I liked your story. It is well written, with natural flow of narration and well spaced paragraphs.
You have brought out the shock in David nicely. I admit, I too was flabbergasted to read David's mother's declaration. especially the part where she wanted to hire a hitman from the internet!
The twist ending is the best part of your story. I had never expected an April Fool joke here.
I liked this poem very much. Mostly because I believe in true love, and also because you have successfully captured the essence of the idea very well. It is simple yet expressive.
The lines I liked most are:
For love, there are no masks
No hesitation and the need to ask
In true glory, it basks
Fills up the lonely flask
I see that you joined just today! I hope WDC can help you nourish your writing talents! It surely did mine. Enjoy and keep writing here!
I'm a newbie here too, so the review I give you is solely based on what I felt from your writing. Choose whichever suggestion you like and discard the rest.
What made me choose to read this story...
The description caught my interest. I've not read many stories about a tsunami experience.
My first impressions...
You have described the scenario very well. I could visualise the whole story easily. You have also contrasted the life before the tsunami and when the giant wave hits the shore, excellently. One minute, humanity is going about life, and the next, it is being drowned and destroyed in the raging, savage wave.
What I liked...
Other than the contrast, I liked the way you have described the events from the character's point of view. The type of protagonist you have chosen for your story is suitable, I feel, as an artist has a keen eye of the landscape he is sketching. The description of the travel of the giant wave to the coast and the desperate and confused scramble is superb. The protagonist's mindless fear has also been portrayed very well, especially by the following line: I try not to look back… I really did… But I couldn’t… I turn and as I do it engulfs me…
Few lines I liked most:
The sun was as indefatigable and untiring as a boxer staring mercilessly down at his prey. I run with all the adrenaline in my mind...I manically sprint not looking back. I look up… Confused… Perplexed… I look out to the horizon… Except… There isn’t one?
Suggestions (In my opinion)
I think you could have given better spacing between the paragraphs. A little more defined paragraphs will make it a pleasing and easier read
You have used the word 'as' in the starting line, but it leads to no explanation. You may want to rephrase that sentence.
These sentences needs a bit redoing in punctuation and grammar:
The wave eyes the beach down as it approaches and creates nothing, but a churning gut instinct to run and so I do.
It can be written as: The wave eyes the beach down as it approaches, and creates nothing but a churning gut instinct to run; and so I did.
parents whom frustratingly parents, who, with frustration,
look to the horizon and then look to the side look to the horizon and then to the side
bustling town and as the palm trees stand calmly bustling town, and as the palm trees stand calmly
chaos with the sellers chaos, with the sellers
surfers and fisherman all look surfers and fisherman, all look
There are many more of such little punctuation issues. You may have to proofread again. I'm sure you will find the areas of error.
There seems to be a little problem with the tenses. You have started the story with the past tense and continued with the present tense.
Overall thoughts..
You have done a very good job of the short story. I enjoyed reading it :)
Before I begin my review, I would like you to know that I am a newbie too. So my review won't contain a lot of detail. But I hope it will help you anyway.:)
Why I chose to read your essay?
The title was different. Usually, people do not thank a person for breaking their heart.
How I relate to this piece
Infatuation or crush on the opposite sex is a typical part of teenage. I too had a few crushes when I was a teenager, though I did not express it. I too used to daydream about the boy. I used to feel thrilled if he just talked a sentence to me.
I particularly liked your positive attitude towards a heart break. It is not easy to overcome one, much less view it as a benefit.
What I feel about the essay
I liked the flow of your language and narration. You have put your heart in writing this. You have remembered even those little moments, which were special to you and expressed it in a way that even the reader can feel it is special.
Some of the lines I would like to quote, for justification are:
"I would smile at him from where I was sitting at the jeep"
and "It felt awkward at first because I didn’t want to move my hand too much or even twitch my fingers because it might “disturb” his or something"
Also, the events in the essay seem smooth.
The essay is easy to read as you have maintained good spacing between the paragraphs.
What I liked in the essay
This essay is very inspirational for those who have a broken heart. I wish such people would take a cue by reading this and use their negative situation to fuel something positive.
Why this piece is memorable
This piece is memorable because of the sheer optimism it carries.
Suggestions
There is nothing much to suggest here, since you have done an excellent job of it. However, I think there is a case of oversight in the following sentence: He would fetch from my friend's house.
On a personal note
I am very glad that you have taken this experience in your stride and learnt something out of it. I also appreciate the fact that you have let that person go without harbouring a grudge.
Welcome to WDC, Roch Lazarte and keep writing more wonderful pieces
I liked this poem very much. I know how much a parent has to experience if her child is autistic.
However, the most important thing for a parent to do is to accept and love the child for what he or she is. That is the first step to help the child. I am very happy that you are accepting your child and loving him unconditionally. Keep it up!
You have expressed a lot of emotion throughout the poem and it certainly touches the reader's heart.
I liked your poem. It has rhythm and smooth flow. Your rhyming is excellent. Your style of writing poetry is good too. I especially liked the comparison of the woman to the Barbie doll, as this doll is a symbol of an adult female.
However, i did not get the meaning of the word 'throve', used in one of the lines.
Keep up your writing and good luck :) Welcome to WDC
I liked this poem because of the way you have portrayed the common feeling of hunger in a very humourous light. I can relate to this as I too am living away from home right now and miss the comfort and taste of home food.
'Hunger does have a powerful hold over us and it drives us to appease its demands immediately, in any manner possible', is your theme, and you have handled it well.
Of course, a person with a sweet tooth has a more difficult time
My suggestion is you could have split it into paragraphs, maybe rhyming couplets. Other than that, I liked your style of expression and rhyming. You are doing well, keep it up!
I like this work very much and enjoyed reading it. It is rightly termed as Emotional. The author has gone deep into the mind of an aged person. Old age is always equated with loneliness and memories.
In this piece, the author has brought out the loneliness of the woman from the following line 'whom she’d always wondered were relatively what?' and 'first genuine hug in years'
There is also a hint of frustration about the way people 'hover' around her. Maybe she does not like to think that she has become frail.
she feels that her family does not understand her 'What do they know about much of anything!', this is a very natural feeling that old people get.. She has only memories now.
The narration is smooth and the author has portrayed the aspects of old age very well.
What I liked most in this is the woman's wish to live-'wearing the red nail polish'. This writing is memorable because the way it is written, the emotions mixed with the subtle humour. I was really moved by the old woman's feelings which were portrayed.
I do not have any suggestions since the writing is perfect.
The ending suggests that the woman feels that she will have the last word as it is her Will that will decide the property distribution among her family. The Will is the only way she can have some control over her family, 'The last word'. The ending is excellent.
The author has a good control in handling the theme.
Hi! Its an interesting story. Simple narration, fluent and the flow is good too. You have handled the events very well. I feel the theme is common, but the way you have written it makes it an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work :)
I liked the way you portrayed the feelings of the old man. Also the contrast between the young and the old, the new and the old, past and present has come out beautifully. I enjoyed reading this piece
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The description caught my interest. I've not read many stories about a tsunami experience.
The wave eyes the beach down as it approaches and creates nothing, but a churning gut instinct to run and so I do.
You have done a very good job of the short story. I enjoyed reading it :)
Welcome to WDC and have fun writing here 
