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316 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, woody

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I came across your story in the read and review and found it interesting, especially because I like to read the Children's genre.

This is a cute little tale. The story is in simple words and children can relate to the characters - an ogre who is tries to be an ogre, but is ruled by his tummy and a leprechaun, who is not only witty and practical, but also kindhearted.

The flow of the story is smooth and I could somehow make out a rhythm in it. However, the dialogues may be bit difficult to read. But since it is made into an audio book, the dialogues would come out well. I could almost imagine how this story would sound if it was read aloud.

Though it is a simple tale, the way it is written makes it a nice read. I liked the humour you have put in.

My favourite lines are:

*Bulletr* The other forest creatures feared him, for after all, he was an ogre, and ogres have certain, shall we say, reputations.

*Bulletg* Now, when an ogre gets frustrated bad things tend to happen.

I loved this story. Thanks for sharing it with us and keep writing!

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Alexandra Mikel

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I came across your review when I was going through the Newbies' section of writings. The title interested me and the brief description about the item gave a little more information about what the item is about.

You are very right on the views you have presented in your writing. To live a happy, fulfilling life, we must follow our heart, set our own goals and reach our own dreams. The society conditions us into believing what is good for us and does not let us question it. I don't mean that whatever the society says is not good, it is just that every person cannot be fitted into the same mold. We must not expect others, even our kids, to become what we have become, or reach life goals in the same path as we have taken. Such expectations make individuals feel empty and confused about their life.

Giving a personal account of your journey to reach your life purpose is an excellent way of setting an example to the readers. This article gives readers some food for thought, helping them question themselves, their beliefs and life styles. I really liked the suggestions you have given at the end.

*Thumbsup* Thanks for sharing this amazing article with us! Keep writing *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, MMMpoetic

This is a review for the February raid of
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


This poem is short and simple, yet the emotion of love has been expressed well. The word 'Beautiful' is always associated with romantic love. So when I saw the title, I was curious to know what you wanted to convey.
I was not disappointed when I read on.

The individual about whom the poem is about, her beauty is indescribable, so much that words are not enough to capture her essence. That is the true feeling of love. A lover's beauty is something which is felt, not merely seen and described.

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem with us. Keep writing *Thumbsup*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of Longing  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Blue_Pumpkin

This is a review for the February Review Raid of the
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


Why I chose to read this poem?

The title itself struck a chord in me. I could relate to it.

My thoughts:

*Star* The longing to see, to be with and love the beloved has been expressed very nicely in the poem. (Stanza 1 and 2)

*Starb* It seems as if the poet does not know much about the girl, nor does she about him. But love has strange ways. (Stanza 3)

*Starbr* The poet dwells on the memories of his encounters with her, which were brief, but to him they are his only connections to her. (Stanza 4)

*StarR* Those memories, however, fall short of the real thing- the real experience of being with her (Stanza 5)

*Starbl* The poet describes his dream/visualisation/imagination of spending intimate moments with her, where all his fantasies and imaginations come true. (Stanza 6 and 7)

*StarP* The poem ends with an incomplete sentence - she says. Maybe the poet himself is not able to imagine what she may say, or he has left it to our imagination.

Favourite lines:

These cruel seconds turn to minutes,
Which turn to hours and then to days,
An overwhelming urgency to see her once,
Before we turn and part our ways

I can feel her touch, it's friendly yet,
It takes me to another place.

For the billionth time my mind wanders,
Back to those little conversations,
Laced with simple questions and answers,
And all speckled with flirtations.

Final thoughts:

*Heart* I loved this poem very much as it brings out the same feelings which I have for my beloved. Thanks for sharing this poem with us. Keep writing and posting your lovely works.

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of Unlikely Friends  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Jessica Lynn

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a very cute story and perfect for children. Many times in life, we encounter something big and seemingly dangerous, from which we simply run away, without a second thought. This way we lose good opportunities of friendship or new learning.

You have a good skill of narration. Children are interested in reading about kings, kingdoms and dragons and you have incorporated these into your story!

Well done and thanks for sharing this with us *Thumbsupl*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of Seeking Silence  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Petrichor

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest thoughts on your poem.

What made me read this poem?

The title and brief description hooked me as many times, in my busy schedule, I wish I could sit alone and still my thoughts and feelings.

My thoughts:

I loved the first stanza. That is exactly what I'm seeking - stillness, no movement, sound or thrill.

The second stanza talks about Qi or Chi, the Life Energy. I very much believe in this concept and feel that if we open our channels for the Qi to flow in, our lives will take a turn for the better. We would gain spiritual knowledge which cannot be accessed otherwise.

The third stanza is about the calmness one experiences when one reaches a thoughtless state.

The final stanza gives us the solution to calm our ever-chattering mind and it is through meditation.

This is a simple poem, containing deep ideas. To understand it, we need to have some knowledge about spirituality in general and Qi in particular. However, you have weaved it into a comprehensible form.

Final thoughts:

*Rainbowr* Reading this poem refreshed me. I like writings which are spiritually oriented. I have no suggestions to give as I find this poem perfect (keeping the technicalities of poetry aside). Thanks a lot for sharing this with us. Keep writing *Thumbsup*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Still Waiting  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Gervic!

I have not reviewed your items before and I thought I'd do so for the
WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Mod. Challenge  (E)
Check out this challenge and earn some gift points and great prizes!
#2006883 by Legerdemain


First impressions:

This is a simple and heartfelt poem.

My thoughts:

I don't know much about reviewing poems, so I won't comment on the technicalities of the poem.

I could feel the pain of losing the beloved through the verses of the poem. The difficult question of whether to move on or wait makes one an insomniac. He relives and re-experiences the moments spent with her. He feels empty and and lonely.

The question of whether to let go or hold on to the love is resolved in the end i.e. the poet chooses to wait.

My favourite lines:

I am longing for you, my dear
Your presence, your lovely smile
I liked these lines as they are very expressive

In my lifetime I'll use to remember
Keeping it as our simple souvenir.
This is a sweet way of cherishing the memory

Final thoughts:

I liked this poem. Though it is short and simple, it contains the deep feeling of longing, sorrow and heart break. *Thumbsup*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of Oak Tree  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Dracomurex

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



I came across your story on the newbie list of works.

My first impressions:

This piece is very visual. As I read on, I could visualise each and every detail of what you have described.

My thoughts:

I liked your way of describing the situation. For the protagonist, there is something intriguing about the oak tree, especially through the following line: There’s a large red oak tree on the further end of the field, standing alone just out of range of the forest behind it.
There is an air of mystery about as we read. Just as we are about to find out what is in the oak tree which is so interesting, we are pulled away, because darkness is falling. Something or someone's presence is scaring the protagonist, which leads to his/her sudden, blind flight from that place. However, after a running a distance, the threat is no more and the protagonist retires for the night. The readers are left in suspense as to what was he/she escaping from.

You have maintained the tense well and it contributes to the mood of the story. The grammar and punctuation are fine too.

My favourite lines:

grasshoppers jumping in and out of the orange light as the sun goes down,

There’s a large red oak tree on the further end of the field, standing alone just out of range of the forest behind it.

The grass hinders me now, tangling over my bare feet and pulling at my clothes.

Final thoughts:

I liked this little story very much. Its a perfect blend of mystery and horror. I would love to read the next part of this story. Thanks for sharing this with us *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review of My big dream  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Izzy's Writing

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Here are my impressions of your story...

The theme and plot:

The theme is about child abuse by foster parents. The parents have a sadistic streak in them. I have not come across such family violence in real life, so I cannot comment much on the theme.

The story's plot is stretched over a span of around three days. The events in these three days has been logically set.

Dialogues:

The dialogues are very good. Without much description, and only through the dialogues and thoughts of the protagonist I could understand the caring nature of the three hockey players and the sadistic nature of the parents.

Spacing:

The spacing between paragraphs are fine. But you could have separated dialogues from the paragraphs. This makes it easier to read and understand. Many times I had to re-read few paragraphs because I could not get who was talking about whom.

The story:

You have portrayed the relationship between the protagonist and the other characters very well.

I also liked the way you have brought out Lizzy's variety of feelings - She suffers a lot at the hands of her so-called parents, but she keeps silent about it because they are her only caregivers. She instantly bonds with Nick and others because she feels at home with them, she feels valued and positive.

The grammar and punctuation seems fine. You have uniformly maintained the tense.

Suggestions:

I had a bit of difficulty in realising that the names of the Euro-Twins were Pavel and Hank. After the first dialogues they spoke, you could include a tag after their name as Pavel, one of the Euro-twins and Havel, the other Euro-twin.

You have written the surname of Nick in the beginning as Kronwell and later as Kronner. You may want to remedy that.

I think you can improve the ending a little as I found it somewhat abrupt. Maybe by saying something about how Lizzy feels about her dream now, or the ray of hope she has got and such like. However, it is upto you to alter the ending or not.

Overall thoughts:

You have brought to light an important issue of domestic child abuse i.e. the torture of children by their own parents/guardians, which is still lesser known or even denied in the society. At first, the kind of trauma Lizzy went through seemed unreal to me but as I read along, I realised that this is a serious societal problem that needs awareness.
You have written well and I have gained knowledge on this issue. Thanks for sharing it with everyone here *Smile* Keep writing.

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
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Review of Depression  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Care

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest thoughts on your poem.

*Snow3*Why I chose to read this?

Being a student of Psychology, I'm very much interested in reading on topics related to psychology.

*Snow3*My thoughts:

This poem expresses all your feelings during a depressive episode. The form and structure of the poem is in sync with the idea and emotion on which it is based.

Depression eats away a person from the inside and he loses all hope and light in life. He feels that no one understands him, understands what he is going through. No one can see the ongoing battle within the person, which is represented by a roller coaster ride.
I particularly liked the way you have ended the poem - Depression comes in episodes and you have shown a hope of recovery after an episode ends; a positive ending. *Smile*

*Snow3* Final thoughts:

I loved the way you have expressed you innermost feelings through this poem. I hope you have felt better after writing down your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the hope and keep writing*Thumbsup*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of In Dreams  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Cheri Annemos

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

These are my honest thoughts on this story.

*Buttonr*Why I chose to read this story?

I like stories of the Romance/Love Genre and I am fascinated with dreams and their content. Therefore, a combination of these two was a must read!

*Buttonr* First Impressions:

This is a simple story containing the complexity of dream.

*Buttonr* My thoughts:

*Bulletg* The theme of the story has been handled well. Meeting the mysterious stranger of your dreams in real life is not an uncommon topic, but your story-telling has made it an interesting read.

*Bulletg* What I could make out about Kristin, the protagonist, is that she is the modern age woman, who steps boldly into the male-dominated territory and creates a niche for herself. She is an independent and proud woman, who is well aware of the obstacles she would face in such an occupation. Portraying such a woman as feeling self-conscious and nervous is not an easy thing, which you seem to have done with ease.

*Bulletg* The ending has also come out well - the sudden spark of recognition which renders her speechless.

*Bulletg* The flow of the story is smooth. However there are a few mistakes regarding the tense, for which you may want to proofread again. Regarding dialogues, they are minimal in this story, which is fine as too many are not required here.

*Buttonr*Final thoughts:

You have done a great job here. I have no suggestions to give other than keep at writing and sharing it with us. *Smile*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, very thankful

I found this poem on the list of items by online authors. I liked it so much that I could not leave without leaving my thoughts *Smile*

The title and the brief description attracted me because I know the meaning of 'one and only true love'.

I liked your expression of falling in love. I could relate it to my life, particularly -

I was so happy; all I could do was cry.
I became a woman that wonderful day.

Thanks for sharing it with us! *Smile*
63
63
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, R.J Smith

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I came across this poem when I was browsing through the Newbies section. I could not leave without giving my views.

Why I chose to read this?

The fact that it was for children. I like to read the Children's genre, and sometimes write too.

My thoughts:

I enjoyed this poem very much. The zoo and holidays are two well liked topics among kids. I'm sure they would love to read about the way zoo animals may pass their time on a day off.
The rhyming is natural and contributes to the interest of the readers.

I liked your imagination about each animal's pastimes. It was really funny to read that kangaroos are playing hopscotch and turtles are racing cars, cats chasing dogs and the lions having a laugh at the circus clowns!

The ending is the perfect close for the story of the poem. The reader may wonder how did the animals get such freedom all of a sudden and you've provided the apt answer in the last two stanzas. I think the Ending 2 is the better of the two.

Overall thoughts:

*Thumbsup*This poem is simply great. I've no suggestions to give, only that I'd love to read more of your writings!

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of Sold on Chimes  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Avid Writer ~ God is My Agent

I found your port on the Nuclear List of the Power Shop Review Board and thought I might review one of your items.

What attracted me to read this item?

The brief description and also the fact that it is about wind chimes. I too like wind chimes as their sound infuses a sense of joy and freedom in me. *Smile*

My thoughts:

This must be the first time I'm reviewing a non-fiction piece and I'll be giving my heartfelt thoughts.
By reading this piece, I felt refreshed. It brought on a memory of my best liked set of wind chimes. They hang in the house of my great aunt and are made of bamboo. So the sounds which come from them are heavenly and soothing, making me feel as if the world is filled with joy.

In simple words, you have expressed your feelings and memories brought out by the sounds of the wind chimes.
You must have written this for a contest and therefore, had to stick to a word count. Now, why not elaborate a little more on your sensations and emotions inspired by the wind chimes, is my suggestion.

Overall thoughts:

I liked this piece very much. It has made my mind open and free to greet the day. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Soh
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review of Why?  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lynda Miller

I found your port in the Power Shop Review Board under the Nuclear Package and thought I'd review one of your items. So here are my honest opinions about your story.

What attracted me to read this?

The title and brief description. They tell everything about the story in just a handful of words. You have chosen the words well.

My thoughts:

This is a moving story. The mother's love for her child and her loss has been put across very well.

What I liked:

You have written the story in the present tense, which gives the story its life. As this is from the POV of a parent who is losing her child and is counting down, every second, every moment, event and action will be imprinted in her memory. Using the tense effectively, you have communicated the helplessness and feelings of loss of the mother very well. Had this story been in the past tense, it would have lent a different expression.

I also liked the way you have portrayed the feelings of the mother here. She attributes the ICU to death; at this point she is not in the position to comfort anyone or even seek comfort and support from her family; and her utter shock which robs her of her tears and sensitivity to sensation.

Suggestions:

There is a teeny grammar mistake:

They asked us to step outside of the unit.
They ask us to step outside of the unit.

Overall thoughts:

This is an excellent and touching piece. You have done a great job. Thanks for sharing this story with us. *Smile*

Soh
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66
66
Review of I Love Him  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Leigh

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest thoughts on your story. Feel free to accept the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't.

Why I chose to read this story?

The fact that it involved a person with depression, I wished to read this.

First impressions:

This is a monologue and a lot of emotions are expressed here. The protagonist's thoughts of low self worth, which are characteristic of depressed people is evident.

My thoughts:

*Checkr* You have aptly captured the thought process of the protagonist. She is so depressed that she feels she is unworthy of her beloved's love. She has a very low opinion of herself, and is unwilling to share her fears with others because she thinks they will not understand her plight. She does love the boy very much, but since she does not love herself, she finds it difficult to accept the fact that he really loves her and wants to support her. Though she knows that he loves her, she is afraid that he may abandon her once he gets to know her inner feelings.

*Check5* I liked the the subtle manner in which you have told about their relationship. It makes me think of the boy as very determined, loving and caring, despite her attempts to push him away, because of her own insecurity. Such a person is needed for chronically depressed people to heal.

*Check4* The girl feels that with every attempt she makes to push him away, he goes a little away from her. But I think this is just her assumption. She wants him to go away from her, on one hand, and her mind makes her believe that he is moving apart little by little.

*Check3* She is in a dire confusion about him. On one hand, she wants him to go away, which is a defense mechanism to save her from heartbreak and deeper melancholy, but on the other hand, she wants him by her side, because she needs his love and support, which no one else in her life can give (Or she hasn't allowed anyone else get close enough to help her).

*Check2* But the final paragraph gives us some hope of recovery in the girl. She wants to become normal and have a happy relationship with him. This is what propels her to accept the fact that it is a long and tiresome journey ahead of her. Also she wants to heal for his sake. This shows the depth of her love for him.

*Check1* The story has a smooth flow of narration.

Suggestions:

*Bulletb* You can give a name for the boy. (Its just my view. Name lends a substance to the character, even thouh he/she may not be directly present in the story)

*Bulletb* A correction:

Still part of me doubts him.
Still a part of me doubts him.

Favourite lines:

I just don't understand how he can love me when I don't love myself.

They're just there - controlling my life - but I don't why

People without depression don't understand how hard it is to say to someone I feel ugly, or stupid, or worthless. You can't tell them that you don't want to go out because you feel like everyone hates you and that they all look at you and judge you, because to them that doesn't make sense, they've never felt that way.

These statements show her feelings of worthlessness and her external locus of control (letting events and outside influences control you), both of which are typical of depressed persons.

Final thoughts:

*Thumbsup* You have done an excellent job on this. You have understood the depressive individual's workings of the mind very well and also effectvely communicated in this little story. Do keep writing excellent pieces like this and share with us. Have fun! *Wink*

Soh


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
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Review of Too soon  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, lostinoregon

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest opinions. Please feel free to accept the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't.

Why I chose to read this poem?

My curiosity was aroused when I read the brief description you gave for it.

First impressions:

This poem contains both emotions and logic, blended perfectly.

My thoughts:

You have put your heart in this poem and I agree with all the ideas you have expressed here:

Once you have lost your first love, it is hard to get over it. Eventually you will, if you give yourself the chance and some time. But until then, it is the healing period. In this healing period, even if another love comes your way, even if it is 'an Angel', it is hard to accept it, because 'the ghost of your past' would still be haunting you.

I liked your words of advice, not to reject the love, but to accept it with a clear heart and mind.

I liked the way you have expressed the meaning in the following verses:

For if you try
just a little too soon.
passion's crowded
with three in the room

The three here refers to the past love, the present love and the person. If we don't let go of our past, we cannot wholeheartedly enjoy our present, is the message here.

The ending is good too. Pain, tears and misery are the result of such a love.

Suggestions:

Here are a words I found, which I felt have been misspelled, according to the grammar:

make sure the ghost
have all gone.
make sure the ghosts
have all gone.

Angel that they may be
Angels that they may be

I did not understand the meaning of the highlighted word used in this line, though I could grasp the overall idea,

But they never phase
a heart of stone.

Final thoughts:

You have written very well and I liked this poem very much. Good job and keep writing! *Thumbsup*

Soh
68
68
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, O. D. D. Cummings

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


When I read the title, I just had to read this poem. When I read the poem, I just had to leave my thoughts. So here they are:

This is a wittily written poem about the Adverb. Usually, we do not recognise the components of grammar, but you have brought our attention to the beauty of the Adverb. I liked this poem very much and I have no suggestions to give.

My favourite lines are:

Quipping quietly,
Rhyming regularly,

Don’t let the adverb disturb,
Some it could perturb,
But I think it’s superb.

Great work! Thanks for sharing this with us *Thumbsup*

Keep writing*PenG* and have fun!

Soh
69
69
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Lauryn Rose

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest views on your story. It is up to you to accept some or ignore some as you wish.

Why I chose to read this story?

The title attracted me. It like to read stories and poems of Children's genre.

First impressions:

This story is worded in simple language and aptly brings out the innocence of childhood.

My thoughts:

The story has a smooth flow to it. I could visualise each sentence with a picture. It is perfect for a children's picture story book.

You have started the story with Hillary feeling bored. *Laugh* I remember my summer hols in my school days during which I too used to feel the same way. Anyway, what I liked is that you have defined Hillary's boredom. She's bored with her roller blades and her painting kit.

The way you have described the proceedings of her little business is very cute.

Ellie, the pet dog serves as a receiver of Hillary's doubts and wondering, which is a thoughtful addition to the story.

I liked the ending. I had not thought of that possibility. I had thought that people were simply not interested. *Smile*

Lines I liked:

So she waited….
And waited….
But still nobody came.

Suggestions:

There is a typo. I guess it is due to oversight.

but was tired to painting.
but was tired of painting.

Final thoughts:

This is a very sweet story. I liked it very much. Do keep writing and sharing it here with us. *Thumbsup*

Soh
70
70
Review of Second Chance  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Valenchia

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest thoughts on your story. Feel free to accept the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't.

Why I chose to read this story?

The title and brief description looked promising.

First impressions:

The flow of the story is smooth. We are introduced to the main character Sara and the state of her life, early in the story.

My thoughts:

The story begins well, but the ending seems incomplete. According to the description of the story, Sara is having an inner conflict as to whether or not she should take a chance at love for the second time. Though your intention was to write about this, the impact of the ending has not come out that strong. I feel, if you revise the sentences and words, you can accomplish the ending part well.

Other than that, I liked your descriptions about Sara's relationships with her daughter and also her thoughts and evaluations about Tim and his family. However, I didn't get the part where you have mentioned Tim's brother. You can write a little more about him, I feel.


Final thoughts:

The chosen theme is good. It is an eternal question for single parents whether or not to risk falling into love for the second time. With your skills and a few corrections, you can make this a better piece *Smile*

Soh
71
71
Review of The Star  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Trisha Roberts

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest views on your poem. Feel free to accept the ones you like and ignore the rest.

My thoughts:

This is a short and sweet poem on your father. It expresses your love and admiration for him. You feel a sense of calmness and safety when he is with you.

The rhyming is natural. This poem is straight from your heart.

Few of my favourite lines are:

You're the star that I see every night,

You're the star that doesn't go out of sight.

Suggestions:

There is a little spelling mistake, which, I think, is committed due to oversight:

I know you're not going to far,
I know you're not going too far,

I noticed that you have rated this poem as 13+. I think this poem can be rated as E meaning that the content of the poem is suitable to be read by all ages. 13+ refers to the content that is suitable only for the ages above 13 years.

Final thoughts:

You have a talent for writing poetry and you have come to the right place to exhibit it and also learn. Involve yourself in contests and poetry groups as it will benefit you a lot *Smile*

Soh
72
72
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, The Winter

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest thoughts on your poem. Feel free to accept the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't *Smile*

What attracted me to read this poem?

The title and brief description. I'm a sucker for romance/love genre.

First impressions:

This poem is simple yet sweet. I feel that this poem has come right out of your heart.*Heart*

How I can relate to it?

I am comfortable with writing short stories. However, I have also written a few poems. I write poetry only when I strongly feel about something, and I find your style of writing very similar to mine *Wink*

Also, your concept of love very much resembles mine!!

What I liked:

*Heart*Your style of poetry. As I have mentioned earlier, this poem is simple. I like poems with simple lines which carry lot of emotion.

*Heart*The ideas of love which you have expressed.

Favourite lines:

Its difficult to choose my favourite lines as I liked your whole poem immensely. However, here are a few:

My lips fit with yours
so perfectly,
as if we were meant
to be together.

All I do know is
that we are together
and fit like a jigsaw.

Overall Thoughts:

*Thumbsup*This poem itself and along with the fact that it echoes my thoughts on love, you have done a great job writing this. I have enjoyed reading this and a big thank you for sharing this with us *Bigsmile*

Soh
73
73
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Shakti

Theses are my honest views on your story. Please accept the ones you like and reject the ones you don't:)

What attracted me to read this story?

I like fairy tales and especially their remakes.

First impressions:

*Bulletr* I found that this story has a nice ring to it, like how fairy tales should have. For example, "yum, yum, yummy".

*Bulletr* The adorable Red Riding Hood comes across as sneaky, greedy and overly self-centered, while the Big Bad Wolf is the straightforward hero of the story.

What I liked:

*Check3* The unconventional twist of the story - the Big Bad Wolf is framed while Red Riding Hood is the real culprit.

*Check5* The sarcasm in the following lines: They’ll believe me cause you’re the big bad wolf and I’m the cute little girl.

In her sweetest voice with her cutest smile, earning herself a isn’t-she-cute look from mother dearest.
We need to accept the fact that sometimes, children can get too naughty.

*Check2* I liked how you have portrayed the character of Red Riding Hood. Her nature can be surmised from her dialogues and soliloquy.

*Check4* And of course, your sentence construction in the story *Wink*

Areas of improvement:

Firstly, I am in a bit of a confusion as to who is your target audience; is it children, teens or adults? You have employed sarcasm, which is fine in itself, but it is not easy for children to understand.
If you can sort out this confusion, it will give a better direction to your story.

Suggestion:

Your grammar and punctuation are fine.

A have a teeny tiny little suggestion. However, its your wish to use it or not:
You can put a moral for this story, if you have intended this for the children's genre.

Overall thoughts:

*Smile*You have a good imagination and fashioning a story based on fairy tales is a concept I like very much. Its not an easy job to write in fairy tale style.
You have done a good job! Keep it up *Thumbsup*

Soh
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74
74
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Maryann!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a review on the occasion of your anniversary today! *Smile*

*BalloonY*Why I chose to read this story among others from your portfolio?

Many reasons -

*BurstV* The title and brief description
*BurstP* I love the Childrens' genre
*BurstB* This story required ratings
*BurstG* I like lemonade! (harsh summer in my place! *Wink*)

*BalloonR*First impressions:

This is a very cute story. Cracking cases is a very exciting job for children. If I was in their place, I would have showed the same amount of excitement. *RainbowR*

*BalloonG*What I liked:

*Check2* The narration: It is smooth and simple. You have brought out the girls' enthusiasm, their relationship with each other and with the adults very well. Also, as it is from the first person POV, we can get to know how the child sees the world.

*Check3* The theme: A different kind of theme. It is realistic and fun for the kids.

*Check5* The cases they got are appropriate for their age.

*Check4* I have become a fan of Gina for her style of gleaning information.

*BalloonS* Favourite lines:

The suspense was killing me, but I knew that Carol takes a long time to speak. I guess most three year olds do.

He started laughing again at his own humor before he continued speaking.
These above two sentences show Mandy's keen perception and experience, which is needed for being a detective.

Gina and I extended our hands to give each other a dramatic handshake.

*BalloonV* Final thoughts:

I enjoyed this story a lot. I have no suggestions to make. Thanks for sharing this sweet story with us! *Bigsmile*

Soh
75
75
Review of Remember When  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi BillieGail memory of Cheyenne

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest views on your poem.

First impressions:

I could relate to this poem first hand as I too like to remember the experiences of all the firsts you have mentioned in the poem. This poem is exactly how I felt when I fell in love - complete, safe, loved and needed.

This poem has been written excellently. You have brought out the emotions associated with first love very well.

Favourite lines:

Its hard to pick which if the lines I like the best here, but still here are a few:

Every first minute of every day that I spend with you
I feel those same first feelings over and over again

Remember that first quick glance?
Remember when we first looked deep into each other’s eyes?

Remember our first touch?
Remember the first time we ever held each other close?

Brief analysis:

The first four lines of the poem show contrast, maybe before the relationship started and after it started. This, I felt is the perfect start for a poem based on reliving the memories of the firsts.

Final thoughts:

This is a beautiful poem. I have no suggestions to make. Thanks for sharing it with us. *Smile*

Soh

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