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316 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Elycia Lee ☮

This is a congratulatory review for making to the "Invalid Item" 


This is a very informative article on the durian fruit. I have never heard of this fruit before and this piece has expanded my knowledge. A fruit smelling like gas on the outside but really sweet and soft on the inside. I can draw a parallel of this concept to humans too. There are people in the world, who can seem rough and gruff on the outside but have hearts of gold.

I liked the comic style of writing. You've given both the pros and cons of this fruit, and how it should and should not be eaten. The confusion of whether to accept or reject this fruit by individuals and social groups was the best part of it.

I found a small typo in the end of the following sentence -

so that the durians can be shared and relished by all its adoring fans while holding discussions with a durian breathe

The word 'breath' instead of 'breathe' would be better here.


I loved reading this article. Thanks for sharing a part of your culture with us. Keep writing and sharing *Heart*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of The County Fair  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, River

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This is a review for the "June 2016 PowerReview Raid" 

First impressions:

Its a simple tale of a typical country fair. I didn't know how a country fair of another nation would be and this story added that to my knowledge. *Smile*

My thoughts:

Though I've not seen this type of a fair, I could relate a lot to the fairs that take place over here - the rides, the eateries and the diverse crowd. The opening paragraph has been written well. I could imagine a country fair as I read it.

Plot - The story is mostly based on the fair, the events that are run in it. I see that this story is based on the prompt you have mentioned in the beginning and I think this is a wonderful piece on it.

The ending is appropriate too, where both the women win first prize in their respective categories, giving a sense of closure to the story.


Characters - Mother & Daughter (Meredith and Jenny) are a couple of the many visitors to the fair who have entered a crotchet and a garden competition (respectively) conducted in the fair. The banter between them shows that they get along well with each other. Other than that, there is nothing much we can know about these two. However, given the jolly setting and the vivid descriptions, the characterisations seem adequate.

What I liked:

There is a balance of show-and-tell method and the telling. You have showed us the, mostly by dialogues, the characters of the protagonists. Then there are the descriptions of the setting, which are colourful and pleasant.

Suggestions:

This is my opinion. It is up to you to decide whether to take it or not.

You have begun the story from a third person's point of view but in the second half, there are hints of First person narration. Specifically, the word 'We' is used when describing the surroundings, which I could not find in the first half. The regular switching between 'we' and 'they' (when it came to the protagonists) made it somewhat confusing for me.

Final thoughts:

I enjoyed reading the story, especially one with a happy ending. I got to understand how a Country fair is over there. I absolutely loved your picturisation of the fair. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story with us. Keep writing *Smile* *ThumbsUpL*


Soh
28
28
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Improxablity

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This item caught my attention because of the brief description which said 'Bomb shelter'. A unique setting of a story, I felt.

My thoughts:

Plot: This is a dialogue story about a husband and wife living in a bomb shelter. This is what I've gathered from the conversation.

*BulletB* The wife is always worried and on alert for bomb scares.
*BulletG* Her husband wants to calm her down.
*BulletR* Apparently, in the past there were terrible attacks which lead Barb to be on high alert.
*BulletV* The couple has lost the time and interest to just talk and bond with each other, probably because of the wife's anxiety and anticipation.
*Bullet* That must be why the husband has sought for solace in another woman, Suzy.
*BulletB* When he finally succeeds in calming down his wife, she brings up the topic of his friendship with Suzy and he escapes under the pretext of listening For Something.

This plot has a proper beginning, middle and ending.

Style of writing: Writing a dialogue story is not easy and you have done it with ease. These dialogues smoothly carry the plot to its conclusion and they are simple enough to catch and maintain the reader's interest.

What I liked:

I loved the ending. It's somewhat comical and a natural conclusion of the tale.

The dialogues between the couple show their relationship. I could see that they love and care for each other but are emotionally tired by waiting and watching for the next attack. This is eating away at their bond.

Suggestions:

A few corrections I've given at the edit points. There's one more and that's the last, concluding line, spoken by Ken. I think you can make him say the same sentence as his wife says, earlier in the story. It would make the ending perfect i.e.

"Not listening TO anything, I am listening FOR something!"

Conclusion:

I absolutely enjoyed reading this. You've done a great job. Your strength in dialogue writing is seen here. Keep it up. Thanks for sharing this with us *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Amay

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

This review is on occasion of your account anniversary. I found this story in your port and started reading it because I like reading items of the Childrens' genre.

My thoughts:

This is a sweet tale about four children and their experience on a Christmas day. I loved the innocence depicted in the kids, which I could easily relate to. The bond between the families, friends and siblings is another thing which stands out.

The plot has been carried smoothly, with good narration till the end.

Things I liked:

I particularly loved a few little details you have mentioned in the tale, which makes it more realistic. They are -

*CheckB* Rassie's idolization of Charlie as the latter is an older boy, thus wiser.

*CheckG* The boys' scoffing at the girls' 'jinx' moment

*CheckR* Racing to the bridge and the girls abandoning it after they were fascinated by the flowers.

*CheckP* (And finally) The Christmas spirit displayed by the townspeople at the end.

Suggestions:

This is my opinion, though it is up to you whether to take it or not.

*BurstO* A couple of paragraphs in the middle have disjointed lines. In the sense, it contains lines which do not follow one after another (in spacing) after the period. It kind of makes the reader slightly wobbly in the flow. I used to do that a lot too, but when I read my own stories after a long time, I realised it. Here's an example of the paragraph.

Lucy stared out the door of the church. “Behold” She paused raised her arm and pointed toward the door. “There’s a fire!”
Little children started screaming. Moms started scurrying making sure everyone in the church was alright.
Charlie turned and looked out the door. It was a fire alright, and it was back towards their house.

Could be written as -

Lucy stared out the door of the church. “Behold” She paused raised her arm and pointed toward the door. “There’s a fire!” Little children started screaming. Moms started scurrying making sure everyone in the church was alright.

Charlie turned and looked out the door. It was a fire alright, and it was back towards their house.

*BurstG* Also, the above line where Charlie looks out of the door and sees the fire near their house, I had to read it twice to understand because back and towards are two words having opposite meaning.

Final thoughts:

This is a beautiful story which gives a message that we all should have each other's backs during times of trouble and never lose faith in the Divine.

You have a talent in narration and handling the plot. Thanks for sharing it with us. *Thumbsup*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of Scent In The Gate  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Ella Folkes

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Here are my views on your story. However, it is your wish to take the ones you find proper and discard the others.

First Impressions:

Though I could not make sense of the story's title the brief description that followed was what attracted me. Especially the part of the Friendly Witch.

My thoughts:

*BurstB* Plot - This is a simple story and seems to be the prologue to a bigger tale. I notice that you have termed this as Assignment, so this is not a complete tale in itself.

*BurstG*Characters - The protagonist (I-Speaker), The woman in the beginning of the story and Evelin, the friendly witch.

*BurstBR* Style of writing - There is a lot of visual description, especially in the opening paragraph. The dialogues are casual.

Suggestions:

*BurstP* Style of writing - Reading the first para, I found a few things to which I want to draw your attention. The sentences that you have used is in Violet, while the corrected words and sentences that I've given is in Red

*NoteB* She was a plump round lady with vigorous arms and a.... Well it wasn't a smile like I would of thought.

This could be written also as - She was a rotund lady with vigorous arms and a smile -- Well, it wasn't a smile like I would of thought

As far as I know, the word 'round' is not used to describe people. While, 'rotund' is a better option. There are few other adjectives too carrying the same meaning.

I inserted the word 'smile' before 'well' because the absence of that word creates a momentary jerk, kind of a confusion while reading. Once you have written 'smile', then you can go and describe it.

The description of the smile in the sentence, would be more appealing if you wrote what it looked like. Maybe a 'sickly smile' or 'pasted smile' or any comparison which you would like to make to make the reader understand best.

*NoteB*She had angry complexion eyes like daggers

This could be also written as - She had an angry countenance, [with/and] eyes like daggers

The word 'complexion' is used for depicting the skin colour of a person. I used the word 'countenance' instead because I guess you are concentrating on indicating her expression rather than the colour.

I have added the words 'with' or 'and' before 'eyes like daggers' to keep the sentence in flow.You can use one of these two words there (Any other change in the sentence can also be done).

*NoteB*She had a fiery breath, eyes widened with anger and frustration.

Since you have already described her eyes in the previous sentence, I don't think they need further description.

Also, the first half of the sentence can be written as she seemed to breathe fire out of her nostrils or something like that to bring in some variety in writing.

*NoteB*Her delicate blue eyes turned into a fervid blood red

From the picture shown of the woman in the previous lines, readers get an idea of an angry woman. A sudden reference to her'delicate blue eyes' seem like a dampener. Instead it can be written as -

Her once delicate blue eyes turned into a fervid blood red

I feel that this particular sentence can follow that one where you first describe her eyes. Otherwise there are sudden shifts in focus while reading i.e. from face to eyes to breath and to eyes again, which makes it seem uncomfortable.

*NoteB*She clenched her fists and stared at me

'Glared' is a more active verb instead of 'stared' because previously you have described that her eyes were like daggers.

*NoteB* I could picture her belting at the top of her lungs

'Belting' seems to be incomplete. Instead you can use 'belting out a bellow' or just 'bellowing' (or any other related terms)

*NoteB*"Lair" I said confusingly

The word 'confusingly' gives a different meaning. Other than than you can write 'in confusion' or better still - "Lair?" I was confused.

*NoteB*"oh, wait what, i don't believe you for 1 second"

The '1' would look better if written in words.

*NoteB*" defiantly" i said nodding approvingly..

I think you mean 'definitely'. 'Nodding approvingly' can also be 'nodding in approval'

*BurstV* Grammar/spellings/punctuation/spacing:

*NoteO*I slipped of the pavement into the road - Off

I must of banged my head - have. (There are a few other places where 'have' should be used instead of 'of')

she flicked her wrist and a beatiful vase flew of the side table - Beautiful; Off

*NoteO*There are a few places where you have not used Capital for I in the dialogues.

*NoteO*When it comes to punctuation, you have used ellipsis many times (...), where periods (.) or hyphens (-) should be used. An ellipsis (three dots) indicates that part of the text has been intentionally been left out.

*NoteO*Dialogues, if started with a capital letter, and have at least one line spacing between them look more neat.

*NoteO*After every dialogue, before you close the inverted commas, unless you are finishing it with a period, you need to put a comma.

For example: "This is my lair[,]" she said.
"Definitely[,]" I said, nodding approvingly..

*NoteO*"prove it" I insisted, all of a sudden she flicked her wrist and a beatiful vase flew of the side table

The comma after 'insisted' can be replaced by a period. A comma can be put after 'all of a sudden'

"prove it" I insisted[.] All of a sudden[,] she flicked her wrist...

What I liked:

The description is very visual and I could imagine the scene play out in front of me. I liked the way you have explained the interiors of the witch's lair too.

Final thoughts:

You have a flair for writing descriptions. With some more work on that and on the dialogues, you will flourish. Thanks for sharing this story with us.*ThumbsUpL*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of Whispers  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jennifer E.Morley

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This is a descriptive tale of two lovers. It is a memory of an event, the most important event in the protagonist's life - a proposal of marriage.

Style of writing:

A story without dialogue requires a good amount of description and the theme is one filled with emotions of love. It is not a simple task to show the love between two people with absolutely no dialogues and that is what I liked in this piece. The narration is smooth and the scene can be easily visualised.

Plot:

The story starts shy glances and soft touches, and slowly builds up in passion. The ending is like an anti-climax but that only adds the beauty of the plot. The readers are given a hint of the male lead's weakness in the middle, maybe the cause of his death (probably).

Suggestions:

I have no suggestions about the writing. It is with the content rating and the classification of genre. This story can be given a rating of 18+ as per the content of the story. For more details regarding content rating, please refer to "Content Rating System (CRS)" .

You have grouped the story under 'Emotional' genre only. You can put it under two other genres, one of which can be 'Romance/Love. This is advisable as it gives a greater advantage for this item to be visible under more number of headings.

Final thoughts:

You are a talented writer and I loved the explanation of the body language of the lovers. Do keep writing and sharing it on WDC. We'd be glad to read and review it for you *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angel

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I came across this piece in the May Power Review Raid list and thought I'd take a look at it. I like reading comedy and one about frogs I have not read before.

My thoughts:

This is a hilarious little story with general sprinkles of puns associated with frogs and their typicality - Hop, Toad, Hip-hop, Bugs, Wart and of course, their brood of tadpoles. I've not thought of frogs' lives in this way. Now that I've read this, I can imagine that a frog must be facing these issues/events in their short life span.

Favourite part:

The one about how Beryl got her name:
it was a big batch that year, names were obviously scarce by the time they got to her


Suggestions:

Maybe I'm being conventional, but here's my suggestion. This is a very nice story and it would look better if it was presented in a better manner. You know, like proper spacing, especially between monologues and dialogues, between two dialogues.


Did she get it back ok, yes but it cost quite a bit, not a good start to her move!
This is one point where the dialogues between the two frogs are placed in the same line, one after the other. A reader will be able to make out the change in speaker, but it seems jerky in the flow of reading.

However, these are my views. It is your wish, finally, whether to take it or not.

My final thoughts:

I began my day with reading this story and tickled my funny bones. Rib-tickling comedy is not easy to write and you have done so effortlessly. Thanks for writing this wonderful story and sharing it with us. Have a good day *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Harry

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a lovely poem about the birds of Costa Rica. The depiction of your experience is very visual - the green and yellow parrots, the hummingbirds flying as if suspended in air and toucans, begging for food.

The poem is lighthearted and easy to relate to. The ending verse is hilarious. But that's how the poor birds ask for food. It reminds me of the hornbills (the Asian cousins of Toucans) in the local zoo in my city; these too behave in the same way with the tourists there.

My favourite lines:

Hummingbird feeders
drew many species that hung suspended in flight --

Their loud squawking awakened me without warning.
Their loud green and yellow colors so pleased my eye.

My final thoughts:

I have no suggestions to give as this is a wonderful poem and also an experience that you have shared with us. Thank you and keep writing *Smile*

Soh

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
34
34
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Hatsuda

I found this on the Random Review and thought I'd read it.

First Impressions:

The title is enigmatic and the brief description adds another amount of suspense on what is to come.

The plot:

The beginning of this story introduces the element of fantasy in a subtle way. Rei is a seemingly ordinary man who loves his kids but has had an encounter with something out-of-ordinary. He is telling his daughter a bedtime story of how he (the truck driver) met a princess (probably the girl's mother?). However, what the daughter has to do with the progression of the plot is yet to be known.

The next part where Rei recollects the vivid memory of meeting the 'princess' has got a slow build up from his hard life of a truck driver to the point where he meets and unites with the woman whom he sees in his dreams.

Characters:

Rei: A man working hard to earn a livelihood, honest by nature, but seems to be subconsciously aware of some greater purpose of his life.

Isolde: A supernatural being, who comes in human form with the sole purpose of opening the portal through Rei, the 'Key'. However, there is something more in store for her.

The relationship between the two seems to run deeper than they know. They are drawn to each other without their comprehension.

Good points:

*CheckR* The Myth and Reality portions have been blended beautifully without any jerks or breaks.

*CheckR*The flow of narration is smooth.

*CheckR*The build up to the tension at the ending of the chapter is very well done.

*CheckR*The erotica part of it has also been written well - The inexplicable attraction and the sensuality, making it seem a natural outcome of the situation.

Suggestions:

I felt that the part where Rei's life as a truck driver is described has a little too much details. There are a few explanations that can be cut down. However, this is my view and it is up to you whether you wish to take it or not

My Final thoughts:

Your style of writing and of course, the course of the story had me hooked on. I liked the way you write and express. The story has a good amount of erotic fantasy without making it seem dirty.

I learnt a few new phrases after reading this piece and also got a glimpse of how a good erotic scene is written.

Its a great story and I am interested in reading the next chapter and I will.

Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Warped Sanity

I found this item on the Please Review list and it caught my eye because I'm into special education and I'll be doing a course in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Also, my brother is diagnosed with having mild Asperger's Syndrome.

My thoughts:

I absolutely loved this poem *Heart*

*BurstB* Let me start with the title of the poem, Autism Misunderstood. I felt that this title was apt because people with Autism are misunderstood very much. This makes their adjustment in the society very difficult.

*BurstB* The poem is in detail about the boy's typical behaviours, tendencies, likes and dislikes.

*BulletR* Stereotypical interests - The arrangement of toys in order of colour and size, Constitutional law, Star Trek episodes, Programming (Stanza 1, 2 and 3)

*BulletO* Repetitive movements (Stanza 4)

*BulletG* Delay in acquisition of language (Stanza 1)

*BulletB* Sensory issues - Inability to grasp the situation and surroundings if it's very noisy (Stanza 4)

*BulletV* Awkwardness in social interactions - Few or no friends, picking up on social cues (Stanza 4, 5)

*BurstB* You have also written about people's reactions and evaluations of him. Doctors, Teachers, Peers, Employers and people in general, could not comprehend him because he did not fit their acceptable standards.

The poem ends with a food for thought. God makes some people's brains wired differently and society shuns and fears them because they are different.

Favourite lines:

My favourite lines are all the fourth lines of every stanza. In such few words, you have shown how people perceive autistic persons.

Final thoughts:

This is an amazing poem. I have no suggestions to give. All the uniqueness of an autistic child and how the world sees him is woven so beautifully into a poem. It also brings out your strength and acceptance of the situation as the poem is written without an obvious emotional attachment, but with conviction and faith.

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem with us. *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Your fist  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Cvmgirl

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked reading one of your other poems so I thought I'd go through some more of your work and review it.

My thoughts:

This is a strong and emotional poem. It consists of not only physical but also the emotional and mental scars suffered due to abuse.

The following feelings is poignant in this poem:

Betrayal of love and trust,
Pain,
Struggle,
Anger,
Guilt,
Hatred,
Despair,
Fear,
Confusion.

However, the poem ends with an optimistic note. The poet believes that time heals everything and that is very true. There is also another message, 'What does not kill you, makes you stronger' and Wiser, I would like to add.

Suggestions:

The title of the poem can be improved. Perhaps, something like 'Fist of steel', or any other variation, to give the readers a better outlook of the poem.

Final thoughts:

This is a beautiful poem through which, I'm sure, some understanding and healing has occurred. Writing is a good way for those who want to vent out their feelings and get a better hold on themselves. You have written this piece well. Thank you for sharing this with everyone on WDC. Keep writing *ThumbsUpL*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Cvmgirl

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This poem is a sweet one. The title is apt. The poem describes the girl and her beauty as the poet's eyes perceive her.

This is a couplet - every stanza consists of two lines which end in a rhyme.

What I liked:

The poem has been ended neatly.

Infatuation has been described in a nice way, without making it seem too sexual or vulgar.

Suggestion:

Through these eyes I see you. The sweetest thing
Instead of the full stop after 'I see you', you can put a comma as I think that 'The sweetest thing' would sound better if it is a continuation of the sentence rather than being another sentence entirely. However, it is your choice if you want to take my suggestion or not.

Final thoughts:

You are a talented poet, with an easy style of writing poetry. I'm not a huge fan of poetry, mainly because I'm not able to understand most poems. But this poem is a lovely one. Thanks for sharing this with us and keep writing *ThumbsUpL*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Aesop

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


First impressions:

I wanted to read this piece by looking at the brief description, particularly the part which says 'A writing test to maintain tension'. I was curious to know how you would achieve that.

My thoughts:

I did not know that this style of writing is called MRU. I have used it sometimes in my stories but I did not know its name.

I could visualise the scene in slow motion as I was reading it. From an objective view of a reader in search of a story, this item has no plot as such. But it has got the impact and weight of a good read.

It is not easy to describe the feelings, movements and sensations at the same time without having it seem garbled and clumsy. You have achieved it to a great level in this exercise. Jackson's sensations of hearing, sight and touch, his movements combined with those of his opponent's is all written in a free flowing manner. From this, we can know that
1. Jackson is a fearless and well trained boxer and
2. You are a very good writer of description.

The scene you chose to describe (Of a boxing match) is apt for this kind of writing exercise.

Final thoughts


I liked this piece and do look forward to reading more of your writings. Thanks for sharing this with us. *ThumbsUpL*

Soh
39
39
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Moss Oliverson

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Thought I'd welcome you here with a review of the first item of your portfolio.

My thoughts:

This is a story of a child prodigy/ gifted child with super powers. Her intellectual ability is recognised early but her super power is still unknown to the world. My guess is that whoever is trying to control her maybe someone who knows about her powers and wishes to use her or destroy her...

Good points:

You have explained well about the protagonist's tryst with fire as her power, on how she relates to it.

The grammar, paragraphing and style of narration is very good.

Points to improve on:

The second paragraph is in a third person's point of view, while the rest of the story is set in that of the first person. It does lend a mysterious edge to the narration but, I feel, it also makes the flow abrupt when you suddenly shift the POV. Had your story been longer, as much as a novella, you can set that paragraph as a prologue. However this is my opinion. You are welcome to deal with this as you choose.

Suggestions:

I'd love to read more of this. You may have written it just as an exercise in the creative writing class, but there's no harm in continuing the story line. You have written up a pretty good plot there. With this kind of conflict, it has more chances of being a longer story, such as a novella or a novel.

You can tweak the title a little to make it more appealing. Also the brief description can be improved on. These two are very important for making a good first impression.

Final thoughts:

Both you, as a writer and this story show promise. I enjoyed reading this piece. Do keep writing and have a nice time here at WDC!

Soh *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
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Review of Motherhood  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Sarah Rae

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found that it is your WDC anniversary today so I decided to send you a review of one of your items.

First impressions:

This piece caught my eye as it was in the highlighted items of your port, and of course the picture was too cute to resist.

My thoughts:

This story is about a young mother's struggles. The amount of frustration, stress and sleeplessness she goes through is distressing. The mother does love the child very much but the sacrifice of her time, energy does take a toll on her peace of mind. This is why a mother is idolised in religious literature.

You have conveyed the exasperation and concerns of the mother very well. She doesn't have the heart to ask her husband to take over for a while because she is worried for him too. She is not able to take care of the house, which is depicted in the beginning of the second paragraph.
The third para asks the essential question every mom gets, that has no answer. In the final para, the mother finally drifts of into slumber, but the thought of being rudely awakened by the baby is still in her mind.

Final thoughts:

This whole story is an honest depiction of a typical day in the life of a mother with an infant child. It also fits the prompt of the contest, in the sense, for a mother, taking care of the baby's needs day in and day out with snatches of rest is not an easy task. She has to give herself the strength every time the baby needs her. Everyday has its own set of obstacles which can seem impossible to surpass.

I liked your style of expression and I am happy that you have shared your writing skill with us. I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you *ThumbsUpL*

Soh
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Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your account on the April account anniversary page and thought I would drop a review.


First Impressions:

The title contained the promise of an interesting psychological perspective to relationships.

My Thoughts:

This poem is from the perspective of a man whose wife was mean-tempered, who would always pick fights with him and others. In very simple and minimal words, you have brought out the character of the lady. When I read this poem, it brought to mind few such individuals whom I have seen in my course of life, who more or less fit this description. Such people are suspicious by nature and are on constant alert that everyone in the world is out to get them or rather they should trust no one. Thus, this hampers their relationships with significant persons in their life.

In the final stanza, we understand that he is no longer with her.However, the man does not seem to hate her as there are no words speaking of his anger/hatred. He seems rather detached in his recollection of her. The concluding verse, clearly shows that he has accepted her, her foul temper and strange nature.

Final Thoughts:

I really liked this poem. You have understood the human psychology very well. You also have a talent for expressing your knowledge in simple yet captivating way. Thanks for sharing your works with us.

Soh
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Review of Red  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Hi, TJ Marie

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


My Thoughts

This story is a vivid description of life from revolutionaries' perspective. You have depicted well the various emotions (Fear, sadness, pain), the drive towards obtaining justice and the conflicting feelings the protagonist goes through. On one hand, Sarah feels a kind of anger against her husband, the leader of the revolutionaries, for bringing her into this condition, where she has to let go of her daughter for the latter's safety while putting herself at risk. But at the end, when Red comes up to her and shares her sorrow, she accepts his deeds that they were for the greater good.

Areas for improvement:

*BurstBL* You will need to proofread this piece as I could find many omissions of punctuation (especially periods and commas). It slows down the reader, though one may understand what you want to convey.

*BurstBL* Since this story is about Red, you can describe him a little more. He has two sides to him. Red, as a family man has been established at the end of the story, but Red, as a leader, I feel, can be given more attention. Like, for example, you can describe in brief how he managed/what qualities he possessed to motivate the masses and take up arms against the ruler. Or how he was keeping everyone's spirit up despite the mortal fear running through the people gathered in the keep of the castle. This would add to better characterization and make it a more interesting read.

Few lines I liked:

*Star* There is the feeling of fear everywhere in each of us, we are breathing it in like a drug we all cannot escape from.

*Star* Together sharing in the release of emotion for a moment the two of us exist in our reverie.

Concluding thoughts:

I liked the theme and especially the realistic description of the emotions Sarah gets. With a little tweaks, this story has potential. Do keep writing *ThumbsUpL*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of THE BASHFUL LOVER  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
 Hi, tubelsaviz

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


First impressions:

This is a very expressive poem. Using just a few words, you have aptly described the travails of a shy lover.

My thoughts:

I could imagine the scene which this poem portrays, just by reading it. Someone who is too shy and nervous around his lady love, feels that a minute or two is like an hour when she is standing before him. Especially when he feels her gaze on him, his mouth dries up and his mind shuts off.

But his love for her is evident through the lines -

Too weak to express the flames of my love

But he does not give up -

And wished for yet another chance with her

The poem has a natural flow to it. The lover's wave of emotions, discomfort, frustration has been brought out very well.

Final thoughts:

I liked this poem very much. You are a talented poet. I will be looking forward to read your other poems. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Soh
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Review of Earth's Poem  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Jellyfish-Vote Green on May 2!

This is a review for the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  July raid

This is a beautiful poem which speaks about the destruction of Mother Earth by us humans. You have personified the earth and this poem is written from her POV, in which she blesses all the living creatures except the humans. Through the thoughts of the earth, you have conveyed her suffering, that humans use her resources for their own selfish needs and do not respect her.

However, I did not understand why you have mentioned only a selected animals in the poem - Bees, elephants, dolphins and polar bears. Is it that you have chosen them to represent the living beings in their respective habitats?

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem with us.

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Why me?  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lynda Miller

This is a review as a part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  July Raid

This is a story which brings out the fears of a victim of bullying. The protagonist comes across as a sweet and naive boy, who is yet to learn the ways of bullies. He is unable to figure out why he is being targeted by them. He thinks that its because of the bracelet he gave them, but it can be because of his meek attitude that he becomes the victim. The extent of his fear is shown in the opening lines I hid in the girls' bathroom. I did not want them to find me. This shows his desperation to get away from them.

Through this story, we can come to know how serious an issue bullying can be. It has a psychological and emotional impact on the victims besides the physical ones. Bullying, contrary to the belief, can be done by girls too is another message.

Thank you for sharing this writing with us *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Bedspread  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
H, r32312

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked this story and so here are my thoughts on it.

First impressions:

This story is written from the POV of a young child, Joe. The simple logic that is typical of children which is used to understand the situation is evident.

My thoughts:

Right from the beginning to the end, the child accurately observes and appraises the event, though his family members try their best to keep him in the dark about it. Children are more perceptive them we think. The little things he notices that are out of place seems amazing given his age -

*Note5* Nobody comes to wake him for school

*Note1* This wasn't a fun kind of whispering, this was more like a keep-Joe-in-the-dark kind of whispering.

*Note0* His father dressing in a suit

Finally when the bad news is broken to Joe, he holds on to the last, fresh memories he has of his mother - her soft and calm ways of dealing with the family, the way she used to carry him, prop him up on the washing machine and tie his shoes and the Bedspread which smelled like her. The bedspread is the only somewhat tangible memory he has of his mother through which he feels close to her.

The bond between the family members especially between Joe and his sister is beautiful.

Suggestions:

The story is well narrated and has a natural flow to it. However at one place, I felt that the description didn't go so well with the rest of the story -

She was always nice about it, never pushy no matter what kind of mess I'd made, but still, sometimes she acted like an adult, although she was only 15.

The description (in bold) of his sister seems a little too mature for his age, I felt. Since this is from the child's POV, don't you think that children of that age usually cannot make clear distinctions between age and personality? In other words, children feel that anyone who is as big and tall as their parents know what they are doing or are as wise as their elders.

Maybe you can rephrase that line like this -

She was always nice about it, never pushy no matter what kind of mess I'd made, but still, sometimes she acted like my mother.

Well, finally it is up to you, whether to change it or not *Smile*

Final thoughts:

This is a well thought out story, bringing out those little things about children we don't realise. In the end, it is established that the boy instead of mourning, probably out of shock or disbelief or denial, holds on to the last memories of his mother.

I liked this story very much. Thanks for sharing it with us, and keep writing *Thumbsupl*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Busted  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Choconut ~ House Targaryen

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I like to read flash fiction and this one caught my eye. I would like to leave my thoughts on it.

*Starfishv* First impression: The piece is concise but communicates the plot well.

*Starfishy* Plot: Flash fiction is not easy to write. It takes not only imagination but also the ability to discern the core part of the story's conflict from the frills and express it effectively in the least number of words. A good flash fiction is one in which the beginning, conflict and ending of the conflict, all in a perfect sequence, deliver the readers a jolt or a surprise attack. Your story has met all the above benchmarks. *Thumbsupl*

*Starfishb* Part I liked: When the protagonist sees and eats the cake has been explained very well. I felt as if I myself had experienced it first hand *Laugh*

*Starfishp* Suggestions: The second sentence can go like - So I'll have to be quiet. This makes a smoother read, I feel.

*Starfishr* Final thoughts: This is an excellent piece of flash fiction. Do write more of this genre as you have a knack of it. Thanks for sharing this story *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sarah and Johnny  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Amay

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Plot

I'm a sucker for romanctic stories and this is one beautiful story. The readers come to know about the characters Sarah and Johnny through Johnny's stories alone. Sarah and Johnny are childhood friends and neighbours. Their families are friends. Sarah is physically handicapped and Johnny has a kind heart. They love each other since their teenage but Sarah refuses to see it. She feels that she does not deserve Johnny's love because of her physical condition, because she cannot give him the life and love he could get from another girl who was fit and healthy. However, Johnny convinces her of his love by kidnapping her to the prom and dancing with her in front of everyone.

Organisation of the story:

The narration and flow of the story is smooth and even. There must be certain logic (seems like deductive reasoning) in the way you have organised the stories of the couple's life - first the story of their marriage, then the story of how they fell in love and then the story of how they met and became friends.

My thoughts:

This is a simple story. Just with a little over 1000 words you have narrated the love story of a couple of how they met, became friends, fell in love and got married. This was not just narration but a show-and-tell type of narration which is not easy to achieve. The easy camaraderie and love shared by the protagonists, the relationship between the protagonists and the other characters like parents, friends has been brought out well.

Final thoughts

I simply loved this story and your story telling skills. I have no suggestions to give. Thanks for sharing this lovely writing with us *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Purpose  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, The Philosopher

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found this poem to be very meaningful and could not leave without telling you my thoughts about it. I agree completely with your view that everyone must find their purpose in life. I too am in the process of searching for mine now.

As you say in the first stanza, many people live and die without finding their purpose, meaning they live and die an empty life.

In the second stanza, you say that the search for purpose exposes us to many alternatives of lifestyles we can have. Finally it is upto us to decide which one to choose, which one is the most suitable.

In the final stanza, you rightly conclude by saying why we need a purpose in life. It helps us to find meaning for our existence, answering the question of 'why we are born and for what?'

Suggestions:

Here is just a suggestion on my part; maybe you can add a stanza about how a purposeless life may be or elaborate on why purpose searching is important. In my view, this would add more weight to your poem.

Final thoughts:

This is a philosophically strong poem and I liked it. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep writing *Thumbsupl*

Soh
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Review of Loves Inuendo  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, White Widow

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



First Impression:

This is a short poem, which brings out the conflicting emotions felt by one undergoing domestic violence.

My thoughts:

The confusing feelings felt by the victim of the violence is seen in every verse. Each verse is followed by a contradictory verse. A positive feeling follows a negative one, while the negative feeling is replaced by a positive one. It is a vicious circle. The victim wants to leave the partner and go away for good, but the next day she changes her mind, reveling in her partner's change of heart, temporary or otherwise.
The last few verses show that the lady, no matter how much pain she experiences at the hands of her partner, she will not leave him.


Areas of improvement:

I think your all I've ever wanted

The above line can be written as I think you are all I've ever wanted

Final thoughts:

You have brought out the emotions very well. Thanks for sharing this poem with us and keep writing.

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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