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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rjbuxton
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30 Public Reviews Given
30 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Friendly and honest. I much prefer to encourage any good aspects of a writer's work than to discourage them by dwelling on the negatives. I will comment on anything I find that interests me. Try and stop me. But here's a cautionary note. If you have 200 community recognitions and umpteen badges and you still write crap, I will have no qualms about giving you both barrels.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan fiction, Teen Gothic. That's not to say I won't read a good tale.
I will not review...
Song Lyrics. You hear the music in your head, I see poetry on the page. You might be offended if I reviewed it as such.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Puzzle Passion  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
My review of Puzzle passion. I'm afraid that as a 'newbie' you are fair game for people criticising your work. It stops after 30 days. Ignore any reference to me as a 'newbie' when it comes to reviewing - they clearly have no idea what I do for a living.

Theme and content.
George is a serial loser, it seems. Not because he is incompetent, but because he fails to plan. And as we know 'P-poor planning leads to P-poor performance'. Actually, he may be incompetent too. He can't even do a jigsaw puzzle.

I liked.
I'm enjoying your work. You should do more. I like your pace. Your humour, which brings out the best in a tale of ordinary life. The fact that you let your characters do all the talking for themselves. We get an insight into George's problem straightaway. Of course you could just write, "George was a born procrastinator", but that wouldn't be nearly as entertaining or even as accurate. Was that last line a deliberate joke?

Improvements (Notice I never say that I don't like something. My secret is that I have to like something to review it. Otherwise it would seem like work).
Why his head on his worktable? The conventional form would be his head on the worktable. We assume it is his to use at this time anyway.
"How'd I do this again"? Does that not mean "How did I do this again"? Don't you mean "How do I do this again"?

Pretty fair piece. As I said, you should write more.

Hope this helps
RJB
2
2
Review of Down the Well  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hope you don't mind me reviewing this intriguing short story.

Theme/Content.
Childhoods end. Seamless, and painless, transition from imaginary friend to real world. Cautionary tale about choosing who your friends may be and what may be hidden behind a seemingly innocent offer.

What I liked.
The pace. Just right.
The plot development. Skillful. Not my genre, but I like the style of your writing. Although this is fantasy, you have kept it firmly of this world.
The conclusion. Nice delivery of the twist in the tale. I had no idea until Teddy announces that she is now too young.

Improvements.
None really. Although I can envisage a more menacing extension of the tale, possibly to book length, where Teddy returns and makes a bit of a nuisance of himself. Perhaps by choosing to live in Molly's world uninvited. I leave it to you whether he exists outside Molly's subconscious at this point. Getting rid of him might be a challenge.

Hope this helps

RJB
3
3
Review of Why We Write  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just wanted to comment briefly, as I have just reviewed your latest Short Story in what I hope came across as a positively worded piece. In spite of your status on WdC as a 'newbie', it was plain that you were a seasoned writer and I compared you with King and Koontz. I always review the work I am reading, and refuse to read any background information which might influence me. Rarely do I need to go any further, but in this case I felt compelled to check your portfolio to see if my impressions were correct.

I share your feelings about writing. Good or bad, we have a drive to transform the blank page with our own words. Even if I was nearly good enough, I just don't fit any demographic that a modern author might spring from. We just enjoy what we do.

Kind regards

RJB

PS Do points make you happy? I don't yet see their purpose, but I'll gift you some.
4
4
Review of Man's Best Friend  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, James.

I enjoyed reading this. It was nicely paced and well thought out. An excellent introduction and a 'killer' twist in the tail.

This wasn't a 'newbie' story at all. This might have been Stephen King, or at least Dean Koontz, and no one would have had reason to question its place in one of their works.

Thanks

RJB
5
5
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (5.0)
JC hello and a Happy Christmas Shopping Season to you..

More of a comment than a review. Your writing is fine and highly readable. Your argument is soundly put.
With a piece in the style of a blog entry, and placed on a US website whose main writer stock appears to be (shall we say) non-political, you are probably limiting your audience. Why not try a blog? Something on Wordpress, perhaps?

As luck would have it you have chanced upon an opinionated Englishman, (hello to you from the New Forest) who reads through Newbies maybe just once in a blue moon.
I would argue that from one point of view, Boris is a highly effective Mayor. Power companies exist not to supply energy, but to create money for their ever-demanding shareholders. Money is their real product. Modern politicians in the UK seem to have learned to serve these corporations and not impede their productivity in any way. After all, these companies are both the source of current wealth and of future employment. This is why no legislation ever truly limits a revenue stream. Despite bitter and well-publicised protests, big companies will have been warned with enough time to identify and implement alternatives. So you see, BoJo is doing his job. It just isn't the job the public thought they elected him to do.

All the best,

RJB
6
6
Review of 4am  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
James Thurber once wrote advice to prospective authors suggesting that they should destroy anything written in the middle of the night, You have contradicted this by producing a highly evocative piece,

Did you debate whether to write, 'a deserted...' rather than just 'deserted...' ?

I just think that single syllable would make for more pathos, especially after the pause engendered by the colon. Strictly speaking, lines 2, and 4 need commas as they are items in a list,

I hope this little helps. You're fooling no one with that incense.
7
7
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Without any investigation to determine that what I say is correct, can I surmise that you started this 'novel' at Chapter 3, in response to the 'prompt'? It has that sort of feel to it. I am going to do some digging after this to see if I am right, because I really enjoyed the style, particularly the narrative device of speaking to the reader outside the storyline. Although you are undoubtedly guilty of objectifying your female character, the language is humorously smutty, and the writing gloriously random. I would definitely read more to understand about that cave in Afghanistan and to see if Greg gets the girl.

I think you have a great way with words. I wouldn't label it Romance/Love though. He has after all just committed the schoolboy error of shooting a girls cat. Or am I just getting my metaphors all mixed up. Ooo-err.
8
8
Review of What's my name?  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
It is good so far, well-written, but is there more? Is this the first instalment? I can't comment on pace without knowing if there is an eventual answer to these questions. What mystery ailment has stricken Alicia, befuddling her memory and regressing her intermittently into a childlike state? Why do they need the ER? Will she divorce Andrew Hawthorne?

Hope you get my point.

RJB
9
9
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (4.5)
That's a good, well wrought tale. I wasn't expecting the ending so your pace is just about spot on. You are obviously confident in your abilities, because you write with style.

RJB
10
10
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
It can feel sort of awkward reviewing a song without the music. Intrusive even. Like it's the musician's business. I suspect that's why many artists don't like to publish their lyrics. So I had to look at it as a poem, which in a way is what it is. Poetic. We are all inveterate meddlers with our sentence structures and your 'Notes to self' reveal how we make the slightest of changes. In this case, I think the changes to your first and last lines created a more dramatic start and finish.
11
11
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (4.0)
This woudn't be out of place as one of those 1950s or 60s science fiction stories we might have read in 'Astounding' or whatever. It reproduces the writing of that era so well. And yet I detect a touch of bang up to date teenage angst in there - or maybe teenage never changes.
12
12
Review of Beginings  
Review by JeremyBuxton
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked this a lot. The writing flows consistently and I found myself disappointed to have reached the end so soon. To actually introduce the piece as 'humorous' seems superfluous and self-deprecating, as there is a natural humour inherent in the style of your writing which comes through and needs no announcement. It's short enough but I suspect this is simply a practice piece. I would be very interested in reading more of your work.
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