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Review of Square One  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Square One." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Ah, relationships. How complicated they can be. You expressed well the emotions of breaking up. I think my favorite part is the fifth stanza.




Suggestions:

I was wondering why you used two line stanzas. I feel that it would read easier in four lines. I would consider adding two lines and changing it all into four line stanza’s maybe you can say something like; “A love that’s so good started at first”
“But time together has turned it for worse”

I also noticed that in the fifth stanza, you put [-] after the word strong.


Overall:

This is a good poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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302
Review of Hatred  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Hatred." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Hatred, like anger, is two human emotions that are not necessarily bad. You will feel these emotions from time to time, but the problems are how you deal with these emotions. Do you control the anger? To you channel it into something good? Is what you’re hating bad, or is a means of revengeful gains to satisfy your own selfish needs? This poem touches on many different thoughts about the emotions of hate; and I added anger as well because I think the two run hand in hand. You have chosen an interesting topic for your poem.




Overall:
Interesting read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Country Girl  
Review by Boston
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Country Girl." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is an interesting piece on human nature, as well as earthly nature. I kind of know where your thoughts are coming from. Country living and city living are different, and they mix like oil and water. What is the same however, are people. The ones you described are jaded by their circumstances, environment, and stresses of life in general. They hustle along every day in this dog eat dog world looking out for the wolf, which is always at their door. When you show them a kindness, like a simple hello, their first response in their mind is, “what does he mean by that?” They are not use to the kindness of strangers. They tend to be on their guard, always suspicious. Baltimore isn’t always an easy going city, and west Baltimore is even worse. But all they really need is to be acclimated to others showing a genuine kindness. What you doing, when you say hello, or open a door for someone with a stroller, is following God’s precepts. The bible speaks of this; Eph.4:32 it says “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Note: it said “kind to each other.” And then again in; Romans 12:9 it says, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. You are right on the mark when you show kindness to others. Even by saying a simple hello. Keep doing it.





Suggestions:

I had a little trouble when I came to the part; “…he just shrugged and kept driving (at this point, we were still in the car), and said, "I guess..” I don’t think it is necessary to have in parentheses, “we were still in the car.” Because you already said “he kept driving” which indicates that you were in the car. Also, that part should be re-worded a bit different for clarity, I think.



Overall:

A good story.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Do Not Disturb  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "Do Not Disturb." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like your poem and it is just how I felt this morning after being awakened from my peaceful sleep. Your rhyme is good and also the rhythm giving the poem a nice flow. You have used a good choice of words.



Suggestions:

The only part that I had a little trouble with was in the last line of the poem. “To face the day, for i must go.” It sort of broke the flow of the poem for me. I would take another look at this line and try to word it bit differently. Also, I noticed that you didn’t use capitals of the [I’s] in the poem. These are all easy fixes though



Overall:
A very good poem


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
305
305
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467581 Unavailable **


Hi Meg

Here are my thoughts about,"The Tails Of Lucy And Brock." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:

I loved your poem, “Tails Of Lucy And Brock." I like the title too. It reminds me of a school paper that I wrote years ago called, "A Tail Of Two Kitties." It is amazing how Lucy and Brock worked together to achieve their goal; opening the gate. Animals are much smarter than most people give them credit to be. I only wish that you had a picture of them to go with this piece.




Suggestions:

Only about a picture being added.



Overall:

A very delightful read.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Picture Day  
Review by Boston
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Picture Day." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

After reading,”My Special Place,” I thought that I would go and visit your port to see what else you have done. I came across, “Picture day,” and read it. I think that you have done a fine job describing what you wore for that picture day at school. You also captured well your excitement about this event. My favorite part is when you put on your outfit and makeup, and looked at yourself; you felt comfortable despite of what others might think. Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work.




Overall:

a good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Love  
Review by Boston
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi

Here are my thoughts about,'Love." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:
This is a fine piece on young love, although I would call it more prose than a poem. Again, as in your other work, you used a fine choice of words and were very descriptive. Too afraid to speak to this person that the words are taken away before you open your mouth. What a passionate piece you wrote. You surely didn’t have any trouble with the words flowing unto the page. Another good job, Hannah.




Overall:

A delightful read.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of My Special Place  
Review by Boston
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Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi Hannah and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"My Special Place." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like your little story about your special place; your garden. You were very descriptive and drew the reader into the garden with you. I think that my favorite sentence has to be;” The petals wilt and begin to fall of the stem, but before they reach the ground, the wind carries them away without a goodbye.” You used a good choice of words. It sort of reminds me of the circle of life, or seasons of a man’s life; if you will. Just like in death, the wind carries us away without a goodbye. You have done a fine job, and I think that you are well on your way of becoming a fine writer. Thanks for sharing this with us, and keep writing.
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Review of Fear  
Review by Boston
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Fear." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You expressed very well the fear of the victim, as his life nears its end. After all, death is the ultimate fear. “When his eyes meet the cloudy gray sky, he sees a great bow, and he knows.” I can imagine him lying on his back, looking up a grey sky with a rainbow that promises him peace. You used great imagery in this poem. Your choice of words was very This is very nicely done.



Suggestions:

Can't think of any at the moment.



Overall:

A very good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467581 Unavailable **


Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"A Christmas card For Gus." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:
I love poem. I can relate to this because I do similar things with my cat. I always send cards to my relatives and friends from her. The cards are even signed with her paw print. I even tell my mom, sometimes to her dismay, that she is her granddaughter. Also, I think that Gus is a handsome boy. Your poem is a warmhearted, uplifting piece, that is a pleasure to read. Good job!




Suggestions:


None that i can see


Overall:

A great read.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Seasons  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"Seasons." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like your premise about the seasons. I miss the changing seasons after moving to south Florida. To me it’s like having summer all of the time.
You start your poem off with winter, and then go very quickly into spring. Your line, “Then It Is Soon Flowers Come Alive,” should be worded differently for clarity. Maybe you can say something like; “Then soon the flowers come alive,” or something of that nature. (No pun intended) Then you go to summer saying;”Then It Is Hot,” and you don’t give any more description of summer. You should say something about the summer. After you write about autumn you abruptly go back to winter. I also found a number of grammatical errors and the misspelled word [Cherashing] I think that you meant to say Cherishing.



Suggestions:

I would take another look at your poem and make some additions and corrections. You have a good idea, and if you just work some more at it this will be a nice poem about the seasons. I encourage you to do this. The more that we write the better we will become at it. Thanks for sharing your poem with us, and keep writing.



Overall:

Needs work.
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312
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1467581 Unavailable **


Hi

Here are my thoughts about..... Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:

I like how you started this story. I was wondering though, if this was written for a contest because of the length of it. I feel that you could have told more about your characters, and I thought that the ending was a bit, too abrupt.


Suggestions:


I would take a look at how to expand this story. You have a good premise, but I think it just needs to be built upon some more. All in all it is a good story though.


Overall:

A good read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Just The One  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "Just The One." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


This is a nice piece that you have written. I like how you ended it; what a sweet sentiment. Nicely done!



Suggestions:

None that I can think of.



Overall:

A delightful read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Please read!  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Please read!." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Your story started off well about the dreams, and although I could have predicted the outcome, I was fooled by your next paragraph, which took your story in a direction which did not tie in with the beginning. I realize that it moves in time to four years later, but not enough information about the character was given in the beginning to pull this off. You should have told in the beginning the dreamers age, sex, and some background which would help you establish some of the things that happened in the four years afterwards. I didn’t know if the character was male, female, old, or young, to get any sort of feel for her. I also had a little trouble reading the sentence,” I lay on the floor, sobbing, my whole body shaking, for years it felt like, when I heard someone come in the kitchen.” Maybe that was just me, but I had to go back and read it again, which interrupted the flow of the story for me. Also, the story was too short and it seemed to end too adbruptly.



Suggestions:

I would not give up or get discouraged on this story. There are a lot of different directions that you can take this. I think that you should build on it more, and lengthen it by giving more details; let your reader experience all that the character is and feels. I’m sure that you get the idea, and I am confident that this can be a good story for you.



Overall:

Needs some work.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of We Knew  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi Lauren and welcome to WDC.

Here are my thoughts about, "We Knew." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a nice poem and you used some good rhyme in it. I like the content, and you conveyed the feeling and emotion well.



Suggestions:

At first I thought that you were using an envelope stanza quatrain form with a rhythm scheme "abba" but, then you changed that on the third and last stanza, by only using three lines. I am not sure where you are trying to go with this form wise. Also, in the first stanza’s third line, you used the word [to] I think that [from] would be better. The syllable count didn’t seem to be constant, but it seemed to me to have a good rhythm and flow anyway.



Overall:

A good poem

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The hidden truth  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The hidden truth." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You wrote a very powerful piece that shows a lot of imagery and emotions which still lingers after the reader is through. It’s very moving. Well done!



Suggestions:


None that I can think of.


Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of My Name Is Mud  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"My Name is Mud." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

As I was looking over something that I could review I saw your name on this title, and immediately opened it to read. I am probably one of your biggest fans here on WDC.
Parts of this story brought back some childhood memories about when I was in grade school. I didn’t go to parochial school, but rather public school. Back in those days corporal punishment was allowed and it seemed that I was always getting hit by the ruler, or even worse; paddled on the bottom by the teacher. Of course I was mischievous. You brought back some fond memories for me when I read this. Yes I said fond; although I would not think that at the time.
You wrote an excellent story as you always do. And, as you always seem to do, you put some educational information in them. I liked the part where you explained about how the phrase, your name will be mud, came about. This is another job well done.




Suggestions:


None


Overall:

A must read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The Child Within  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Ambien Poem." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:
This is a good premise. The idea to write a poem about a sleeping aid, and write it in the manner that you did, have shown some good imagination and creativity on your part. The poem sort of had an eerie feel to it, which I liked. Good job!




Suggestions:

Can't think of any



Overall:

A good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of untitled  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"untitled." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a nice poem, and I think that you done well for your first poem.




Suggestions:
I did find a few things that I feel you should take a look at. As I read your poem it was flowing nicely with a good rhythm. I had to stop however, at lines, “Loud voices, they tell their story" and, "Some are sad, some even happy" they seem to interrupt the flow of the piece. I feel that you should try something different in this stanza to make it have a nicer sound. Maybe you could just drop the line, “Some are sad, some even happy." and if you remove line "Loud voices, they tell their story" it leaves you with twelve lines for the entire poem. I would then separate the poem into four lines stanzas, spacing between each stanza. It is your piece however, and you may want to keep it like it is, or make changes in a different way. It is up to you of course. Thanks for sharing your poem with us


Overall:

a good read
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Review of Scooter Baby  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Scooter Baby." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This was an interesting way to go about telling about the scooters comparison to the big bikes. The premise is a good one, and you imagery was good too. I once almost purchased a Harley Sportster, 1200cc, but my wife put an end to that idea. I had to weigh my comparisons; Harley vs. Living in peace.





Suggestions:

A few things you may consider doing. Give the bikes model and descriptions after “An 1100cc motorcycle. A 150cc scooter" I think bring this in early will make this have a more dynamic effect. also, mention the gas mileage on the 1100 cc bike.


Overall:
A good read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Faith  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi Willie, and welcome to WDC.

Here are my thoughts about,"Faith." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:
This is a nice short little piece that is to the point, and is a warm herated story. I like the way that the story ended with the mean boy being blind also.




Structure:

I found some things in this piece that made it difficult to read and that you may want to could correct. "if I give trust to the kind boy...It may be better to say if I put my trust in him. There are sentences that need to be written a little different for clarity and some punctuation errors as well. You don't need to use a cap for the [Insignificant] There are others as well.



Suggestions:

Look over this again and see where you need to make changes. Also, I would extend this and make it more detailed. Name the characters, the nice boy, his father, and so forth. You have a real nice premise for this story and it sends a good message.



Overall:

Needs some work.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The Perfect Rose  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The Perfect Rose." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is an interesting piece. I didn’t quite know what to make of it, but it does get you thinking. You wrote; “The perfect rose is only perfect in the moment it reveals its beauty to you.” Isn’t the rose perfect in and of its self? I thought of the saying;”If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?” I think that the rose is perfect because it exist. If it didn’t exist, it wouldn’t be a rose at all.

“In the next moment the rose will have changed, as will you.” I guess I could take that as meaning, like us the rose will soon change by withering, and eventually die. It is just us, time travels quickly and we soon wither and die. All in all these two lines provoke thought, and I think that is what you were trying to do.

















Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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323
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"To Be Known Epilogue." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Your story seems to have a good premise. I realize it is the epilogue, so I assume you have described in detail what has happened. You started off by giving a pretty good news report. However, I think it would be a good idea to mention the names of the other students who were killed, since this is a news broadcast. Or instead of that, you could say something like; the names of the victims are being withheld pending notification of next of kin. Either way it would make it sound more creditable.
In your next paragraph it sound as if the station paused for a break; you should indicate this. Also, I would word all of this (2nd paragraph) a little differently to give it more of a pro radio broadcaster sound to it.
Then next you take it to another period in time. A year had gone by.





Suggestions:

I think you should indicate this first before the”welcome back to the show.” You should indicate that a little differently. I also found some grammar and punctuation errors that should be corrected.

You have a good story certainly worth the efforts of corrections, and I am confident that you can do this.



Overall:

Needs some work

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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324
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Forever, My daughter's." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very good piece, and really speaks to me personally. I am sure that it speaks out to other parents who read it as well. We all want what’s best for our children. We shelter them, try and keep them from harm, worry about them as they are growing up. What we sometimes don’t realize is that as they are growing, so are we. You’ve done a great job on this.





Overall:

A heart moving read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
325
325
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467581 Unavailable **


Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Devine Mother Isis." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.




Content:

AI haven’t studied about Isis in a very long time, probably forty years or more. However, one of the things that come to my mind is that she worked magic. One example of the way she used magic stuck in my mind because it spoke of spittle. What the reason was for this magic I can’t remember. If I recall, she made a poisonous reptile out of dirt mixed with her spittle. The reason why I remember that bit of information is because when I was doing NT studies; I read that the spittle of a prophet was believed to have had some power. As you may have read; Jesus mixed dirt with His spittle making mud, and applied it to the blind man eyes to heal him. As a believer in Christ I don’t take much stock in Isis, other than the fact that she was worshiped in Egypt as a Goddess.


Structure:

Your poem is a good one, and is true to acrostic form. You used the letters of the subject to beginning each line, and all lines describe the subject well.


Suggestions:

none ythat I can think of



Overall:


A good read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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