A well written fictional article that aptly portrays the narrowmindedness of many people who judge people without really knowing them. I like the example you gave as it gets the point across that under our skin we are all the same, just as God made us. Keep the words flowing, write on.
A nice essay which I enjoyed reading that made me think back to some of the wishful ideas I tried to persue as a youngster. As I read it I could mentally picture the events you portrayed in the essay by the use of discriptive words that conveyed your thoughts, feelings, and actions throughout it. However, there were some areas that I found I would change if I were editing it. In Para. (1) I'd use a "comma" after "airplane" because it adds "emphasis"
to what you said. Also, I'd write "then sail" instead of "and sail" because using "and" too many times in a sentence interrupts the flow of the words. In para (2) You have "and" between "I--gazed" and "house--while". They are not needed. I would drop the "and" after "catch me" then write "lifting me off the ground". In para. (4) I would drop the "and" after "breeze" and use "while over and over etc". These are just some suggestions that I feel
would help some of the sentences flow better. Write on.
A heartfelt, emotion filled poem that is nicely written. You express your feelings and thoughts with expressions and discriptive words that convey your dark view of life, anger, pain and suffering over the loss of your brother. As I read it I can feel all those emotions flowing from the words you use. You also show strength and the will to fight. Keep the words flowing, write on.
An emotional, heartfelt, poem that I enjoyed reading. It is nicely written with many words that convey your deepest thoughts and emotions about the one you love. As I read the poem I could feel the love and concern flowing through all those discriptive words. That, for me, is what poetry is about-evoking feelings in the reader. Write on.
An emotional, heartfelt, free verse poem that is well written. You express your thoughts and feelings, about the uncle you never met, with words that enable the reader to feel your admiration for him because of the legacy of love he left behind through the family members who did know him before he died. Keep the words flowing, write on.
A sad, emotional, heartfelt story that is nicely writtten. I like the way you presented it as
it held my attention from the start to the conclusion because the beginning had me
wondering what had happened to the boy. As I read the story I felt his yearning for his
father`s approval and pain at the cruelity of his father`s words. Then, the terrible accident
that dashed his dreams of being a great pianist. Keep the words flowing, write on.
An intense, nicely written short story that held my attention from the start to the conclusion. The words you used to convey your message in the story enabled the reader to visualize the scenes that you portrayed. As I read it I could feel the emotions of the people involved. Keep the words flowing, write on.
An emotional, heartfelt, and well written short story honoring our new President, Barack
Obama. You express your thoughts and feelings with words that enable the reader to
feel your emotions flowing from them. Like you, and millions in our country, I watched the inauguration with pride that our country has elected such a man to become our 44th
President. He reminds me of JFK, whom I had the honor of seeing up close when I was in
high school, before he was elected as President. He, too, had strength of character and
great visions for the future of America. Keep the words flowing, write on.
A well written, intense, erotic, short story that conveys the thoughts and feelings of two people in love and their mutual satisfaction when making love. I like the way you presented it by explaining what happened to the woman and how it made the man feel. The many discriptive words enhanced the emotional feelings that were being portrayed in the story. Keep the words flowing, write on.
I enjoyed reading your free verse poem about being attracted to a woman with whom you are a friend and co-worker. You expressed your thoughts and feelings with words that enabled the reader to easily relate to what you were portraying and feel your admiration and attraction to her while realizing nothing would come of it. Write on.
A nicely written poem about the ups and downs of playing golf. You kept to the theme very effectively throughout the poem. Your rhyme was good. You expressed your thoughts and feelings about the sport with words that conveyed your enthusiasm for the playing golf with friends. As I read the poem I could mentally picture the events you so aptly portrayed due to the many discriptive words you used. Keep the words flowing, write on.
A nicely written short story with a happy ending that I enjoyed reading. I liked the way you presented it from the man`s point of view by revealing how he felt when returning to the doctor with his wife to find out the final results of the cancer tests. As I read it I could feel his anxiety and depression, thinking there was no hope, then his elation when the doctor said he felt it was curable. The only error I noted was you used ( ' ) for quotes instead of ( " ). Otherwise, a good story. Write on.
A nicely written free verse poem about the hunting habits of a wolf pack. You followed the theme very effectively throughout the poem. As I read it I could mentally picture the events you so aptly depicted in the poem because of the words you used in discribing the scenes. Wolves are very family oriented, mate for life, train their pups, and have a hierarchy. Write on.
An interesting and educational story about the people of Galmoos that I enjoyed reading. I liked the way you presented it by giving a little history about the people there, then using the boy through the rest of the story. You expressed his thoughts and feelings very well. As I read it I could visualize, in my mind, the events that you described. I did notice some errors where you left out an "a" and "the" between words that was necessary. Also, the lack of a "comma" in some places. Write on.
An erotic, free verse poem that sizzles with emotion. You follow the theme very effectively throughout the poem. As I read the poem I can feel the raw emotion flowing from the words and mentally picture the scenes you so aptly depict because of the discriptive words you use in wrting the poem. Keep the words flowing, write on.
I enjoyed reading your poem about Celebrating Perfection. I liked the way you presented it by using many discriptive words to convey your message about the ups aand downs of engaging in competition. As I read the poem I could feel the emotions that you wrote about
and picture the events you portrayed in it. Your rhyme was good, also. One suggestion I have is to drop the "But" in front of the two sentences you put it in. I feel it takes away from the statement you are making with the sentence. Otherwise a good poem. Write on.
A nicely written short story about a man being interviewed for a job. You follow the theme very well throughout the story. I like the way you present it by giving some background information about the main character before delving into the bulk of the story. You express his thoughts and feelings effectively with words that let the reader feel his feelings about the situation that is portrayed in the story. These words also help me picture, in my mind, the
scene you are portraying in the story. Write on.
An emotional, inspiring poem about praying to God for guidence to be able to serve Him. You express your thoughts and feelings with words that convey your love for Him and your desire to do His will. As I read the poem I can feel your heartfelt emotions flowing from the words you wrote. Your rhyme is good, also. Write on.
I enjoyed reading your poem about how the use of computers has become essential to our world. You followed the theme very effectively throughout the poem with many discriptive words that painted a picture in the reader`s mind of what you were portraying in the poem about them. Your rhyme was good, also. I even had a few chuckles as I read it. Write on.
An emotional, sad, short story that is nicely written. You follow the theme very effectively throughout the story. You express your opinions and feelings about Jane and why she commited suicide with words that enabled the reader to relate to what she was feeling.
As I read the story I could mentally picture the scenes you so aptly portrayed in it. The surprise ending added to the quality of the story. Write on.
An emotional, well written poem that I liked reading. You followed the theme very nicely throughout the poem. You expressed your thoughts and feelings about Spring with words that enabled the reader to feel the emotion behind the words. They also let the reader mentally picture what you were portraying in the poem. Keep the words flowing, write on.
A wonderful, well written tribute to your grandmother. You expressed your thoughts and feelings about the importance of having her help raise you with words that conveyed to the reader the love and admiration you had for her. As I read the eulogy I felt I got to know her a bit by the words you wrote to describe how she interacted with you and how much she loved you. Write on.
A nicely written scary store that held my attention from the start to the finish. You followed the theme very well throughout the story. You expressed the thoughts and feelings of the night nurse, as she made her rounds on the Psych Ward, with many discriptive words that conveyed her nervousness, then fear at what occurred. Those words enabled the reader to mentally picture the scenes you so aptly depicted which brought the story to life. Write on.
A short story about a teenage girl coming of age in junior high school. You followed the theme very effectively throughout the story. You presented it in a true to life way with the teen feeling like an odd ball among others except for one good friend. You expressed her thoughts and feelings with words that conveyed to the reader how she felt about herself and others. As I read the story I could mentally picture the scenes you portrayed in it
because of all the discriptive words you used which brought the story to life. Write on.
An interesting short fantasy story that held my attention from the start to the surprise ending. You followed the theme very well throughout the story. I liked the way you presented it by letting the reader get to know about Tom, then going into the bulk of the story. You expressed Tom`s thoughts and feelings about the events that occurred very effectively with words that conveyed to the reader the emotions he felt. Those words also enabled the reader to visualize, mentally, the scenes you portrayed in the story. There were some punctuation errors; "cant should be can`t" and many areas where there should be a "comma". Otherwise, a good story. Write on.
Carlotta
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