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311 Public Reviews Given
316 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Charlieabney!

This is a nice story. The pretentious relationship between the heroine and her family has been portrayed very well. The overlapping dialogues show how much they ignore her. Of course, so does the ridiculous gift too. I have an urge to slap the sisters for being so insensitive.

You have followed the prompt well.

Your grammar and vocabulary is fine. It is not an easy task to write dialogues which are supposed to occur simultaneously.

The last line is what I liked best in the story: the oblivious girl responded as the equally oblivious parents peered on, proud as could be of their close-knit family.

'The close knit family' here is a sarcastic usage.

This is an excellent work. Keep it up and keep writing *Thumbsup*

Soh
102
102
Review of Longview  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Prosperous Snow,

I liked this poem, mainly because I too share the same view for the world. You have expressed your thoughts on the topic very well.

I especially liked the following lines:

today’s battlefields transformed
into playgrounds for vacationing humanity.

and

Earth had become a one country
and humanity one multihued species

I do not know much about poetry to suggest anything. However, I would like to say that this poem is very much in line with what I want for the world.

Well done!

Soh
103
103
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Shaara!

This flash fiction is cute and amusing. Children can be really unpredictable.

I liked how you expressed your decision to don the clown's part. The ending was unexpected. Either the clown mom would be a great success or an utter failure. But something different happened!

Nice work *Thumbsup*

Soh
104
104
Review of Icey Giant  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Dawnyspace!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm not very good at understanding poems, so I will tell you whatever i felt from the poem. This poem is short and sweet. Within a few words, you have conveyed your thoughts very nicely. Yes, life is swift and full of ups and downs.

However, I did not get how you have connected 'giant' to life?

Keep writing:)

Soh
105
105
Review of Stars  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, MK,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked this poem. The immense want for freedom is evident, especially because you have repeated the ending.

The poem is visual too. I felt so because of the following lines:
Gazing back down/ Seeing everything in sight.

and

If I raise my arm/As far as it can go

Your style of poetry is simple and smooth. Its a good thing you have made this poem as a free verse poem. If you had tried a rhyming scheme, it would not have effectively conveyed the mood of the poem.

Good job, keep it up! Keep writing *Thumbsup*

Soh
106
106
Review of Paranormal Poem  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Dodge The Bullet,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This is a different kind of poem. You have handled the theme also from a different angle. It is a pretty good poem.

My favourite lines are:

Ghosts and Spirits~
I may be one someday

and

Paranormal, oh paranormal~
You are not normal in any way

However, I feel you could have added a few more lines to this poem. This is only a suggestion, its up to you, finally:)

Soh
107
107
Review of Life  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Tearsbehindthesmile,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


These are my honest opinions on your work. Feel free to accept my suggestions or reject them.

*BurstR*What attracted me to read this?

The brief description which you gave for the story because somewhere, I too have felt the need to fit in.

*BurstV*My first impressions:

You have put your heart in writing this. I find a lot of emotions pulsating through this story; the feeling of fear, rejection, depression and of course, the confusion, all which are associated with moving into a new society/environment. The conflicts of identity reigning in the protagonist's mind is very evident too.

*BurstG*What I liked most in the story?

You have portrayed the diverse feelings of the protagonist well.
I especially liked the ending. Usually, people in this situation give up or become like how their society wants. However, here the she has taken a positive outlook to it and not changed herself to suit the new society. Though she has suffered from depression, she has not given up. Instead, she has waited for the society to like her as she is and is rewarded in the end, with friendships, acceptance, strength and experience.*Rainbowr*

*BurstBR*Few lines I liked the most:

*Check2* Go through the storm before she could see the rainbow: This is very true. At the end of a difficult experience, something beautiful and worthy lies.

*Check2* No two people can ever be the same: If everyone in the world could understand this simple fact, a lot of discrimination and prejudice would reduce.

*BurstBL*Suggestions:

You have written well. The spacing among paragraphs is good.

But, you seem to have some problem in the punctuation. It stands out because you have used very long sentences.
For example:

*DropV*She was constantly asked where she was from and why she sounded different , she was the new kid the different one , she constantly felt...

This can be written as: She was constantly asked where she was from and why she sounded different; she was the new kid, the different one. She constantly felt like she was forced into the corner with no way out because society felt she was too different to fit in.

*DropR*The hustle and bustle of somewhere different is a scary thought, you live somewhere else for most of your life and then you are thrown in the middle of it all can be written as:

The hustle and bustle of somewhere different is a scary thought. You live somewhere else for most of your life and then you are thrown in the middle of it all.

*DropO*She used to be the girl who was severely bullied... can be written as:

She used to be the girl who was severely bullied, the girl who had things thrown at her, people chased her. Now they have stopped doing it every day and only do it when they are bored, which to her is far worse. She would wake up and think that it was going to be a good...

There are many such small mistakes. You may want to proofread the story again. Writing long sentences are okay, but proper punctuation is needed, especially to separate different ideas. Good punctuation also gives a smooth flow to the story.

*DropBl*The following sentence, To everyone she was looked upon as if can be written as She was looked upon as if...

*BurstP*Final thoughts:

*Thumbsup* You have done a good job of this story. You have sent a positive message across to people, who are facing the same situation.

Keep it up, keep writing!*Smile*

Soh

My review has been submitted to"Invalid Item" 
108
108
Review of I lost my love.  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, bees,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked this little thought. It is something optimistic and inspirational. It truely is a slice of life.
I've heard the thought that end has a new beginning, however beginnings have endless possibilities is a new way of thinking!

I have aa small suggestion to make in the grammar aspect.
In the following line: 'All things comes to an end', here shouldn't comes be come?
Keep writing and enjoy here.

Soh

P.S. Why don't you participate in
FORUM
A Great Value of Expressions  (E)
NEWBIES CONTEST"Pen me your Quote,and I'll send you Gifts" CLOSED-will resume on December
#1960298 by Samberine Everose
? It a contest for newbies to submit their own thoughts based on a prompt
109
109
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, JustAdam40

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked this poem as it is inspirational. I loved the last verse especially. You have also shared your experience here. I don't know much about poetry, but I can say it is an enjoyable read.

Well done and keep writing *Thumbsup*
110
110
Review of Family Heir Looms  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Carysjay,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This is a different kind of poem. Its short and sweet, literally *Smile*
I liked the theme too. The best thing is you have captured the main aspects of each age.

I was attracted to your poem by the title.

Good job and keep writing *Thumbsup*

Soh
111
111
Review of Facial Hair  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, TianaJanelle!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I absolutely loved your poem! It is really hilarious. I liked your originality here. Facial hair is something which people usually do not write about. You have also produced excellent rhyming.

Well done! Keep writing! *Thumbsup*

Soh
112
112
Review of Grey  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Abbie,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked your idea of the colour Grey here! Since it is the colour whose shade lies between White and Black, you have given it the status of the one who keeps the balance.
The best part is, you have not only talked of the colours Black and White, but also of other colours.

However, I didn't get why you have equated Purple and mind. I would love to know why :)

Your poem is something novel and unique. You have written well. Keep it up *Thumbsup*

Soh
113
113
Review of Endless thinking  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Abia1993,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm a newbie too. I give you my honest thoughts on your piece. Feel free to accept the ones you like and reject the ones you don't *Smile*

*Snow2*What attracted me to this story?

I'm a Psychology student. The brief description and the tags of your work is what attracted me.*Cool*

*Snow2*My first impressions:

I liked the story very much. The patient's distorted and unconnected thoughts have been explained beautifully.*RainbowR*

*Snow2*What I liked most in the story:

Your descriptions of his confusion, his frustrations, hallucinations, distortion of the reality, which are all characteristic of schizophrenics has come out very well.

I particularly liked the ending, where the patient is puzzled to know that he is the one who is labelled mad. This is the main aspect of a mentally ill person; in his world, others around him are abnormal.

*Snow2*Lines I Liked the most:

Every line describing the man's state of mind and thought process I liked. I cannot choose any among them!

*Snow2*Suggestions:

*FlagV*You could have given better spacing between the paragraphs to make your work look neater.

*FlagV*There are a few mistakes regarding the tenses. If you proofread it once again, you maybe able to recognise them.

*FlagV*Also, you may want to rephrase the line:
ran into the house to make sure mother that strange baby was alright


*Snow2*Final thoughts:

You have done an excellent job of this story. You have delved deep into the mind of a schizophrenic. It is not that easy to understand their train of thoughts and comprehension, let alone write about it. You have abundant talent in short story writing, especially in the genre psychology.*Thumbsup*

*Writing* Do keep writing and have fun here!


My review has been submitted to"Invalid Item" 
114
114
Review of Wind blessing  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, RickyB!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I don't know much about Ireland but I enjoyed reading your poem. It is simple yet has a pleasant ring to it. I loved your originality here. Just with the concept of winds, you have written a poem showering the goodwill of the Almighty on the .

I do not know the technicalities of a poem so I cannot suggest anything in that area of poetry.

Keep writing more like this!

Soh
115
115
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, ScribbledLines,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I do not know the technical aspects of poems, but I will tell you my heartfelt opinions...

I loved the theme of the poem. You have brought out the stark reality of life very well in this poem. I liked the contrast which you have portrayed in the following lines:
Strangers become friends
Friends become closer
Friends fight
Friends become strangers
Rinse and repeat.

You have also employed a detached view, I noticed.

Overall, you have done a good job. Keep writing and enjoy! *Thumbsupr*
116
116
Review of Thought Keeper  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, flcomeau,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This review is solely based on feelings and thoughts on reading your poem.

This poem is just amazing. It is simple yet complex. The way you have compared the wandering thoughts to a bee is something very novel. Your flow of poetry is also smooth. You have aptly brought out the workings of the mind filled with both unwanted and wanted thoughts, which are hard to control. You have also talked about the different kind of thoughts and their unknown origins.
I cannot choose which line I liked best, because every sentence speaks of something unique.

You have done a great job! Keep it up and keep writing! *Thumbsdown*
117
117
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Lucia Charbonneau,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I am doing my masters in Psychology now, which is why I was attracted to your article.
ACE is surely another factor that contributes to the incidence of adult diseases, along with in-utero experiences.

For a short article, you have also included the effectiveness of behavioural therapy, which is very good. You have written well and I have got some new information too.

However, I think you could have written a little more on this topic. Anyway, it is upto you.

Keep writing *Smile*
118
118
Review of Shining Star  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Poetess4life!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm a newbie too and I do not have much experience in reviewing poems. So I am giving my opinion based on my first impressions.

I found your poem very inspirational as well as emotional. You have given expression to the feelings from your heart. This is what makes your poem beautiful. There is no particular line or verse I like, because all lines are just wonderful. *Heart*

You have done a fantastic job and I hope you will keep writing more pieces like this! *Thumbsup*

Soh
119
119
Review of Healing  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Tigress!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I loved this poem. You have brought out the aims and enthusiasm of an ambitious youngster very well. However, the dreams were dashed when the youngster came crashing down. The best part of this poem is that the protagonist of the poem is brought back on track through caring and supporting light, which the poet calls 'love'.

The lines I liked are:
I was crushed
my wings unable to fly
my eyes unable to cry
but there was still a shimmer of hope
hidden deep in the darkness of my soul

Hope is the best thing for a person to have to come out of failures and troubles towards success. *Rainbowr*

I have no suggestions to make. You have done an awesome job! *Thumbsup*

Keep writing

Soh
120
120
Review of Young Blood  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Grandpaslippers!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm a newbie here too. My review is not professional and solely based on what I've felt by reading your work. It is upto you to accept or reject my suggestions.

The title and its brief description looked promising, which is why I picked to read it.

Your style of writing is good. Your narration is simple and easy to read. Your paragraph spacing is neat too.
I liked the description of the protagonist's manner of thought. The way he deduces a person's character by observing the body language and other signs.

However, there seems to be a problem with the tenses. In a few places, you have used present tense and elsewhere you have used past tense; sometimes in the same sentence too. You may want to proofread it.

Overall, the piece is good. Good job and keep it up!*Thumbsup*

Soh
121
121
Review of The woods  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Asvoria,

The description of this little piece is excellent! You have brought out the beauty of the landscape very well.
The similies about the ice and the metaphors of the trees are what I liked the best.

Keep Writing more pieces like this and Enjoy here at WDC!

Welcome *Smile*

Soh
122
122
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Amanda,

This is a very cute and funny little poem! I am very amused with this poem.

It shows the simple logic of an innocent child. He/She wrote the poem about writing a poem under the orders of the teacher and because he/she is scared of the consequences. The child has the insight that he/she has to be spend the full day at school under the nose of the teacher, which means it would be disgracing to stay punished the whole day!

The sweetest part of this poem is the ending, where the child rejoices for writing a poem. Simple joys of childhood! *BigSmile*

Great Job! *Thumbsup*

Keep it up and Welcome to WDC
123
123
Review of Two Become One  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Morni,

I usually do not review poems as I am not that good at reviewing them. However, this poem of yours caught my attention because you have described a lot in simple words.

The heaven like feeling with the lover has been portrayed in a very different manner than I have usually read and I am impressed.
The passion and the want to be one has come out beautifully and I especially like the ending line, "Souls are aligned" as it signifies the intense love shared between the couple.

Good jod *Thumbsup*
Keep writing and welcome to WDC :)
124
124
Review of The Parting  
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Tyler Sempitrnus,

This is a cute micro fiction. Two high school sweethearts meet after a few years and the narrator realises that though he still loves her, she does not.
In a very short word count, you have brought out the sense of parting of the lovers, complete with the awkward silence, during which the narrator notices the condition of their graffiti.

You have ended the piece well too. Just as the reader is lead to think that everything's over between the two, a twist is introduced in three simple words: 'I love you'.

You have written it very well and I have no suggestions to give as I am not so well versed in micro fiction.

Welcome to WDC and keep writing:)

Soh
125
125
Review by Soh ~ Luminousa
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Mayr!

This is a very cute story. Teaching kids to tell the truth is not an easy task. The grandparent, in a novel way, taught them to tell the truth.

The narration is simple. The grammar is fine. There is good spacing between paragraphs.

You have done a good job of the story. Keep it up, keep writing and enjoy here in WDC *Smile*
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