to be limericks. If I'm honest, when I read them, the stresses don't feel quite right in the first two verses. At least, not for limericks. The third verse, however, does. If not limericks, these are three quintains, all with an AABBA rhyme scheme.

Rhythm: The rhythm is good, and, on the whole, it gives the poem a nice pace and flow. I'm not sure about the first verse if I'm honest. I understand why you used the word stuff so many times, but it's quite a bland word, and using it four times in four lines disrupts the flow a little. The overall flow of this verse suffers because of it. You use the word again in the next two verses, and I think you are showing your reader how you have stufff, stuff, and more stuff which needs to be written.

My Favourite Part: The last verse is fab! It made me chuckle. I love the description of trying to sate your soul. This feverish need to write, to get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or computer screen) is something people who aren't writers could never understand. But, to me, it speaks volumes. I also love your last line: "of writing stuff to extol." I will forgive you this stuff. It's too great a description to criticise.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I like the humour, and I love the sentiment. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
255
255
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave's gone until 5/22/2024 ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is the first of an (old) Coconut Snowball package from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This poem is so sad. A sense of despair and abandonment runs through every line. I remember reading this poem before, and it had a photo attached to it. I can't remember exactly what the photo was, though. I think it was a ghost town, maybe? I remember that you were the only person to take the prompt in this direction, and I really liked that.

Voice/Tone: You write with such eloquence about a scene which, I think, you have witnessed first hand. The demise of small towns is something you sound angry about. The corruption by the people in charge is what you blame for this mess. I love how you describe the "The bustling crowds and neon lights" which once inhabited the streets and brought the town to life. Now, silence is the only sound. It's a sad scene, and it could easily be written about a warzone rather than a ghost town in America.

Mechanics: I have to admit I'm not sure whether this poem is a specific form, but there are four quatrains followed by a rhyming couplet at the end. All of the lines have eight syllables and the verses have an ABAB rhyme scheme. The rhythm is wonderful, partly because of the rhyme, and partly because you have all the stresses spot on. It reads so fluidly. When I read it out loud, there was one place where it didn't flow quite as well, for me, and that was: "Dire sights, despair, and putrid smells". However, this is purely a pronunciation difference. I was reading dire with two syllables as that is how I naturally say the word. But, my hubby who is American said it should be one syllable.

My Favourite Part: I love the picture that this poem creates. This description, in particular, is powerful: "as broken promise bids adieu / amid the rubble lying there." This rubble is both metaphorical and literal, I think. It makes me think of the rubble of the dreams that came crashing down. Again, both metaphorical and literal. That's clever. I also really like this line: "Oh! Where did all the people go?" The punctuation in this line is brilliant. It's a great expression of despair.

This is a wonderful poem. I wish I could remember which contest it was entered into and what the prompt was. That's not really important, though. What matters is the scene you paint with your words, and that is fabulous. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
256
256
Review of Frosty's Revenge?  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is part of our Winter Fun Raid *Snow4*

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Brilliant! This is darkly funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Poor Frosty. Scary Frosty. And, oh my gosh, that evil bunny. What revenge did he have in mind?

Plot: Frosty the Snowman is murdered by the evil magician Professor Hinkle. He is melted in a greenhouse. Which, honestly, Frosty should have known better than to enter. I love how Frosty returns the following year in ghost form and enacts his revenge on the professor. As for Hocus Pocus, the hyperactive rabbit friend of Professor Hinkle, he saw the whole murder going down, and he is thirsty for revenge. That's so funny.

Characters: I'm not sure what Hocus Pocus had to do with Professor Hinkle if I'm honest. It seems like an odd friendship. I like it, though. Maybe he's like a witch's cat: the magician's assistant. I also wondered who Karen is. She is mentioned at the beginning as being Frosty's friend but then isn't mentioned again. Is she in the Frosty song? Is that why you used that name? I'm just curious because it seems a little random.

What I liked: The dark humour. It's right up my street. I love the crazed version of the once-happy Frosty who comes to kill the man who killed him. I love this line, spoken when Professor Hinkle says to Frosty that he thought he killed him: "'Yes you did, Professor,' said Frosty. 'But you did not kill the spirit of Christmas!'” That made me chuckle.

I really enjoyed reading this story, Angus. You never disappoint, and your humour always makes me laugh. I love how you take a mild character like Frosty the Snowman and turn him into an evil fiend intent on revenge. Only you, Angus. Only you *Laugh*


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


Click here to join a fun reviewing group!

Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
257
257
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Detective ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I'm not sure what the prompt was for this poem, but I assume was to write about what scares you about the dark? I have to admit, I can relate to this poem. I have never liked the dark, and the thought of ghosts and ghouls scares me a lot.

Voice/Tone: The tone is dark and slightly sinister. I note your line (the prompt line?) which repeats is, "If I was afraid of the dark." After reading this poem, it makes me think you are a little afraid of the dark, and by saying, "If I was ..." you can pretend you aren't. Again, very relatable.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, with the refrain that I mention above. Free verse works well. I like the three-line verses. I think they make the message come across as powerful. They are punchy, and I like that. The rhythm is good. There is a nice pace.

My Favourite Part: The verse which begins, "My imagination would run wild" is my favourite. The "creeps and spooks everywhere" is a freaky thought, but it is exactly how it works when you are in the dark and you have a fear of it.

Suggestions: I'm not sure about the second verse. "Nothing would look like what it is / It would all look like what it isn’t." This isn't very descriptive. It doesn't show the reader anything in particular. Also, the first line is quite awkward in its wording. I would work on this verse if you ever want to revise this poem.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is one I can relate to a lot, and I think you have captured the fears associated with the dark brilliantly.


Keep writing!

Choconut

New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
258
258
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to a faith which appears to bring you a lot of joy and comfort. It sounds joyful, and the feeling with which I come away from this poem is one of bringing people together and sharing and helping one another. It is a very warm feeling.

Voice/Tone: Your voice is light and bright, like a beacon shining for your faith. It's a delight to read. It is also really interesting. This faith is one my husband is also interested in. He has bought some prayer books, and he was just speaking about it at the weekend. So, this poem is of extra interest to me because of that.

Mechanics: You have written three quatrains, all with an abab rhyme scheme. I really like this rhyme because it gives the poem a wonderful rhythm. It reads smoothly and has a great pace. I particularly love your rhyme of "humanity" with "unity." That works really well.

My Favourite Part: I love the overall positivity and joy this poem contains. Also, the education. I had no idea this faith has a fasting period. That is interesting. I like the way you celebrate "the love of Baha'u'allah" before the fast when you are asked to contemplate what you have and the sacrifices that have been made.

Suggestions: This is just a tiny point, and it doesn't affect the poem at all. It would be nice to know the correct pronunciation of some of the terms. For example, "Ayyam-i-Ha." Also, does the meaning of this word translate into English, or is it not translatable?

I really like this poem. It is light and joyous. A real pleasure to read.


Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
259
259
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I want to sit around your table at Thanksgiving! The scene you create makes my mouth water. The delicious goodies are bountiful and well-described. This is absolutely brilliant!

Voice/Tone: The tone is reflective and warm. I think you are looking back on Thanksgivings in the past and remembering the happy times you shared with family. You end by thanking God for his bounties, and this is a fantastic way to end a poem about Thanksgiving.

Mechanics: This is an acrostic, and I admire you so much for this. I find acrostics so hard to write. They are like my nemesis when it comes to writing poems. But, this poem of yours is a perfect example. You spell out your message with the letters as required, and you share your memories via the many foods you describe.

My Favourite Part: This line makes my mouth water that little bit more than all the others: "Potatoes peeled, halved, boiled, mashed, and buttered." I also really like your ending, where you share the truly important part of Thanksgiving: the message of thankfulness. This line is wonderful: "Individual blessings were retold and rephrased--" This is a great way of showing the coming together of family and traditions. It feels so warm and blessed.

Suggestions: Just one tiny point. "Yams , turkey" - You need to move the comma back a space.

This poem is so enjoyable to read. I love everything about it, from the delicious food you describe to the feelings of belonging and family. I also really like the way you have written an acrostic and used it to highlight your message. It all comes together perfectly. It is a really great poem!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
260
260
Review of River and Swamp  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is really interesting. I note in your brief description you say this is how it is. As I read through, I found myself thinking, "Eww, I could never eat that." Alligator and frogs, crawfish and liver. It's so different from the fried chicken and chips I intend to eat for dinner today! But, honestly, I found this totally fascinating.

Plot: This is the story of a Thanksgiving that is a little different from most. I haven't looked at the brief, but I would guess that is the requirement for this contest. I love your descriptions of the swamp water and all the various foods and tastes. I could picture this scene from Louisiana, which is so different from any I've personally experienced. It's really well described.

Grammar: I have a few grammatical points which I will put in a dropnote.
Grammar/Punctuation/Readability ▼

What I liked: I love the variety of foods and tastes to which you introduce me. As mentioned above, the experience is totally different from anything I've ever known, so it is fab to read about this alternative Thanksgiving. I love your descriptions. I love the overall feeling you create. I feel the togetherness of this family/community. That shines through. Specifically, I love this sentence: "There was no way we could spend thirty bucks for one and still keep the lights on." What a great way of saying how little money you had.

Suggestions: The first sentence took me a few reads to understand. I'm guessing it is a southern saying, but it just sounds a little awkward, to me.

I really enjoyed reading this. You have done a great job of introducing me to a different way of life. I'm not entirely sold on eating alligator and frogs, but, hey, you never know!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.

Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
261
261
Review of My Pacific  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I really enjoy writing haikus. I find them challenging, but when done well, they are a delight to read. And, I have to say. This haiku is very well done. It has everything needed to make it first class.

Mechanics: You have the 5-7-5 syllabic count spot on. Also, your theme is nature, which is common among the more traditional haikus. You also have the "aha moment' with the last line by showing us how the anger and ragings of the sea are actually rather beautiful. The only thing I might add is a semicolon at the end of the second line. This is often done with traditional haikus, and it does fit with your haiku. It links the last line to the first two a little better.

My Favourite Part: I love the image this conjures up in my mind. I can see and hear the roar of the ocean as it crashes against the rocks. I agree; it is beautiful. I love the ocean. In so much force, I always find peace.

This is a great haiku. I really like the image it creates. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
262
262
Review of Honing the Craft  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tinker ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is fabulous! That's the word that comes to mind when I read it. As I first read through, I laughed a lot. I can relate to it big time. Oh, it's so relatable. Funny and a keen observation of many people's lives (not always women, but I think too much of the time, it is).

Voice/Tone:This is funny, the tone is humorous. At the same time, it sounds as though it's written by someone who has just about had enough of always being the one clean up the dishes. I did lose a tiny bit of sympathy when I read you have a dishwasher. In our house, I am the dishwasher! But, there's only two of us now, so it's really not so bad.

Mechanics: You have adhered to the Aquarian form perfectly. You make it look so simple, but that's because you're really clever and write so beautifully. I wrote my Aquarian this morning, and I only managed one verse that doesn't flow nearly as well as yours.

My Favourite Part: "Again." This refrain is perfect. I can feel your frustration. This verse is my favourite: "boring / mundane duty / abhorrent assignment / again." I love the alliteration here. It adds to the feeling of abhorrence.

This is a great poem. I honestly laughed a lot when I read it. You do a great job of describing one of those mundane household chores that make you want to run a mile. Excellent work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
263
263
Review of Drifting Echoes  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love the direction you took this prompt. It's clever and moving and a little different. My first impression is: I really like it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is thoughtful and reflective. Everyone will know what you're describing. We have all experienced this, either on TV or in similar situations from our own lives.

Rhythm: There is a great rhythm and pace in this poem. It feels as though it lingers over the important phrases you want us to remember. I love how the word "drifting" is set on its own line. It's poignant.

My Favourite Part: These lines are so emotive: "The sound of taps echo / the tears." I love the repetition of the phrase "the sound of taps."

Suggestions: Just one typo. It comes directly after the lines I mentioned above: "if those who survived." I think it should be, "of those who survived."

This is a fantastic poem. It creates a sad picture in your reader's mind, a relatable picture. It's incredibly moving. I really like it.


Keep writing!

Choconut

New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
264
264
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Okay, first up my disclaimer: I've never seen "Trailer Park Shark". It does, however, sound ... dreadful *Laugh*. This poem made me laugh. I have all kinds of images in my mind of what could have happened in that film. Maybe I'll look it up after I write this.

Voice/Tone: I like the fun and happy tone of this poem. The sarcasm and humour are fab.

Mechanics: This is an Octet. I don't about you, but I really enjoyed writing this form. As I read through yours and counted the syllables on each line, I kept getting eight syllables in the second line when it should be seven. It could be how we are pronouncing "genius"? I count it as three, but maybe you count it as two? I'm not sure.

My Favourite Part: It has to be the sarcasm in the line, "the cinematic genius." I laughed at that part. I can also relate to having a husband who has terrible taste in films. So I found that funny.

I really enjoyed this little poem. It brought a smile to my face. I think that was your intention when writing this, so great job with that. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
265
265
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "October 29. 2019" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ridinghood,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is an interesting direction to go with the word "gossamer" as your prompt. I would never have thought of this. I'm so glad you didn't go the obvious spiderwebs route.

Mechanics: Great job of sticking to 24 syllables! It's hard to write something so minute, but you have painted a wonderful picture in just a few words. This is free verse, which works really nicely.

My Favourite Part: I love your first line: "Phosphorescent plankton." That creates a striking image. It's fresh and different and it really got my imagination working. It took me a while to understand how the gossamer threads could lap at your feet. I was seeing threads of material, but I realise these threads are part of the plankton floating on the water. I really like that.

This is a clever, little poem. I love your imagination. It creates images that are unique, and it really got me thinking. Excellent!


Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
266
266
for entry "Allergic" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tinker

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: The first thought that ran through my mind when I read this was, "Eewwww!" It made me smile, also. I wasn't expecting it from the prompt word "eschew." However, I absolutely love where you took it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is funny, but at the same time, it's very matter-of-fact. I love the way you set the tone by referring to the felines as, "Demon cats." We know the guy isn't going to be a fan of them, and we soon learn why!

Mechanics: For just twenty-four syllables, you say a lot. You set up the scene, give us a little information, and deliver the punchline. And it has a brilliant impact.

My Favourite Part: The whole of the last line is fantastic. It's disgusting but great. It makes me smile every time I re-read it. I also think the ending of, "Ah, Chew!" is really clever. I admire the way you set up this scene so completely in so few words.

I love this little poem. You have made me chuckle on a grey and miserable UK day, and I thank you for that. It's great writing, Tink.

Keep writing!

Choconut

New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
267
267
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Ahh, this is a lovely poem. The scene it creates is warm and filled with love. It feels like you are writing about you at your most relaxed. It's weird, but I chose to write about my dog for the form this week. Triolets must lend themselves well to fur baby love *Laugh*.

Voice/Tone: The tone of the poem is honeyed and rich. The sleepy way you describe yourself, with a ton of blankets, makes the poem so happy, and I could relate to the warmth and cuddles our pets give us without wanting anything in return.

Mechanics: You have followed the rules of a Triolet perfectly, using the traditional eight-syllable model. I don't know how you found this form? Personally, I really enjoyed it. It's possibly my favourite so far.

Rhythm: The rhythm is mostly spot-on. The only place I question is with the second refrain. The words, "warm in my lap" feel like the stresses are off. I know there is no set pattern for a Triolet, but for the rest of the poem, you have stress/unstress/stress/unstress repeat. I keep reading the line I question, and I can read it to make it have that pattern, but it's not natural.

My Favourite Part: I love the description of your happy place as your "la-la land". That's fab. I also really love the line: "My eyes blink slow, time for a nap." I think we can all relate to that feeling of having no control over your eyes closing. You're so cozy and sleepy, and it feels lovely.

I really like this poem. You've done a great job with the form, and it portrays a loving, happy scene in just a few words. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
268
268
Review of Trip to the Beach  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This review is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh, wow. This brought tears to my eyes. It's so moving and so well-written. I could picture the whole scene, and my heart really went out to James. So sad.

Plot: This is a story of love. A love that has lasted over fifty years, and now James is unable to continue without his wife. I love the touching scene of him stroking her hair and holding her by the campfire at this place which is clearly really important to the couple. When I got to the end, I wasn't expecting it. It shocked me and made me so, so sad. You really have done an excellent job with writing this. Your unique take on the campfire prompt is fab, too.

Characters: You write these characters so sympathetically. As I first read it, I wondered whether James was going to murder Jane, or whether he already had. But, when I realised he had taken her to the beach to die in his arms, it brought a lump to my throat.

What I liked: I loved the whole story. But, I think, it's the tenderness with which you write this couple's last moments that really gets to me. It's so good!

I have no suggestions for you. This story is perfect as it is. Considering how few words you have used, you have done an amazing job of endearing your characters to us and conveying this sad story. I love it. Absolutely love it.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.

Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
269
269
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "September 23, 2019" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. I love this. For a short poem with so few words, you create fantastic imagery. It's really impressive. This is so intriguing. Firstly, I had to google the tarot card to which you refer. It's a really cool picture and, while I do not know the card's meaning, I imagine you have described it pretty well in this poem. I wondered what the contest prompt was. I assume it was the word dilatory, as this is bolded, but your description of the card at the end made me question this. It would be good to know which contest it was entered into.

Voice/Tone: The voice is wise and all-knowing. It sounds like the voice of reason. It gives the poem a soothing feeling.

Mechanics: This is free verse. I love how you have split the lines. Each one is a thought on its own, yet they all come together to make the overall poem. The way you carry the image of water flowing right through to the end is really nice. It feels like a poem that was well-thought-out.

My Favourite Part: The last line! "As always, your choice." This is so positive. It reminds the reader that everything in life comes down to choices. We can love, or we can isolate. It's our choice.

Suggestions I guess the only thing I might change is the title. Personally, I would probably have called it "Choices" or, even, "Choice." But that's just my personal opinion.

I really like this poem. You have a skill for creating imagery that strikes a chord with your readers. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
270
270
Review of Hypertension  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Purple Princess ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is one of your Chocolate Emporium reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This is a wonderful description of what it's like to live with this horrible, serious illness. As I read through, it forced me to think about the constant threat of the illness; I thought about how you never know when it will act up. I imagine you have to avoid certain foods to help to control it. My Dad had high blood pressure, but only as he got older.

Voice/Tone: The tone is personal and informal. It reads as your testament to this illness and how it affects your life, so it is very personal. It really brought it home to me how much hypertension affects a person's life. The pill bottle, as you state, is your constant reminder. It sucks that it is hereditary. Your concern over whether or not you pass it on to your children is clear.

Mechanics: This is a poem of fourteen lines with an aabb rhyme scheme. I really like the rhyme. It gives the poem a great pace, and it reads smoothly. You haven't missed a single beat. I think it interesting how the poem is fourteen lines long because that's the length of a sonnet. This poem, although not in a sonnet's form, could be seen as one. Only, instead of love, you're professing hatred for your illness.

My Favourite Part: These lines have great end-of-line rhymes: "The body's daily struggle ~ / blood pressure's low bubble." I love your creative use of rhyme here. I could picture the low bubble of this chronic illness which never leaves. It's always there, and this is a great description of what it's like. I also love how you refer to it as a "silent killer". That's exactly what it is.

Suggestions: If I'm honest, I'm not sure about the last line. Firstly, I wonder who you are having the chat with? It reads as though you're speaking to your hypertension, but that doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem. The rest reads as though you're speaking to a friend. I'm just not sure. The last line kind of feels as though you were trying to find something that rhymed, and that fit the bill, so you used it. I apologise if I'm wrong about this. Feel free to ignore me.

This is a passionate, well-thought-out poem that is informative and interesting. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Sig. for my Chocolate Emporium reviews. Made by Hannah. Image #2169549 over display limit. -?-
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
271
271
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This review is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: As I first read this, I found myself nodding and thinking how much I can relate to it. I like the way you incorporated some humour into it, despite the fact that it's really not funny. I love how honest you are, saying you have taken part in social media and caffeine, so you know that's why you can't sleep. Again, I know how that feels! The end is brilliant! Just as you finally get to sleep, the alarm clock rings. That made me chuckle.

Voice/Tone: This poem sounds as though you may be speaking from personal experience. The tone is snarky and irritable, in the way that only the sleep-deprived can be. But, also, there is humour in it. The pace of the words is quite fast, building a great rhythm. I like that. The lines are even and read smoothly.

Mechanics: Now, I know you mentioned this the other day. The refrains of the Bop should come after the verses, not in the verses. Honestly, I read the instructions the same way you did, and I only realised this when I read someone else's Bop. But, yes. It should be a line on its own. That said, I love the refrain you have used, and if this weren't a Bop, I would have given it a 5 star because it's really good like this. Aside from the refrain, you have adhered really well to the form, and I love the fast pace it has.

My Favourite Part: "With plenty of lullabies and sheep to count. / I would give anything for snores--any amount." Spot on! This is a great description. I also love these lines: "When it finally happened, and the snoozes rolled in / the alarm clock sounded, it was time for the day to begin." Oh, my word. Such a fabulous observation. This ode to insomnia brings back so many memories. As I read it, I was transported back in time to tossing and turning and getting increasingly frustrated.

This is an entertaining poem. I enjoyed reading it. But, more than that, you have used some great descriptions and it's easy to get lost in your words. It's a really, really good poem. I've only deducted half a star for the refrain because I think it's an excellent poem, anyway. Nice work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
272
272
Review of My Little Friend  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a cute little poem. I don't think I've ever read your poetry before, so I was interested to have a read. The thing that struck me most was your humour. I have to say, I love the picture you chose for this poem, too. It's perfect. As I first read through, I had a smile on my face the whole time. You really made me laugh. The little dragon is such a cute and likable character.

Voice/Tone: The voice is light and humorous. It's almost like you're doing a stint at stand up comedy. Part of me felt that the pet wasn't real (yes, I know, it's a dragon; it's not real). What I mean is, I wonder if the narrator is imagining the little dragon friend. Although, the singed beard probably means the dragon was real.

Mechanics: I can see you have adhered to the form. The rhyme is aabb throughout, and each line of each quatrain has eight syllables. However, the rhythm in some of the lines isn't as smooth as it could be. The stresses of the syllables aren't even, and it makes the verse read a little bumpily. For example: "It is true you are very small, / Only standing two inches tall." In the second line here, you have three unstressed syllables next to one another —"standing two—" This throws off the balance, and it's a little hard to get into a reading rhythm. If you changed it to something like, "You only stand two inches tall" it would smooth it out.

My Favourite Part: My favourite part of the poem is the humour. I love these lines: "For if you sneeze by accident, /It starts a fire you never meant!" That's so funny, and I could picture it so well. I also love this line: "Touch the belly? I get your claws!" Again, this conjures up a wonderful picture n my mind. It's so, so funny.

Suggestions: In the last verse, you begin two of the four lines with the word but. It jumps out, and it would be good to try to find a different word for one of these lines. When there are so few lines and words, it's good to try to use more variety.

I really like this poem. It's well-thought-out and tells a story which is both funny and cute. What more could we possibly want!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
273
273
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. I love this poem. We actually chose similar themes for our Bop Poems this week, except I wrote about the effect of BREXIT on the UK. But the sentiment was the same. Honestly, though, your poem is much better than mine. It's a great example of a Bop, and you speak a truth that I wish the whole world could understand.

Voice/Tone: The voice is commanding, and it is clear you have thought a lot about the issues discussed. You speak with authority, and you are very persuasive. You hooked me from the start, and I remained captivated throughout.

Mechanics: A Bop. I had never heard of this poetic form until this week. I don't know how you found it, but I really struggled. You have done a great job with this one. You introduce the topic in the first stanza, expand on it clearly in the second, and then give your solution in the final stanza. And, your refrain ... perfect. It relates well to each verse in turn.

My Favourite Part: The overall message is what really strikes me. There are certain lines that stand out, though. "xenophobia and unbridled nationalism / copulate in the cathedrals of power." That is such great imagery. I also have to mention your first line because it states the entire problem in just seven words: "We stand, one nation divided against itself." That "nation divided against itself" is exactly how the climate is today. And it is time to accept the "oneness of humanity". I wish we all could.

Suggestions: I just have one suggestion ... "indwelling evils that need exorcised." - I would say it should be either, "need to be exorcised" or "that need exorcising".

Fantastic poem! I really relate to this and understand your message. I just wish certain people in positions of power could try to understand, too. Great writing!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
274
274
Review of From Beyond  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Purple Princess ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is a Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is beautiful. As I first read stories to review, I usually make a lot of notes about suggestions for change. With this story, though, I got so caught up in it that I didn't make any notes. I was swept away with the romance and the grief, but mostly, the hope. It's a lovely read.

Plot: This is the story of a widow who comes to believe her dead husband is still with her. She visits a medium who tells her things she could never have known. Importantly, she tells Judy that when she feels her cheek tingling in the night, it is her husband kissing or stroking her cheek. This story is a wonderful depiction of what it's like to grieve for your soulmate and to hold onto the hope that he is still with you. I don't know whether I believe he was, I think we can create all kinds of beliefs when grieving. At the same time, who knows? It would be lovely if love can continue into the afterlife. The main thing is this story makes me believe a little more than I did before. I want it to be true.

Characters: Judy is a very likable character. We see her wrestling with seeing the psychic medium because she thinks the woman might be a fraud. But, the woman is so believable that Judy is sure her husband really is standing behind her. This belief, whether true or not, helps Judy to continue with life, and that is the most important thing. I could relate to her longing to still have a physical connection with someone who has passed away. I understand her struggle to get out of bed, and I relate to her willingness to believe anything that might give her a part of her husband to hold onto. It moved me a lot.

What I liked: I love the part where Judy says to ask her husband if he is okay, and his reply is, "I am if you are." This is their own private reply, so she knows the psychic is genuine. Judy's response is emotional, and this is the part where I first felt a lump in my throat. I also love the ending were Judy touches hands with her husband, and she knows for sure he is still with her. This is so moving. Who doesn't have at least one person they would like to have this experience with?

Suggestions: There are two places where I'm not sure about your word choice. Firstly, "The second I rang the bell my heart began incessantly thundering in my ears." - Actually, I would take this adverb out completely. Thundering works well on its own. Secondly, "Just saying it aloud enveloped my heart like a vice." Enveloped is quite a soft and warm word. I would use something like squeezed or crushed.

This is an endearing story with a great character leading the way. It's a story, I think, to which most people will relate their own experiences. I really enjoyed.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


Signature for PDG, created by Hannah.
Image #2169710 over display limit. -?- Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
275
275
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi 🐦GeminiGem🌷 ,

I am reviewing you in affiliation with "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your third Chocolate Emporium review.

For this review, I wanted to read something a little different, so I had a poke around in your folder that is about you and your family. I'm really glad I decided to do that because this item is fascinating!

*Starv* I'm always intrigued by family histories, and I've done quite a lot of research into my own. Every family has at least one interesting character who stands out. Reading this, I can see two of your characters already. Did you always know your grandparents' history, or was it something you uncovered through your research?

*Starv* Else sounds like such a strong person. I can't even begin to imagine the fear she must have felt when she stepped aboard the Hanover. It must have been a long, difficult journey. I imagine she would have known what to expect, from what Alfred told her, so she must have been terrified. Then, there was the trauma of whether or not she would even get through immigration. Having an American hubby, I know a little about the trials of immigration in this century. It's a horrible experience. So I can only imagine how much harder it must have been in the 1930s. Especially, when you were going to a country that didn't speak your native language. The physical exam sounds horrific. The hook used on the eyelid! Just ... no! Interestingly, when I was thinking about moving to the U.S. with David, the process was a lot like the process you describe here; the same kinds of points were needed to gain entry. Obviously, the extent was slightly different. I'm not sure it's so different today, though!

*Starv* I love the photo of your grandmother aboard the Hanover. The mystery of the guitar is intriguing. I imagine you're a little sad that you can't ask her about it. Happy, though, to see this insight into her character. I note you say you got your dark hair from her. There's something kind of comforting about seeing, literally, where you came from. That link to our heritage is important, isn't it?

*StarV* I love the fact you included photos and the naturalisation cards for both your grandparents. It reminds your reader that this is a true story and these people are real. Plus, it's always nice to see photographs, isn't it? I love the photo of the two of them. Else looks like she has a sparkle in her eye. Did you meet them? If so, did they speak much about their coming into the country?

I apologise for all the questions, but this story has really fascinated me. Else, in particular, sounds like such a character. I'm so happy I came across this item. It's a fabulous read.

Choconut

Signature for PDG, created by Hannah. Image #2169710 over display limit. -?-
Image #2194608 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
788 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 32 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/purplesunday/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11