Hiya LdyPhoenix:
This review is part of your Showering Acts of Joy package and the first review I have done in over a week so excuse me if I am just a wee bit rusty.
I enjoyed this piece even though I truly have no idea what rictameter form is (I have yet to be able to study poetry but am starting to bit by bit as of late).
You have handled the prompt for TopazKnights Ordinary Things contest very well in describing what a scream sounds like without using any of the faux paus and forbidden words that I am sure that she advised that could not be used.
In this short and very expressive poem you have managed to expand on the theme and let the reader know exactly when a scream is to be used and why, hitting on every possible reason from pain to surprise, from fear to joy and this piece really makes the reader think.
My favorite part of this:
"From the depths of one's shaken soul."
This part caught my eye because a scream of terror and fear does emit from a very shaken soul, one that has been touched to the core by whatever is going on around them.
This part as well:
"In voice and violence,
we unleash our
extreme."
A scream of anger or fear comes out in a rush, a sounded blur that one can almost see and you have shown this to your readers very well.
Thank you for sharing and I will continue to meander through your port in greater depth.
Please continue to write.
Hiya Kalish,
This is another part of your Showering Acts of Joy shower. Hope the water is not too hot.
Yet another one from your Please Review Port folder and again I am impressed. Your writing surprises me and the thought that you must have put into this one delighted me. Everything that you have said in this sonnet is true... you can not barter knowledge for wisdom..
My favorite part in this:
"Some jot a few words randomly and claim
That they’ve mastered the art of poetry,
But, needlessly, other poets they blame
Of observing syllabic symmetry."
I can not stand when I go into a port and have to back out of it straight away because the person is claiming to be a poetic master and nothing they write makes sense. They do not rhyme, they use no meter, they have no idea what they are doing. I do not claim to be a master (far from it) but hate to have those who are no masters themselves claim that they are!!
Anyways,
Good write, good read and continue to write and I will continue to meander through your port. Thanks again for sharing!
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Hiya Kalish,
This review is part of your Showering Acts of Joy shower. I hope you are enjoying it so far.
I decided to hit this one because it looked so lonely sitting in your Please Review Folder without a single review and I am not disappointed:)
This little rhyme was extremely cute little limerick about a ghost at dinner and I found myself giggling at it because, who would have expected a ghost to be the guest unless you read the intro line.
You have kept good rhyme here, which is very hard when your first language is not english and you have handled it exceedingly well.
Job well done and please write on:)
Have a great day and I will possibly hit the rest of your Please Review folder...they look so lonely...
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Ok, let's be honest here. I have been trying to figure out how to review such an amazing work of art for the last two hours and finally have decided to give it a go. Nothing I could ever say could thank you enough for the heart felt emotion and the research you have put into this piece about one of the worst days in the history of our country. I feel inadequate in how to review this but I am going to try.
This one frankly had tears running down my cheeks and dripping onto the keyboard of my laptop. This tells the story of what happened from the view point of people that can not tell their own tale and I applaud you for doing so.
The rhyme you used here... no flaws, not a one...I went back just now and looked and you kept perfect rhythm, meter, cadence and rhyme throughout one of the most touching and heart felt pieces I can ever remember reading on WDC.
My favorite part of this:
"9:43 the Pentagon crumbles beneath Flight 77
The south tower falls at 10:05—614 more in Heaven.
They’d be damned, Flight 93. They’d never grant control.
Together they’d take back the plane with the battle cry, “Let’s roll.”
I love how you have chronologically gone through the entire chain of events of that awful day, leaving not one little bit of information untouched, down to what was being said on the flights and how everyone was feeling. I applaud your decision in tackling a very, very difficult subject with tact and just putting everything out in the open... You use such small words to create such a dramatic effect and I wish that I could give you so much more than a five for this. I will never think of "Lets Roll" the same again!
This has vividly brought up where I was on 9/11 (Louisiana with friends) and where I was when I saw the second tower come crashing down. I can hear the buzzing of the phone lines as I desperately tried to get ahold of my family in New York and all that I got were busy signals...how scared and alone I felt not knowing if my family was ok or not. Thankfully I lost no one in my family that day, but felt the loss of every single soul who perished due to idiots.....I could go on and on but I think you got the message. Well done and please
WRITE ON!!!
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This one had me in tears. My granny used to knit, sew our clothes, paint and quilt when I was growing up and it made me remember that not once did I say thank you as a kid for the fact that, no matter what, she always kept new, shiny and completely hand made clothes on our backs and she had about 12-14 grandkids and such to sew for every time she would sit down on her sewing machine. My best memories of her from childhood are her sitting down at her sewing machine with a new bolt of fabric and new needles and thread and sewing her heart out. It was something that she loved to do but hasn't been able to do at all lately due to getting older and arthritis setting in. This has really brought back wonderful memories and I thank you for it... just remembering the matching easter dresses she would make for all of the girls (wow, Easter is almost here and I have no one to spend it with...sad really)
But, now to the review:
I loved all of this piece of work as you can see from the rating I have given it. I see no grammatical or spelling errors to speak of. You carry the reader through at a wonderful pace and this is a really heart felt piece and I felt the connection between you and your grandmother vividly.
My favorite part of this:
"When was the last time I sat down with such determination?
Never! That’s when--my M.O. is give up in frustration.
I want my things done yesterday--I’m more prone to distraction
For me to start a project I need instant satisfaction."
I am the same way. I want instant results from anything that I try or I wind up getting frustrated and losing all motivation I had for whatever I was doing.
This is a wonderful piece and I am thoroughly enjoying my meander through your port. WELL DONE!! Now I have to go write Granny a thank you letter....about time too I would say...
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This is too adorable for words but I will try to find some to describe it. First off, all I could hear when I started to read this is an innocent little boyish chuckle that tugged at my heart... well done with bringing that to the surface:)
First favorite part of this:
"I would hide your keys from you
And then short-sheet your bed.
Put peanut butter in your shoe
Pandemonium widespread."
I have always wondered if beds getting short-sheeted were because of invisible little minxes running around and causing havoc and now I know;) I also love peanut butter, and had a brother put this in my shoe once when I was growing up (hate being the oldest of four sometimes!) He claimed not to do it and said the invisible ghost had so this line just cracked me up.
The flow that you used worked perfectly, pulling the reader in at a steady but not too quick of a pace and I love the abab rhyme scheme that you have incorporated throughout this piece. Works perfectly.
Thanks again for sharing and hope that you are enjoying your shower!!
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This is a wonderful and beautiful piece with brilliant insight into the mind of someone in their middle years who feels worthless due to no one ever bothering to take the time to let them know that they care.
The cadence that you set in this poem works well, as does the interesting rhyme scheme that you have used to express yourself. I truly see why this was awarded the lovely black ribbon that it proudly showcases.
My favorite part of this?
"All the things she could have done,
And all the things she didn’t.
Ulterior needs of others won.
Her shattered dreams kept hidden."
It is all too often that a person lives for everyone else and not themselves. I have done it many a time and find it hard to keep giving to others when all you want is just someone to understand you. To understand that you have dreams, ambitions, emotions...you have needs and desires as well. It is really hard to look back at the past and have to see that you have left so much undone and that you have put yourself on the back burner for people that will never appreciate it.
Well done, well spoken.
Keep on writing and I shall enjoy the meander through your port:)
Bravo!
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This is a very cute, thought provoking piece of lyric writing here. I understand the message loud and clear because people in this world still have prejudices against things that they do not understand even though we are supposed to live in the most open society anywhere in the world. This is so untrue.
This would have worked as a longer piece, going more in depth about how people see anyone that is slightly different as not belonging, and I just wonder what type of music you wold have this to--
My favorite part of this:
"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I shop in all the local stores – my kids go to school –
I drive an American car - I obey the right rules...
My bank is nearby – the same one you use –
We’re all so much alike – but for our versatile views..."
I like how you go on about how everyone is exactly the same except for the preferences that they have--it really makes people look at themselves and question if the prejudices that they have are justified or not...
And so nice to see you wearing your flag with pride.
Please continue to write and I will meander through your port some more.
This is wonderfully written, heart breaking and an ultimately heartfelt description of what happens when a loved one remembers you no longer due to the dreaded Alzheimer's beast...
Thoughts run rampant through your head when a loved one has to deal with losing memories, losing loved ones and, sometimes, even losing themselves. It is very hard to watch this happen, especially when you know that you are completely powerless to be able to do anything to put a halt to this process.
This was wonderfully written and my favorite part of this heartfelt piece is:
"The one thing I have noticed...
Inhibitions are no more.
You really seem quite happy...
More so than before."
This might seem a strange stanza to pick but I have done so because it is completely true. As one that has watched a family member succumb to this sometimes devastating illness I have seen them do things that, when in their "right" minds they would have never done and be perfectly content with it because they have no inhibitions left at all and neither realize nor care that most of the world will see what they are doing as eccentric.
This is a well thought out, well put piece and I have enjoyed seeing this through your eyes. Thank you for sharing.
This is beautiful. You have captured the image of the vampire wonderfully and in great detail describes how it feels to be dark and cold inside in very few words. The only thing that stopped this from being a five was one teeny little spelling error-- change leach to leech (being the blood sucking creature) and you will be good to go.
My favorite part of this well told story is as follows:
"Inside you try to keep it,
You can’t hide the look in your eyes.
Seeing it in others,
Just beneath the surface.
You become the darkness.
One can always recognize another and this is what you have shown so wonderfully here and shown that the darkness can pull you in until you have nothing left and are, in fact, just that..the darkness.
I love vampire folklore and have since a child and am always looking for different ways to describe as they are always described in the same way, over and over again, and it gets very tedious to read at times. You have captured a slightly new bent on a very old folklore character and I applaud the method you have used to describe this.
Thank you. I am going to continue my meander through your port and hope to find other gems.
Please continue to write and I will continue to read.
This is beautiful. The rhyme scheme that you use here works in fluidly taking the reader through the piece at a very calm and steady pace. The imagery you have used here creates wonderful visions in the minds eye of the reader --- I can just see the hills of sage and the garden of violets vividly.
My favorite part of this is as follows:
"I wear the apt disguise,
frail, human, and alone,"
Too often we are asked to wear a disguise and sometimes we forget that we are wearing one and that we are just as you have written; frail, human and alone, especially with our memories.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful written work of art with us.
You have been reviewed by a proud member of Images In Ink---
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I found your port through The_Dark_Ladys blog and I must say that upon reading this, the first one of your works I have read, I am thoroughly surprised and glad that I decided to have a peek inside of your little corner of WDC .
This had a very interesting rhythm to the story telling and kept the readers interest throughout the entire poem. You have truly helped the reader understand that clothes can sometimes make the woman and that what you wear during certain moments of your life can sometimes be more memorable than why you were actually wearing them.
Favorite part of this is as follows:
"In black when the phone rang,
telling me of a death without warning,
and I figured I’d been lucky to get it right for once,
so I wept with the passion of
a professional mourner."
How wonderful it is to get something right for a change--- to be able to tell the story and say "Yes, I was wearing black that day."---
I am going to meander through your port in greater depth and I am sure that I shall enjoy the journey.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Brought to you by a proud member of Images In Ink
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This was absolutely priceless and I have heard of so many people that this has happened to! This is a wonderfully written and whimsical piece and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
The pace in which you set the stanzas broke this great story poem down really well and really told the story stage by stage.
My favorite part in this is as follows:
"I pounded up the stairs with questions abound
And stood up before him with my hand outstretched.
‘Who are you? Speak quickly or I will call the police!’
‘Tell me, good stranger, what do you want with me?!’"
This stanza is classic in telling the confusion that one would feel when waking up with a stranger in their bed and a ring on their finger and remembering nothing of it. You have told this story perfectly!
I am thoroughly enjoying my little meander through your port and I hope you are enjoying your shower and that the water temperature is just right.
This has been brought to you by the wonderful people at Showering Acts of Joy.
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This the second piece of your writing that I have read and I must say that I am not disappointed. This is wonderful, the rhyme scheme wonderfully carrying the reader through the story at a steady pace, keeping the reader interested throughout the whole piece...
My favorite part of this wonderful story poem:
"Broken shards of sunlight tear holes in a cloud
but the darkness within continues to shroud;
no peace can I find from the acts that I've done
and my own inner demons keep me from the sun"
I like the way that you elude to inner demons being what keeps the character from the sun, as if the character is not worthy of being graced by so pure a light...
Please keep reading and I shall keep meandering through your port.
This has been brought to you by the kind people at Showering Acts of Joy--we hope that you are enjoying the shower!
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I adore this. The rhyme scheme you have used here works wonderfully to be able to carry the reader throughout the story and the words you have used here call up intense emotions in the reader. This has made me vividly remember my growing up years and walking through the woods to find a hidden spot where treasures are. Who doesn't remember their first swing, where they were able to fly high with the birds in the clouds?
My favorite part of this wonderful rhyme :
"In this small clearing, dotted in pink
with woodland flowers and blooming dogwood,
I found a world into which I could sink
into the fantasies of my childhood."
This has made me recall my all time favorite haunt as child, a small clearing deep in the woods where the dogwood bloomed and where I could pick blackberries all day...
Thank you so much for sharing this with us and I look forward to meandering more through your port.
This has been brought to you by the wonderful people at Showering Acts of Joy. I hope that you enjoy this shower.
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This is wonderful:) I know exactly how you feel in this because my writing has always been dark and twisted but when love comes into play it changes-- instead of seeing skeletons in the closet you are seeing hearts in the clouds, instead of hearing the chirping of the death watch beetle you are hearing the birds singing in the trees....oh how glorious love can be right?
Favorite parts in this wonderfully crafted rhyme:
"But now my inspiration,
Has all gone up in smoke.
As with your loves salvation,
On my words I start to choke."
I love this because, they say that love can choke you up right? Well, for the dark writer that is truer than anyone could ever imagine-- muse runs off with the poolboy and leaves you all alone--
Also this stanza here:
"“I love you more then life,”
And I think that you know it.
You took away my strife,
And ruined me as a poet."--
It is true...each time you have love in your life you are ruined as a poet because you can no longer be dark and brooding and write about your intense emotions because love is all that you see...
Only teeny problem I see-- change "then" to "than" and you will be good to go--then is used when talking about time, than when comparing...but other than that
Job well done!! Thank you for sharing!!
As you peeked so shall I, and so far I am not disappointed! I love the way that this flows throughout and truly draws the reader into the world of the one lying there, trying and hoping and praying for sleep.
This is a very heartfelt piece on what you and had what is no longer and the language that you use here shows it beautifully.
I enjoyed this entire little bit of your dark soul but I love to pick favorite parts of a work so here goes:
"Crawling through the broken glass,
damp with my tears of used flesh.
I am mindless of my own pain,
I was alive within him, now dead alone."
In this part I love the phrasing that you use, especially the use of within instead of with when describing how you are dead alone--well done :)
I also greatly appreciate the language that you used to describe your "lover/savior/tormentor" as I see him-- His tainted body, savage mouths and empty eyes-- these all put up a very strong image in the minds eye!
I will continue my dark journey through your port and I know that I will like what I find...
Thank you for visiting mine-- and I am glad the favor has now been returned:)
This piece is exceptionally beautiful. I am a fairy lover myself and adore how you have the red rose petals being her bed and love the imagery you have used in pulling the reader into the fairies world. The fairy is a symbol of hope and peace and you have used her very cunningly in this nice, whimsical little poem!
Even though this was not supposed to rhyme I found myself smiling at the fact that you could not help yourself in some stanzas. I do the same, trying to set out to write something and it almost always turns into a rhyme, though not necessarily following any specific format!
It is hard to find favorite lines in such a short piece but these will do:
On butterfly wings the fairy rides
with the hope that war will cease.
The magical dust is spread again,
for she yearns for everlasting peace.
This stanza is very fitting for the times that we live in right now. Who hasn't prayed to whatever powers that be for world peace?
Well done and I will enjoy the meander through your port!!
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Have a wonderful day!
Again, another wonderful work of art, for that is what true, heartfelt writing is, art. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme in this one and the way that you pulled the reader through your whole life, grandfather ever present at your side. I can tell through this piece that he was a very important factor in your life and someone that you miss dearly and hope to make proud of you each and every day.
It is hard to pick a favorite part of this poem but I think this will do
"I remember the one, who brought me this far,
so much to him I owe, it must not go unsaid.
"Grandpa to me you are the shining star,
If I was the needle, you were the thread!"
This one phrase lets the reader know just how much you adore your grandfather and how much he will always mean to you:)
I love your light feel on sensitive subjects that I have come across so far and am truly enjoying looking through your port in greater depth. I am glad that I have come across your little slice of WDC and have thoroughly enjoyed my visit so far.
This very short poem presents a very powerful message. It is always better to look toward the future than to dwell upon past events. Memories are indeed distorted..how many times have you remembered the same event differently than that of another person who viewed said event. Everyone in the room during a major event will have a different memory of it due to personal circumstances, experiences and opinions.
I like the short and simple lines that you used in this poem and the imagery you used to display exactly why you should not dwell upon the past but learn from it and move on.
I shall surely enjoy meandering through the rest of your poet, especially this free rhyme poetry section as that is what a lot of my work contains as well.
Thank you for sharing this simplistic and powerful message with us all and please continue to write and I shall continue to read as much of your port as time allows at the moment because I am truly interested in seeing just how much you have grown as a poet and as a writer in general.
Again, another wonderful piece. I emphasize with this piece completely as my writing is what keeps me sane and whole. When I suffer writers block my whole world seems to shatter and fall apart. Thank you again for sharing the "real you" with the world, or with those who care enough to read it!
This one is beautiful. It is the first of yours that I have read, and I shall certainly enjoy meandering through the rest of your port. I love the rhyme scheme you have used in this piece and my favorite line is "One verbal slice of the knife" because I truly know exactly how much a single word can cut into your very soul. Thank you for sharing and I shall enjoy reading more of your work!!
This was wonderfully written!! And it was wonderful to see everything from Cupids point of view:) I always knew that Cupid was female but no one ever believed me so HA!! And I love that Pandora liked Eros, that completely made the story as animals always know:) Keep on writing and I shall check out more of your port!
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Now I have to go write Granny a thank you letter....about time too I would say...